Bad Guy Spotlight
Seawave So Hades, how're you finding the bad guy gig?
Hades: What can I say? It's grey - a rotten peach. Of course the 'good guys' get more dough, but hey, controlling Olympus it's in our nature, know what I mean?
Seawave: Sure do. Don't blame you. I was listening to the ending of the movie by the way. Nice speech. Rotten deal you got there.
Hades: Well it was fun doin' the film anyway, and hey what can I say I got my big break. They even asked me to do a series. Even in Wonder Boy got more fan mail. Stuff him and his little NutMeg. And I did try to help the brat - and what thanks do I get? Sweet fornicate all. For full details read my book Hades, the Truth At Last. And you can get my number A Tale of Hades. Nicely transcribed from ancient Greek. Hercules ended up dumping Megara on Eolis. Me I'd go for Xena if she wasn't such a bitch. I mean it took me ages to get my hair right again after what she did with the damned whiskey. Hoo boy! And it's not like I didn't get any fan mail. I got a letter from a girl called Tanya who thinks I'm cute sexy, got a sexy voice and the greatest. Right you are sweet cheeks! And Suz also thinks I'm great! They just love it when I spontaneously combust, by my own accord! (Hey that's make a great action figure) Hear that, Herc? I got me some decent girls. Ya owe me 50 drachma. I can hear him poopin' himself. Ye Gods he's a loser!
Seawave: Well I prefer you anyway! Okay back to questions. What's your best pick up line?
Hades: That's easy - "Names' Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi, howya doin'?" oh and Add "Nice dress" for the ladies. Works wonders!
Seawave: I'll bet. What would you consider your most attractive feature?
Hades: Ohh that's a toughie. I'm mega fussy about my hair. Must be alight at all times. Bald, hey it's juts not me. And my skin is a lovely shade of grey don't'cha think? Well hey the whole package is great. You're not so bad yourself, Seawave.
Seawave: Thanks. Same to you, Hade. What are your favourite foods?"
Hades: Worms, Spick Moussaka, that really creamy Greek style plain yogurt and of course feta cheese.
Seawave: Greek salad too no doubt. What's your fave colour?
Hades: All shades of grey and of course black and blue.
Seawave: What's it like working with Pain and Panic?
Hades: The usual pathetic minions, but hey, they grew on me like that cool grey fungus stuff. They loved working on the film, except the part where I lost my cool and torched everything in sight... They're kinda cute especially when they grovel. I love that. (Laughs).
Seawave: So what's your next move?
Hades: Don't think I'm gonna stay under forever. The planets'll align again and I'll have my shot and it that doesn’t work, well hey, I'll main my agent - someone's gotta pay. Perhaps I'll help out some other bad dudes. I've had offers from Dr Klaw The Negaverse, The Decepticons, the list goes on, Like hey, I'm a busy guy.
Seawave: I can see that. Are you by any chance interested in joining our mailing list?
Hades: Love to babe, but, can't but hey if I can fit it into my busy schedule I'll give you a call.
Seawave: Be sure to drop in unawares.
Hades: Hey, wouldn't do it any other way. Style - that's me Oo. Gotta go. I promised Pain and Panic I wouldn't miss their birthday. Hey, I'm a bastard, but at heart I'm a softie too. (Smiles, then disappears in a cloud of grey smoke)
Seawave: Wow! What a guy! What an interview!
Pain & Panic
Back to Hades Page