Disclaimers: Universal/Renaissance owns the Xenaverse.
No profit is being made from this writing. It is written for the enjoyment of those who wish to share it.
Summary: A humorous take on the whole Eve saga, from Hades point of view
Author's Note: In this story, Xena is not frozen and Livia never existed.
Rating PG - Enjoy!
Drama/Humour
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DEATH TAKES A HOLIDAY
"No, Hades!" Zeus snapped. "How many times have you asked?"
Hades sighed, annoyed. "But-"
"But nothing! I said no!"
"I really, *really* need-"
"I don't care, Hades! The answer is no!"
The Lord of the Underworld scowled, then softened his tone.
"Zeus ... Brother ... I've hardly had a break in almost two thousand-"
"HADES!!" Zeus screamed, a thunderbolt materialising in his hand.
The Lord of the Dead backed off a little. "All right, I'm sorry ... It's no. I got it."
The thunderbolt disappeared. "Maybe next millennium."
"You said that last millennium," Hades complained.
"Don't push your luck, Hades."
"What luck?" The God of the Dead scowled.
Despite trying to stifle a smile, Zeus began to lose his patience again. "Was that, Dear Brother, or do you have something else you'd like to waste my time with?"
"No," Hades said, keeping his temper in check. "That was all."
"Well then, Hades, get back to work."
"Not even quarter of a century?"
Zeus glared.
Hades swallowed. "Fine, next millennium."
"I said maybe."
"Whatever." Annoyed, Hades disappeared.
* * *
Rematerialising in the Underworld, he tore off his crown and hurled it, with great force, the metal object bouncing off the walls, as though it were a Chakram.
"Let me guess," Charon said. "Zeusy said no."
"In as many words," Hades snorted. "But of course, one can't argue with the *King of the Gods*..."
With an annoyed grunt, Hades sat down. "Your new arrivals should be here soon, sorry, Charon. I really wanted to give you a break too."
"S'okay boss, another day, another coin."
Hades managed a smile as his ferryman left.
A while later, something caught his attention. News travelled fast, he thought and spoke out loud to no one in particular.
"Hmm ... Xena's pregnant ... The spirit of Callisto ... Well that *is* interesting ..."
And then Hades moped again, although a second later, he looked up and grinned.
He retrieved his crown, stuck in the wall and straightened his robe.
"Going out, Boss?"
Hades smiled. "I'm going to see the Fates."
And he disappeared in a flash.
* * *
The three Fates eyed Hades as he materialised in their Temple.
"Ladies ... I have a proposition for you."
"We know."
Hades smiled. "Well then, will you?"
"We have given it much thought, Hades."
The Fates' prowess never ceased to amaze the Lord of the Underworld.
"It is highly irregular," Clotho said.
"I know ... And I wouldn't ask if I didn't need to."
Silence. Hades paced around the three women.
"Think about it," he purred. "You’ll all benefit. Only you three, myself, my wife, sister and Charon will know the truth."
Lachesis eyed him. "You are asking us to lie to the Gods."
"And they'll believe every word you say."
"And if the plan backfires?" Atropos asked.
Hades smiled. "I have a back up which I'm sure you already know. There's no way it can't work, unless of course, you or I tell the others, and I trust Persephone, Celesta and Charon. And I don't have to be a Fate to know you won't tell. It'll undermine your credibility."
"We haven't agreed yet, Hades. And we could still inform the other Gods of your deception."
Hades glared at them, though a tad nervous. "I'm not doing this for jollies!" he snapped. "And it's not like you're not getting anything out of it. Take whatever tangible riches you wish from my Kingdom and you also get a break - and this is perfect. None of the others need know."
"You are not only the God of the Dead, Hades, you are the God of Justice."
Hades sighed, annoyed. "It's underhanded, I know, but it's the only way - and no one will really get hurt."
"You've secured the Cronos stone?"
Hades nodded. "All set to go."
A short silence followed. "Agreed, Hades."
A broad smile crept over the young looking God's face.
"But we do not do this just for you or ourselves. Perhaps the other Gods will learn something."
"Thank you."
"Caution, Hades. We foresee no failure, though you must act the part."
"Ohh, I intend to..." and with a grin, he disappeared in a ball of flame.
* * *
As he had suspected, the Fates' news that Eve would bring about the ‘Twilight of the Gods’ caused an uproar on Mount Olympus, as he hoped it would and in his realm, he waited patiently.
Unexpectedly, Xena had come to the Underworld to steal his Helmet and Hades had let her, but not without a convincing farce, even trapping a faux Solan in Tartarus ... And a convincing fireball, enough power to stun, though not to kill... This was perfect.
He had been worried when Xena had captured Celesta, though the Fates assured him the Warrior Princess had not intended to harm the Spirit of Death and Hades had called her bluff.
And things began to heat up. Eve gave Xena the power to 'kill' Gods. Hades ensured the Cronos stone was activated correctly.
Even though it was gut wrenching for him to see the lifeless look in Hephaestos' eyes, and his own fireball seemingly kill Poseidon, he knew it was only temporary, though for the other Gods, it was real and frightening, even if they would not admit to fear. Hades wondered if his scam hadn't gone too far, though he couldn't back out now. If he admitted what he had done, Zeus would cut out his liver with a thunderbolt and eat it, he was sure, and the credibility of the Fates would be shot to Hades.
His own 'death' as convincing as the others' his fireball intended to stun Eve, neither the other Gods nor Xena were to know that. A very convincing show.
Celesta and Persephone, in on the scam, greeted Hades when he returned to the underworld, shedding his smouldering black cape.
"Always hated that thing, scratches like Hades."
Persephone gave a scalding smile. "Hades, if they catch you..."
He kissed her gently. "They won't. It's foolproof. And Xena proof."
Celesta smiled gently. "For your sake, Brother, I hope so."
Hades kissed her cheek. "I'll be fine."
"And what of the others?"
"They're all fine, suspended animation."
"The Cronos Stone made them think they died, but when they awaken, what then?" Persephone asked worriedly.
Hades simply smiled. "The Fates will take care of that, don't worry."
"And what of Xena and her child? What if the Gods kill-"
"I've taken care of that also. If Xena, Eve or Gabrielle are harmed, I will return them. Harming them was never my intention..." Hades sighed. "Girls ... I wouldn't've done this if there was another way ..."
"We know, Hades," Persephone said, giving her husband a kiss. "And if the other Gods ever do find out, we're behind you."
Gently Hades embraced his beloved wife and Sister.
"But tell me one thing," Persephone said. "If Eve really were to bring about the Twilight of the Gods, would you kill her?"
Hades was silent for a moment, then looked seriously at both Persephone and Celesta.
"I would have no choice. You both mean as much to me as the Universe itself. I would take no pleasure in harming a baby, though I cannot lose you."
He gently wiped a tear from his sister’s face. "Thankfully I don't have to make that decision."
"Go now, my husband," Persephone said. "You need some time alone, to rest and explore."
"To go where no God's ever gone before," Hades said with a smile.
"Be careful, My Brother," Celesta said, touching his cheek.
Hades gently took his Sister's hand. "Always."
He kissed them both before he disappeared.
Persephone sighed as she sat down. "I know he didn't have much of a choice, Celesta, though I can't help thinking of the pain of the other Gods..."
"Their pain isn't real," Celesta said, "although for them it seems so."
"I guess..." She traced her fingers on the thick wooden table.
Celesta gave an understanding smile. "He needed a break more than any. He was about to collapse, and this was the only way he could have a moment's peace."
Persephone gave a smile. "I know ... Let's hope it lasts..."
* * *
Hades took full advantage of his new found freedom, skinny dipping in Poseidon’s realm, visiting places he’d never had the time to visit before, lands far off and near, both ordinary and exotic.
He paid to stay in an inn, a novel experience, but then on a holiday, one does many things they don’t usually do.
He relaxed in a steaming bath, essential oils soothing his skin, the aroma relaxing his nerves. He realised he could have such luxuries back home, but never seemed to find the time.
And he slept, dreaming of a peaceful world. When that would become a reality, he had no idea.
And he relaxed some more, lying under the sun on the beach, eating some fruit he had picked. He refused to think of it as lazy. To relax in such a manner was a luxury he seldom could afford and he was going to enjoy it to the max.
He missed Persephone and his beloved Sister and vowed to include them on his next vacation, when that would be, he mused would probably take longer than World Peace to come about.
He contacted them briefly on occasion, though it was risky. Persephone quite liked running the Underworld.
"Don’t get too comfortable," he said with a smile.
"Be careful, My love."
"I will. Love you both."
Hades visited Temples in India, China, Britannia and many Pacific Islands, and also in Egypt, and paid his respects to Osiris, the Egyptian Lord of the Dead, whom he trusted with his life, but careful not to reveal his identity to the other Gods, should they decide to inform their Grecian counterparts of his deception. He definitely would not put that past Set, to whom he preferred Zeus in a bad mood.
He smiled in wonder as he appreciated the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the sunken Atlantis, if only the people had listened to the Gods ...
He met many interesting people on his journey, some quite, quite strange, some delightful, and some not so.
And nature, he never had the time to appreciate Mother Gaia, and was grateful for the opportunity to see many sunrises and sunsets, to be able to lie under a full moon and stare for an entire night at the stars, and make a silent wish on a shooting star.
To listen to the Earth and her creatures, to look at the clouds, different every moment, to gaze out on the ocean, calm, or sensing a storm, to have a small white butterfly trust him enough to sit on his finger, Hades almost cried.
Though he knew that he would have to return soon, and part of him wanted to. He missed his loved ones. His home would always be the Underworld, though it was nice to explore and relax without strings.
* * *
As agreed, the Fates began to wake the Gods, securing the Cronos stone back in its rocky vault in the Underworld.
Dazed and confused. The Gods began to awaken.
The Fates nodded. Time for ‘Part B’ of Hades’ plan.
* * *
Back to life, the Gods assembled on Mount Olympus. Confusion reigned Frightened, bewildered Gods spoke all at once, and no one could hear themselves think.
The Fates appeared in a Flash of Blue light. Silence followed.
"You are wondering why you are here." Lachesis said.
"You thought you had died." Clotho.
"Yet we stand before you," Atropos completed.
"How is this possible?" Zeus asked. "I felt myself die."
"You all did," Lachesis said.
"Then what happened? How can we be here?" Athena asked, confused. "I felt Xena’s blade slice though me."
"Not that we’re complaining," Hephaestos said.
Artemis nodded. "Though she struck me down with my own arrows."
"You all appeared to die in some fashion," Clotho said. "Though it was all part of a divine plan."
Persephone tensed for a moment, and hoped to Hades’ the Fates didn’t decide to reveal her beloved’s plan.
"The Angels above," The Fates continued. "Feared the Olympian Gods grew too complacent."
Zeus looked ready to explode.
The Fates waited a few moments. "Many of you abuse your powers with this world and the mortals. Do you deny this?"
No one spoke. "They chose Xena and her child to teach you a lesson and lead you to believe Eve would bring about the Twilight of our kind."
Murmurs followed, as shivers traversed the Gods.
"And we failed miserably," Athena said, sitting down.
"Indeed you did."
A pause followed. "If it wasn’t for a sacrifice on Hades’ part, none of you would be standing. He begged the Angels to give you another chance. If you want to live, you must never abuse your powers again."
Another silence followed before Zeus spoke.
"Hades ... Where is he?"
"That is something only the Angels can answer. They may choose to let him return to us."
Zeus looked shocked. "My Brother ..." a pause before he continued. "The last time we spoke, we argued ... and I-"
"We know," the Fates said. "And you may never have the chance to speak with him again. Know what he has done for you, Mighty Zeus - for all of you."
And with that, the Fates vanished.
On cue, Persephone began to cry. Celesta comforted her, too shedding tears for her ‘lost’ brother.
Zeus’ features softened as he walked to them. "Goddess of Spring, Spirit of Death, I am sorry for your loss. It is of little compensation, but whatever you desire will be yours."
Persephone looked up at her Father in tears. "I .. I want to go home ... Hades’ home."
She took Celesta’s hand.
Zeus nodded.
In a flash, the two Goddesses disappeared and even Demeter looked as though she felt for Hades.
* * *
In the Underworld, Persephone and Celesta’s cries soon turned to giggles.
"So, did it work?" Charon asked eagerly. "Did they buy it?"
"Hook, line and sinker," Persephone said with a smile, twirling her wreath on her index finger. "And if I didn’t know any better, I would have too... They were so convincing!"
"Weren’t they?" Celesta agreed. "Ohh, I don’t know what in the Universe I’d do without Hades."
"Neither do I..." Persephone said.
"And I don’t know what I’d do without you two." A bright flash.
"Ohh, Hades!" Persephone leapt up, hugging him.
The Lord of the Dead smiled. "With a hug like that you could kill Typhon."
Persephone giggled, as Celesta placed her arms around her brother. He wiped a tear from her cheek.
"Cel, I didn’t really die you know and the others are all fine."
"I know, Hades and I don’t blame you for what you did. I’m just glad you’re home safely."
The Lord of the Dead returned his sister’s gentle embrace.
* * *
"I know you know that I’ve come to thank you," Hades said to the Fates, "but I feel I have to... Hades saved the Gods, nice touch."
The Fates smiled.
"Well you did teach them a lesson."
"I just wanted a holiday. I can’t take the credit for that. That was your idea."
The Fates looked at him. "What makes you think that that wasn’t your idea all along?"
Hades looked confused.
"We see in others what they do not see themselves, Hades, God of Justice."
* * *
Hades appeared on Mount Olympus with a happy looking Persephone and Celesta.
Zeus almost fell off his throne.
"Hades!"
The Lord of the Dead smiled. "Hello, Brother."
Zeus walked to him and hugged him.
"The Angels allowed me to return," Hades said, an expert deception.
Zeus paused before he spoke. "Hades, I’m sorry."
"What for?"
"For being such a fornicating bastard."
Hades smiled. "No harm done."
"No, really, you’re my Brother and I don’t want you to think of me as an ogre."
"I don’t. A little bossy maybe."
"Hey!"
Both brothers smiled.
Zeus patted his youngest brother heartily on his back, almost causing Hades to lose his balance.
"You know what, Hades ... after all this, you deserve a long vacation!"
The Lord of the Underworld almost burst into a fit of laughter,
"And take Persephone and Celesta along."
Hades only smiled. "Why, thank you, Brother ..."
*
Disclaimer:
Death took a vacation during the writing of
this story ...
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