Disclaimer:
Twilight Universe created by Stephenie Meyer {Movies by Summit Entertainment} Thank you for creating this awesome story!
No monetary profit is being made from this
writing. Fan creations are a labour of
Love J
Rating PG
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13 Ways to Provoke the Volturi
Warning: An Information Guide only
Do not perform
these ~ Unless that is, you have a Death wish.
13. If you’re
a Vampire, flash yourself (entirely) to a crowd of humans in direct sunlight.
Preferably on front porch of the Volturi family home in Volterra Italy, (or
you could create an army of savage, blood lusting newborns or if you’re even
more insane, a baby vampire… However,
the first is much less trouble (and less painful)
12. Say “Jane,
you were such a nice, girl in Charlotte’s
Web. What on Earth happened?!”
11. Make stupid
faces for hours at Marcus, trying to make him laugh. After a few more hours he will most likely
get a tad annoyed and kill you - without even cracking a smile
10. Hide
whoopee cushions under the padding on their thrones
9. Tell Felix
Alec is cuter - and you could beat him in an arm wrestle (If you are human,
however, he will most likely wrestle your arm off)
8. Tell
Sulpicia (or Athenodora if Caius takes your fancy) that you would make a better
wife
7. Tell Renata
you know her favourite movie is The
Bodyguard and she secretly sings I
will Always Love Yooooou… About her
charge when she thinks no one is listening…
6. Write a
letter to Arrow, the Volturi Leader, (include your real name and home address)
telling Arrow how upset you are that the Volturi abuse their power. Be sure to overuse Arrow’s name - And be sure
to spell it wrong each time
5. Swap their
regular tourist delivery with pizzas
4. When Aro
asks you to do something - each time say, “Yes
Master…” in an Igor voice
3.
Alternatively say “Yes Master,” in a calm, cultured, British accent and keep
asking him when you are to complete your Jedi training
2. Tell Aro you
know he’s secretly in love with Carlisle
And the Numero Uno way to provoke the Volturi … (Even
if you DO have a Death wish, this one use ONLY as an ABSOLUTE LAST resort)…
1. Tell Caius
he looks like a girl …
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