Disclaimers at end.
Summary: Lorne (The Host)
decides to show up after all ;)
Rating G - Humourish
Enjoy!
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KREVLORNESWATH
AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE
"I hope I don't scare them," he
said quietly to himself.
"Scare who?"
Lorne spun around.
"Jeezus, Angel, don't creep up on a fella like that. Caritas
is closed until further
notice, you know."
"Sorry ... Opening a portal and sucking
people through does that. Scare
who?"
Lorne smiled. "I've
decided to do it."
"Do what?"
This. He held it up for
Angel to see.
"Oh no, you're not, are you?"
"I certainly am."
"You realise if you do it I'm going to
have to kill you."
"Oh, come on ... There's no harm."
"Harry Potter?!"
"It's that or Terry Pratchett."
* * *
"Oh, thank goodness you're here
..."
Lorne smiled. "I
couldn't resist."
"I'm glad you changed your mind."
"Changed my mind?"
"This morning you rang and
cancelled."
"I did? Oh, yes, I did ... Sorry about
that, uhh ... family matter, big mess, solved now."
"That's good ... Was someone in
trouble?"
"You *could* say that ... But nothing to
worry about."
The librarian smiled.
"They should be here any moment ... I was going to have to get out an old
wig and some old book, we were getting that desperate."
Lorne smiled and helped
her move a desk.
"Sorry about the phone call ... canceling
an’ all that ... you know how pedantic mothers can be."
She chuckled. "It's
only because she loves you."
"You think?" //That'll be the
day.//
The green Pylean draped
some cloths over the table.
"Have you got anything ... Let's say, to
go with the book?"
He held it up.
"Ohh, that'll love that .. Let's see ...
I'll fetch some of the Halloween decorations."
As she left, Lorne sat
down, still somewhat tired from his ordeal, though oddly looking forward to
reading to a group of rowdy children he'd never met.
As he helped the
librarian set up the decorations, he wondered about what she had said. Did his
mother love him? Surely not, but then he mused, she *could* have mutilated him
herself, or put him on the maggot pile, but she didn't, and he knew from
experience, his mother was hardly affectionate ... Lorne smiled wistfully to
himself. Who did have a perfect family life, he wondered, it was either this,
that, or something else. Was his family any different because they were green
and lived in a dimension thousands of light years away, and it dawned on him
with a sense of dread. He would
have to go back. He sunk
into his chair, turning a deeper shade of green.
"Mister ... Uhhh."
"Lorne," he said with a smile.
"Call me Lorne."
"They're here."
He stood and watched as
the children entered and smiled, hoping that they wouldn't be scared off. Only
one little girl seemed afraid. Lorne knelt down to her.
"What's your name?"
"K .. Kari ... Do you eat
children?"
Lorne chuckled.
"Only if they're naughty," and he wiggled his nose. The little girl
giggled and sat down, eager to head the story. Lorne sat on his chair. Oddly
enough, he felt completely at home as he began to read, "Chapter One ...
The Boy Who Lived ... Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were
proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much ...' "
//My ass...// thought Lorne,
as he continued to read.
* * *
"I never thanked you enough," Lorne
said to Fred.
"What for?"
"When you opened that porthole ... I
ended up here."
"And you wanna thank me for that?"
"Hey, you've seen my world."
Fred gave a humourless
chuckle.
"Everyone's so serious there, so stand
offish ..." Lorne said. "Now granted, LA has it's far share of shite
... Though in it's defence, Pylea is a lovely world, without the people that is
..."
Fred laughed. “Except for you.”
Lorne smiled. "And sure it's becoming a better place
now the slaves have all been
freed, but I'm sure you
understood what a slag of a place it was."
"I sure did, but you ... you are Pylean."
"Please ... I like to think of myself as
Los Angelean. This place is hellva weird,
but you can be anything here, be body and that's fine. On my world, you had to
be what was expected of you and that was that. I was an outcast because I was
different. Because I liked music, appreciated art, instead of being the runt in
the family, looking after the farm and I felt sorry for the 'cows' ..."
"Must've been hard..."
"Torture ... Sorry you had to suffer it,
Little One, but thanks again, you really saved my pretty green ass."
"Pleasure ... I think ..."
Lorne smiled. "Take
care, and don't worry, you're safe in this world - a lot safer than mine."
Fred smiled warmly, watching
him leave.
* * *
Lorne sat, reading
chapter Eight of 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.'
" 'Potter! Said Snape suddenly. 'What
would I get if I added powdered
root of asphodel to an
infusion of wormwood?' "
Lorne found himself thinking
he would rather face Double Potions followed by a triple detention with
Professor Severus Snape than a return trip to Pylea.
* * *
"Yes," he said to Aggie. "I'm
going back."
"Again? But I thought you said you would
rather listen to a junior high production of 'Cats.'"
"Trust me, I would, but I've some ... unfinished
business."
"That's great, Lorne, your aura is
looking better already."
"Thanks... I think."
And he gave her a kiss
which suggested a lot more than friendship and he left Aggie wondering ...
* * *
Despite himself, Lorne
found himself again on his homeworld, after having created a safe porthole ...
at least he hoped.
"Angel'd have my green balls for lunch
if he knew I was here ... " he muttered to himself as he found his way
home, avoiding the riffraff.
"What are you doing here, vile
spawn!" His large bearded mother huffed.
"Well I ...uhh ..."
"Haven't you caused me enough
grief?"
"Well that's just it, Mother, you see, I
... never meant to cause you duress, I mean ..."
"Then why did you, filthy child?"
"Well ... you never understood that I
was ... different..."
"I ate the wrong son."
"So you keep telling me. I'm not staying
long if you'd like to know."
"Good!"
"Mother, I must know ... what did I do
that was so wrong ... Was it so despicable to be different? Why in Hades can't
you be happy for me?!"
Lorne's Mother shook her
head and her face contorted in such a way, Lorne thought she might cry.
"Because you were the only one who
understood the ways!"
"The ways ... Ohh, the natural order of
things .."
"Yes, devils damn it! We believed you
were the chosen one!"
"Ohh ... because I could talk to nature
here ... and communicate with beings from other worlds."
"Yes ... we had such high hopes for you
..."
"Why didn't you tell me ... You really
do care .."
"That's going a bit far!" But Lorne
knew she did and that was enough.
His visit, worthwhile.
"And you couldn't understand why I
wanted to leave, why I cared so much about sounds and beings from another
world?"
"No..." his mother sniffed.
"Why couldn't you just be happy for me?
That I was happy."
"Because I wasn't happy! No one
was!"
"I don't believe this! You were
jealous?"
"Yes, damn you! To see you so bright and
cheerful while others cursed us..."
"Mother, I'm sorry for the 'shame' I
brought my family, but it wasn't intentional, Jeez ... This planet needs a
serious life."
"Well of you must know, Groosalugg's
been good to us ... and we're getting on fine without the cows.."
"Mother ..."
"Oh all right, humans ... It's been
hard, mind you."
"Change always is.”
“Except for you."
"Mother, if you were given the thing in
the universe you most wanted, would you not take it?"
She didn't answer.
"Wouldn't you?"
"Yes!" She hissed. "Damn you!
Why do you always have to be right?!"
Lorne smiled. "You
always did hate that."
Without warning, his
mother grabbed him so hard he thought he would break.
"Tell anyone hugged you and I swear I’ll
eat you."
"My lips are sealed," Lorne croaked.
"I love you too, Mother."
"Wash your mouth out with cows
droppings!"
Lorne managed to chuckle.
"And next time, bring some of those
Earth brownies with you. I've heard they're delicious."
"Will do."
His mother smiled her awkward
toothy smile.
Lorne too smiled as he
left, feeling as though a humungous weight had been
lifted and he heard his
mother from inside the house.
"Numfar, do the dance of joy."
"How does that one go?"
* * *
And upon his return, Lorne
sat with the children and concluded the book. " 'Oh, I will' said Harry,
and they were surprised at the grin that was spreading over his
face. 'They don't know
we're not allowed to use magic at home. I'm going
to have a lot of fun with
Lorne grinned. The children cheered. The Pylean closed the book and smiled to
himself. He had found his own
Philosopher's Stone and wondered in awe, what he would unearth next in the
Chamber of Secrets ...
*
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Disclaimers: Joss Whedon
(Mutant Enemy) owns the Angelverse.
J.K Rowling created the
Harry Potter Universe.
I make no moneys from
this, so there, Wolfram & Hart!
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