Disclaimers: Saint George (Lucasfilm) crated the Star Wars Universe. Lucasfilm owned by Disney. George Lucas created the Star Wars Universe. Movies by 20th Century Fox/Disney. I make no Republic Datari {Credits}, Peggats, Truguts, Wupiupi, etc from my fanfic/fanart/fanfunnies. Story written purely for enjoyment and the only profit I make is the happiness my writing brings. The Force is With You Always :)
Summary: Qui-Gon is captured by Darths Maul and Sidious and learns something.
Rating – G ~ Humourish
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LIFE LESSONS
Patiently, Qui-Gon waited. He knew it wouldn’t be long. Silently, the Jedi Master cursed himself for not sensing Darth Sidious in hiding when he had followed his apprentice. And now he was paying for his mistake. But even the Ancient Gods made mistakes, he mused and he was only a mortal. A mortal with access to the Force, though he had never taken that for granted.
The Sith had told him they weren’t going to kill him then and there - too many witnesses. Fighting now would only soil the name of the Jedi on this rather fragile world. Though somewhat embarrassed about the ordeal, it did give Qui-Gon time to plan and escape.
The Sith took his lightsabre, bound his wrists, shoved him into their ground vehicle, and headed toward the nearest deserted area.
"So, Jedi," Maul said, obviously looking forward to executing his enemy. "What do you want for your last supper?"
"You’re going to feed me? How considerate."
"Well what do you want?" Maul snapped.
They drove on for stretch of road, and began to come up on a colourful complex.
"There," Qui-Gon pointed. "That’s what I want."
Sidious and Maul looked over briefly. "You’re not serious."
"Yes I am. Stop the car."
Reluctantly, Sidious pulled in and parked.
"I’d have thought some vegetarian delight would be more your style." Maul said.
Sidious looked at Qui-Gon and nodded in agreement.
"It is, but I’ve never had fast food before and call me curious."
Maul shook his head, trying to feign anger, but he was obviously amused.
"It’s not vegetarian, Jedi."
"From what I’ve heard about how they treat those poor animals, they’d be better off. One from each place, please."
"Maul, get the food."
The younger Sith grunted as headed for the complex with four buildings clearly marked - Donald Mac’s, CFK, King Burger and Hutt’s Pizza.
"Make a move, Jedi," Sidious warned, flexing his fingers, a spark of electricity passing between then, "and there won't be anything left to eat that food with."
Qui-Gon smiled. "My you're pleasant."
A livid looking Maul returned around fifteen minutes later with the four food groups.
"Thank you."
Maul grunted.
"Maul, are you feeding am army?" Sidious inquired.
"They only had something called 'family buckets' available at the chicken place and the other were two for the price of one and since. This stickling of a Jedi could use some fattening up."
Qui-Gon chuckled. "So that's the plan?
Maul handed him the first item. The Jedi Master sampled something called a Mac Big, barely being able swallow one bite, then sampled a piece of fried chicken and made a grotesque face,
"I hope it doesn’t kill you, Jedi," Maul said.
"Because you’d rather?"
Sidious' apprentice grinned. "You know me too well."
Next, Qui-Gon tried a piece of pizza. "This one's vegetarian and so's the King Burger ... Maul you really shouldn't have."
The younger Sith chuckled menacingly. "Well, Jedi, it is your last meal and you have been a worthy opponent."
"Thank you," Qui-Gon said, this time with more sincerity to which Maul gave a nod of respect.
Qui-Gon finished the burger.
Politely, he began to eat a slice.
"Are you dead yet, Jedi?"
"No."
"Good."
Qui-Gon turned to Sidious and smiled. "Isn’t he nice?"
Sidious grunted. "It’s a pity we have to kill you, Jedi. You'd be a wonderful ally, were you not so concerned about the pitiful lives of the people and your ridiculous affinity with trees."
Qui-Gon finished the vege burner and smiled. "You know I could say the same about you and the power you wield, you could use it to help those in need, and end the turmoil. We could both work together to balance the power in the Force - the light and the dark."
Qui-Gon nibbled on another slice of pizza.
"I shudder to think what’s in that, Jedi, vegetable or otherwise" Sidious said.
"So do I. Not that it matters now." Qui-Gon noted Maul had not jested, and something he saw in the younger Sith's eyes had changed as he sat back.
The Jedi tried something called a 'fry' before taking a sip of a vile looking substance called Cola Coke and coughed.
"Anyway, thank you both. I’m sure I would have never had the courage to try these on my own. You know what they say, even an enemy can bring out the best in you."
Maul said nothing as Sidious drove on.
"Do you have a last request, Jedi?" Maul asked, his voice soft.
Qui-Gon felt his Master's energy spike and respected the younger Sith.
"Yes," Sidious said through clenched teeth. "Would you like to embrace a tree?"
Qui-Gon chuckled "You’re too kind."
He pondered for a moment. "Yes," he then said. "I'd like to go for a walk, to lose the weight I just put on eating that stuff."
Maul chuckled. Sidious glared at him.
Qui-Gon turned to the Sith Master, his tone more serious. "Since this is going to be my last few hours as a corporeal entity, I want to be able to breathe some fresh air and yes, hug a tree."
Sidious almost smiled. "Very well, Jedi."
The Sith stopped the car near a large forestious area and all three passengers emerged. Qui-Gon knew it was useless to use the Force to get his lightsabre, though he had a plan. He also noted there were no witnesses here, well away from any inhabited place. Whatever he planned to do, he knew he had to do it now.
The Sith stuck to him like glue, as he thought they would, though he pretended they weren’t there.
"I want to meditate," the Jedi said, "and it’s not exactly possible with you two hovering over my shoulder."
"Don’t think we’re leaving you for a second, Jedi!" Sidious growled.
"I love you too," Qui-Gon said.
Sidious snarled.
The Jedi Master sighed. "Is it really too much to ask?"
"Yes," Sidious said. "You’re planning something, I can sense it. Do not take me for a fool, Jedi."
"I don’t," Qui-Gon said. "Fine, let me meditate in the damned car, anywhere where there’s peace and quiet. I would like one hour."
Sidious thought for a moment. "Ten minutes."
"Twenty five."
"Fifteen."
"Twenty."
"All right ..." Sidious sighed.
Qui-Gon smiled. Maul admired the other grudgingly. This Jedi certainly was an interesting one.
Qui-Gon climbed into the car. He placed the leftover food and drink outside, of which there was quite a lot.
"I can’t meditate with that stench," he remarked as he climbed back into the car and closed the door.
Slowly he assumed a meditative position, closed his eyes, ran his hands over his tired face and placed his palms upward in his lap.
"What if he tries to-" Maul started to say.
Sidious shook his head. "If he so much as uses the Force to turn on even the radio, he’ll blow himself to kingdom come."
Maul smiled. "That could be fun."
Qui-Gon glanced over at the two Sith.
//It’s hard to meditate when you’re being stared at. What am I going to do? You’ve got the damned keys.//
//You have ten minutes left, Jedi//
//Fifteen. You said twenty.//
//Very well.// Sidious growled over the Force-link.
Momentarily, Sidious and Maul turned away. Qui-Gon had his chance. He reached under the dash, pulled some wires, struck them together in an instant, the engine roared into gear and he was gone in less than sixty seconds.
Needless to say both Sith were left staring.
"Where the NetherHells does a Jedi learn to hotwire?" Sidious fumed.
Grudgingly Maul admired the elder Jedi.
"I should’ve set the bomb to blow for any tampering, Force or otherwise ..."
"That’s not necessary, Master ... " Maul said, cringing as he realised his Master would sense his thoughts now.
Sidious turned glared at him. "So ... You’re the one who stole my vehicle that night..."
Maul backed off a little. "I just borrowed it ..." Then he smiled. "But look on the bright side, Master."
Sidious folded his arms. "Which would be?"
Maul indicated what Qui-Gon had left behind. "At least we won’t starve."
Sidious glared menacingly at his apprentice and roared, his throat pulsing, red eyes blazin
As calm as a Jedi Master Maul sat and ate the rest of the pizza.
* * *
Qui-Gon left the car at the spaceport before returning to the Jedi Temple to be eagerly awaited by his Padawan.
"Master! We feared the worst!"
Qui-Gon smiled. "It was a close call, Padawan ... Sorry I couldn’t contact you, it was too risky..."
"I’m so relieved you’re safe..."
"So am I," Qui-Gon said with a smile.
He paused than spoke in a more serious tone. "Padawan," he said, his voice soft, "life is a precious gift, as is the Force. Never take it for granted," He took his Padawan’s hand. "There was a chance I would never be able to hold your hand again. Today I learned that indulgence isn’t wrong. There are times when it’s essential ... Never take even the simplest things for granted ... The oceans ... trees, the clouds in the sky ... being able to see, feel, touch... Promise me, Obi-Wan."
The younger Jedi smiled and placed his arms around him. "I promise, Master."
Qui-Gon returned the embrace.
"And, Obi-Wan, one never stops learning."
The younger Jedi smiled. "Of course, Master."
When they parted, Obi-Wan regarded his Master. "You look famished, let’s go get something to eat."
Qui-Gon smiled. "Gladly."
The two Jedi began to walk out of the Temple.
"And, Obi-Wan, if we can find one, we’re going to hug a tree."
"Master?"
Qui-Gon smiled. "I’m serious, Obi-Wan."
The younger Jedi chuckled and shook his head. "Only of you order me to."
"I order you to hug the first tree we come across."
"Yes, Master ..."
"Come on, it’ll be fun."
Obi-Wan smiled. It was wonderful to have his Master back and so cheerful. He could see the older Jedi looked younger than he had a week ago and he was grateful for that.
"All right," he said with a smile. "What would you like to eat? I’m buying."
The elder Jedi chuckled. "Thank you, Padawan ... In that case, chocolate, salt & vinegar chips, marshmallows and ice cream."
Obi-Wan laughed.
"No, Really," Qui-Gon insisted.
"Master, what *did* they do to you?!"
The older Jedi smiled. "They gave me a new appreciation for life, Padawan, and for that I shall be forever grateful. Sometimes even an enemy can improve the quality of your life. I only hope they learned something too."
Obi-Wan smiled. His Master seemed an endless river of wisdom and kindness.
"So you still want chocolate?"
"Most definitely."
The two Jedi laughed as they went to indulge and search for a lonely tree.
*
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