Disclaimers: Saint George (Lucasfilm) crated the Star Wars Universe. Lucasfilm owned by Disney. George Lucas created the Star Wars Universe. Movies by 20th Century Fox/Disney. I make no Republic Datari {Credits}, Peggats, Truguts, Wupiupi, etc from my fanfic/fanart/fanfunnies. Story written purely for enjoyment and the only profit I make is the happiness my writing brings. The Force is With You Always :)
Spoilers: Jedi Apprentice novels
Summary:
Qui-Gon deals with Tahl’s death – from the Jedi Apprentice junior novels 15
+ 16.
Author’s note: I wholeheartedly do not believe Qui-Gon would have gone out for revenge and I believe my fic gives a more realistic account on what happened. Does Jude Watson, the authof of those books even know Qui-Gon, or was that the way she was told to write them? If so, I feel I know Qui-Gon Jinn better than they do.
Rating PG
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ONE WITH THE FORCE
The Jedi Master cradled the body of his love, holding her close to him.
Obi-Wan Kenobi placed his hand on his shoulder. "Let me help you, Master."
Qui-Gon was silent for a while. "There’s nothing you can do, Obi-Wan." His voice was soft. "Let me grieve."
The young Jedi stood, in respect, leaving his Master in silence.
* * *
Obi-Wan stood before the Jedi Council .
"Where is Qui-Gon?" Mace asked.
"My Master is unable to be here at the present time," the young Jedi said as he gave his report, hoping to the Force the Council did not ask him to retrieve his Master. Thankfully they did not.
Upon his return, e sensed Qui-Gon asleep and sighed with relief. If anyone in the universe needed sleep, it was Qui-Gon Jinn. Obi-Wan began to tidy the quarters. Usually it wasn’t in such a state, but these were not ordinary circumstances.
Qui-Gon tossed in his sleep. It had taken many hours for him to fall asleep, but it was not a restful one.
"Qui-Gon..."
The Jedi Master knew he was dreaming as he turned. "Tahl ..."
The figure stepped into the light.
"Give yourself time to grieve, My Love, but do not lose yourself."
"Tahl, I ..."
The glowing figure stepped closer to him. "I miss you too, My Beloved."
Qui-Gon reached out and touched her glowing hand. "I don’t understand why..."
Tahl’s form gave an understanding smile. "The Force works in mysterious ways."
Qui-Gon nodded sadly.
"You know I am not gone, though it will take time, as it would for me if it were you."
Tahl’s ghostlike hand clasped around his, although Qui-Gon couldn’t feel it, he felt a tremendous sense of warmth.
"I cannot stay here long, for I am needed elsewhere, remember I am always with you. I know it is hard for you, my love, but you must learn to accept it."
A tear rolled down the Jedi Master’s cheek. Gently. Tahl’s form kissed him.
"There will come a time when you too shall join the Force," she said gently. "Death is never an end, but a new beginning."
The figure began to disappear. Qui-Gon wanted to call out to her, but he didn’t know what to say. The Jedi Master awoke suddenly.
"Farewell, Qui-Gon." Tahl’s form vanished into the Force.
The Jedi Master sat for a long while, breathing slowly. His body felt numb, but grateful his love had come to him.
Slowly, Qui-Gon stood up and somehow made it to his meditation corner, lit a candle and sat down. He gazed into the dancing flame and began to sob quietly
Obi-Wan sensed despair from his Master’s quarters. Slowly he entered. Qui-Gon’s sobs stopped and he was grateful he wasn’t facing his Padawan.
"Master," Obi-Wan said softly, after a while.
Qui-Gon could barely speak. He did not turn around. "Obi-Wan, I need to be alone ... I don’t want you to see me like this," The latter sentence was spoken softly.
The young Jedi came closer and knelt down. "Like what, Master? With your hair all scraggly, your clothes creased to hell and on the brink of tears?" Gently, he took his Master’s hand. "You want me to see you with your hair and clothes immaculate, always knowing what to say and do? Master, none of us are perfect. Your feelings make you human. It’s part of who you are."
"What sort of a Master can’t control his own emotions?" Qui-Gon turned to face his Padawan, breathing softly
"Any other man would have been out for revenge, Master. You saw Balog brought to justice and yes you were understandably angry with him, but you didn’t go out for his blood, even after what he did."
Qui-Gon nodded slowly. "I feel so empty ... so alone ... hurt ..."
"You lost someone you loved dearly. I felt like that when Cerasi died."
Qui-Gon nodded sadly, holding his Padawan’s hand.
"I’m supposed to be a Jedi Master," he said, "and I keep asking myself ‘why’? I’m supposed to understand ... but it hurts so much."
Obi-Wan embraced his Master. "I know... Don’t hold back, Master ... if you keep it all inside, it’ll make it worse."
Softly, Qui-Gon began to sob as Obi-Wan held him. The sobs grew louder as time went by. Obi-Wan softly wiped tears from the older Jedi’s cheeks. Gently he began to stroke his Master’s head.
"I ... I have to see the Council..." It was a struggle for Qui-Gon to say those words.
"It’s all right, Master, I’ve already briefed them on the mission."
"Thank you," Qui-Gon whispered. "But I can’t stay here all day, our quarters is such a mess and I-"
"I took care of that also."
Qui-Gon smiled warmly. "I don’t know what I’d do without you, Obi-Wan."
He embraced his Padawan gently. "But I still feel so lost ..."
"I know, Master." Again he wiped a tear away.
"...This pain is so great ... I don’t know if I’ll ever come to terms with it."
"Some say it takes a full turn of the calendar to come to terms with losing someone, sometimes more. Allow yourself time to grieve, Master."
And again he began to sob. For a time, Qui-Gon’s fatigue overcame him and he fell asleep in his Padawan’s arms.
The Jedi Master awoke, breathing softly, grateful for his Padawan’s gentleness
"I want to Understand the Force," he said, after a while, "but I ..."
"Master, I would feel the same if you had been killed. We’re supposed to know that the Force knows what is best for the Universe, even if we can’t see it. Even if it’s painful."
Qui-Gon nodded slowly and held his Padawan close to him.
"I need your help. Obi-Wan, to get through this."
"I’m here, Master, always."
Together, Master and Padawan stood and embraced as one, ready to face the coming times head. Qui-Gon smiled warmly as he once again felt the Living Force.
*
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