Disclaimers: Star Trek was created by Gene Roddenberry and is owned by Paramount Pictures.

I make no monetary profits from my fanfic.

 

Summary: An episode by episode movie by movie and book by book TNG parody.

 Author’s notes:  Contains kind-of spoilers for all TNG episodes, all movies and TNG books up to # 46 ... :)

 

Rating PG

~~~~~~~

 

STAR TREK: THE NEXT VOYAGE TO SEEP SPACE -- SEASON 1

 

1-2] CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE JELLYFISH KIND

The new Enterprise crew give their introductions as they embark on their first mission to a remote Starbase, Far Away Point, when they are encountered by an annoying letter of the alphabet, who pisses off the Captain and they make peace with a race of jellyfish, of which are madly in love.

 

3] THE NAKED ANDROID

Data contracts a virus, which erases his modesty program. He runs around the Enterprise starkers, and surprises the hell out of Tasha.

 

4] CODE OF HONORLESS

This is set nine months after "The Naked Android." Tasha tells Data that she's pregnant and he has to do the honorable thing and marry her.

Data: "Tasha, it never happened."

 

5] THE LAST FINGER-PUZZLE

This is the Enterprise's first encounter with the Ferengeeks. They beam down to the planet, are forced to answer stupid questions by an omnipotent being. The Ferengeeks try to take over the Enterprise, but Data writes home and sends the Ferengeeks insane with Chinese Finger puzzles, and just in time too, because the replicator was going out of stock.

 

6] WHERE NO ONE HAS GONE BEFORE

Well obviously someone's been here before. Just because the Federation hasn't. They think they're so great, don't they? Well, anyway, they go to another galaxy and are visited by a race of glowing light bulbs.

 

7] NO KIDDING, SHERLOCK

We must fall back on the old axiom. What ever remains, however improbable must be the truth. The energy cloud did it!

 

8] THE HEADACHE

The Ferengeeks return for a battle of Maximum and Picard needs one hell of an aspirin dose.

 

9] INJUSTICE

Wesley does wrong on an alien planet, where if you break the law the punishment is death. Anyhow, Picard and his gang get together and save the geek.

 

10] HIDE AND Q SEEK

Q (the annoying alphabet letter) is back. He's playing his old games. He plays hide and seek with the Enterprise crew. He thinks his hiding spot is sooooo good, until he is found by Picard. Q's so angry, but before he can do anything about it, he's taken back to the continuum and scalded by his father, P, for being so careless.

 

11] HELL

We meet Deanna's weird mother (heaven forbid) who has a crush on Picard, who can't stand the woman. Also Deanna's going to get married, but the man she wants to marry runs off with another woman. (It's okay because Deanna didn't like him anyway.)

 

12] THE BIG GOOD RIDDANCE

It was raining on the Holodeck, the hard rain. Hard enough to wash the slime off the walls. The year is 1941. Picard, Data, Beverly are trapped in a holodeck scenario, surrounded by gangsters with real guns. What are they going to do? Ask Wesley of course! (Grrrrr) This episode also involves an insectoid race, the Jarada, who bite Wesley and give him a nasty rash. Hee hee!

 

13] DATALAW

Data finds that he has a brother called Lore. We learn what Data looks like under that uniform, when they put Lore together, hee hee! We also learn that Lore has rather erratic emotions, is jealous of Data and his comfortable life. Lore had a bad background, you see. The poor guy. He worships a Great Crystalline Entity, and plans to use the Enterprise as a sacrifice, but as usual, Wesley "The troublesome little man-child" has to spoil everything and beam Lore out into space. (Beware, Lore and disorder will prevail!)

 

14] DEVIL ONE

Data learns that perfume is used to enhance the enjoyment of sex. He sprays it all over himself hoping Tasha will notice. The other females on the planet to however, and since they are masculine, bitchy and strong, even Beata with her spindly looking arms... Data soon has to be rescued, lest they rip him to pieces, all wanting one.

 

15] 11001001

1100 10011 000111 1100 1010101 01111 1010 101011010001000 111000 1010 10101000 10101010000 (In other words, the Enterprise is taken over by a race of computer junkies)

 

16] THE CURIOUS CASE OF ADMIRAL MARK JAMESON

An old Starfleet admiral takes an overdose youth drug. He starts rapidly de-ageing. He turns into a baby and his wife becomes his mother and catches up with his old pal, Benjamin.

 

17] WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS

Sings: *Down will come Wesley once and for all…” (Hopefully)

 

18] HOME SOIL

Data plants some live crystals into some soil, which happens to be their home. (Little does he know, that these are spawns of the Crystalline Entity)

 

19] THE TEST

Wesley takes the Academy entrance exam and fails. Darn! That means we're stuck with him. Not so smart after all, is he? And there’s this obnoxious officer called Remmick who’s conducting an investigation like a Sherlock Holmes wannabe – but with neither the charm or intelligence. Turns out he’s acting the part.  He played ‘pratt’ quite well. Would make a good companion for Wes.

 

20] SCREAM OF GLORY

Worf and two other Klingons roar so loud that they shatter most of the glass on the Enterprise and deafen half the crew, even Data has to get new audio sensors.

 

21]  WOULD YOU LIKE SIDEWINDERS WITH THAT? 

An extremely annoying salesman is trying to sell a weapon to Picard.

Salesman: "How much would you expect to pay? Not $100, not $80, not $70, but just a tiny $49.95 + 3.95 delivery! Wow!" And he goes on and on and on and ...

Picard doesn't want it, but the salesman persists and persists and persists .... Eventually Picard buys it just to blast the bugger - But wait - there's more! He got a set of AAMRAAM’S for just ONE DOLLAR!

 

22] STONED

Beverly is very upset when she hers Picard is going to let the Onarans have their addictive drugs, and she gives Wesley a big smack when he tires them out.

 

23] SKIN OF ENVY

Tasha goes off with a black, slimy, but sexy oil slick. Data is as upset and as envious as he can be, but in her hologram message she tells Data that her being pregnant was only a joke, and that it most definitely did happen!

 

24] TIME AND TIME AGAIN

Picard's old girlfriend returns. The one he stood up.

She's married to another man, but he takes her to Paris, while Data saves the day (Time and time again, Data does all the hard work!) by patching up a massive hole in time made my her now husband, who’s travelling between dimensions, however he forgot to put a stitch in time – which is why time and space ruptured, silly bugger – if you want to travel between dimensions safely, next time fella - call your local Shaman.   

 

25] CONSPIRACY THEORY

Some evil secret-society bugs try to take over the Federation. They make Riker eat worms. Some of the bugs, including their fugly queen are eaten by Lt. Cmdr Dexter Remmick, who explodes.  The others either implode or flee in terror when Data starts to tell jokes.

 

26] THE NEUTRAL ZONE

Three dead people from the 20th century are unfrozen, and are brought back to life. One wants to sell the Enterprise, the other wants to go back to her family and the last almost runs off with Data, wanting to start up a band. Data had to tell the guy that he did not like the idea of low-milage pit woofies. (whatever they are). The three create havoc on the Enterprise. And just when Picard thought things couldn't get any worse, the Romulan Numerals return.

Merde.

 ~~~~~~

 

STAR TREK: THE NEXT VOYAGE TO SEEP SPACE -- SEASON 2

 

27] THE KID

Troi doesn't appear to be angry when an alien presence violates her. It impregnates her and she has a baby who endangers the ship. Data sees the birth and wants a baby, but is upset that he can't have one, and takes care of the baby, when Deanna is away. The baby changes into a glowing energy ball and flies off.

 

28] WHERE SILENCE HAS LEAST

A rather ugly looking void plays 'rat in maze' with the Enterprise, but decides to let them go when Picard threatens to recite every play that Shakespeare had ever written.

 

29] INCONTROVERTIBLY ELEMENTARY, DEAR DATA

The holodeck creates a live version of Moriatry, who simply won't be shut off. Data plays a real live Sherlock holmes game, proving to Dr. Pulaski that he can do it. Moriarty's angry that he can't leave the holodeck. He wants to be alive. However, they convince him to hand over control of the ship. He's content to be saved in the computer, while they try to find a way to make him leave the holodeck. He's content with that. Until his next episode, that is ....

 

30] YOU GOTTA BE JOKING!

Data fails miserably at his attempt to be humorous. He's rather upset, no matter how hard he's trying, even Geordi still runs for cover when he starts to tell a joke. However, Guinan listens (that's what she does best) and tries to help him. Data feels a little better, but he still can't grasp it and is still upset at the end of the episode. Poor Data.

 

31] LOUD AS A WHISPER

Data learns sign language in this episode. He helps a deaf mediator make peace with their mission. After that's done. Deaf people on the Enterprise are running for cover, as Data starts to tell jokes in sign.

 

32] THE SCHIZA

Data is taken over by his 'grandfather's' consciousness. However, the Enterprise crew find out and try to get Data back, but gramps isn't an old fart anymore. He's jealous of Picard and he wants to run off with his girlfriend. Lore'd probably like Data like this, but he's still drifting in space. Anyway, gramps accidentally hurts a few people. Feeling guilty, he gives Data's body back. Data is happy to be back, but upset that he forgot how to whistle. And really wants to know more about the wrestle with the Klingon Targ.

 

33] SHE'S GETTIN' OLD

Pulaski finally realises that Data's more than a machine, and she discovers that her de-aging cream is working in reverse.

 

34] METAL MUNCHERS

Riker gets command of a Klingon ship and comes home with a black eye and the Enterprise discover a new life form that munch on anything mechanical.

Data: "I am always happy to discover new life, but just keep them away from me."

 

35] CONDEMN THE INNOCENT

Starfleet want to claim Data as their property (Typical, isn't it) They hold a trial where Picard defends Data. Picard wins at the end. Data should've told Starfleet to shove it, but he's too polite.

 

36] THAT POOR WOMAN! aka THE DOLPHIN

Wesley falls in love.

 

37] DROID DISEASE

Data contracts a virus on the ancient world Icon, which he passes on to every other mechanical device on the Enterprise. Worf has to carry Data to his quarters, but Data throws up on him in the turbolift. Needless to say, Worf was rather annoyed.

 

38] VIVA LAS VEGAS!

And the Android wins again! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! Data learns something very human. Gambling .... But he weighs the dice in his favor. Maybe there's bit of Lore in him after all ...

 

39] THE CAPTAIN'S EVIL TWIN

Picard meets Picard and the Enterprise Blows up. Nuff said?

 

40] WORF'S DAY

Worf is angry yells in Data's face. Data faints. He later wakes up in sickbay. Worf apologises for yelling at him. Data orders that Worf brush his teeth if he is ever going to yell at a superior officer again.

 

41] PEN PALS

Data makes friends with a little girl, Sarjenka, but is upset when he finds out he can't keep in contact with her. He finds out her planet's in danger. He wings it so that he bends the Prime Directive, not breaks it. Smart droid, eh? He helps her planet, and she's happy. She wants to join Data when she's bigger. But Data is upset that they have to wipe her memory of these events. How typical, he makes a friend and they take her away! He beams down to her house, leaves her with a singing stone and a kiss goodnight. Poor Data. He's keeping a stack of letters for when he sees her again, though. The replicator's almost out of pens and paper!

 

42] Q AGAIN

Q introduces us to the Borg, a race of cybernetic zombies, who fly around in giant Rubik cubes.

 

43] BO PEEP'S LOST HER PAKLEDS

We are the Pakleds. We look for things to make us go.

Lore: "Shut up!"

Pakled: "We need things to make us go. We want Geordi.

Lore: "Geordi isn't here. I am."

Pakled: "Can you help us to make us go?"

Lore: "Sure, go to the replicator and order prune juice."

 

44] THE ENTERPRISE FARM

Picard goes mad when the Enterprise overrun by Irish colonists and farm animals. They eventually marry them off to a bunch of clones. The weird stories they come up with. Sheesh!

 

45] OLD FIRE

Worf's old girlfriend K'Eyleyr returns, to find that Worf is still as good as he was six years ago. At first they're angry with each other and K'Eyleyr breaks tables in half. Do Klingons have 'that time of the month?' Maybe, but then K'Eyleyr is half human.

 

46] MANHUNT

Dixon hell ..... They're after a bad guy named Carlos .... Actually, his real name is Carlores ....

 

47] NINTENDO

An alien, Kolrami, badly in need of a facelift beats Data at a computer game. Data gets very upset and locks himself in his quarters. Picard has to coax him out telling Data that he could be the first officer for a while. Data has a rematch, little does Kolrami know, Data's using a Sega.

 

48] SHADES OF FLASHBACKS

Uhh, sorry, the writers up'd and left. We ran out of ideas for this one. - Prod. We made Data an admiral, tho!

~~~~~~

 

STAR TREK: THE NEXT VOYAGE TO SEEP SPACE -- SEASON 3

 

49] HERE CHIPPY, CHIPPY

Data makes friends with a race of computer chips. He even lets them use his body to explore. Ain't he a nice guy?

 

50] KISSES OF COMMAND

Data has to evacuate a colony of 15 thousand people. A lady there Ard'rian helps him, and teaches 1000 different ways to kiss.

 

51] MUSICAL DATA

Data is intrigued by a music box he finds on a planet, but Troi goes mad when he brings it to the Enterprise and won't stop playing it.

 

52] WHO WHAT'S THE WHAT?

Data learns the meanings of the terms 'mmm hmm' and 'uh uh' when Troi is kidnapped by a bunch of Vulcanoids who think Picard's a god.

 

53] THE HIDING

A kid's mother dies and Worf adopts him. But Jeremy finds out just what a strict father Worf is and how much Klingon hidings hurt. Another kiddy story.

 

54] BOOBIE TRAP

Geordi falls in love with a computer image of Leah Brahms and can't stop looking at her boobies.

 

55] THE ENEMY

Geordi makes friends with a Romulan on a planet called Galornden Core, with such a wild climate, that scrambles anything mechanical. Lore'd love to send Data there for a anonymous holiday.

 

56] THE PRICE

Starfleet is bidding for a stable wormhole, which some aliens are selling. However they find out that it's not really stable and it's full of worms, and they tell the aliens to shove it. Meanwhile Troi's in bed with a cute Betazoid hunk.

 

57] VENGEANCE IS HERS!

An alien woman from a certain clan seeks revenge upon those who destroyed her people. She looks in her 20's, but she's about 80, thanks to some sort of de-aging thing. Anyway, Riker falls in love with her. He picks his women, well, don't you think? And then he vaporises her. Lovely story.

 

58] TO BE OR NOT TO BE

Data discovers he's really good at playing Hamlet. A Romulan defector comes aboard. Data performs some Shakespeare in front of his and he rather enjoys it. Data is careful not to tell any jokes. He then shows the defector Romulus on the holodeck. This Romulan rather likes Data and warns him not to run into any Romulan scientists. Data agrees that it's not a fate he desires. (Why can't they just leave androids alone? Poor guys.)

 

59] THE HUNTED

Roga Danar is an escaped criminal. Well he's not really a criminal, but anyway, Data discovers that Danar is programmed, like he is. He helps Danar remove his programming, as it controls him. Danar is grateful, and is intrigued by Data's yellow eyes and he's also in love with Troi and he goes back to his planet to make everything right.

 

60] THE HIGH GROUND

Beverly is kidnapped by terrorists and held under a high hill. One of then falls in love with her, and he's really a nice guy and she helps him escape and get the planet back to normal.

 

61] DEJA Q

Q is turned into a human. A rather miserable one at that, but he makes Data laugh, though.

 

62] A MATTER OF PAINTING

Picard is painting, and Data says he doesn't like it. This upsets Picard. Data says he didn't mean to upset him and spends the rest of the episode apologising. Picard gets fed up, so Data stops and offers to help Picard paint.

 

63] YESTERDAY'S ENTERPRISE

The previous Enterprise comes through a time rift, and disrupts everything. Tasha's back and Lore's on the Enterprise instead of Data and she learns just how fully functional the 'evil' twin is ....

But sadly, Tasha falls for a guy from the Enterprise C and goes back in time with him, even though they know they are going to get destroyed. Lore leaves StarFleet and vows never to have a relationship with another woman in uniform again. However, if they took off the uniform ...

 

64] DADDY DATA

Data creates a pretty daughter, called Lal. He's an excellent father. He loves his daughter, except that he doesn't realize. He teaches her what to do and what not to do, and decks Commander Riker for kissing her. He later finds out that it was Lal that kissed him. He told her that she was too young for that. He apologises for Riker's black eyes. However, Starfleet want to take her away, as they don't believe in Data's ability as a father. (Typical) Lal develops emotions and gets scared. She later dies, due to this, thanks to Starfleet. (Don't tell them, but she didn't really die. They just had to fool Starfleet. Lal is alive and well, living on Earth under the assumed name of Hallie Todd.)

 

65] SINS OF THE FATHER

We find out that Worf's father has been a naughty boy, that he betrayed the Klingons to the Romulans. Actually, he didn't, it was Duracell's father, but then they love twisting things around, don't they?

 

66] ALLEGIANCE

Picard is kidnapped, and his evil twin takes over the Enterprise. The real Picard returns and is distraught by the events. He is comforted by Data, who also had to deal with his evil twin.

Data: "It is not as bad as you think, sir."

Picard: "It's not?"

Data: "No. It is worse..."

 

67] CAPTAIN'S HOLIDAY

The captain's day off. He is very embarrassed when Riker asks him to bring back a sex symbol from the planet. Picard has to explain to Riker that Vash is not for him.

 

68] TIN MAN

Data makes friends with a live ship, called Gomtu. Data is upset when Gomtu leaves with a lonely Betazoid, Tam,

Troi comes to Data at then end and comforts him. But however, she shows him The Wizard of OZ, on the holodeck. Now Data and the Tin Man meet for lunch (an oil drink) regularly.

 

69] HOLLOW PURSUITS

The new lieutenant Barclay Broccoli burns out the holodeck, as he was using it 24 hours a day.

 

70] THE MOST TOY STORY

An evil collector Fajo, kidnaps Data to play with as one of his toys. He treats Data like a thing until Data shoots him, proving this toy plays back!

 

71] SAREK

Sarek's emotions run wild and amok on the Enterprise. Data tries his hardest to be effected by them, but is not. He eventually smashes the table in his quarters in frustration.

 

72] MENAGE A TROI

Troi's mother is kidnapped by the Ferengeeks. Poor critters. They return her by the end of the episode (Poor us), because she drove them crazy.

 

73] TRANSFIGURATIONS

An alien from 'Cocoon' visits the Enterprise and they call him John Doe. What an original name!

 

74] THE WORST OF BOTH WORLDS I

Picard is kidnapped by the cyber-zombies and turned into one.

And an eager Lt. Cmdr really gives Riker the sh--s.

~~~~~

 

STAR TREK: THE NEXT VOYAGE TO SEEP SPACE -- SEASON 4

 

75] THE WORST OF BOTH WORLDS II

Data is rather upset when Riker has to offer the first officer's post to Shelby. However everyone is grateful when Data saves Picard and Earth from the Borg. They should've made him first officer!

 

76] FAMILY

This is where all the families of the Enterprise get together and have a big family reunion. Picard, the Crushers, Worf and his foster parents ... Unfortunately, the ship wasn't big enough for Data and Lore, to also be in the episode, so to make up for it, they're in the next episode. Forgiven?

 

77] BROTHERS

Lore returns (At last! & About fucking time!) He and Data discover they have three other brothers. Dr. Soong calls them all together. They have a lovely family reunion and one hell of a piss up on Castrol '79! Lore scoots at the end when Riker, Worf and Geordi come looking for Data. Yes! The bad guy wins for a change!

 

78] SUDDENLY HUMAN

In this episode, Data wakes up and suddenly, he's human! He loves it at first, but then decides he doesn't like it, however. He eats too much, because he's trying all new foods, and he puts on weight - and he's too lazy to do exercise. He finds out he can no longer do all those calculations, open tough doors, and he decides he wants to be an android again. Being a human was just too much.

Data: "Q, is this your idea of a joke?"

Q: "Ha ha ha..."

Data: "Now that I am human, I don't find .... Hey! I used a contraction ... well It's not funny, anyway, Q."

Q: "You say you want to be human, and now you don't.

Data: "Only in feeling, Q."

Q: "Make up your mind, will ya?"

In a flash, Data is back to being an android.

Data: "Q can you make me human?"

Q screams and faints in frustration.

 

79] REMEMBER ME

Beverly gets upset when everyone on the Enterprise forgets who she is.

 

80] IT HAPPENED?

Data meets Tasha's long lost sister and shows her how fully functional he is. For the rest of the episode he's in sickbay, as he can't walk, and he's talking in a strange high voice.

Data: "Tasha never did that ...."

However, he apologises and she forgives him. As a token of her friendship, she gives him a yellow contact lens.

 

81] MOMMIE DEAREST

Worf discovers he did more than fight with monsters with K'Eyleyr on the holodeck! The child's a raucous, 3/4 Klingon, 1/4 human child. What a handful! Anyway, K'Eyleyr is killed by a dishonorable Klingon, Duracell. Worf challenges Duracell, and kills him. Oh, did we mention that K'Eyleyr's actually in a coma. Anything could happen. This is Star Trek, remember!

 

82] KIDDY GAMES

Riker discovers he has a son, and the mother's dead. Why do all women that end up with Riker end up dead? Fatal charm? Anyway, he wakes up in Sickbay, 16 years later with a massive headache.

Riker: "Whoh, thank god it was only a dream." Or was it??!!

 

83] FINAL MISSION

YES!!! Wesley's finally accepted into the academy! He won't be appearing anymore!! Except for guest appearances, but who wants Wesley as a guest?

 

84] THE LOSS

The Enterprise encounters a race of two dimensional triangle drawings, which they help on their way home, and Troi loses her powers for no apparent reason and becomes a real bitch, but anyway, the creatures are saved by the Pythagoras Theorem, Troi gets her powers back, and everything's hunky-dory.

 

85] THIS IS NOT DATA'S DAY

Data gets a cat, which he calls Spot ... Well, it's better than Fido. He walks into his quarters and wrinkles his nose.

Data: "Ohh, Spot, I specifically asked you to use your kitty litter box."

Data is also writing a letter, replying to Commander Maddox.

He writes: "No, Commander. For the last time, I am not interested in being disassembled for your theories or to lend you my parts to fix your Playstation.  And NO, you may not have my daughter, may she rest in peace.  And as for my Brother, Lore - sure you can have him - if you can catch him, that is, but Commander, if you do catch him, I can assure you, he will not be the one who ends up disassembled.

Yours, Data."

 

86] THE CARDIGANS

Some old enemies of the Federation return, the Cardigans, with necks the size of an entire star system. The Federation's supposedly been fighting a war with them, but we've never seen them until this episode. O'Brien learns the joys of eating Sushi, and Keiko slaps him when he tries to cook it.

 

87] DEVIL'S DUE

Picard meets an evil woman, who tries to take over his ship. She's very sexy and he secretly wants her, but he's the Captain and he has a certain image to maintain, besides, what would Vash say?!

 

88] CLUEDO

Picard's Dixon hill, and he's asked Guinan, Beverly and Troi to help him .... Who stole the jewels? Data's Carlos, Geordi's Watson and Riker's just sitting in that awkward position on the Bridge. There's a trail of clues as to who dunnit. Who dun what? Weird things are happening all over the Enterprise ... Anyway, by the end of the episode, no one is any closer to finding the jewel thief.

Picard asks the most intelligent person on the bridge. Picard: "Data, have you got any clues as to who the bad guy was?"

Data turns around and answers. Data: "No, sir, I have not."

Then he turns back around and has a hugh smirk on his face.

 

89] FIRST CONTACT LENS

A race of Aliens, the Malcorians think they're the only sentients in the universe. However, they find out that they're not, as Riker visits their planet and all the Malcorian women want to have sex with him. Weird people. And the security chief of the planet tries contact lenses, instead of glasses for the first time.

 

90] GALAXY'S KID

An alien baby is born in outer space and it thinks the Enterprise is it's Mother. It breast-feeds on the ship's energy, but the Enterprise whacks it off. This baby bites!

 

91] NIGHT TERRIBLE

Troi turns green and flies through the Enterprise, terrifying everyone, so they can't get any sleep.

 

92] IDENTITY CRISIS

Everyone on the Enterprise lose their Starfleet ID badges, and the whole place is in utter chaos. However, it's discovered that some Lizard creatures beamed the badges off the ship to make a nest. However, after extensive negotiation, the lizard men agree to hand over the badges for replicated twigs.

 

93] BARCLAY'S NEW BRAIN

Barclay becomes extremely intelligent all of a sudden, even more than Data. Data's jealous as sin, but he can't be or.... Oh well, Broccoli takes control of the Enterprise and takes it to another sector of space. After a lot of tension and hoo haa, it turns out that it's some aliens who just want to say 'hello.'

 

94] STU-PID Q-PID

After changing the entire Crew into Robin hood and his not-so-merry men, and Vash into Maid Marian, Q tells Picard that the love of a woman is not worth dying for, and then he falls in love with Vash and takes off with her. Who would've thought it? Q-Pid, draw back your bow....

 

95] BURN! BURN! BURN!

This is about a Starfleet Admiral, who tries to expose a half-Romulan, half human as a criminal. And he tries to burn her at the stake, on one of the holodecks for practising witchcraft, proving even in this modern era, the Federation isn't as civilised as it claims to be.

 

96] HALF A LIFE

On this planet, when a man reaches a certain age, he is killed, so not to be a burden to his family. Lwaxana falls in love with an old man. She really cares for him and shows it, but he is going to be killed. So much for that.

 

97] THE HOST

This gives a whole new meaning to people having worms! A worm, Odan falls in love with Beverly. It has a symbiotic relationship with a humanoid host who dies. The worm inhabits Riker, and is still in love with Beverly, however Riker's body isn't suitable, so they get one from the Trill home world. It's a female body this time which the worm inhabits and it's still in love with Beverly. Persistent, aren't they?!

 

98] MIND'S EYE

The Romulans muck about with Geordi's VISOR, and he can actually see clearly through it now. "I can see clearly now..."

 

99] IN THEORY

Data falls in love with a woman, Jenna. He goes to her quarters and starts acting really sexy, getting sherries from the replicator and .... Hey, are you sure this is Data?  In the end the silly bint leaves him, feeling her emotions jostled about ... And poor Data, doesn't know what to do.

 

100] REDEMPTION I

Worf fights for his honor and leaves Starfleet to battle two peekaboo breasted Klingon women who try to take over the council. (I thought women weren't allowed to rule the council) You wanna stand in their way? Be my guest.

 ~~~~

 

STAR TREK: THE NEXT VOYAGE TO SEEP SPACE -- SEASON 5

 

101] REDEMPTION II

The Romulans are aiding the booby Klingon women. Sela, supposedly Tasha's daughter is leading them. Data takes command of the Sutherland and is determined to expose Sela, as she made a derogatory remark about his beloved Tasha. Data single handedly exposes them. That's Data!

 

102] DARMOK

Joe Menosky at Paramount, with pen. Menosky and Berman at Paramount, write. Viewers: "what the hell" - confused. Well anyway, they sort it out at the end, sort of.

 

103] ENSIGN RO

Ro, Ro Ro the ship harshly down the sector ....

Not so merrily, not so merrily ....

Live is but a scream.

Ro used to be in prison. Wonderful mob, these Starfleet people. Her and Riker hate each other, or do they?...

 

104] ATTACK OF THE KILLER CRYSTAL

Riker is about to have dinner with a woman when the Crystalline Entity shows up and gets her. Women don't get much luck with him, do they? Anyway, the survivors hide in a cave, and the entity doesn't eat them and leaves the planet. When the people are aboard the Enterprise, Dr. Mars Bar comes aboard. She hates the entity as it killed her son on Omicron Theta. She blames Data for what Lore did. She's too stupid to realize it's not Data's fault, and you can't really blame Lore either. He was unstable, and the way those colonists treated him, no bloody wonder! Anyway she softens towards Data because he has her son's memories and can talk like him. She starts acting like an obsessed mother. (Get your barf bags) Mars Bar blows up the entity before the Enterprise people have a chance to communicate with it and find out it's really friendly and that it didn't really kill all those people, just transformed them into a different state. (But little does she know, the Crystals Data planted in "Home Soil" are after her, and the fragments of the entity may reunite someday. Hey anything's possible. This is Star Trek, remember?!

105] DISASTER

A girl, Erika from Dr. Qiunn Medicine Woman is trapped with two other children and Captain Picard in a turbolift. He makes her his No 1. Meanwhile, Data gets a blast of 1 million volts and Riker has to take his head to Engineering. He connects Data's head to the wrong port and gives Data a twitch. Data spends the next half hour assuring Riker that he is not Lore. Anyway, Data saves the Enterprise, gets his head attached to his body again, and everything's back to normal, and Erika goes back to Dr. Mike.

 

106] TRUE EVIL ... ON THE PLAYSTATION

The 'troublesome little man-child' returns .... Groan. This episode should be the one called Disaster.

There is an addictive game going around the ship, no it's not Wesley. Anyway, Wesley and Data get rid of it. Wesley meets a girl called Robyn, and she devalues his family jewels. Wesley ignored Law no 5:  No sex before marriage.

 

107] UNIFICATION I

Spock's in this episode, having a hard time trying to reunite the Romulans and Vulcans. Picard and Data disguise themselves as Romulans. Now there's a cute Romulan, if I ever saw one!

 

108] UNIFICATION II

Spock gets betrayed by his Romulan friend and all are captured. Typical. Sela is behind it. She apologises about the remark she made about Tasha and Data forgives her, but tells her he will not show her how fully functional he is. Sela gets angry and forces him to, but Data uses the Vulcan Nerve pinch on her.

 

109] A MATTER OF TIME

That annoying 80's git, Max Headroom visits the Enterprise. He hits on Beverly and forces her to have an affair with him, but he finds out that she's his great, great, great, great ... grandmother and he's understandibly grossed out by the thought of a 5000 year old ... Mind you the Mummy Imhotep was rather cool once he had his skin back on ;)

 

110] PROBLEM KLINGON

Alexander proves to be too much for Worf's human parents, so he's on the Enterprise now. Worf is tearing his hair out as Alexander is not acting like a warrior. By the end of the episode he's bald and Picard approves

 

111] HERO WORSHIP

Data rescues a child, who makes friends with him and imitates him. Data wishes to be human and imitate the child, but decides not to. It wouldn't help him taste his dessert, but he does learn to slurp his dessert.

 

112] VIOLATIONS

Troi is almost raped by a member of an emotion casting race, but she shows him exactly where to go. Data is also angry with the man and helps Deanna. He also helps her clean up all the poker chips on the floor in her room, they invite Riker and have a poker game, which Troi wins big.

Riker: "You didn't cheat, did you?"

Troi's got a huge grin on her face.

 

113] THE MASTERPIECE SOCIETY

Troi falls in love with the leader of a bunch of genetically engineered humans. But she can't be with him, as it would disrupt his whole society, and every time they try to kiss or do anything, a man named Martin barged in.

 

114] DATA'S DRINKS

Data decides he wants to become a bartender. He conjures up all sorts of drinks, which the whole entire crew sample and they all lose their memories. Data is quite relieved, because Picard and the others won't remember his short lived career as a bartender. And there's a new first officer on the bridge called McDaffy Duck, who has a wonderful Lore smile, so you know he's up to something, but when Data gives him a drink, he forgets all about it. Oh and Ro and Riker discover something they'll regret, or will they??? That's deth-picable!

 

115] POWER PLAY

The Enterprise is exploring a moon with a rather wild storm. Data is taken over by an evil entity, Buz and tries to take over the Enterprise. He takes it to the south pole, apparently trapped in the storm are criminals consciousness. Data throws Picard against a wall, bashes up Worf, smashes all the consoles he doesn't need and .... Hey, I think Lore'd like him now!

 

116] WHO'S BACK IS IT ANYWAY?

Worf breaks his back and wants to die, however no one wants to do it. Worf tries to kill himself, but Beverly puts him in a restraining field. He almost bites her hands off. Worf finally decides to get treatment, apparently a doctor has constructed a new fangled machine capable of replicating a new spine. They insert this into Worf, after a bit of tension, he's fine ... well, almost, he gets Alexander to help him, and he's very grateful that his fiends did not kill him, but he's still very grumpy.

 

117] THE OUTCAST

Riker falls in love with a .... Janaii, well, these people don't have Gender, but sometimes they do. Strange, well anyway, it if forbidden for them to have gender preferences. The one Riker falls for is a woman, of course. She doesn't want to lose who she is. Anyway, her people find out and make her undergo 'treatmenmt' and make her genderless like everyone else. It's Riker's fault she lost the person she is. What did I say about women and Riker? ...

 

118] CAUSE AND REPEAT

The Enterprise gets destroyed.

The Enterprise gets destroyed.

The Enterprise gets destroyed.

The Enterprise gets destroyed.

 

119] THE FIRST DETENTION

Sucked in! Wesley's in the sh--.

 

120] COST OF LIVING

Lwaxana has the whole Enterprise crew having a mud bath. Anyhow, she has to get married to a man she doesn't like, but when she shows up in her traditional Betazoid wedding gown, the groom runs off. (No wonder!)

 

121] THE PERFECT MATE

A woman comes aboard the Enterprise, and changes herself for every male she's with, to be their perfect mate. Her and Data have an .... interesting time.

 

122] IMAGINARY FRIEND

A girl called Elizabeth has an imaginary friend, who picks his nose all the tine. He comes aboard the Enterprise and annoys the hell out of Picard, by smashing everything in sight, spreading mud and dog poo all through the ship.

Picard: (Exasperated) "ENOUGH!!! PLEASE!!! YOU'RE WORSE THAN Q!!!"

Q: "Fred, stop that .... and return to the continuum at once!"

Fred: "Oh, you always have to spoil everything! I hate you, Q!"

Q: "SHUT UP! .... I really do apologize, Mon Capitaine ... Drop Dead Fred is my rather .... uhh .... mad cousin..."

 

123] I, BORING

A baby Borg gains individuality and they call him Hugh. He makes friends with Geordi. Picard was none too pleased when he had to change Hugh's nappy. They give him a rattle and a bottle and send him back to the Borg. Goo. Gaa.

 

124] THE NEXT PHASER

Geordi and Ro learn to walk through walls. They're feared dead and Data organises a funeral for them. An interesting one at that. A Romulan is also phased and tries to shoot them, but Ro shows his where to go. Data's really upset about Geordi's death, however, when it's discovered that Geordi and Ro are alive, Data gives them a big hug.

 

125] THE INNER NIGHT

Picard's other life .... He likes playing the flute, and he's got a wife and three kids.

 

126] TIMES ARROW I

Data really loses his head. No, really.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

STAR TREK: THE NEXT VOYAGE TO SEEP SPACE -- SEASON 6

 

127] TIMES ARROW II

Data finds his head in 19th century San Francisco of all places.

 

128] REALM OF FEAR

Worms come out of the transporter and attack Barclay, and a tarantula crawls over his hand and he goes insane.

 

129] BETAZOID OF THE PEOPLE

Every one steers clear of Troi, because it's 'that time of the month.' Just be grateful Lwaxana's not here.

 

130] RELICS

A fossilised Scotty is discovered and brought back to life, but he feels unhappy aboard the new Enterprise, so the give him a shuttle. He travels back in time to the Enterprise A and gets pissed on a bottle of scotch.

 

131] SCHISMS

Some aliens are curious about Riker. (Weird Species)

 

132] TRUE Q

Q finds that he has a daughter, Amanda that wants to stay as a human. She wants to live on Earth with her puppies. Q talks her out of it. He lets her bring her dogs, though. Now he wished he hadn't because he has to clean up all their doggy doo all over the Q continuum.

 

133] RASCALS

Picard chucks a major tanty.

"I want to see my father! Now! Now! Now! NOW! NOW!!!"

 

134] A FISTFUL OF DATAS

I thought Data and Lore were the only two Soong Droids! Some mean personalities! Ms. Annie Data, oh brother ... Frank Hollander, Eli, the Mexican, the other one and the barmaid ... Gawd ... Are you sure Eli isn't really Lore? Now sit tight an' don't worry. I'll have it all worked in time for supper ....

 

135] THE QUALITY OF LIFE

Data saves the life of two machines (Exocompies). He keeps them in his quarters as friends for Spot and takes care of them.

 

136] CARDASSIANS OF COMMAND PART I

Picard gets his bare ass whacked by the Cardassians.

 

137] CARDASSIANS OF COMMAND PART II

Picard has to eat a rotten egg before he gets rescued.

 

138] MORIARTY IN A BOTTLE

The Prof's back, and up to his old tricks. He'd get on well with Lore, don't you think? He's trapped Picard and Data on the holodeck and is mad at them for taking so long to free him. He wants to leave with his lady Love, countess Regina Bartholomew, (actually, she's Dr, Kristin Wesphalen from Seaquest), but he still can't. That's all that matters to him. Anyway they work out a way, and give a whole new meaning to ship in a bottle, but when Moriarty finds out, he'll be after Data's chemical nutrients!

 

139] ACQUIEL'S BLOB

A girl pretty called Acquiel's Blob got mixed up with Star Trek, and attacked Geordi, and then apologizes, realizing this was not "The Son Of Blob" in which it was supposed to be starring. How can you tell what sex those blobs are anyway?

 

140] FACE OF THE ENEMY

Troi has a facelift and shows just how to get whet she wants!

 

141] TAPESTRY

Q teaches Picard how to sew.

 

142] BIRTHRIGHT PART I

Dream, Data, Dream. You are the raven, Data, but don't poop on the Enterprise, son. Picard won't be happy.

Data: "Dad, is that you?"

Soong: "Yes, son."

Data: "Did Lore ever dream?"

Soong: "Yes, he dreamed about crystals. Poor kid. I should've been there for him. Oh well, I hope he's okay."

Data: "He took my chip."

Soong: "I know, but there is another, Data. There is another... Go now - The force is with you, my son...."

Data: "Dad?!"

 

143] BIRTHRIGHT PART II

Worf falls in love with a half-Romulan, finally realizing that they're not all bad, especially in bed!

 

144] STARSHIP MINE

Data's learnt small talk. He's sulking at the moment, because he couldn't small talk Starfleet into letting him be captain of the Enterprise.

 

145] LESSONS

Picard falls in love with his music instructor, and they make nice music in a really acoustic part of the Enterprise, but she leaves him just when things begin to get interesting. He rather enjoyed writing and playing music with her, among other things...

 

146] THE CHASE

Starfleet, the Cardassians and Romulans are all playing intergalactic chasings. It ends up being a tie between Starfleet and the Romulans. Tag, Picard, you're it!

 

147] FRAME OF MIND

Riker goes crazy when he's trapped in a computer game.

 

148] SUSPICIONS

Beverly gets suspicious when a Ferengi is killed and starts her own investigation, which throws the Enterprise in chaos. It's all sorted out in the end, and a powerful forcefield is created, and Beverly teaches Guinan how to play tennis.

 

149] RIGHTFUL HEIR

Data takes a leap of faith and advises Worf to do the same, but Worf has to explain to Data that he doesn't believe in sentient kitchen appliances.

 

150] SECOND CHANCES

This started out being a Lore episode, but they changed it to a Riker one. Rather annoying, don't you think. If anyone needs a second chance, it's Lore, but don't despair, Lore's in the last episode of this season.

 

151] FREEZE SCAPE

No one is allowed to move, because Data has dropped a contact lens.

 

152] ASCENT I

Data falls in love with a Borg and starts acting weird. He gets taken to the planet by another Borg. The Enterprise crew follow and it's discovered that Lore's behind it, still mad as a hatter. Heeeeee!!!!

 ~~~~~

 

STAR TREK: THE NEXT VOYAGE TO SEEP SPACE -- SEASON 7

 

153] ASCENT II

Lore tells the crew that he's with the Borg now and he wants to help them. He's got Data under his control. He's trying not to do anything nasty, even though he doesn't like these people, but deep down he does love his little brother. Lore's really angry in this episode. (Well who wouldn't be with a stupid script like this?!) He doesn't want to get disassembled. Who would? However the Enterprise people manage to break Lore's control of Data. Data corners Lore and he can't escape. Lore tries to defend himself, but Data shoots first. He says that he's sorry, but he has to deactivate and disassemble him. They don't have to really. He's trying, really he is .... (Typical Federation, out here to seek new life and what do they do?...) But .... little do they know, they took apart Lore's stunt double. Hee, hee!

 

154] LIAISONS WITH CHOCOLATE

Troi Worf and Picard all have ambassadors to deal with. Worf fights with his, and Picard gives his one a quickie in the shuttle, Troi eats chocolate with hers, only to discover that her ambassador, (Paul Eiding), has a habit of transforming into a microscope called Perceptor {See G1 Transformers for reference ;}

 

155] INTERFACE

Geordi thinks the Enterprise's computer is his missing mother.

 

156] THE GAMBIT I

Yes! Data's in command!

 

157] THE GAMBIT II

Data gets a kick out of telling Worf off, ordering Picard to bed and shoving Riker into the brig. The Enterprise is mine.... all mine! He! He! And there was this weird but cute guy throwing explosive cards?...

 

158] PHANTASMS

Data plays with the transporter and Troi materializes as a birthday cake. She gets her revenge, though!

 

159] DARK PAGE

Naughty Lwaxana's been keeping secrets! Deanna finds out that she has an older sister who's as bossy as her mother!

 

160] ATTACHED

The Captain shows Beverly a real Picard manoeuvre.

 

161] FORCE OF NATURE

It is believed that the warp drive of the Enterprise causes environmental damage to space and Starfleet give the Enterprise orders to perfect their sewage disposal units.

 

162] INHERITANCE

Data meets his android mother and is told that he has a whopping great inheritance, of over 900 trillion credits, but when he tries to claim it, he discovers that Lore scarpered with the lot.

 

163] PARALLELS

Worf goes mad, when he travels through millions of alternate universes and discovers in each one that he's married to a different crew member. In one alternate universe he got bashed up by Lore in a turbolift again. Apparently Worf had seduced Lore's wife, Deanna.

 

164] THE PEGASUS

Riker finds his old ship, the Pegasus, but it's gained sentience since then and fallen in love with the Andromeda Galaxy. Riker helps Pegasus free of his rocky entombment with a new fangled phase-cloaking device and helps Pegasus on its way to Andromeda. (Little does Pegasus know, but Cetus has already beat him)

 

165] HOMEWARD

Worf and his foster brother finally sort out their differences

and Data asks Worf what is involved in a brotherly reconciliation, so he can perhaps reconcile his differences with Lore. Worf is only too happy to talk to Data, except when Data asks him an endless stream of questions that go on for 12 hours.

Worf: "(Sighs) Data, either hug him or shoot him."

Data: "Thank you, Worf, but I am not sure Lore would respond well to an embrace and I am against shooting him. Can you perhaps suggest a different course of action?"

Worf runs out of 10-Forward, screaming the Klingon Death howl.

Data: (surprised) "Was it something I said?"

Guinan stays hidden behind the bar.

 

166] SUB ROSA

Beverly is spooked by a ancient, but very horny ghost.

 

167] LOWER DECKS

Sito, a Bajoran girl who was in the sh-- at the academy is accepted on the Enterprise and asked to go on a very dangerous mission with a Cardassian. They later fall in love, thus forever ending the tension with the Cardassians and Bajorans.

 

168] THINE OWN SELF

Alas .... Poor Mr. Radioactive... Data is adopted into a family on a faraway planet who think he's adorable - he's lost his memory and they call him Jaden. He knows he's an android, however and teaches them about his species and the first person he remembers is Lore. He teaches the villagers about radiation and makes them better, and they quite like the golden dude.

 

169] MASKS

Data is possessed by over a billion spirits, so is totally schizer. One of the entities calls himself Ihat and oh so closely resembles Lore, that the crew are weary of him - but he does help them, while lounging over the engineering table - and Data is also possessed the first time in his life, by a woman - Masaka. It was an ... intriguing experience ...

 

170] EYE THE BEHOLDER

Lieutenant Kwan decides to go skinny dipping in the Enterprise's plasma core and likes it so much, he decides he never wants to come out. Deanna tries to coax him out, and almost becomes addicted herself, but Worf pulls her away at the last minute and they fall in love. Nuff said?

 

171] GENESIS

Thanks to Beverly's miracle cure, everyone on the Enterprise starts to de-evolve. Poor Barclay was stepped on and had to undergo surgery. Spot's had her kittens and Data saves the day with them, before he turns into an android baby and leaks in his nappy.

 

172] DANCES WITH WESLEY

Finally! Indians that aren't forced from their homes.

Yes! Finally rid of the brat!!!! YAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

173] FIRST BORN

This features two plots. The first, Worf's son Alexander, comes back in time to try and save his Father as he believes he failed. But Worf finally tells him to be himself and not a macho warrior. The second, Lore comes back, feeling guilty about stealing all the credits. He gives Data half of them and the two FINALLY sort out their differences and have a hug. (Awwwww, ain't that sweet.)

 

174] FERENGEEK BLOODLINES

Picard discovers he has a son, Jason. When he meets his son, he is rather jealous that Jason has a full head of hair. But it's discovered that Jason is not really his son, that it was a Ferengeek ploy to make the story interesting.

 

175] EMERGENCE

The Enterprise heaves, heaves and screams and gives birth to a joyful, screaming bundle of fun-shaped drinking straws that wee's Dr. Pepper. She makes Data the Godfather.

 

176] PREEMPTIVE STRIKE

Ro decides to ditch Starfleet to join her Bajoran friends, because she fits in with them, but Riker of all people is sorry to see her go. You never thought you'd see the day.

Ro: "I have Maquis to the future."

 

177 - 178] ALL GOOD THINGS

25 years later ..... Picard and Beverly are x- husband and wife, and still arguing, Geordi looks like an albino, Riker, Obi Wan Kenobi, Troi like her mother, Worf, well .... not as bad as "Genesis," and Data a skunk.

Picard's picking grapes; Geordi a writer; Riker an admiral; Worf's on the council; poor Deanna; Data's a professor at Cambridge and a cat sitter; oh and Lore's become counsellor for deranged androids.

They all embark on their final mission, to save humanity with Q and his proto goo behind it (Doesn't he ever give up?) and with a lot of hoo haa and explosions and going back and forth, forth and back, they do it - of course now those futures have all changed ..... and they play strip poker at the end - AND The voyages continue ..... (Even though this is the so called 'last' episode.)

 ~~~~~~

 

THE NEXT SERIES:

Lore has become an officer aboard a Federation vessel, Vger. Which he hijacked, and is now lost in the Delta Quadrant. All producers of TNG were conveniently away (locked in the back-lot) when this was decided. The characters are, Captain Brightman, 1st officer Lore. Yeah! He's Number One! Lt. Commanders Evans and Dean. Problems that will be encountered: Running into Aliens who can shoot through Federation shields and walk through containment fields. Anyway, Lore modifies the shields and containment fields so they won't be vulnerable. Also, the crew will make contact with the Crystalline Entity's brother. Lore appoints, him Science Officer and calls him Crystallis. Of course Crystallis won't have to wear a uniform, (oh, sorry .... Lore ripped all the Starfleet uniforms to shreds and dispersed them. And there are no more support undergarments!) The crew wear anything they want. Lore wears his favorite t-shirt, which reads, "I'm too sexy for my shirt," and pants which say the same thing. As Crystallis is too big to stay on the ship (he's about 8 times the size), his job is to scout around for danger and study other life forms. Lore gives him the task of absorbing the hostile aliens, so the danger's eliminated. Crossovers, and visits from Data and Juliana and Dr. Soong's ghost are planned as well. And the crew all live happily ever after - until the next series or movie, that is....

 

~~~~~~

 

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE I -     GENERATIONS OF THE SOONG DYNASTY

 

Yes!! Data finally has emotions! Oh shit! Lore's back! Now that Data has emotions, Lore's teaching him various aspects of life. Ie - how to become a super stud. Dr. Soong would be impressed! And when Data gets kidnapped by B'Etor, he finds out he's more fully functional than he thought he was... Anyway, he gets rescued and the crew suspect Lore of all sorts of things. It turns out it was the producer all along, trying to get rid of Lore, the nasty so and so... Anyway, Lore and Data sort things out, in more detail, because they have a whole motion picture to do it in. Lore meets his mother, and gets married to a girl named Tatiana, and Data is left on the Enterprise with his friends, much wiser and grateful to his brother, that is until the sequel --

 

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE II --  THE WRATH OF LORE

LORE: Data ... I'm back .... and you know what? I really despise you and I lied about all the good things I said about you when we reconciled our differences in the first movie ... And now I'm going to kill you and all your friends and take over your life ... Destroy all that you value... (Manic cackle)

DATA: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

LORE: "You're so gullible, ya big galoof! I was only kiddin'. Nice to see you again, Bro."

 

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE III -    THE SEARCH FOR SANITY

Data vows to help repair Lore, so he regains his sanity, and lead a normal life again. Needles to say Lore's grateful and stable now.

LORE: Heee heeee, heee heee!!!

Well, almost.

 

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE IV --            THE TREK HOME

Data and Lore both visit Omicron Theta again. They both break down in tears, from the memories it brings. There they find the other androids that Dr. Soong made, and fix them. Data also fixes Lal, Juliana comes along, and they conjure up a holodeck image of Dr. Soong and they have a warming family reunion.

 

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE V --  OH, CRYSTAL GOD!

Lore takes Data on a voyage, to the center of the universe, to meet the Crystalline Entity's mother. They meet her and she's grateful for Lore for taking care of her baby, and Crystallis is happy to meet his Mummy too - and there is another ...

 

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE VI -- THE UNDISCOVERED ANDROIDS

Lore and Data discover a beautiful Female android, called Galaxina. They both want her and fight over her. Lore pulls some dirty tricks and gets her. Anyway, she doesn't want to be fought over, so she injures Lore, and has him wishing Dr. Soong hadn't made him so fully functional... Anyway, Lore succumbs and allows Data to have her. Data is grateful, but discovers Galaxina's gay. And little but little does he know, Lore's discovered a planet, once visited by a certain Harry Mudd....

But Lore lets Data visit from time to time and he's helping Data brush up on those super stud love skills, and everything's hunky dory ...

For now...

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE VII --           LAST CONTACT

The Cybernetic Zombies are back .... And this time they mean business! The Borg Queen (Lore's ex-wife) has come for REVENGE! She kidnaps Data, tries to use & abuse him until Lore comes to the rescue, saves the history of humanity, by restoring the natural cause of events, thus preventing a major paradox which would cause the entire universe to collapse in on itself - you got that?! Lore frees Data. In a fit of jealousy, the Borg Queen tries to make Data succumb to her desires.

Lore: Don't do it Data - the bitch tried that one on me! You should've seen the divorce we went through! Whooee!! It was a doozy!

Queen: Shut up!  I loved you once!

Lore: YOU shut up, bitch!  I saw what you did with Hugh in the stasis slot, you slut!

{Which is why Lore hated High so much... ;)

Queen: I HATE YOU!

Lore: THE FEELING'S MUTUAL!

Data: Inquiry - is this what is known as one of those arguments commonly to be heard on Twentieth Century Soap Operas?

Queen & Lore: SHUT UP!

The Queen tries to regain her composure. Fortunately she doesn't get her way with Data, as the android proves resistance is definitely NOT FUTILE! And all the Borg die, because of cheap parts.

Queen: (Splutters) Had to cut costs somewhere, times were tough ....

-Made in China- is clearly seen on her back.

Data: Part of me is sad to see her go...

Lore: Which part?

 

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE VIII! -- IMPERFECTION

Picard goes out with a woman in a nice flowing dress. Data gets slapped for asking Counsellor Troi and Dr Crusher about their boobs. Worf gets teenage hormones. Hoo boy!

 

MOVIE: STAR TREK THE NEXT VOYAGE TO DEEP SPACE IX -- NONSENSE

Data dies to save Captain Picard. Little do they know they actually destroyed B1 and Data is alive and well and he and Lore are eagerly awaiting the next Harry Potter movie ;)

 

~~~~~~~

 

JUST W'EN YA THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE ...

 

STAR TREK: THE NEXT VOYAGE TO SEEP SPACE -- BOOKS!!

 

For episode & movie novels, see episodes & movies, (If you're a Lore fan, don't read the novel of a certain two parter. To clear up the confusion, it isn't stated that it was Lore's 'stunt double' that was disassembled.)

 

METAMORPHOSIS

AT LONG LAST!! Data gets his wish to become human! But when he gets it, he wants to become an android again. Can't say I blame him, but make up yer mind, fella!

 

VENDETTA

Some woman is extremely pissed off with the Borg and is in love with Jean Luc, until she finds that he was once Locutus. She goes even madder than she already is, tries to kill him, and goes into a million year depression, then, and goes after the Borg again. (Talk about obsessed....)

 

REUNION

Picard is reunited with his old crew from the Stargazer. Someone, one of the old crew is attempting murder on the other members. It takes them quite a while to figure it out. Why didn't they just read the book? It's elementary, my dear Picard. - Or get Data to do it?

 

IMZADI

It's a story of a man named Riker,

Who's an eager young Starfleet

Lieutenant.

It's a story of a lady named Deanna

Who fell for him in an instant.

Data's a commodore in this one, and Lore's still a counsellor for deranged androids. He likes that job.

 

DEVIL'S ROCK

No one dare come between Picard and his rock!

Picard's got a silly red stone. He won't let anyone but himself tough and almost destroys the universe for it. Wouldn't you say he's a tad obsessed?

 

Q SQUARED

Not Q again! And this time he's got a buddy! An obnoxious teenage Q, called Trelane - creating more havoc than Q, Lore and Ardra put together. Great, isn't he!! Trelane rather likes "Winnie the Pooh" and takes the Enterprise on an Expotition they would never forget. - And neither will the Toys "R Us store they landed on!

 

DARK MIRROR

A mirror universe, where Lore's on the Enterprise instead of Data. Yeah! Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall, who's the unfairest of them all!

 

1] GHOST SHIT

Troi is haunted by ghosts and goes insane, and slaps Data when he calls her a "Broad."

 

2] THE WARKEEPERS

A race that doesn't want war, but they're having one anyway. Logical, isn't it?

 

3] THE CHILDREN OF HAMLET (To Be or Not to be)

A race nabbed some kids 50 years ago and they've come back for more, this time the Federation tell them to get stuffed and Data sings songs to keep them happy. Goodnight Sweetheart....

 

4] SURVIVORS

This time it really did happen!

 

5] STRIKE ONE

The Klingons meet some rather bird-like enemies of theirs and try to kill them. If you're hoping for a peaceful resolve, let me remind you - THESE ARE KLINGONS!

 

6] POWER RAVENOUS

This is the old story about an oppressive government, suppressing the rights of people. But this time the people fight back and show who's boss!

 

7] THE MASKS

This is nothing to do with the episode, but it does involve Data wearing a mask, then becoming green and really cool, thus putting Jim Carey out of a job.

 

8] THE CAPTAINS HONOR

Picard gets into a fight with an overzealous starfleet Captain who turns out to be a murderer. Starfleet are very careful when they choose their people, aren't they?

 

9] A CALL TO HAIR DYE

Picard, Worf, Pulaski and Geordi are kidnapped and forced to fight wars on a planet and look into their darker sides, meanwhile Data dies his hear red and tries to save them, hoping he doesn't become evil. Where is that darn brother of mine when I need him?! He manages to save them and keeps his red hair for while. He looks rather cute, don't you think?

 

10] A ROCK AND A HARD THING

Riker fights with snow monsters, by throwing rocks and hard things on an ice planet, while a hunky new commander called Stone takes his place on the Enterprise. They eventually meet and discover that the snow planet is the same one used in "The Empire Strikes Back."

 

11] GULLIVER'S FUGITIVES

This planet's government totally forbid fiction in any forms and so the whole planet gets chaotic when a whole pile of Anne McCafferey and many other fantast titles, including "Gulliver's Travels" are beamed down by the Enterprise. Oh and not to mention Shakespeare, to broaden the planet's horizons. I wonder who's Idea it was to send that? And I wonder who sent the Sherlock Holmes books!

 

12] THE TEMPLE OF DOOMSDAY WORLD

A Deltan woman shows Data just how fully functional she is and she blows his circuits. Worf is quite annoyed when he has to miss all the action and repair him.

 

13] THE ART GALLERIES OF THE BEHOLDERS

Not to be confused with the episode. Data discovers he's a hopeless writer when Mills & Boon reject his manuscript. He also has a dream about his creation, and is called to the strange artifact in space, which looks like an enraged Crystalline Entity. There he finds out that it's actually an alien art gallery, which he appreciates and he realises he can be an artist. Who needs romance anyway?

 

14] THE X-ILES

Data learns that strange birds are sacred to these people and also learns to say bullsh-- in their language.

 

15] FORTUNES BASEBALL!

Data learns to play baseball and he rather enjoys it, except when he loses!

 

16] CONTAMINATION BY GAS

The Enterprise is contaminated by bad gas, and no one can breathe, so they're all hypo sprayed unconscious. Data is the only one who can block out his senses, and even then he has a hard time. When the gas is removed, Picard orders Worf NEVER to drink Prune Juice past Midnight again!

 

17] BOOGEY WESLEYS

Wesley's boogeymen (Heaven forbid) come to life and try to take over the Enterprise and give Data a rotten cold, but when he sneezes, they're blown away.

 

18] Q-IN-LORE

Q and Lore wreak havoc on the Enterprise and Q falls in love with Lwaxana. He betrays her and she teaches him she's not to be messed with! Q still loves her, although he won't admit it. Men! Lore's up to mischief, as usual and he is captured.

 

19] PERCHANCE TO HAVE A NIGHTMARE

An alien race finds a home on a planet meanwhile, Data is trapped on the planet and starts dreaming of glowing lights dancing around his head, and when he wakes up, they're still there and he makes friends with them. They are able to activate his dream program and they give him some dreams he will never forget!

 

20] SPARTANDROIDS

Data meets a ship full of androids, running away from people who want to destroy them, because they're 'just machines.' (Typical, isn't it) One of the androids, Maran takes a liking for Data. She wants to stay with him, but she can't. These Androids join the Federation and the biological nasties can't touch them. Lore stows away of their vessel, falls in love with a female android called Tatiana and gets married. Since his wife is now part of the Federation, they can't touch him. HAH!!!

 

21] CHICKENS OF COMMAND

The Enterprise is overrun by chickens, but they tell the computer to cook all game on the Enterprise and they dined on chicken, tandoori & other styles for the rest of that week, Except Data, who doesn't need to eat and won't eat meat anyway.

 

22] INSECT BALANCE

The insectoid Jarada return and try to deceive the Enterprise, but Data saves the day with a can of bug spray.

 

23] WAR DRUMSTICKS

This one deals with humans at war with Klingons. Did someone get this mixed up with the Classic Trek pile? Anyway, they sort of sort it out, apparently there was a Romulan behind the whole thing telling the Klingons to attack the humans because they want the planet. Blah, blah, blah. (Typical Romulans...)

And they gather up all the fighting drumsticks at the end and eat them.

 

24] PICARD'S NIGHTSHADE

Picard's accused of murder and Worf has to sort it out. Picard, Picard, Picard. Is that all they write about?

 

25] GROUNDED

The Enterprise is grounded, as it's being attacked by a member of the Blob family, wanting revenge, but Data convinces it that it's in the wrong show and that he's not Steve McQueen.

Data also tries to be naughty in the book and is Grounded in his quarters by Picard.

 

26] THE ROMULAN PRIZE

The Romulans try to steal the Enterprise, and discover an artificial planet, which proves to be of no use to them, as it ups and leaves to another solar system. So much for that.

And they are awarded a prize for being the most arrogant beings int he galaxy.

 

27] DISGUISES OF THE MIND

Two twin Brothers are feuding, on a planet. One's the king and the other's his twin. By the way the second twin is always killed on this planet, that's just a law they have. The twin is jealous of the older brother because he's lived all his life in comfort and he's got everything the twin ever wanted. The good brother wants to help the evil brother, but the evil brother's too upset. Yes you guessed it, it's Data and Lore in disguise!

 

28] HERE THERE BE DRAGONS

Data is eaten by a dragon, but it doesn't like the taste of servo mechanisms, so it spits him out. Data, glad you're not human now?

 

29] SINS OF COMMISSIONERS

Worf blames an emotion casting race for a murder, but it's actually a Ferengeek ploy. (Typical Ferengeeks. Oh, they do operate by rules -- their rules)

 

30] DEBTOR'S PLANET

Offenhouse, the geezer that was unfrozen in "The Neutral Zone" and tried to sell the Enterprise - is back and boy does he give the Ferengeeks a thrashing!

 

31] FOREIGN CHAOS

Deanna finds Empathy with a couple of 24th century Nuns, while down on the planet the prince has been thrown into the dungeon by his evil brother. He throws Data in there too and the lore of the planet is on total chaos.

 

32] REQUIEM FOR A PLOT

Picard makes peace with the Gorn after a long drawn out storyline.

 

33] BALANCE OF POWER

Wesley is in the excrement again - Hah! While Data is practising laughing. While he's busy trying to get a maniacal cackle right he's thrown in the brig by Worf who thinks he's Lore.

 

34] BLAZE OF PENZANCE

AHAAARRR! Me Maties!! It be the Enterprise! The Enterprise team up with a bunch of unruly pirates, Never thought you'd see the day, did you? The Pirate Captain is called Captain Blaze, the other, Geena Davis.

 

35] THE ROMULAN STRATAGEM

Picard's miffed because a race of beings join the Romulans, instead of the Federation. Sela pokes her tongue out at him, ecstatic about getting something her way. She and Data investigate an explosion and Sela develops a genuine liking and respect for Data and finally understands what her mother saw in him.

 

36] TO THE NEBULA

After introducing Spot to two other cats called Fido and Rover, Data flies the Enterprise into the nebula, saves two inhabited planets, and the Enterprise and prevents an intergalactic war, all by his lonesome! What a guy!

 

37] THE LAST STAND

Two races who hate each other, but the thing is the majority of the race don't even know the other race - very logical isn't it - anyway, Riker and Deanna go aboard the ship of the space going race and gate crash a party and get totally plastered. The leader of the race on the ship is obsessed and when he sees that there's nothing to fuel his obsession, that the other race don't even know who he is he plans to start his life again and become obsessed about something else. What a cracker.

 

38] DRAGON'S HONORLESS

Picard and the Enterprise crew beam down to a planet ruled by dragons, or people who think they are dragons. Beverly makes friends with a princess and Riker gets into a big fight. The Head Dragon likes Data and Deanna, and someone is trying to kill him, to stop the marriage of the Dragon Princess to the Dragon Heir, who is trying to kill the dragon, and the Princess likes the other brother better anyway, who is the half brother of the Dragon heir (if you thought that Data and Lore hated each other at first!!!) Well it's all sorted out and the princess marries her loved one and the dragon heir is slain by St. George. And the Head Dragon learns to respect other life forms - and women when Deanna gets fed up with him.

 

39] ROGUE CUP & SAUCER

Ro uses her key to the future and becomes an Architect. She takes a wild ride through the underground of a Cardigan world, and escapes, and decides to see an optometrist when she sees two Enterprise Saucers. The Enterprise crew retrieve their real one. The other one and slipped through another dimension from a parallel universe, and they made friends. Ro and her team manage to get away, the Enterprise is reunited and the other saucer is reunited with her Enterprise. Happy ending. Yeah.

 

40] POSSESSED!

Everybody aboard the Enterprise is possessed by their mothers and Deanna goes mad - can you blame her, GODS!  It turns out a Vulcan, who's mother's Katra is trapped within him is spreading this "phenomenon" wherever he goes, however, Juliana, possessing Data and Data work out a way to free everyone from their mothers' spirits and leaving the mothers in peace too and everything is back to normal. MUUUUUUUMMMMMMM!!!!!

 

INVASION!

It is July 4 - Aboard the Enterprise, Picard sees thirty-six 15 mile wide alien ships flying about, positioning themselves above all the major points of the Enterprise....

 

43] INFILTRATOR

Some super-humans from the Eugenics war want to pick a fight, other don't want to, and they sort it out amongst the ordinary humans. After it all happened

Someone: "Data, wasn't Noonien Singh your father?"

Data blows a gasket.  "FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S NOONIAN, with an A and SOONG!"

Picard: "Data bets if you take the emotion chip out now."

Data: "It's not in, Sir."

 

44] A FURY SCORNED

A planet's sun is about to go nova, some of the people want to see it, but realise they will die, and so the Enterprise decides to save the planet by pushing the entire planet through a wormhole.

Sisko: "Where the hell did that thing come from?!"

 

45] THE DEATH OF PRINCES

A plague is spread on a planet by two of its people. The Prince kills himself, because his own father and crazy fiencee is involved, which is a shame, because he was a nice guy. The plague is cured and the crazies put in jail, and also a man gets assasinated on another planet - all this macarbe .... and his wife becomes the kind ruler, of a planet who have only male rulers. Well things did work out in the end, didn't they?

 

46] INTELLIBORE

About a boring huge creature/construct thing that devoured people's intelligence.  Now what was it that happened exactly ...  Sorry, haven't the foggiest.  Can't remember a thing...

 

~~~~~

 

This is as far as I have gotten with this parody of the TNG books. No further updates planned. If you want to take it further please e-mail me and it's all yours! Take it away! *Applause* (As long as you credit me for my parts :)

 

~~~~~~

 

Back to DataLore Page