Disclaimer:  The Lord of the Rings trilogy was written by J. R. R. Tolkien.


I make no monetary profit from my fanfic.


Summary:   Look and see!


Rating PG








Haldir of Lórien, his brothers, Rúmil and Orophin of Lórien, and Celeborn, Lord of Lórien ~ or the actors that play them - Craig Parker, Jørn Benzon, Jason Secto, Marton Csokas …


One, some, all or most of these!!  Heck, Elves in general!





You went out and bought a Parker pen and were miffed that there be nay such thing as a Csokas pen (at the moment ;)  Not to mention nay Benzon or Secto pens!


You bought other products named after the guys such as the Australian Parker's Pretzels ... 97% fat Free!  Baked, not Fried! I like the Apple Cinnamon and the Sweet Chili ... ;)


It amuses you that Monopoly is made by Parker Brothers ;)  And if you have the Lord of the Rings Trilogy Edition, you always want to get Lothlórien and are annoyed that it is not the highest on the board.


You prefer Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton with long blonde hair and pointy ears but you love the way they look otherwise too!.


You prefer the way that Craig and Marton sound as their Elvish alter egos.


You shiver or sigh or both when you hear them speak.


You taped them on audio tape.


You think of these Elves or the actors who play them all, or most of the time.


You love Elf things even it has nought to do with LotR.


You bought a long blonde wig and a pair of pointy ears.  If you do not have naturally long blonde hair.



You be thinking of growing your hair long, if it be short dying it blonde if it nay be already and getting a cosmetic surgeon to make you real pointy ears.


You bought a bow and arrow set and a sword.


You wish Haldir. Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn were there to teach you how to use them.


You have learnt or be trying to learn to read, write and speak all forms of Elvish and you wish it be easier to learn and there be a full translation and pronunciation of every single word somewhere.  And you have many Elvish translations on your computer, for use in fanfic, other fan creations and every day life.


You use Elvish insults at people who offend you.  Such as "Auta miqula orqu"  (Go kiss an Orc) or "Dolle naa lost"  (Your head is empty) and so on.

Or perhaps  "You breathe so loud, I could have shot you in the dark..." And you say this in the most haughty, arrogant voice you can muster.


And you have many Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton) and many other Elvish sites bookmarked on your computer and you frequent them.


You have Elvish and other Tolkien fonts on your computer.


You be miffed when you cold nay find the Rivendell or Lothlórien font for the PC.  If you have a MAC you are lucky!


You think that Elvish be a beautiful language and wish more people spoke it.


You say "aye" and "nay" instead of yes and no.


You use old style language like "you be" instead of "you are" or "you were," etc.


You had a costume made like Haldir, his brothers and Celeborn or you made your own. And it took you ages to find a necklace like Celeborn's!  And you were thrilled when you found the right size pointy ears! 


You bought a Lórien brooch or another piece of Elven or Elven like jewellery or you made your own.


You think Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton) be so beautiful, lovely and cute and have gorgeous eyes and you sigh every time you be seeing or hearing them.


You have pics and sound files of Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton) on your computer - (and numerous back ups of these) and you were miffed that Rúmil and Orophin never said anything and so there be nay sound files of them  :(


You have pics of Haldir, his brothers and Celeborn on your walls and/or ceiling.


You entered competitions to win autographs or other items of merchandise of these lovely Elves and fellows.


You have Haldir, his brothers and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton) items on your desktop.


You rush to get magazines or go to websites with articles on Haldir, his brothers and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason and Matron)


You want to see or have seen other shows and movies with Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton, even though you swore you would never watch Xena!  ;)  (Well you were only watching it for Craig and Marton .. or in my case, Hades as well! ;)


You have dreams about Haldir. Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton)


You daydream about the awesome foursome ;)  or the actors that play them.


You wonder what they would think of you.


Haldir's arrogance does not bother you.  In fact you think he's arrogant, but in a nice way ... Aye, he can get away with it, can't he!


You were pissed at Gimli for insulting Haldir in the extended version and turned a blind eye to Haldir insulting Gimli first.


You have some Haldir, Rúmil, Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton) items around you when you're on your computer, or even at work.  And you have other items around the house/office.


You like to put on Haldir's or Celeborn's voices and you make up voices for Rúmil and Orophin.


If you fell in love with Haldir in TTT, you wondered why you did not 'notice' him in FotR.  Oh well, good things take time!  And of course you went back and watched FotR again and again and ... Especially the Lothlórien scene.


When you fell in love with Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn, it was either love at first sight, or a pleasant surprise.


You wish one or all of these Elves or actors would hold you, or perhaps more ...


You wonder what Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn would think of this modern time.


You wonder what Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn would be like if they were born and lives in modern times.


You wonder what Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton would be think if they could go to Middle Earth.


You were quite miffed that Celeborn nay be in TTT.   I mean by the Valar!  They could have had him standing with Galadriel or behind her or something!


You were also miffed that Haldir's brothers were nay  in TTT, but you were happy that Jørn and Jason were.


You be miffed that neither Haldir nor his brothers were in the cartoon version of Lord of the Rings, though you were happy that Celeborn was, but Celeborn with short hair?   Gods!


You wanted to see Haldir. Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn with different hairstyles.


You wanted to see them in different clothes.


You wanted to see them in nothing at all.


You be MAD with PJ for what he did to Haldir in TTT.  Perhaps you were relieved that Rúmil and Orophin were nay in it so PJ could nay hurt them and he could nay hurt Celeborn as Celli be mentioned in RotK and the Appendices, so there!


You were glad to see Haldir in TTT, even though he be nay in the book (apart from where Sam mentions him, regarding the Elven rope) - Though you hated THAT scene.


Although you believe the scene be terribly moving and extremely well acted and you cried when Haldir died in TTT.  I cried for days until I found he did nay die in the book, but I still cry when I see the movie!


You also cried in the Appendices at the end of RotK where it said that Celeborn left Lothlórien and that the light and song went out of Lórien.  And you hope he went back later.  Though you were glad when it said the Silvan Elves stayed in Lórien, which probably means that Haldir and his brothers stayed in Lórien.


You absolutely adore the names Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn.  They sound so enchanting!  None of these names sound weird to you, even if they did a little at first. You also love the names Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton  :) 


You hate it when people mispronounce the names.


You start pronouncing words with the prefix 'cel' as 'kel' ... kel phone, prison kell, kelebrate, kellar, kellophane ... That kelery looks healthy!


You tried to make lembas and wished Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn were there helping you.


You were rather miffed when your lembas didn't look good as it looked on LotR.  Or it didn’t turn out like lembas as at all.  :(   If it did, you lucky thing!


You wish you could visit Lothlórien.


You wish you could travel abroad with Haldir and his brothers.


You wish you were an Elf.


You love Elves.


You wish Elves were real in this Universe, especially Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn.


You wish to travel to the forests of New Zealand and see if they look like Lothlórien.


When you go walking in a forest, you pretend it be Lothlórien.


You hate it when people confuse Haldir of Lórien, the Elf with Haldir of Mandos, the man, who be married and had kids and died in battle before Haldir of Lórien be born - when Haldir the Elf be single, child free and very much alive.  You be listening, PJ?!


Marton spelt with an i (Martin) or an e (Marten) now looks weird to you.


You wish there be more of Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn in the books and movies.


You have made up a history for them outside what has already been written and you enjoyed doing so, despite wanting to know more about them.


You wonder what they be like outside what you have read about them.


You wish there be  a trilogy - or better still a 12 volume history centering around the lives and times of Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn.


If you be planning on having children, you be seriously thinking about Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton) - even if they be girls.


You cry when you hear the Helm's Deep "Haldir's Lament" music or look at pics of Haldir from Helm's Deep.


If you saw the movie first like I did, you were *relieved* that he did nay die in the book.


You were relieved that Celeborn never dies either.


You wish that Haldir and his brothers were mentioned at the end of RotK with Celeborn and the other Elves so that PJ could nay have done what he did to Haldir.


You have pet names for them such as Hallie, Rúmil, Ori and Celli.


You love the sound of Haldir and Celeborn's voices and really wish you knew what Rúmil and Orophin sounded like.


You have had many a fantasy about Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton)


You write many a fanfic or draw fanart of Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and of Celeborn. Or perhaps even real life fics about Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton.


You write crossovers with these characters/people.


You have entered one or more fanfic challenges with one or more of these Elves and perhaps RL fics with the actors.


You wish there was more time to write and read fanfic about them, or draw more fanart.


You hate reading fanfic or parodies where Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn be misportrayed.


You ask many questions about these Elves and actors, to find out more about them.


You write about Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn  (Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton) in your diary.


You write to your friends and other people about them, and send them pics, movie and sound files and tell them how much you love these Elves and actors.


You have definitely added them to your favourite character and people lists.


You have something Haldir, his brothers, Celeborn (or Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton) item on the door to your room.


You learned how to pronounce and spell all the names correctly and you hate it when people say "Selle-born" instead of Kele-born or "Holder," instead of Haldir (Aye, I heard someone say Holder once, Good Gods!  LOL!)  or "K-so-kas," instead of Cho-kash.  And you be embarrassed if you ever pronounced or spelt the names incorrectly at first.


You were ecstatic when you found out how to put accents on words/names like Lothlórien and Rúmil.


You hate it when their names be spelt wrong or names or the names of Elf places like Lothlórien or Caras Galadhon be spelt wrong.


You wonder why Celeborn looks sad in the movie and want to give him a hug to cheer him up ... or perhaps something more than a hug …


You wish there be more Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn merchandise.


You were thrilled when Games Workshop made Haldir and Celeborn figures and you rushed to get/order them.  And you bought the of the Games Workshop set of 3 Lórien Elves, so two of them could be Rúmil and Orophin and the other one could be ... Tinion perhaps?!  And you spent a lot of time painting them.


You were worried that you might miss out on the Haldir toys as some of them were hard to find and took a while to come out.


You were pissed off at Toy Biz for nay making a Haldir at first.


You sighed that petition to petition Toy Biz to make a Haldir figure.  You were mad that when you found out that their plans to make Haldir were canceled (until the 5 pack)


You be thinking of making a petition for Toy Biz to make Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn.


You were very excited to find out about the Toy Biz Haldir Helm's Deep pack.


You could nay wait for it to come out.  When it did you rushed out and bought or lay bought it.


You gasped and excitedly exclaimed "Oh My God!" In the middle of the shoppe when you saw it, grabbed it and promptly whisked it off to either the counter or lay buy counter and it practically made your day and you were relieved that you got it.


If you placed it in lay buy, the day you got it off was a very happy one and you could nay wait to play with Haldir and if you have any Uruk toys, have Haldir kill them instead.  Yay!  Go Hallie!


Or perhaps you bought two sets - one to play with and one to keep MIP!  (Mint in Package)


You were somewhat pissed that Haldir came in a five pack rather that by himself.  Oh well, the Aragorn and Legolas figures look good!


You were annoyed that the Haldir figure does nay look much like Craig.  I mean the face has the right overall shape, but they could have taken more care with the eyes and mouth.


You were very annoyed that there be nay Fellowship of the Ring Haldir action figure.  Let alone a Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn one!


You be thinking of (or have made) a custom Ken sized Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn dolls, or perhaps custom action figures of these Elves.


You went to your local toy shop or online store/collectible card or autograph store to get merchandise of Haldir, his brothers, Celeborn, or stuff on Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton or you went on eBay as well and were pissed when you got outbid or ecstatic if you got the item.


You ordered things that you wanted on these Elves and people if the shops/places did nay have it in.  You were annoyed if they took a long time to arrive.


If you bought something on ebay or ordered it in, it could nay come soon enough!


You were annoyed if you did nay have the money to get what you wanted.


You bought non LotR toy(s) or item(s) that looked somewhat like Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn,  (Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton)


You be still pissed that there be nay Toy Biz Celeborn action figure, though you did get the Games Workshop Celeborn & Galadriel with the Mirror and you have the lovely Burger King Celeborn (Gods that sounds so funny!!!) And he lights up too!  Whoo!!  And he looks really cute!!!  Perhaps you even be in possession of both variants of him with different coloured hair...


What?! There are two versions?! Goes to ebay ...


You be on many a Haldir, his brothers and Celeborn, (Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton) or general Elf LotR mailing lists and newsgroups and either enjoy lurking or participating in discussions and sending fics, pics, etc.


You were glad that when you joined these lists you were not the only one who feels the same way you do about Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn.


You be a proud member of the Haldir Council of Denial


You made your own Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn mailing lists/newsgroups or fan clubs.


You make fanzines of one or more of these Elves.


You are annoyed that there's not too much on Haldir's brothers or Celeborn out there. And not too much on Jørn, Jason or Marton either!


You own one or more "Haldir Lives" item(s) or have something that says "Haldir Lives" on your computer, wall or web page.


You make Haldir Lives items.


You make and perhaps even sell other Haldir items or items revolving around Haldir's brothers or Celeborn, such as T-shirts, key rings, mouse pads, photo coffee mugs etc.  (Or the actors that play them)


Every time you buy a trading card pack you hope there is one of Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn.


You specially go to trading card stores or dealers and ask to see the loose LotR trading cards to see if they have any of these Elves.


You sigh when you hear the names Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn, (Craig, Jørn, Jason, Marton) or you se them written down.  Marton with an o, mind!


You can nay help smiling if you meet someone with these names.  Especially if it be someone you see a lot, or perhaps a different character in a TV show or movie with the same or similar names.


You often wonder what Rúmil and Orophin be like, as there be nay much about them in the books or movies.


You read the specs on Rúmil and Orophin CCG cards to learn more about them.


You bought the extended DVD/VHS of LotR mainly for the extra Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn scenes and you wish there were more.


You were miffed when neither Rúmil or Orophin get any lines in the extended version.


You were upset that there was not much extra Haldir in the extended version of TTT.


You were mad that the meeting scene with Haldir, Celeborn, Elrond and Galadriel was cut from TTT and it wasn’t EVEN in the extended version!  Sheesh!


You were glad that there were parts with Craig taking at the end of the Extended version of TTT.


You think Lady Galadriel should have kissed or put her arms around Celeborn in FotR.


You were also miffed in the extended DVD where the bit where Haldir says "You have entered the Realm of the Lady of the Wood.  You cannot go back..." be replaced with other dialog.  You want it all!!


You be glad that you have been inspired by Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton) and grateful for their inspiration and elegance.


You wrote to Craig, Jørn, Jason and Marton to tell them how wonderful they were and to obtain autographs.  Or you were miffed when you could nay find where to write to Jørn or Jason.


You were miffed that there were nay pictures or bio of Haldir in either the FotR or TTT movie picture books, though you were glad there be picture of and a bit about Celeborn in the FotR book.


You get excited when you watch FotR or TTT and Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn be about to come on.


You be mad with Aragorn for distracting Haldir and wish he had nay.


You be mad with Haldir for nay turning around, or ducking no matter how many times you tell him to.  (I feel the same way about Qui-Gon in Star Wars!)


You were upset that Haldir's death in the movie be seemingly nay felt much by anyone, except by Aragorn.


You wanted to see and feel other people's reaction to Haldir's death, like Rúmil, Orophin, Legolas, Celeborn, Galadriel and perhaps Elrond and be upset when that did nay happen.


You HATE those blasted, hideous Uruks! Especially the #$%^&* bastards that hurt Hallie.


You wished Hallie had looked around just in time and killed the f***er! 

And went to the keep with Aragorn and the rest of them!


You hope that Haldir be wearing mithril or that he be just wounded and that he healed after the battle.


You write AU movie fics where Haldir did nay die in the battle.


You write fics about how his brothers would have coped with his 'death' if it actually happened, and you were upset that they seem to have been cast aside in TTT.


You hate it when your friends and family nay understand how you feel about Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn.  (Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton)


You do nay believe your obsession with Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn (Craig, Jørn, Jason or Marton) be a problem. Nay!  I certainly don't!


You love to read het, slash and gen fics about Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin and Celeborn or perhaps RL fics about Craig, Jørn, Jason or Matron.


You wish you were the significant other in these fics ... ;)


You get excited when it be Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn's turn to show up in one of those entire movie parodies.


You get even more excited when Haldir does nay die in these parodies.


You hate it when Haldir does die in these parodies.  :(


You were miffed when there were nay pictures of Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn in the wall calendars.


You turned the leaves on the LotR daily desktop calendar, in the hope that you would find a pic of Haldir or Celeborn.  Let alone Haldir's brothers!  You either went ahead or wanted a surprise on the day.   If you did this, you could not wait until the next day.

If you waited, each day you got excited, and turned each page with great anticipation, then your hopes be dashed, each day (well it be fine to get Gandalf, Aragorn or Legolas, but you really wanted Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn damn it!) and you got particularly disappointed if you got some hideous nameless Orc or Uruk-Hai … Really I mean sometimes it be bad guy week or Thèoden.  Why couldn't it have been Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn week??!!  You were pissed when they repeated the same pictures of other characters - and it made you mad that only got one character for the weekend, particularly if it be some &@#$%^& ughleeee Uruk or creepy Saruman yet again!  Though you would nay have minded if it be Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn over the weekend!


In the TTT calendar you were miffed when over half a *year* went by and there STILL be nay picture of Haldir, (There be an Elf which looked a bit like him, from the side but it nay be Hallie!!) Let alone his brothers or Celeborn - (even though Haldir's brothers and Celeborn nay be in TTT, there be some FotR pictures in the TTT calendar and you wanted one of Haldir's brothers or Celeborn.  If they can put Bilbo, that blasted Uruk and Sauron and other FotR pics, they can damn well put Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn!! ... Unless you had a different version of this calendar than I did!)  No … No Haldir, Rúmil, Orophin or Celeborn … Disappointed!  You even thought of writing to the calendar company and complaining – or you did!


You went on eBay and specially bought the 2002 FotR desktop calendar after the year be finished just to see if it had pictures of Haldir, his brothers or Celeborn.

Well it did have a Hallie quote about Caras Galadhon and Lord Celeborn! On November 4 ;)


You wish there be a calendar just of Haldir, his brothers and Celeborn. 

Or perhaps you made one yourself.


Let us hope at least there be a Celli or Halli pic in the 2004 RotK calendar! 

As Arwen says ... "There is always hope..."


And I flipped through it and .... DANG!!!  *Grabs plastic $2 shop bow and arrow set.*  All right!  Who's for target practice! ... Well I think I might just get a pic of Hallie and stick him on my birthday!  Hah!


You waited on tenterhooks for RotK - and it took too long!!!   Because you so much want to believe the rumour that Haldir be in RotK be true and you were major league pissed that it nay be true, but if it was, you would have been ecstatic and you would probably have exclaimed his name in the middle of a crowded theatre if he be there.  Perhaps the scene will be in the extended version of the RotK DVD when it comes out?  You remain ever hopeful.


But you were thrilled beyond belief to see Celeborn at the end of RotK, even if it was only brief.


You write lists like this one!  And stress when you forgot a good Reason!  And you keep on thinking up more and more reasons …


You *read* lists like this one!  And you think of even *more* reasons!





Aye, I admit it! I be obsessed – and I be proud of it too!



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