Disclaimer: Disney's Hercules is owned by Disney.
I make no monetary profit from my fanfic.
DISNEY'S HERCULES THE SERIES
HERCULES AND THE
ABDUCTION OF PERSEPHONE
"Hades, the evil, nasty, sadistic, morbid Lord Of the Underworld ... and I know I've said this before, but he's not a nice guy. It's time to tell the tale of Hades and Persephone, the beautiful Goddess of Spring, whom Hades kidnapped, dragging by her velvety long hair ... Ouch ... to his dark, dank, gloomy Underworld, where he kept her prisoner and forced her to ... do his laundry... Like I said. He's evil."
"Hold it, Bob," Terpsichore interrupted.
Thalia folded her arms. "Yeah. That ain't how it happened."
"But that's what it says in this book, right here, page twelve."
"Gimme that." Terpsichore and Thalia looked at it. "101 Greek Myths ..." Terpsichore looked at the book and shook her head. "They got it all wrong, babe."
"Yeah, like we ain't no fans o' Hades, man," Thalia said. "But this is a story of true love."
"What? With Hades? You gotta be kiddin' me. Pull the other one, Girls. It plays Orpheus."
"We'll show ya, Bobbie, Baby." Thalia clapped. "A one, a two, a one, two three, four. Hit it, Girls!"
"Here's the story of a lovely Goddess,
More beautiful tha-an Aphrodite
Not one bit like her mother
She was open minded, yeah, girl!
It's the story of a God named Hades
Who was busy with a problem of his own
Girl, he was down and lonely
Yeah he was all alone...
"Girls, gimme a break! Hades is evil!"
Thalia frowned. "Y'know we like you, Bob, but steppin' on our groove ..."
"Sorry, Ladies, but Hades..."
"We know he's bad news, Bobbie, but keep with the tune."
"Whatever you say, Girls."
"'Till one day when he saw her
Picking those lovely coloured flowers
And he took fate into his own hands
Hey, babe, we got much more than a hunch
That's' the way the Seasons became
Thanks a bunch!"
"Not a bad tune, girls. I can see it's got future potential."
"But you've still gotta convince that Hades is nothing more than a two-bit bad guy."
"Man, Bob. You a tough case."
* * *
Demeter stood with her daughter in a meadow, as she picked flowers, trying to avoid the subject.
"Now, Persephone, you know it's for your own good."
Persephone's face twisted in horror at the impending disastrous, doomed, terrible, monstrous, hideous fate which awaited her. "School?!"
Her mother regarded her. "There's nothing worse than a dim-witted God - or Goddess."
"Aww, mom, do I have to? Like, if I wanna know anything, I can go ask Trivia - That's Triveea by the way. I mean I know he's a snob, but that guy knows everything!"
"Persephone, my decision is final."
"Mooom ... No other Gods go to school."
"That makes no difference - and Hercules does."
"Like he's a Demigod and you didn't go to school."
"It was different in my day, dear. We learned from our parents."
"So you and the other Gods can teach me ..."
"It's not that simple anymore, I'm afraid."
"Heh. Never is. Anyway, like Hades, Zeus or Poseidon ever sat in a classroom. Ya. I can just see that. Teacher: 'I'm sorry, Mr. Zeus, but your answer is wrong.' Zeus: 'wrong!'" Persephone hurled an imaginary thunderbolt. "Teacher: 'huhh did I say wrong?'"
Demeter couldn't help smiling. "Don't let Zeus hear you say that, Dear."
Persephone sighed. "The mortals won't accept me as one of them."
"Of course not dear, you're a Goddess."
"Duh. Like I'd forgotten. I'll be so left out and..."
"Of course you won't be. The mortals'll be thrilled to have a true Goddess attend their school. Why they'll probably fall all over you in awe."
"They'll probably want to kiss your feet!"
"Come on now, Darling. Think of all the lovely sacrifices."
"You know I'm not into that."
Demeter sighed. "You new age kids ... You'll start first thing on the morrow at Prometheus Academy."
Persephone folded her arms and scowled. "Thrilled."
* * *
The voice of the Narrator sounded over Hades, domain. "Meanwhile in the Underworld ..."
"I don't believe this!" Hades fumed. "They didn't even invite me this year. Pain! Panic!"
"Uhh ... yes...Your Maniacalness..." Panic said timidly. "You bellowed?"
Hades looked mad.
Bob Interrupted. "This is true love? Ya. I can just see it. Ladies ... you got the wrong God."
"Trust us, Bob ... Shh ... Now, on with the show."
Bob continued. "The Imps ... excuse me ... Assistant Agents of Darkness ... shielded their faces as Hades continued..."
"Isn't this supposed to be the Annual Love Fest of all the Gods?"
"Yah ... Uh ... are you being ironic again?"
Hades ignored the question. "Aren't I a God?"
"Yes," Pain and Panic chime.
"SO WHY IN HADES WANS'T I INVITED??!!" Hades blue hair burst violent red, then returned to its usual cool blue hue.
Panic spoke up. "Uh ... you want the truth straight or buttered?"
Hades shrugged and spoke softer. "They don't want me there, right? I know that. Like they ever want me on Olympus, even for those bore the diapers off Cupid meetings my big 'oh so important' brother calls."
"He's in one of his depressed moods," Panic whispered to Pain.
"Uhh, maybe it's GMT?" Pain whispered back.
"What are you two whisperin' about?" Hades demanded.
"Uhh we were just thinkin' that maybe Hermes uhh ... misplaced your invitation ..."
"Or maybe they ... forgot..." Panic winced and immediately shielded himself.
"FORGOT?!!??" Hades screamed, his hair blasting red. "How in Tartarus could anyone FORGET ME??!!" Hades thumped down in his throne. "Boys, I feel neglected."
"There's always next year," Panic offered timidly.
"I DON'T WANNA WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR!" Hades fumed, then looked upset. "But like do I have a choice?" The Lord of the Dead pouted.
"Well you can show up there tonight ... and Gatecrash.." Panic suggested.
Hades smiled. "Sweet idea. Gatecrash Olympus. With what? A Pita Oven!? Nothin' gets through those Hephaestos' gates. Nothin'!" Hades slumped again.
"We gotta do somethin'," Panic whispered to Pain. "I hate seein' him like this."
Pain walked up to Hades. "Uhh, Boss ... Why do you wanna go?... I mean last year you grumbled that it was a waste of time and that your hair wouldn't burn right ... and stuff."
Hades grunted. "That was last year ... This year ... I dunno... I was kinda hopin' I'd well ... y'know ... meet ... Ahh forget it."
Panic turned and stared at Pain. "Does he mean what I think he means?" he whispered.
Pain looked at Hades' depressed face. "I think so," he whispered back.
The two minions left Hades in peace.
"This is going to be harder than I thought," Panic said. "He's lonely."
"Lonely? ... He's got us."
Panic rapped Pain on the head. "Duh. It's not the same."
"Oh. But where in Tartarus are we going to find... Who in their right mind would ..."
Panic shrugged, and sat down, depressed.
* * *
Meanwhile at the Prometheus Academy, Helen happily adorned the fixtures with chains of flowers, while Adonis watched.
"Ohh, don't you just love The Annual Love Festival of the Gods, Adonis?"
"Swell, but must we do this? Surely some commoner can do all this work."
"Adonis," Helen said with a giggle, "this is part of the fun. Help me decorate the statue."
"Ohh, if I must."
Helen kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks. You're a doll."
"So are you," he said with a sly smile, helping her place the chains of flowers around the Prometheus statue.
Hercules came to them. "Hi guys. Nice flower chains, Helen. I'm sure Prometheus'd love them."
She giggled. "Thanks Hercules."
Adonis scowled. "You know I could use some help here. This is really tiring."
Hercules sighed. "Relax, Adonis, it's fine once you get used to it."
"Like as if you-"
"Boys, Boys," Helen mock scalded. "There'll be no fighting on the Love Festival of the Gods. This is a day of love."
She pushed Adonis into Hercules. "Now make up and be happy. Hug!"
Scowling, Hercules and Adonis hugged to please Helen.
"That's lovely," Helen said. "I should get your picture chiselled."
Cassandra came to them. "It this a Kodakus moment or what?"
Hercules and Adonis quickly departed.
"Hercules, c'mon, we're gonna be late for pottery class."
"Pottery, I don' - oh .. yeah ... right, sorry. Gotta run."
"What about your picture?" Helen said, pouting. "You two look so cute ..."
"Let me help you with those flowers, Honeybun," Adonis said, grateful he'd escaped a very humiliating incident.
Hercules left in a hurry with Cassandra.
"I had a feeling I'd foresee a disastrous, teenage pride crushing, embarrassing moment if I didn't intervene. You and Adonis didn't exactly look like a happy couple."
"A happy couple! Ah! Ah! Ah!"
Cassandra rolled her eyes. "Speak of the devil ..."
"'Tis the Love Fest of the Gods, My Sweet and still your snide witticisms never fade. Do not ever change, my femina formosus!"
"I don't plan to."
Again Icarus laughed. "Thank Hades for that!"
"Thank Hades," Hercules said. "It's supposed to be thank Zeus."
"Oh sure, because he's your father. Poor Hades ... I know him personally ... He never gets a cut."
"Know him? You met him once and played him in our school play - once."
"Ahh and what a play it was. Hades himself would've been proud!"
"I wouldn't know. I never asked him."
"Well he didn't smite me, so I assumed he was knocked out by my brilliant performance."
"And he kidnapped you - twice!"
"Oh, that, yeah ... Well that's water under the bridge and you gotta admit he made Merv's show excitin'"
"Whatever ... Hey who's that? ..."
Hercules' head instantly turned as he saw a tall, slender young girl clad in a white wrap dress with pastel green trimmings walk past.
"That's Persephone," Cassandra replied. "She's the new girl."
"Persephone? The Persephone? Goddess, of Spring, Daughter of Demeter, Goddess of the Harvest? She's the 'New Girl'?!"
"Well there's no other Persephone listed in the White Scrolls."
Hercules stood, then tripped over his own feet as he walked toward Persephone.
"Should've seen that coming," Cassandra said, as Hercules stood.
"She's ... beautiful! ... And she's a Goddess ... Hey! I can help her fit in here ... This is great!"
Cassandra rolled her eyes. "Ya. Just what she needs." Her eyes suddenly went blank and swirled green. "I see Persephone caught in the cold grasp of Death ..."
Hercules gasped. "Then she'll need a hero!"
Cassandra looked at him. "Saw that comin' too."
Hercules approached the Goddess. "Uhh, Persephone?"
She turned around. "Oh, hi, Hercules."
"So ... are you ... ahh liking our school? ..."
"It's okay, but I haven't made any friends yet, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah. It was hard for me too at first ..."
"Sure. School's a tough place."
"It sure is. And I really don't know what I'm doing here."
"Well ... we all need to learn ..."
"I guess ... I'm just not used to it..."
"Neither was I. Come sit with us."
Persephone smiled. "Thanks, Hercules."
Cassandra didn't look impressed, while Icarus fell to his knees and forced a nectarine into her hand. "Please, lovely Persephone, accept this humble sacrifice."
The Goddess looked uncomfortable.
"Icarus, get up," Hercules said through his teeth.
"That such a lovely being would choose to sit with us is an honour in itself..." Icarus sighed.
"It's fine, really," Persephone said, a tad uncomfortable. "I'm really not that kind of Goddess. I don't expect sacrifices and I won't touch meat."
"So, ahh do you eat liver?" Icarus asked.
Persephone pulled a face as she began to eat the nectarine Icarus had given her.
* * *
Meanwhile, Under the Earth ...
"I'm not gonna stand for this!" Hades hissed. "This is the last time they treat me like fimus! ..." He sat down and rested his chin on his fists. "Sure ... Hades, Party pooper. Hades, the God no one wants to talk to ... Hades the -"
"Pomegranate?" Pain asked, holding one up.
"Thought you might like somethin' to eat."
"Fruit!?!" Hades fumed. "Got any red meat?" he asked, a tad calmer. "It helps me focus."
Pain looked at the food on the table. "Sorry, Boss, no meat. Not even a fish. Those few people that sacrifice to you ... They must be vegetinarians. Apple? It's ... it's red..."
The Lord of the Dead rolled his eyes. "I hate apples," Hades grumbled.
"At least a few people give offerings to you ... That's a good thing, right? ..." Panic offered, hoping to alleviate Hades' mood.
Hades sighed. "The operative word being few, People - And the only reason they do give offerings to me is they hope when their time comes, I'll give 'em a bit longer ... WELL THEY CAN FORGET IT!!! ... On the other hand, a nice juicy steak or lamb chop, now and then ... I might just consider giving them a few extra weeks!..."
Hades sat down, and slumped in his throne, feeling dejected. He sighed, and grabbed a nectarine, resigned and began to eat it, a perpetual scowl plastered on his face.
* * *
Adonis approached Hercules' table.
"Excuse me," he butted in, ignoring all but Persephone, "but wouldn't a divine Goddess such as yourself prefer to sit with blue blooded royalty?"
"Should've seen this coming," Cassandra grumbled.
"No thanks, Adonis," Persephone said.
"But why sit with these peasants when you can sit in the lap of luxury?"
"If I wanted that I'd go to Olympus."
"Oh yeah," Adonis said, quickly trying to rescue his case. "But why waste time with these losers when you can be with me - Heir to the Thracian Throne."
"Hercules isn't a loser," Persephone snapped.
"Of course not," Adonis said quickly, again trying to rescue his act. "I was referring to that one." Adonis indicated Icarus.
"Ya. I'm the loser. Woe is me." Icarus slumped his head.
"Icarus is sweet," Persephone said ruffling his black sticky-upy-outy hair.
Icarus looked up, astounded. "Did ya hear that?! She said I was sweet! Can you believe that!?" He grabbed Cassandra. "The Goddess of Spring told me I was sweet! I'm in the Elysian Fields, Baby!"
Cassandra pouted. "If only."
"Ms Persephone, I order you to come and sit at my table!" Adonis demanded.
Persephone stood. "You can't order me."
"I can so. I'm a Prince."
"And I'm a Goddess." She zapped him.
Adonis gasped in shock as his toga fell down and he was seen sporting pink polka dotted undergarments. Needless to say his face went redder than Ares'.
"And there's more where that came from," Persephone said, blowing on her index finger.
Adonis, embarassed as Hades ran for cover, amidst laughter, even from Helen.
"Ooh, I just love her," she whispered to one of her friends. "I didn't know Donnie wore polkas!"
"Good one, Persephone!" Hercules said, barely able to control his laughter.
Even Cassandra's lips quirked upward. "You know, I like you."
Persephone smiled. "Thank you. You're wonderful friends."
Icarus was rolling on the ground, unable to control his laughter.
"Don't worry. You'll get used to him," Cassandra promised.
Persephone smiled as she finished her nectarine.
* * *
Hades slapped his hands together. Pain and Panic jumped out of their skins - literally.
"Eegh! I hate it when they do that ..." Hades shuddered and shook his head. "Boys," he said, when they were back in their bodies, "I got whopper of an idea - Been up all night, burnin' the midnight olive oil ... and I just know this'll work!"
Hades stood. "C'mere," he said and his two imps followed.
He turned to them. "Every year when the Gods have this love bash of theirs, they use so much energy, Earth practically rocks."
"We know," Pain said.
"Yeah," said Panic. "Like last year our bedroom caved in."
"Oh yeah, I remember that. Took me an hour to free you yutzes from a rather ... awkward position."
"Don't remind me," Panic scowled.
"Well this year, I'm gonna capture that energy - suck it right out from underneath them, without even disturbing the fine china."
"How're y' gonna do that, Boss?"
Hades smiled. "Glad you asked, Pain, m'boy ... With this ..."
Hades dramatically flicked a sheet of brown mesh off an awkward shape on a pedestal, unveiling a glowing green stone underneath a crystal cover.
"The Kronos Stone?" Pain and Panic chime.
"I've had it how shall we say, remoulded back into its natural shape, a shame though. That mask was beautiful ... A work of art... A pity the play didn't go quite as planned, but gotta hand it to that Icarus kid. He was goooood ... But now ... I've been waitin' for a chance to use this baby again and this is it, Boys!"
Pain and Panic jumped up and whooped happily, then looked confused.
"Uhh ... but how're you gonna use it, Boss?" Panic asked. "The Athens Drama Festival is months away and it's on the grapevine that they're doing Oedipus..."
"No, no, no, the play's passé, Boys. This is the big Kahuna. The big Tamale, know what I mean? The Kronos Stone's aimed at Olympus, ready to rock and roll and suck the love energy right out of those bozos, yus! Just like a vacuum cleaner."
"Uh, what's a vacuum cleaner?" Pain asked.
"Something the Fates said once ... And when they're all out for the count, Olympus will be mine! Hah! Yeh! All we need to do now is find a couple in loooove."
"Why?" Panic asked.
"What is this?" Hades snapped. "XX questions? Like for the Kronos Stone to work, okay, I need to feed the right energy into the thing so it knows what to look for."
"Like a bloodhound?" Pain said.
Hades mouth twisted into a toothy sadistic smile. "Exactly..." Then his nose twitched. "What's that smell ..." Hades sniffed the air, then gagged. "Oihy... Boys speakin' of bloodhounds ... get the pooper scooper."
Panic and Pain looked apologetic.
"Uhh sorry, Boss," Pain said. "We're trying ... But housebreakin' a three headed mutt's harder that we thought..."
"At least he didn't go on the furniture this time," Panic said. "That's a good thing."
Hades looked unimpressed.
* * *
Hercules, Icarus, Cassandra and Persephone sat outside at Speedy Pita.
"So what's the goss on Mount Olympus?" Hercules asked, curious, nibbling his stuffed pita.
"Same old same old," Persephone replied. "Ares and Athena were bickering over whether the Annual feast of Hestia was to be held in Sparta or Athens."
"I thought they agreed it was gonna to be held here in Athens."
"That was only after Athena told Ares of Hestia's vows."
"So what are my Mom and Dad up to?"
Persephone smiled. "In love. They're so good together. I wish I had someone to love like that."
"So who's your favorite God? Uhh besides your mother of course."
"Are you kidding? She's the fusspot from Tartarus!"
"Seph ... Uhh can I call you Seph?"
"Demeter loves you."
"Ya like too much. She's so overprotective. Treats me like I'm five."
"How old are you?" Hercules asked in surprise.
Persephone smiled. "Now that would be telling."
"So," Hercules asked again, "who's your favorite God?"
"What?!" Hercules almost choked on his pita. "You're kidding! Hades? ... You... you mean Hermes, right?"
Persephone took a bite from her pita and swallowed. "No. It's time I told someone. Hades, Lord of the Dead. Y'know the guy. Flamin' hair, smoky robes, Badda Bing, Badda Boom. Hades."
"But he's evil!"
"Well like no one ever gives him a chance."
"That's because if they did, he'd take over Olympus in a flash!"
"How would you feel being cooped up in that gloomy underworld all day and night long?"
"Well .. uhh ... but-"
"And be so unpopular that none of the other Gods ever wanna talk to you, or invite you to parties, not even Trivia."
"I bet no one's even considered being nice to Hades. I mean Zeus never is, always picking on him."
"C'mon. I hate how Zeus treats Hades. He's such a bully."
Hercules frowned. "My father's not like that."
"You wanna bet? He and Poseidon always pick on Hades, even when he was a kid. They brag about it when they think no one's around. 'Hey, Poseidon, remember the time we filled Hades cradle with water and you put in all those piranha?'" Persephone did a great Zeus impersonation. "I heard him say that - and they both laughed about it. They were always blaming stuff on Hades, poor Rhea. I pity their mother. She was the only one who seemed to care for him."
"But Zeus was a kid back then," Hercules protested.
"So? Even now he throws his weight around, undermines Hades, slaps him on the back hard enough to split a mountain. "How yer goin, Bro!?" Persephone demonstrated on Hercules.
"He knows just how much Hades hates that."
"Well, that's no excuse for Hades behaviour," Hercules protested. "I know the evil he's capable of and if he was given his way, we'd all go to Tartarus and he'd have his gloomy ways with Olympus and the rest of the world, the Universe and then some."
"Hercules, I don't care how corny this sounds, but all Hades needs is love."
"Love? Hades? Hah! He doesn't even know the meaning of the word! Cupid'd have to use all his arrows for the entire Spring millennium, and then some - and it still wouldn't be enough!"
"Come on, the only ones who do care about him are those two cute lilted minions of his."
"Pain and Panic? C'mon! They're only with him 'cos he'll fry their butts if they try to leave - Heck, he fries their butts anyway. I've seen the way he treats them."
Persephone smiled. "So have I. Have you ever seen him tickling Panic's tummy?"
Persephone smiled. "Well then."
* * *
Hades looked at his Tartarus Vision screen.
"Helloooo ... who's in icky sticky loooove ... Helloooo..."
The screen showed Hercules and Persephone.
"Hello, it's my favorite nephew ..."
"Uh, Sir ..." Pain said, "he's your only nephew... Ahh besides Ares and Hermes and..."
"He's being ironic again," Panic whispered.
"Oh. I oughta try that sometime."
"Shh!" Hades snapped as he watched Hercules. "Hello, who's the sweetums he's with? Ooh. Pretty."
"I know he needs love," Persephone said. "I can see it every time I see him."
"I don't think so," Hercules said. "But if you like him so much, why don't you ... like go tell him?"
"Like hellooo! My mom would go ballistic."
"You should take a stand against Demeter. Tell her you're old enough to take care of yourself."
"Demeter ..." Hades said in surprise. "That girl's a Goddess... Persephone. She has grown into a pretty thing... Young ... and ... beautiful. Ooh! The plot thickens. Too bad she's not in love with Wonder Brat. Now that'd be a neat squeeze. So, who's the lucky guy? Wonder Kid doesn't seem to like the dude. This is gettin' interestin'. Don't touch that dial..."
"Is he being ironic again?" Pain asked.
"I wish I could, tell her, but she seems to think she has to watch over me all the time. I mean this school thing ... I'm glad I met you, Cass and Icarus, but Demeter thinks she rules my life ..."
"She doesn't, Seph."
"I know, but she's impossible to deal with!"
"You're tellin' me, Baby Cakes," Hades said, popping a cherry into his mouth.
"So," Hercules said, "is there any way I can talk you out of-"
Persephone shook her head. "No, Hercules. My mind was made up long ago. I love him, even though he..." Persephone sounded sad. "... doesn't even know I exist."
Hades slapped his hand over his chest. "Aww, ya breakin' my heart, Sister..." He began to suck on a plum. "Boys, those sacrificials given me any meat yet?"
"Uhh ... Speedy Pita?" Pain held it up.
"Fast food ... Oiy..." Hades shook his head.
Panic sniffed it and threw it away.
Cerberus ran to it, sniffed it, then buried it.
"I wanted that," Pain scoffed.
"Shh!" Hades snapped, "or I'll have you two for lunch."
Pain and Panic swallowed and hugged each other in terror.
"Okay, if I can't talk you out of it," Hercules said, "the least I can do is try and help you ... Can't you just talk to him? I mean like-"
"And what would I say? I'd feel like such an idiot ... I mean, 'Excuse, me, but I think you need love and a biiiiiig hug.'"
Hercules smiled. "Ya ... well ... personally I think you're waistin' your time."
"No, I'm not. Hercules, this is important to me. I need him to know that I exist ... and that I love him ... that someone loves him..."
"Oi vay ..." Hades said shaking his head. "Is she deep or what? Like I'm really moved."
"Now that was ironic," Pain whispered.
"You got it," Panic whispered back.
Pain smiled. "I knew I would someday."
"Now boys," Hades said, as Hercules and Persephone continued to talk in the background, "Here's what we're gonna do. We'll capture this guy she loves so much. I mean he doesn't even know she loves him. What a yutz. He'll probably be moved to bits when he learns her true feelings for him ..." Hades shook his head. "This stuff's makin' my head spin ... It's like an opera with soap suds."
"He won't care, Persephone, I'm telling you."
"He will. I'm sure."
"No he wont - and if he does find out, he'll use you."
Persephone looked upset. "No he won't."
"How can you be so sure?"
"How can you be so sure he will?" Persephone scowled.
"I know him, Persephone."
"No you don't ... not the way I do. I've seen the pain in his eyes, Hercules."
"Aww..." Hades said, "the poor guy..."
"Don't even go there, Persephone. I promise you, he'll only hurt you and use your love against you."
"No he won't. I can feel it."
"Aye, aye, aye," Hades ran his hand through his blue flaming hair. "They're still at it..."
"Seph, promise me you'll be careful."
She smiled. "Don't worry about me. I promise, I'll be fine."
Hercules sighed. "All right, but don't say I didn't warn you. There's not a single scrap of decency in him."
"Yes there is. I know there is and I'll prove it."
"I gotta go," Hercules said, "but I warn you, Persephone, love means nothing to him."
"Yes it does. Everyone needs love."
"Well not him."
Persephone watched Hercules leave, her large green eyes brimming with tears. "That's what you think."
"Aww will ya look at that ..." Hades said. "That poor girl..." He stood.
Persephone looked sadly at the ground. "Just because he's the Lord of the Underworld doesn't mean he doesn't need love ..."
Hades continued. "All right ... this pathetic yutz obviously has no idea how much she ... Uhh ... what ... did she just say?"
Pain spoke up. "I believe it was 'just because he's the Lord of the Underworld doesn't mean he doesn't need love ...'"
"On the other hand he could be just a pathetic yutz who *obviously* has no *idea* how much she loves him..." Some things just had to be said, no matter the cost. Panic instantly perpared himself for a wrathful flame bath, which never came.
"Uhh ... Boys ... would you mind if I ... uhh ... sit this one... alone?"
"Sure thing Boss ..." Pain said, as he left with Panic.
"You know," Panic said quietly with a smile. "This may be the one..."
Panic nodded. "Good. The last one we tried to fix him up with fancied Charon and the one before that turned out to be a guy and the one before that ..."
Panic scowled. "Don't remind me."
Hades took a breath and sat down, then stared at his crystal ball, and closed in on Persephone's pristine pale skinned face.
"I ... I don't believe this ... She said all that... about... about ... me ... I ... She ... really ... I mean ... she ... she really..." Hades shook his head, his yellow eyes wide and he fainted dead away.
Pain and Panic stuck their heads around the corner.
"He's out cold," Pain said.
"Do you think he likes her?"
"Are you kiddin'? He's practically stoked! I mean who's ever cared for him like that?"
A tear rolled down Panic's cheek. "It's so touching..."
"Will you knock it off already!..."
"We gotta get them together."
"But how? Hades won't know what to say to her. He'd be like a bird out of sky."
"That's fish out of water, ya yutz," Panic snapped, "but you're right ... He won't know what in Tartarus to say. He'd be terrified that she'd decide she didn't really like him after all... and stuff."
"And she's afraid that he won't give a fimus about her."
Panic sighed. "It's a catch XX II ... Hey ... I got an idea. We'll have to wait till Hades comes 'round though."
"Want me to get some water?"
"Sure, just make sure it's not from the pool of forgetfulness, the river or death or the one with that flesh eating bacteria." Panic shuddered.
"Gotcha. There's a stream up ahead."
Panic gave Pain a bowl and stayed by Hades.
"Don't worry, Boss. We'll figure somethin' out."
The purple imp rushed back with the bowl and splashed the water over Hades, however the God's eyes remained closed.
"Fimus!" Panic cursed. "He's really out cold... Well this'll give us a chance to put our plan into action."
Panic frowned. "The plan to get Hades and Persephone together, duh! Now here's what we're gonna do..."
Panic whispered in Pain's ear.
"Ooh, you're goooood!"
Panic smiled mischievously and rubbed his hands together.
Hades groaned as he came to.
Pain and Panic rushed to him. "Boss?"
"Don't tell me ... I drank Lethe waters again ... What was I doing..."
Pain grinned. "Well, Boss, you wanted to get revenge on the Gods for not inviting you to their annual Love Fest on Mount Olympus."
Hades grunted. "Yes. Go on ..."
"And you had planned to kidnap Persephone, beloved Daughter of Demeter, to teach them a lesson."
"Yes. You did." Panic grinned again. "And we have just the plan..."
Panic whispered it to Hades.
The Lord of the Dead grinned. "Secluded meadow .. I like ... Boys ... you're really outdone yourselves and I might just have a treat for you when this is over."
Pain and Panic jumped up and down excitedly as they left to carry out their plan.
"You're goooooood," Pain said, admiringly. "It comes from watching the Master." Panic gave an admiring look in Hades' direction. "Now, we have one Goddess to trick."
* * *
After school one day, Persephone sat by the statue of Prometheus, going over some Astronomy homework. She felt something brush against her foot and looked down.
"Ohh, a bunny ... two bunnies..."
She bent down to pick them up, but the bunnies bounded off. The Goddess left her books by the statue and followed the rabbits.
"Wait, bunnies..." he called. "I won't hurt you. I'm vegetarian ..."
She followed the rabbits into a meadow. At first she was rather miffed that she seemed to have lost the rabbits, but the beautiful flowers took her breath away. She ran into the meadow and began to pick the most colourful ones. No sooner, a rift appeared from under the Earth. Hades came thundering up on his chariot.
Persephone stared at Hades. "Cool."
"There's nowhere to run, young Goddess! And no one to hear you scream."
Persephone stared at Hades. "Wow."
He grabbed her arm and pulled her aboard his chariot. She dropped all but one of her flowers, a bright yellow daffodil. Hades whacked the reigns and the chariot took off to the Underworld.
"You see - he *did* kidnap her," The Narrator said. "Didn't I tell you that?"
"Ya," Thalia said. "But he didn't pull her hair."
"A minor technicality," Bob argued.
“Minor!” Melpomene scoffed, flicking her gorgeous hair.
"Ssh,” Thalia said. “Watch listen, and learn..."
* * *
Hades arrived with Persephone in the Underworld.
"It's working ..." Panic rubbed his hands together.
Hades set Persephone down, rather gently, Panic noted.
"Now, My Dear, you are my prisoner... And if you thinkin' of escape, Cerberus will rip you to shreds!" Hades said, melodramatically.
The big bog bounded up to Persephone and licked her.
Hades scowled. Persephone looked at him and held up her flower.
"Do you have a vase?"
Hades stared at her, wondering why the flower had not wilted.
"Pain, Panic, a vase!"
The minions scurried off and returned with a vase full of water in which Persephone placed the flower. Hades seemed disappointed that it did not dry up and die. Persephone placed it on the table.
"There, this place needs a little colour, whatdya think, boys?"
Pain and Panic nodded. Hades glared at them.
* * *
Apollo rushed to Mount Olympus.
"My fellow Gods and Goddesses, something terrible has happened! I saw Persephone in the meadow and she was ... she was ..."
"Yes?" Zeus prompted impatiently.
Apollo told him.
"He did what?"
Demeter burst into tears. "My baby! You have to rescue my baby!!"
"There, there ..." Hestia said, sitting next to her. "I'm sure it isn’t so bad."
"Persephone, a prisoner in the dark and gloomy Underworld with Hades ... What could be worse than that?"
"A flat soufflé," Hestia answered, matter of factly.
Demeter looked unimpressed. "We have to get her back."
"Agreed," Zeus said. "My baby brother isn't gonna get away with this, but I'm sure Hercules can handle it."
Demeter looked up. "I hope so."
* * *
"Whatcha do to my realm?" Hades said aghast.
"I took the liberty and brightened it up a little."
"It looks … well nice…"
"That's the idea, Hadie."
"Hadie?" Panic said and looked at Pain. "It begins …"
Pain smiled and rubbed his hands together.
Hades left Persephone to her re-decorating.
"Pain, Panic come with me."
And he left with them.
"What do I do?" he asked them desperately.
"You're asking us?" Panic said in disbelief.
"What do you think?" Hades' hair fumed red.
"Tell her how you feel," Pain suggested.
"And how do I feel?"
"Well you like her don't you?"
"Sigh. Is it that obvious?"
"Only to us because we've been with you too long … Uhh … we mean that in the nicest possible sense …"
"Whatever … What in Tartarus do I do?"
"Tell her how you feel. You know she likes you."
"Ya … Problem is I got no idea why…."
Hades sighed to himself and left to find Persephone.
Hades lead the Goddess into the main chambers.
"All I gots is a Pomegranate from an offering."
"Great!" Persephone said excitedly. "They're my favourite."
"Remind me to give that person an extra week when the time comes."
"But you said …" Pain started to say, but was silenced by a look from Hades.
Persephone began to eat some Pomegranate seeds.
"So how're you likin' the Underworld?"
"It's not such a bad place you know."
"It's secure and kinda cosy."
Persephone smiled. "Yeah."
Slowly Hades took her hand. "Let me show you' round."
"Okay, I'd like that."
Pain and Panic looked after them.
"They look so cute together …" Panic said, wiping a tear from his cheek.
"You’re getting' mushy," Pain said.
"So," Hades said. "This is Tartarus, home of eternal torment. How about lunch?"
Persephone smiled. "Later."
"Next we have Asphodel, home for the boring …"
"And lastly the oh so exclusive Elysian Fields for the virtuous."
Persephone stood in awe "It's beautiful."
"Ya, isn't it, too bad you have to have a members card to get in. Just kiddin'"
"Thanks for showin' me around, Hades." Persephone kissed his blue-grey cheek.
Hades' eyes opened wide and when Persephone turned around, he touched his cheek where she had kissed him.
Pain and Panic stared, at them, then at each other.
Persephone tuned around and smiled. "Too bad you weren't invited to the Annual Love Festival of the Gods."
"Ya, but what to I care about … love … Speaking of love the other Gods will be missing you by now."
"Let them miss me. I'd much rather be here … with you."
She took his hand. "Yes."
The two neared each other very slowly and kissed, then they parted, looking apologetic. Persephone smiled.
"I would much rather be here with you, Hades."
"But I kidnapped you."
"It was kind of romantic."
"Romantic? Remind me to kidnap more ladies."
Persephone giggled and placed her arms around him. He retuned the embrace.
Both Pain and Panic were in tears now.
Hercules burst into the Underworld.
"Hades!" He bellowed. "In the name of all that is good and decent I demand that you release Persephon..."
He saw God and Goddess embracing.
"It's all right, Hercules," Persephone said, parting from Hades.
"I came to rescue you."
"Do I look like I need rescuing?"
"Beat it Jerkules," Hades demanded.
"But I came to rescue a damsel in distress."
"Ain't no damsel in distress here," Pain said. "Like he said. Beat it."
"Now what do I do?" Hercules asked himself.
"Not to worry, Hercules," came Zeus' voice. "I'll settle this matter. Hades."
Zeus and the other Gods materialised in the Underworld.
"Well if it isn't my big oh so important bolt throwing brother." Hades folded his arms.
"And if you're not careful you'll have a bolt thrown in your direction."
Hades backed off a little. Persephone stood in front of him. "There will be no bolt, fireball or arrow shooting here. I stay because I want to."
"But how can you want to stay here?" Demeter asked. "It's so … gloomy."
"It can use some brightening up, Mother, but I love Hades. I always have. Can't you all see that he needs love?"
"Yeah," Pain and Panic said.
"You two keep outta this," Zeus said aiming a thunderbolt at them. They ran behind Persephone and peeked out from her Goddess dress.
"Is this what you really, really want?" Zeus said.
"Tel me what you want, what you really really want," Hades said, snapping his fingers.
Zeus glared at him.
"I want to stay with Hades," Persephone said with a smile.
"But you can’t leave me all alone," Demeter protested. "I'll get lonely."
"Ohh mom …"
"Did you eat anything while you were in the Underworld?" She asked. "You don't have to stay if you didn't."
"I told you I wanted to stay and yes, I ate six pomegranate seeds."
"I have an idea," Hercules said. "Since Persephone wants to stay with Hades and Demeter wants Persephone to stay with her and Persephone only ate six pomegranate seeds, she could spend half the year with her mother and the other half with Hades."
The Gods, including Hades mulled this over.
"Works for me," Zeus said. "If it's okay with Persephone."
"It's fine with me, though I'll miss Hades when I'm not here, but they’re right, I di need to be Goddess of both worlds."
Hades took her hand. "And I'll miss you too."
"Now don't you get all mushy on me, Baby Brother," Zeus said.
Hades looked at him. "Hades forbid, yeah."
Persephone kissed Hades and then turned to the Gods. "I choose to spend my first six months with Hades."
"All right, Dear," Demeter said. "Though I'll be awfully upset until you return."
"I guess now you don't have to use the Kronos tone to suck the love energy…" Pain started to say and stopped with a murderous glance from Hades.
"What was that?" Zeus said.
"Water under the bridge now, ah?"
Zeus shook his head and grunted. "Perhaps a wife will do you good."
Hera smiled. "Good luck, Hades."
"Ya," Hermes said. "Knock yourself out, Kids."
The Gods disappeared back to their realms.
"I guess I gotta thank you, Herc," Hades said.
Hercules shrugged. "That's what heroes do Hades, we help people and you are…family after all."
"Thanks," Hades said softly.
"What was that I didn't quite catch that."
Hades' hair flamed red. "What? I gotta spell it out for ya? Thank you! Thankyouverymuch."
"My pleasure. Any chance of a lift outta here?"
Hades used his powers to send Hercules back to Prometheus Academy.
"So my prophecy came true. Goes to show being caught on the cold grasp of Death isn't a bad thing."
"Whatever you say, Cassandra." Hercules said.
"Ohh, I wish Hades would kidnap me again!" Icarus gasped, despairing.
"I second that," Cassandra said.
Meanwhile in the Underworld, Hades and Persephone shared a kiss and an eternal embrace.
"Well, Bob, there you have it. Hades, Lord of the Dead in love."
"Well I never …"
Bob said nothing.
The Muses winked. "So Hades, Lord of the Underworld, smitten by Cupid at last …"
"At long last." Bob said…