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Summary: A story about lessons and endurance

Rating - PG

~~~~~~~

LESSONS

I will forever remember --

I had been so terrified, I didn't know what would happen. Scorponok had cornered me with no possible way I could escape. I tried desperately, but he roughly grabbed my neck in his claw.

"One more move, and I'll crush your throat, just like snapping a pencil ..."

Shivering, I stayed still, hoping Scorponok wouldn't destroy me. Terrified, I swallowed. Scorponok roughly let me go. I breathed with relief. He then grabbed both my wrists and began to crush them in his claws. I tried to struggle free, but the more I struggled, the tighter Scorponok's grip became and the pain more intense.

"Please ..." I begged. "Stop ..."

"You're a coward - no fun to fight with and you're a wimp."

"You wouldn't like it our positions were reversed."

"Ah, shaddup ..."

He roughly let my bleeding wrists go and shot me. I was so frightened ... I couldn't help it. I'd never been in this predicament before. I was used to there always being a way out, or at least that's what my creator told me. Scorponok aimed his rifle at my chest, pulled the trigger and blasted twice. He then shot the top of my legs, my arms and neck. I had never felt such excruciating pain. I could barely move.

"You're absolutely helpless ..." he cooed. "I could crush you with my bare hands ..."

"No ..." I said, terrified, not knowing what else to say, hoping Scorponok wouldn't.

"You're not worth anything ..." he spat, kicking me painfully in my stomach. "You're not even worth killing. It's a waste of my energy."

Scorponok kicked me in my face and then flew away, probably back to Cybertron. He just left me lying there on the desolate planet, suffering in extreme pain.

Very, very gradually the pain started to subside. I was lying there for hours, days maybe even weeks, I lost count. I don't mean to be whining, but I was lost, cold, lonely, frightened, hungry and in pain.

Finally when most of the pain had subsided, I found the strength to stand. I began to try to repair myself. I had to invent a mechanism that would enable me to fly. It would be an advantage, as Scorponok could fly, but I could not. I also had to repair my transformation circuits that Scorponok had destroyed. I had to get off this mud ball. I wasn't going to be damned for all eternity here. I had to get back to my home planet, Cybertron. It would be a difficult task. I didn't know where to begin, and this desolate planet didn't have many materials. It all seemed like a lost cause, and then I found some large pieces of metal. That was a start at least. I used some of my circuits to construct a flying mechanism. At first it didn't work, but I repaired the mistakes and it worked perfectly. I could fly now! The feeling was exhilarating and wonderful. Okay now, the next step was to repair my transformation circuits to be able to transform again. That would be a difficult task, as I didn't really know how - I'm not exactly a doctor. I had to experiment to find out. I tried many, many times, sometimes injuring myself. I also damaged my flying mechanism and so I had to repair that again and I recall I used some very colourful language I don't care to repeat here. It took me what seemed like an age to repair my transformation circuits. All the time I was living on this grey desolate planet with a very limited food supply. I hated the place. It was if I had died and gone to the place the humans call hell. Conditions horrendous at times. It was very cold - even for a Transformer and energy was sometimes impossible to find. I couldn't get my transformation circuits repaired and so I gave up.

"I'm never gonna get myself repaired ..." I sulked, mulling in my own self pity, sitting down in the dilapidated shelter.

In a way, I can say the depression helped me - made me more eager to, as the Earthlings say, 'blow this popsicle stand,' but at times it felt so useless. At times negative feeling reigned supreme and even though I tried to be positive, but thinking happy thoughts didn't make me fly.

Primus only knows how long I was on this hell hole of a place. I finally snapped. Either I pull myself together, and get out of here or terminate myself now.

I violently threw a rock onto the ground. Its smashed, pieces flying everywhere. I was absolutely fed up and sick of this disgusting mud ball of a planet and the only way to do it was to repair my transformation and flying circuits. It took me ages to try to repair them, then it didn't work ... It was the same old story ...

"Why did this have to happen to me?" I said sadly. "Where the hell are my Guardian Angels when I need them? ..." My creator told me that all beings have their own special Guardian Angels, but mine seemed to have deserted me.

I tried again and again and became more and more foul mouthed at each failed attempt. Sorry, but some words just seem to fit the occasion much better than their substitutes.

Finally ... one day I felt was on the right track. I was relieved. It took me a long time to get the whole thing repaired. I tried transforming. First I had to repair a few glitches, but then it worked! I could transform again! I couldn't describe how I felt. You don't know how awful it feels, not being able to transform. I don't know how those Transformers who used to have the nucleon inside them stood it. I couldn't believe it. I'd finally done it! Whoo! It was a great feeling! I spent some time on my flying circuits. Finally it was done. I transformed. I could fly both in I flew up into the atmosphere and started to exit.

Finally, I was leaving this shit of a place.

All of a sudden my flying circuits gave in and I crashed painfully back onto the hard planet. I's also damaged my transforming circuits again. I couldn't stand it ... all that time ... Why did this have to happen? ... It wasn't fair ... I sat on the ground, screaming with tears of utter frustration. I kicked the wall as hard as I could. I hurt my foot and the wall caved in on me. More bad language. I just wanted to die and began to shut myself off, but a little voice inside me told me to keep going. I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn't leave.

I had to try again. I was determined to leave. I tried to repair both things again and had to make the flying circuits withstand atmospheric pressure.

In what seemed like an eternity, I think I managed to do it. At long last I was really going to get back to my home planet, Cybertron. I didn't know how much time had passed, an age, a decade, a year, or more ...

I started to shake as I flew up into atmosphere. I was scared and took it slowly. When I exited atmosphere, I couldn't describe how thrilled I felt, both inside and out. I looked back on the awful grey planet until it became a speck, like all the billions of stars in the far distance of the Universe.

I wanted revenge on Scorponok. I would never forgive him for what he did to me. I felt like years, I was stranded there. I felt like Robinson Crusoe, with no Friday to help me and keep me company. Well you've read up until now, so you know how I felt - really shitty and more and more homesick every second. I had to gain courage. I couldn't let my fear override me again.

"I've got to be confident ..." I told myself. "I can beat him... Kill him ..."

It was shock to me. I had never felt a desire to kill before - or for vengeance, but the bastard deserved it.

I couldn't wait to kill him.

Finally, I reached Cybertron.

I took a few days to fully repair myself. With superior Transformer tools, it seemed like a cinch. I took great pleasure in a relaxing oil bath - it was if it was a miracle from the place the humans call heaven and the energy here was unlimited. Needless to say, I stuffed myself - usually I don't indulge, but after what had happened to me, who's to argue?

The very next day, I began to hunt the enemy.

I saw three Decepticons gathered in a clearing. They were much smaller than me, but I didn't care. They all like Scorponok and I wanted to kill them all. I blasted at them and they scattered. One little reddish Decepticon ran off in the other direction. I cornered him. At the time I didn't notice the terrified look on his face. He tried to escape, but I wouldn't let him. He transformed into his plane mode and started to fly away. I roughly grabbed him in my hand, which was huge compared to him, and threw him hard onto the ground. He was hurt. He slowly transformed from his plane mode into his robot mode and landed on his knees. He tried to dash off, but I blocked him off. He backed away from me, until he came to a dead end. His back was flat against the metal wall. I took one step closer to him. My foot was larger than his body. It was touching him. He looked so frightened. In a way I didn't want to kill him, but I had to be ruthless. The Decepticons were ruthless. They didn't care about anything, except themselves, no matter how little they were. They didn't care about being fair to anyone. I pushed my foot closer to him. He couldn't escape. He tried to push my foot away from him. I wondered why he bothered trying. I was much stronger than him and there was no way he could do it. It seemed so unfair to kill someone that was very much smaller than your finger, but I refused to let compassion stop me. If our positions were reversed, would he let me go? I doubt that very much. He would waste no time in killing me. Why should I let him go? I pushed my foot harder. He yelped in pain and was petrified, but I didn't pay any attention. I wanted to kill him. The Decepticon was crying and begging me to stop, but I wouldn't listen to him. I pushed harder against him. He vomited on my foot. The little Decepticon screamed in pain again. I pushed against him harder, crushing him. He exploded. After the explosion, I gasped. All I could hear was that Decepticon screaming out at me in pain. I felt so cruel - so like a Decepticon it made me want to vomit. I didn't even know his name. I then turned around.

"MISFIRE!! ..." screamed two small blue Decepticons in horror.

The shocked, upset, horrified look on their faces made me feel awful. I wanted to apologise to them, but wasn't sure how and as if they would accept my apology. So the little one I had killed was called Misfire. The two other Decepticons glared up at me and blasted at me, knowing full well their weapons were was useless against me. This taught me that even Decepticons knew the meaning of compassion. What the hell had become of me?

I couldn't stand the upset look on the small Decepticon's faces so blasted near them and they ran away. The look on their faces made me feel so guilty - and who's fault was that? Mine. I had become bitter and twisted and vengeful - everything I hated about the Decepticons. I loathed myself. A tear rolled down my cheek. Misfire had been so petrified... He couldn't've stood a chance against me.

How could I be so cruel? ... He was more petrified than I was when Scorponok had almost killed me - and so much smaller ... I would always remember what Scorponok had done to me. I had betrayed myself to have inflicted that more than ten fold on a another being. I gathered Misfire's parts.

I returned to my old hide out. Not much had changed. I longed to see this place again- craved it when I was on that desolate mud ball, but I didn't care about that now. All I cared about was Misfire. The look in Misfire's baby blue eyes haunted me.

I absolutely despised myself for what I had done.

I put the Decepticons mutilated body on the table. I couldn't bare to look at it. I gently picked him up in my hand.

"I'm sorry, Misfire ..."

I had to try to repair him. Repairing him would be much harder than it was to repair myself. His flying and transformation circuits were destroyed and the rest of his body was very badly damaged as well. Thankfully his brain wasn't as badly damaged as the rest of him. I was extremely grateful for that, but this was all my fault. I can't describe in words how much I hated myself for what I did, and so I started to repair him. At least I knew how to do that now. It was easier in a way and harder than it was to repair myself. It was easier because I knew what to do, and harder because his body was so small. It was very fiddly.

Finally I did it. I was so relieved. Misfire was coming on, but I still had a long way to go. I began to repair his other circuits. It was extremely finicky. Most circuits I couldn't get to with my hands. I had to use a very thin metal rod and Cyber-tweezers. Being extra careful, I began to repair them. His circuits were extremely fragile. They could break so easily. As I said before, I'm no medic so, I wasn't exactly sure how to repair him, but I had a good idea of what I was doing. Finally, after what seemed like an age, I managed to get his body back together. The first few times I re-energised him, it didn't work. I became frustrated, but then the only one I could blame is myself. I looked at Misfire's lifeless body and slapped myself across my face.

"How could I have done it?" I asked myself, again not knowing the answer.

I gently picked up the Decepticon's body gently held Misfire's small body in my open hand and thought of the fear he had felt.

"Maybe I should've stayed on that awful planet ... I should've let Scorponok kill me ..."

I would rather have stayed on that mud ball - then I wouldn't've felt guilty about Misfire and I wouldn't be in this predicament, but who am I kidding? It's my actions that did this and it was high time I accepted responsibility for them. I looked at Misfire on my hand and was astounded to see movement. He was waking up!! I couldn't describe how relieved I felt. Misfire slowly sat up and looked around him then looked up at me.

"No ..." he wailed, petrified, his voice shaking. "Please don't kill me ... Please ..."

I could feel him shivering.

"I'm not going to, Misfire. I'm sorry about what I did to you... You were so small ... I don't know how I could've done it. I'm truly sorry ..."

Misfire was still feeling frightened. I could see it in his eyes.

"I really don't know how I could've done it ... You were so frightened ... and so helpless ... I ..." A tear rolled down my cheek. "I'm sorry ... I don't blame you if you don't want to forgive me. I have no excuse."

I wanted him to forgive me, but if he didn't I would understand. Misfire was quiet for a while. I asked my question again, gentler this time. Misfire looked up at me. He was shivering. He nervously nodded his head.

"Misfire," I said gently, "I won't hurt you if you don't want to forgive me. I understand. I don't even know if I can forgive myself."

"I forgive you," he said.

"Thank you." I said, relieved.

"You really should think before you act."

"I will next time" I promised.

This was a lesson that I would never forget.

Another tear rolled down my face and splashed onto Misfire's, still sitting in my hand.

"Sorry" I said, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a smile.

Misfire smiled too.

I gave the Decepticon some energy, for which he thanked me.

"It's the least I can do."

I heard blast fire and looked down - the two small blue Decepticons had broken into my hide out and were firing at me.

"Give Misfire back to us," one of them demanded.

"What do you want with him? You killed him you Autobastard!"

I knelt down and placed Misfire between them.

"Careful," he's still a little weak.

"Ohh, Triggerhappy, Slugslingger ..." Misfire almost fell down, but the one called Slugslingger supported him. He looked up at me.

"I don't understand. "We saw you kill him."

"All I can say is I'm really, truly, Triggerhappy, Slugslingger. I cannot excuse my actions. I wasn't thinking. I absolutely despise Scorponok, but I realise now, that the other Decepticons are not him. It wasn't fair to kill someone much smaller than I and I'll never forget what I did."

"You repaired him," Triggerhappy said. "I guess that's something."

"Don't ever do it again," Slugslingger snapped. He hugged Misfire.

I could hear the anger in him tone but also the relief to have his friend back and a faint thanks to me for repairing him, even after what I did.

"Don't worry" I said. "I won't. I've learned my lesson."

Triggerhappy looked up at me and said, "uh, if Scorpio sees you with us like this he'll think we've-"

"Oh yeah ... Well get going. I'm sure we've had enough excitement for a while."

"Bye, said Misfire, "... and thanks."

I smiled at him. "Don't mention it. I should thank you."

I felt glad about what I had done. Decepticons may be Autobots' but I was glad I had helped them - and from now on I would be a better judge.

However, I still despised Scorponok as much as ever and I wanted him to pay for what he had done to me. I stepped out from the shadows.

"This time, Scorponok ... I won't fail--"

The Decepticon spun around. "What the??!!" There was a flicker of confusion in his face - no doubt for how I survived and escaped, but it lasted only a moment. So, you dare to challenge me after the humiliation I served up on you last time?"

"Nothing you do can ever humiliate me, Scorponok. Being scared is natural and I'm over it now." Am I?

"Scared HAH! You were absolutely petrified!! ... Begging me for mercy ... on your knees ... Begging me not to kill you ... pathetic--" Scorponok laughed.

I felt more confident within myself, or was I just thinking that? No. No more wondering, second guessing myself. I tried not to be scared. I couldn't be scared. I didn't want to happen what happened last time. "This ends here and now."

"You're right about that - with your death! So, ... You still wanna fight me. This time I will not be so merciful. Prepare to die --" Scorponok threw the first blast.

I back-flipped away.

"Impressive, ... Too bad this isn't a stunt show ..."

Scorponok shot my chest. The blast threw me backward on my knees.

"You're finished ..."

"Never!" I yelled, blasting him in his chest and arm.

My blasts threw him against a wall. I blasted him again and stood up. I walked over to him and blasted him again.

"Not so cocky now, are you, Scorp?"

He didn't say anything. I shot him twice. I wanted to do everything to him that he did to me. I roughly grabbed his neck in my hand and started to strangle him. Scorponok tried to get my hand off his neck. I strangled him harder. He started coughing. I was hurting him. Good. I then roughly let him go and kicked him. I then began to blast him in the same places he blasted me. The only thing that I felt sorry about was that he would not have to suffer on that planet the way I did.

"Please, ..." he begged "... Stop ..."

"Why?"

"Please ... I don't want to die ..."

"Neither did I."

"... I didn't mean to ..."

"Utter Nonsense! Do you expect me to believe that? After what you did to me? You wanted to kill me and you just left me lying there to die. I was on that mud ball for ages and I know you don't care how damn hard I struggled to get off. And you said I was a coward. Look who's talking now."

"Please don't kill me ..."

I wanted to kill him. Ohh, I really wanted to. I pointed my weapon directly at his head. He looked very frightened. I didn't want to grant him any mercy. I aimed my weapon carefully at the centre of his head to get a good shot. I was about to pull my finger back on the trigger. Scorponok looked even more frightened. I looked into his red eyes. I didn't want to feel sorry for him. I wanted to kill him.

He didn't give me any mercy ...

I wanted to kill him, but I couldn't ... I just couldn't... I wanted to be ruthless and merciless with him, like he was to me, but I realised I was not like him and couldn't be ruthless and merciless even if I tried. I did try once and I killed a helpless sentient being.

"Don't kill me ... Please ..."

"Okay, Scorponok," I said quietly, lowering my gun. "I won't."

The look on Scorponok's face told me how grateful, not to mention surprised and relieved he was. I helped him up. He was still weak from my blasts.

"Thank you," he said, his voice weak.

I said nothing and walked away. I heard Scorponok talking to himself.

"I don't believe it ... after all I did to him ... after what happened to him ... I really thought he was going to kill me ... I can't believe it ... he cares about everyone ... even me ... Perhaps there's something in that for all of us."

I smiled as I watched Scorponok fly off. I had learned another very important lesson - to forgive others. I vowed never to make those mistakes again. Oh, look at me, I write this whole story and forget to introduce myself. Mistake number three? Sorry. My name's Fortress Maximus.

*

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