Disclaimers: Saint George (Lucasfilm) crated the Star Wars Universe. Lucasfilm owned by Disney. George Lucas created the Star Wars Universe. Movies by 20th Century Fox/Disney. I make no Republic Datari {Credits}, Peggats, Truguts, Wupiupi, etc from my fanfic/fanart/fanfunnies. Story written purely for enjoyment and the only profit I make is the happiness my writing brings. The Force is With You Always :)
Inspired by www.freevote.com !! :D
Summary: The People have chosen!
Rating M ~ An AU humour ...
~~~~~~~~
THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE
Obi-Wan Kenobi loved to surf - that is when he had some time to himself, when he wasn't out on missions with his Master saving the Universe. Of course such free time was a rare commodity. Qui-Gon preferred to spend his meditating, reading or relaxing in a hot tub, while Obi-Wan clacked away on the keyboard, visiting numerous web sites, from various galaxies. Though Qui-Gon never questioned him, he knew his Master wished he would spend his time in a more productive way, although he did agree the UWW (Universal Wide Web) was quite entertaining and informative.
Obi-Wan disconnected from the net after five hours, his eyes glazed over like an intoxicated Ewok. He blinked and shook his head, then ran his hand through his hair. He hadn't meant to spend so much time on the net ... It had taken a while to find what he was looking for and he had gotten a little side tracked along the way ... He perked when he sensed Qui-Gon coming home to the Temple.
* * *
"How was your mission, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, pleasantly, although by the look of the tired Jedi Master, he could tell it had taken its toll.
"It was a success," Qui-Gon said.
Obi-Wan smiled. "You stopped a war on Awashava. Saved billions of lives."
The older Jedi nodded.
"Why so glum then?" Obi-Wan asked, massaging his Master's shoulder blades.
Qui-Gon managed a smile. "That feels nice, Padawan."
Obi-Wan smiled and continued. "You look like you could use some rest."
Qui-Gon nodded. "After I deliver my report to the Council."
"No. Now."
Qui-Gon looked at his Padawan.
"War isn't gonna break out if you deliver it tomorrow. Don't make me force you," and he smiled.
Qui-Gon managed another smile. "All right, Padawan. You talked me into it."
Obi-Wan looked surprised. "So soon?"
Qui-Gon chuckled quietly. "I'm too tired to argue."
"Sweet dreams, Master."
The Jedi Master nodded. "I hope so."
Obi-Wan sensed sadness from his Master, though couldn't quite pinpoint it as he watched Qui-Gon retreat into his bed chambers, flop into bed without bothering to get changed and was asleep in an instant. Obi-Wan always admired how his Master could do that. No matter how tired he was, it always took the young Padawan at least half an hour to fall completely asleep.
He was glad his Master had chosen to follow his advice - in this state he'd be lucky if he made it to the Council Chambers, without collapsing asleep on the floor.
The young Padawan chose to take his own advice and get some rest, but he couldn't sleep as well as his Master, sensing the older Jedi's troubled thoughts. Obi-Wan sat up in bed, focusing his mind. He linked with Qui-Gon, his mind-touch lighter than a feather. He neither wanted his Master to wake or know what he was doing. It was strictly against the Jedi Code to probe another Jedi's thoughts without their consent, but Obi-Wan sensed his Master would not tell him what was wrong, despite their strong bond. He sensed Qui-Gon was somewhat embarrassed and guilty about his feelings, though Obi-Wan sensed he hadn't done anything wrong.
"What's troubling you, Master?..." He whispered quietly to himself.
And then he discovered, feeling sorry for his Master, but smiling at the same time.
He sensed it was something to do with his previous mission, but it also went deeper.
Although Qui-Gon was above personal recognition, and a Jedi didn't live for reward, verbal or material, Obi-Wan sensed he was hurt.
'They didn't even thank me...' his Master's mind said.
His Master had helped so many people, animals, planets ... And it seemed none of them even cared. Although deep down Qui-Gon knew they appreciated what he had done for them, and not just on Awashava. He hadn't expected anything, but even a thank you would have been nice.
On one occasion the pervious year, he and his Padawan had been lucky to escape with their lives, as thanks for saving a world from a geometric disaster. Qui-Gon had insisted against
Obi-Wan's better judgement that they help the people of the fiercely race proud world, by using the Force to stabilize Koran's shattering crystalline core. They had been greeted with hatred and hostility, even after they saved the world, were curtly ordered to leave, and on top of that, were roused by the Council when they returned. Obi-Wan remembered his Master arguing that two million people had been saved, despite the breech of protocol. Obi-Wan had sensed that sadness then, just as he sensed it now. He was always amazed at how well his Master controlled his emotions. He'd been furious at their treatment by the Korans, but Qui-Gon had simply said in a quiet voice, "it's their way, Padawan."
Obi-Wan knew his Master would never stop helping others, he mused he'd even help an injured or dying Sith Lord ... The young Padawan smiled and shook his head. "Master, what am I gonna do with you?"
And he racked his brain on how to make his Master feel appreciated.
* * *
Darth Maul scowled inwardly. He hated it when his Master moped. When Darth Sidious moped, one would rather be around a dead Bantha carcass, being gnawed by Womp rats, midday in the middle of a Tatooinian Summer.
Grouch was a severe understatement and Maul knew better than to cheer him up. He decided to find out just why his Master was in such a foul mood, discreetly this time. The younger Sith had no desire to be blasted with those electric fingers again.
//Let's see ... What was he doing?...//
Maul headed for the computer in the center room. His Master's stormy disposition seemed to start when he was looking up some information on the Jedi. So that was it. The Jedi, Maul scowled. He knew his Master wanted nothing more that to wipe them out. All of them... He was biding his time, more patiently than his young apprentice, though his hatred of his sworn enemies grew every day. However Maul sensed it was something more.
He sat by the computer and accessed the last site and almost choked and did a double take, then smiled and had to keep himself from laughing out loud. A voting booth, run by a famous, though anonymous group, known only as the QJOWDMEB. No one had ever discovered their base, or what the acronym stood for. Maul looked at the monitor again.
\\Vote For The Sexiest Jedi/Sith//
He read the names. Qui-Gon Jinn was first with over one million votes. Maul growled, though secretly was inclined to agree, though shielded that thought from his Master with a vengeance. Sidious would have his balls for breakfast - literally. At Number two, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Maul hissed and snarled violently. He hated that pretty-boy and dreamt of pulling that Padawan braid right off. Maul read down the list. Depa Billaba, sure, Adi Gallia, definitely. Maul stared when he saw his own name there with 18 votes, then smiled, despite himself. //I thought people were supposed to hate the bad guys...//
He continued to read down the list. Mace Windu. Maul wanted to hurl. //At least I'm sexier than him...// He knew this entire endeavour was childish and frivolous, but he couldn't help himself.
And then he realised why his Master was so upset. He wasn't even on the list. Maul was surprised - not that his Master didn't have any votes ... That wasn't surprising in the least. Maul respected Darth Sidious, but the man was hardly pretty.
Though it did surprise him that his Master was so upset about something so ... petty.
//May Darth Bane forgive me for what I'm about to do...//
Maul took a deep breath. There was only one way to cheer up his Master, it seemed.
//I'm gonna lightsaber myself in the morning...//
Maul typed Darth Sidious in the 'Add Name' list, shut his eyes and voted 5 times. The list wouldn't let him vote again. Maul knew he could reconnect, and vote again, but his Master kept a hawkeye on such things and would demand to know what Maul had been doing and Maul had better things to do ... and he would die if his Master found out about this.
//Jedi Spawn! ... If he does, I hope he doesn't take it the wrong way ...//
Maul smiled to himself as he formulated a plan to exact a little revenge on the Jedi for forcing him to take such extreme measures and so he e-mailed the list to Qui-Gon.
//He's so damned modest ... he'll die of embarrassment...//
And Maul laughed out loud.
To: Qui&Obi@peace.net
From: DS&DM@Domination.org
Subject: Something of interest ... >:)
Cc: -
Attached: -
He'd often thought about sending them various viruses, though however much he hated them, they would sense something amiss.
He'd even thought about e-mailing them that uncensored picture Galactic Enquirer published last year.
"Sid bares the Dark Side..."
... The one with his Master's thick black cape blowing open on that particularly windy day on Coruscant the day the Siths' washing unit had broken down, and Darth Sidious had been on his way back from the launderette as he madly tried to tame his wayward cape.
Needless to say the following day the editor and photographer were found throttled to death.
However Maul surmised exposing Jedi to his Master in the buff was too evil, even for him. Though picturing Obi-Wan opening the file, staring in horror, running screaming to his Master in tears, unable to sleep for months, made him grin wickedly.
Now to get his Master to look at the damned vote site...
He sent a slight ripple in the Force to Darth Sidious, just finished a cup of extra strong spice tea.
Maul stood from the computer when his Master opened the door and entered the room.
"Find anything interesting?" Sidious asked, his voice almost a hiss. He simply could not let his apprentice know the reason for his bad mood. He'd die of embarrassment. "Any news on what the Jedi are up to?" Maul noted he hissed the 'J' word more than usual.
"The usual thing ... Donations to orphanages, homeless, save the whales on Oceanus."
Sidious snorted. "Anything else?"
"Not much, My Master, they're preparing for Winter Solstice."
"Vegetarian again I'll bet."
"Mostly."
His Master grunted and sat by the computer, and punched the enter key. Maul pretended not to look. He sensed the last thing his Master wanted to do was look at the vote site, but curiosity got the better of the older Sith and he looked anyway, and grunted when he saw Qui-Gon had received 50 000 more votes, Obi-Wan 30 000.
He pressed the down arrow with a vengeance, while his apprentice looked out the corner of his eye. Maul never thought he'd seen his Master scowl so hard.
"Depressing, isn't it?" Maul stifled a laugh when he saw his Master jerk and the mind blocks immediately shoot up.
"They're all so content ..." Maul said, playing a long.
"Revenge will have to wait, my young apprentice. We are not yet strong enough to reveal ourselves to the Jedi." //Or sexy enough...// he added, scowling.
It took *all* of Maul's control his Master had ever taught him not to burst out laughing and keep his mind blocks in place.
Sidious scrolled down and blinked. //Oh my Gods...//
"What is it, Master?" Maul asked in his best innocent voice.
"I just learned that Qui-Gon Jinn will be in charge of the Jedi Solstice Celebration."
One thing Maul really admired about his Master was how he could lie without any preparation and do it so well. He would have believed him - if he hadn't known better, that is.
//I have 5 votes...// Sidious tried not to smile. //Thank the Force Maul doesn't know about this...//
Darth Maul smiled at he turned around, pretending not to hear his Master's thoughts as he started to leave the room.
//Five people out there think I'm...// Sidious started to blush, despite himself, and his embarrassed guilt for fussing about such a trivial thing and suddenly it didn't seem to matter that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had hundreds of thousands more votes than him.
Maul sensed Darth Sidious smile ... warmly. He turned and stared at the back of his Master's cloak in horror. //Oh My Gods... My Master's *happy* ... **Force** ... What have I done?...//
* * *
"There is a message for you," the computer's quite pleasant male voice said.
Obi-Wan, sitting by the computer smiled and eagerly opened the incoming. He loved to get new e-mail, especially when he was bored.
"Poodoo," he scowled. "Only one message."
He opened it, the only contents being a URL.
http://uww.QJOWDMEB/Vote
He surmised it was something to do with the republic. He'd heard about the infamous QJOWDMEB and wondered who in the Universe they actually were, but it really didn't matter. They were one of the most recognised, reputable organisations this site of Tatooine, despite their secrecy, and when they ran one of their famous voting booths, it was absolute.
Obi-Wan accessed the site, then stared at the title and almost fell out of his chair, then burst out laughing. So no one appreciated his Master, eh?
He shook his head, with a smirk and then stared in disbelief. he was running a close second. The young Padawan looked down at his body ... He'd never quite thought of himself as sexy before, then looked at the votes again and couldn't stop himself from smiling - or blushing. Obi-Wan took a sip of his muja fruit juice and he proceeded to read down the list, then almost choked when he saw Darth Maul with 24 votes. He hated that squiggly faced bastard. "Sexy, my lightsaber butt," he muttered.
Kenobi read down the list. Force, even Mace Windu had six votes. He almost choked again when he saw the last person on the list. "Oh my Gods, no way! ... Oh my God.... *He* has *five* votes... After that shocking exposé in GE last year..."
Kenobi hollered with laughter. "Some people are sick, sick, sick!!..."
Obi-Wan had wondered if Darth Maul had seen that picture and smirked to himself - the Sith apprentice seeing his own Master in the raw was probably enough to give Maul nightmares for months.
Obi-Wan's own Master had been much more fortunate. The GE hadn't seemed to bother him all that much. Obi-Wan surmised that was because they'd suffer severe hay fever attacks if they even thought about doing such a story, although Obi-Wan smiled to himself as he thought how the magazine's sales would skyrocket if they did a stunning exposé on *his* Master.
He remembered the day both he and his Master stood at a newsstand, staring at the front cover of Galactic Enquirer that day, not knowing wether to laugh or run for the latrine. Though the article definitely proved the Jedis' nemeses were back in town, and despite the ramifications of the return of the Sith, even Yoda struggled to keep a straight face of their less than glamorous reentrance.
* * *
Qui-Gon returned from the Council Chambers.
"How was it, Master?"
the older Jedi smiled, though Obi-Wan sensed the sadness.
"Well," he said, "though Mace Windu advised that I should have left when things took a turn for the worse."
"But you stayed and did a wonderful thing, Master."
Qui-Gon smiled gently. "I know, Padawan."
"Deep down they do appreciate you, you know, those people. Their children can play safely in the streets without fear of standing on a landmine, or their villages being bombed. A total stranger made that possible."
Qui-Gon smiled again. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan," he said, somewhat embarrassed. "I know I shouldn't feel this way. Just imagining children playing in peace should be enough."
Obi-Wan smiled. "You may be a Jedi Master, Master, but you're still human and it's nice to know one's appreciated ..." He paused. "I appreciate you.."
Qui-Gon smiled. "Thank you, Obi-Wan. The feeling's mutual."
Obi-Wan smiled back at him. "Pleasure ... Don't feel bad, Master. I'd be pretty upset if I saved an entire world and never even got a simple 'thank you.'"
A serene beep from the computer signalled an incoming message, for Qui-Gon's eyes only. "It's from Awashava. You'd better make yourself scarce ... no offence, My young Padawan."
Obi-Wan smiled. "None taken, Master," and he retreated into the next room.
Qui-Gon answered the incoming call and was quite surprised to see Falun Zhen, the Awashavian People's Leader.
"It is an honour, Leader Zhen" Qui-Gon said. bowing.
The copper skinned male smiled. "I doubt that, Master
Qui-Gon, after the way my people and I treated you."
Qui-Gon gave a polite smile. "I understand, Leader Zhen. Your people are wary of other races."
Zhen gave a nod. "Seventy years past, our race was almost wiped out by the Lizkavians, strangers we welcomed into our homes."
"I know ... and I feel you loss, and great sadness," Qui-Gon said. It was not his place to tell him to let go his sorrow and fears - Zhen would do that when the time was right for him.
"I am eternally grateful for what you did for Awashava, however, I could not let my people believe they could trust offworlders again, although you are an exception, Master Jinn."
"Thank you, once again I'm honoured, Leader Zhen," Qui-Gon said, hoping one day his people would learn to trust.
Falun smiled. "If you could only see our children playing in the streets, children of different coloured skins who would be forbidden to play had you not helped us see that we had stopped trusting ourselves."
Qui-Gon smiled warmly, a tear almost escaping. "I can see them," he said.
"Thank you for reuniting my people, Master Qui-Gon." Falun Zhen. bowed.
Qui-Gon did the same. "My pleasure, Leader Zhen."
"I wish you peace and eternal happiness."
Qui-Gon gave smile and a nod and continued the ancient Awashavian farewell. "May you trust and be guided on your journey."
He smiled warmly as he cut communication, sensing he'd given the man something to think about.
Obi-Wan came out of hiding.
"And you thought they didn't appreciate you."
Qui-Gon matched his Padawan's smile. "It was a huge step for their Leader to even elicit outside help in the first place."
"They've been xenophobic for so long..."
"Fear can do that, Obi-Wan, but it's not our place to judge them or tell them what to believe. They'll venture forth when it's right for them."
Obi-Wan smiled. "You're right, Master," and he began to massage the older Jedi's shoulders.
Qui-Gon relaxed instantly. "Thank you, Padawan, your fingers are like magic."
Obi-Wan smiled. "No more than yours, Master ... Now, I have something to show you... There's no discreet way I can do this, so I'll be blunt. I received an anonymous e-mail this morning with a rather interesting URL..."
He called it up and clicked on it. "Take a look at this and tell me you're not appreciated..."
Qui-Gon seemed bemused by the voting booth's title and he scrolled down.
"Ohh my ..." Qui-Gon looked at his Padawan, trying to stifle a smile, then he chucked and looked at the green, blue and red voting screen.
"Well you can't say that no one appreciates you now, can you?" Obi-Wan asked , smirking as his Master blushed redder than a Sith lightsaber.
With interest, Obi-Wan saw his votes had jumped 10% since this morning.
"Do you think I'm sexy, Obi-Wan?"
The question caught his young Padawan off guard for a moment, then he smiled. "Sure, Master."
He bent forward, his Padawan braid falling over the computer keypad as he kissed his Master, moving his hand toward the mouse.
"Don't you dare!" Qui-Gon tried to grab the mouse from his young Padawan, but Obi-Wan struggled, broke free and voted for his Master.
Qui-Gon gave a slightly embarrassed chuckle, Obi-Wan happy to see his Master smile. Though he noticed the smile turn into something of a little mischief, however he was too late to stop his Master from retaliating as the older Jedi, faster than light, clicked the Vote button next to 'Obi-Wan Kenobi.'
"I can't believe you did that!"
"Fair's fair," Qui-Gon said, innocently.
Obi-Wan couldn't stop himself from laughing.
Words began to run across the screen.
Thank you for voting. In a few moments the votes will be tallied. Stand by ...
The QJOWDMEB would like to congratulate Jedi Master
Qui-Gon Jinn, winning the voting poll with a staggering
5000 500 votes, Obi-Wan Kenobi coming a close second with
5000 000. And Darth Maul, third with 57 ... Someone's
gotta like the bad guy ...
May the Force Be With You Always! :D
Both Jedi smiled.
"Congratulations, Master..." He pushed his Qui-Gon's long hair behind his head.
"You know, you really are sexy."
Qui-Gon smiled, although was still quite bewildered by the voting results. "You know you are quite cute, Padawan."
Obi-Wan smirked as Qui-Gon clasped his braid and gave it a soft tug.
"You really think so?"
Qui-Gon smiled. "Would I lie?"
Obi-Wan returned his gentle Master's smile and the two Jedi hugged.
*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~