Disclaimer:
Transformers were created by Hasbro.
I make no
monetary profit from my fanfic.
Summary:
A well known Transformer contemplates his life.
Rating PG
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN END TO AN AGE
POWER. That which has driven me. All my life it had
been all I ever wanted. I didn't care who or what I had to destroy - who I had
or overthrow or crush should they stand in my path. Power is everything. It
demanded fear and respect - the only respect I knew. I deserved that respect
and looked down on all those who neither had nor craved it. They should bow
down to me - all of them! They were unworthy. They were nothing. I was supreme
- but without power - where did I stand? Nowhere. I was entitled to a position
of power, of course I was. They knew I was superior. Their envy came as no
surprise. However, I would not get the respect I deserved without power, and
that made me resent the ones around me even more. To tell you the truth, I
don't give a damn about the Decepticon cause. Why did I become a Decepticon
then, you ask? Simple – I was sick and tired of complacency and it was the only
way to accomplish my goal - to become the most powerful being in the Universe,
demanding the obedience, respect and fear of all those around me, to dominate
and control them - and as I said, I didn't care who had to die for it. Yeah,
sure. I'd make a wonderful Autobot.
Of course
I had to do my bit for the Decepticon cause - and I was damn good at it. I had
to be. There were a lot of times when I resented it. I loathed taking orders,
working for others especially under Megatron, when I should have led the
Decepticons or so I thought - I wanted to do my own thing - my way, but I had
to do what they told me to, feeling like an electronic sheep most of the time -
but doing my job and doing it well, brought me closer and closer to my goal - I
just wished it wouldn't take so damn long. Primus, it was so frustrating and
maddening!
I could
never show any weakness whatsoever. It would either hurt or destroy any chances
I had of ever accomplishing my goal. The fact that I had no friends didn't
bother me in the slightest. I'd managed to alienate - or severely annoy all
those around me, which was just as well. If I had a friend, it would complicate
things ... But I did have a friend once - millions of years ago, before the war
- before I joined the Decepticons. His name was Skyfire. I used to be a
scientist and an explorer. At first it was interesting, boldly going where no
one had gone before (as the Earth TV show Star Trek said) - I have a habit of
getting sidetracked, don't I? Anyway Skyfire and I were exploring what was an
uncharted planet at the time – Earth in its Ice Age. We were separated by a
violent blizzard. I circled half the globe looking for him, but all was in vain.
I did care for him, but he was gone now. As I continued my science and
exploration of the galaxy alone, I found it dissatisfying - to tell you the
truth, even with Skyfire, I felt it wasn't quite for me. Those around me blamed
me for Skyfire's loss, which hampered my work. I was an outcast in the
community. Well to be honest, I never really felt I belonged anyway. They were
boring people, a bunch of snobby Autobot professors, who never bothered to
understand me. I tried to belong, but to use another Earth phrase, I felt like
a fish out of water.
I hadn't
known what I wanted to do with my life at the time. I was good at science, and
exploration was just a form of escape which gave me an excuse to get away from
'society.' But it was only temporary, and I knew I couldn't escape reality,
which made me resent those around me more and more. I grew to the point of
hating them and wishing ill upon them. I was better then them. What right did
they have to blame me - to ridicule me - to take advantage of me whenever they
felt like it? What made them so great?
It was
then when I first started wanting to be powerful – craving to be so. Then I
could show them who was better. At first I did not know how obtain it. What
could one do against the many? Nothing that I could see, no matter how hard I
tried. I began to use my science against them, of course being discrete about
it. I couldn't let them know it was me. I needed real power. Hiding behind my
experiments made me feel like a coward. I desperately wanted them to know that
it was me, but if they did, they would try and stop me and boot me out, and I
had no power - no defences to ward them off. I plotted and planned, but I
didn't see how I could gain access to a vast supply of Energon, which is what I
needed. Even though they didn't know what I was up to, they didn't trust me, so
there was nothing I could do without revealing my intentions, and then I'd be
up shit creek, to use a colourful Earth phrase.
And I
could hardly ask them either.
"Excuse me, but I need oh ... about a
million energon cubes for my scientific research." Yeah. Right.
But then
my opportunity came. I learned of other rogue Autobots who didn't care for the
way Cybertron was progressing. They were like me - wanting power. We met secretly together on many occasions,
and began to plan a revolt. Our group, which now numbered in the hundreds of
thousands, became known as the Decepticons. We were given a new purple symbol
which was to become the Decepticon insignia. We mass produced weapons and
prepared ourselves for war. I wanted revenge on the ones who had ridiculed,
humiliated and shunned me - I'd show them ...
I took an
instant disliking to Megatron, who had proclaimed himself as Leader - sure, he
forged the Decepticon Army, but I believed it was I who should lead. I kept those sentiments to myself – at first.
The
Decepticons had a cause - to destroy all the Autobots, total domination of
Cybertron, and gain total control of the Universe. It all sounded wonderful -
Domination. But I didn't want to share it with anyone. I wanted total control,
and the only way I saw I could accomplish this was by becoming a Decepticon and
doing everything within my power to accomplish this. In time I'd overthrow
Megatron - or so I thought.
Many
millions of Autobots and Decepticons died in this war which was to rage for
over nine million years - across the galaxy and back. Many times both sides
triumphed. The war brought a group of Autobots and Decepticons to Earth, where
the
I was so
confident that ultimate power would someday be mine forever. I was foolish to
let others know of my hunger, as it made them very wary. It put them on guard,
as for me not trusting anyone, no one trusted me either. Smart. Still, I was
determined not to let anything or anyone stand in my way. Each setback or
failure, I took personally. Blunders made me look weak and foolish in the eyes
of others - although I knew I was not. I admit my being rash and throwing
caution to the wolves got me into deep shit sometimes, but I always managed to
bail myself out somehow. I lived to control others - to be in command. Of
course they hated it. They hated me and they let me know it. They were jealous
of course, and they wanted power too, and I suppose I couldn't blame them for
that, but I believed it belonged to me and I deserved it. They didn't. It hurt
being so unpopular and despised, but if that's the price I had to pay for power
- so be it.
My lost
friend was found about a year after we crashed on Earth. I had been extremely
surprised, and I admit to having some feeling for him, even after all these
years, and all that had happened in between. Finding him had given me a sense
of satisfaction. I had failed all those years ago to find him, and here he was,
but I hid my feelings from the other Decepticons. We managed to reactivate him.
Of course he was a bit groggy after spending about nine million years frozen,
but then who wouldn't be? I spent many hours explaining to him what had
happened since we separated. He had been surprised to find that I had changed -
but I told him it was for the better and that he should join me. It was much
more interesting and rewarding this way, but unfortunately, he didn't see it
that way. He did not want to kill or destroy. He valued life more than power and
I had viewed him as weak for that. He later joined the Autobots, which maddened
me. I had saved him and again, I had failed. Failed to make him see things my
way - that greed and power were what made life worth living. I had hated him
because I felt he had betrayed me. I'd been too blinded by rage to see his
side. He felt that I had betrayed him, and he was right. Needless to say our
friendship dissolved. Too much had happened since we separated. In time I grew
to accept that he had gone his way - and I had gone mine. Perhaps it was better
this way. I let go my ties with him, and let him get on with his life, as I got
on with mine.
My
revenge and quest for absolute power almost always got me into strife. If ever
someone - anyone thwarted me, defied me, or humiliated me - Nothing could stop
me from making them pay. It even got me booted out of the Decepticon army -
more than once, but some good ol' sweet talkin', some well placed groveling and
bribes always did the trick.
My quest
for power endangered my life more times than I cared to take a blast at. I'd
cheated the Reaper of his prize many a time by blaming others, and watching
them either get reprimanded or annihilated for my mistakes without remorse,
I’ll add; by lying, cheating, groveling, pathetic though it was. Shame, I did
not know the meaning of the word. I’ve
seen too many of the brave die ... there’s a thin line between bravery and
stupidity. And I always seemed to pull
through. Death terrified me ... Repulsed me.
Seeing others die did not phase me one iota - but being killed myself
terrified me more than anything in the Universe. I viewed death as the end of
everything. No one would respect or fear a corpse. I could not bear the thought
of dying - having no life - having nothing. I was too important to die.
But I did
die - twice. You're probably asking how the heck can I be writing this - It's a
long story which I'd rather not go into - but my greatest fear - my most
dreaded nightmare had become a reality. Disembodied, condemned to wander endlessly,
neither here nor there. So this was Hell. Okay, so there was no red horny
robotic devil poking a pitchfork at me. Everyone's idea of heaven and hell is
different - and this was my Hell and there was nought I could do about it.
Sure, I could pop up, say 'boo' and scare the lubricant out of someone - but is
that what I'd been reduced to? All my dreams of glory down the tubes ... I felt
so pathetic, so useless. I just wanted to die. (Pardon the pun). I had no
power. I had nothing. I did get my body
back, though - if you want to know the whole story, it's probably stored
somewhere in Cybertron's Historical Data Banks, but I'll just say, it involved
possessing numerous Decepticons, using them for my own gains, despite,
unconcerned what would happen to them, repairing Unicron to a certain extent.
Like I was really going to give him his body back - and have him eat me
afterwards right after he devoured Cybertron. Right. Fortunately he was as
gullible as I'd hoped, but what he lacked in intelligence, he made up for with
raw, brute power. Oh, what glorious power! What wouldn't I'd've given to be as
powerful as that ... Albeit not as stupid. Size isn't everything you know.
Again, my
desire for revenge against the one who had taken my life and condemned me to
that miserable existence, almost cost me my life - again. As I drifted
endlessly through space, I began to wonder. I had severely humiliated
Galvatron, but if killing him would cost me my life – again – at his hands -
was it worth it? No, I decided. It wasn't. Fortunately, for me I’ve a knack at
playing hide and seek. I hide well. And Galvatron gave up, but not before he
vowed to rip my innards out and feast upon them. And I thought Megatron was bad!
Actually,
Galvatron said he regretted killing me - only for the humiliation I had caused
him, of course. Bastard. Even to this
day I laugh myself stupid remembering the creeped out look on his face when I
returned in gosling form.
The
second time my quest took my life, I had absorbed an enormous amount of pure power,
the Underbase. I felt wonderful - POWERFUL
- AT last, I was the most powerful being in the Universe. No one could
stand against me! And those who tried
... nothing pleased me more than destroying them by my own hand. Seeing them
crumble and the lights drain form their optics... Many Autobots and Decepticons
alike fell before me as I continued to absorb more and more of this power - and
became more and more indestructible. I grew in size, larger than any other
Transformer ... But the power became too much for me to handle. It began
controlling me, and I was powerless to stop it - and thus it became my undoing.
I had been too full of myself to realise it until it was too late. I couldn't
disperse the power I had absorbed and screamed in agony as I felt my mind
going. The insanity hit me first, then I felt it tear my body apart, limb from
limb. You can't even begin to imagine the agony ... but then again, perhaps I
deserved that.
If you
want to know more about the Underbase Saga, again check out the Cybertronian
Historical Data Base. I'm not writing a history text here.
I was
repaired, though, much to my relief, about a year later - but it seemed much
longer than that and only because the Decepticons had a use for me. Typical, I
suppose. Of course I had my own agenda. I always did. I played their pathetic
game for as long as it suited me, and then went 'missing.' However I was to discover my name no longer
sent shockwaves of terror ripping through the hearts of others. I had become
little more than a joke - Now that was going to change - back to the way it
should be, and I was going to get the last laugh. Ha.
Again my
quest for power almost consumed me ... and arguably this time was more
terrifying than ever ... or should I say more self-realising? I had come into
possession of the Creation Matrix. With it within me, I felt I could control
the world - the Universe ... hey, the thing blew Unicron to kingdom come
without an effort. Now that is power
absolute. Feeling its warm power surging through my body, somehow I felt that
this was it. I felt that it needed me as much as I needed it. But foolishly, I
tried to use its power for destruction. Both Megatron and Optimus teamed
together to stop me. How quaint. I wasn't about to let them destroy my greatest
dream - my final victory. However what began to happen terrified me. Not fear
of death this time ... I began helping people for Primus' sake! Wanting to control the Earth, but feeling I
had to protect it's inhabitants??!!
... Helping Optimus? What the fuck was
wrong with me?! It was the Matrix. It was corrupting me, or so I thought. It
wasn't created to be used for evil. Its energies not only gave me physical
power, but also the power to do good. At the time it repulsed me. I felt powerful,
but at the same time weak. I couldn't go on like this and relinquished the
Matrix back to its rightful owner, Optimus Prime, who to my annoyance, seemed
quite amused at the fact that I was being nice. Bah, humbug, I thought ... but
maybe that kick up the jackzy was just what I needed. I was grateful Megatron
didn't terminate me and have my guts for lunch on the spot as Galvatron would
have, but threatened to terminate me if I hampered his efforts. So what can I
say? I helped him and Optimus defeat Jhiaxus. I even saved Prime's life. Ee!
Me! Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine doing such a thing.
As I said
before, I couldn't give a crap about the Decepticon cause. Sure, I hated
Autobots, but then I hated everyone. I hated the Autobots because of what they
were - good. They cared much about others - A sign of weakness, I thought. They
cared about all life, all sentient beings. I never could understand how they
could be so selfless - so caring. They always put life above power and
conquest. To them Life was the most important thing in the Universe. They
viewed it as a sacred gift. It had always puzzled me - they could become
powerful and rule with the Decepticons, instead of against them. In time, I
guess I grew to accept that they were different. Strange, but different, but I
still viewed them as weak, but they could fight damn well when they needed to,
otherwise they'd all be dead - of course I'd never say that to other
Decepticons. Even though it was true - isn't it funny when you're on opposite
sides you can't say anything good about your enemy - even though it might be
true - as if both sides don't want the truth to be known. But if I did say
anything to that effect, they'd view it as a sign of 'praise for the enemy' and
that'd really get me in the doghouse, (a term I picked up on Earth) and in the
doghouse I had been many a time. As for humans, I had always viewed them as
pathetic, weak creatures. They were no match for the Decepticons - yet they
tried to stop us, futile though it was, even with their most powerful weapons,
through my contempt for the little beings was some admiration. They were
determined - I'd give them that. They were trying to protect themselves and
their world. Suppose I can't blame them.
For the
first time in my life, I began to doubt myself. I began to question my beliefs
and my goals. All my life I've been so sure - so absolutely sure of myself, and
certain that power and total control was what I wanted that it was worth it. I
had wanted everyone around me to fear and respect me. Reluctantly I learned
that true respect was earned, not demanded or forced. Everyone despised me -
even when they 'respected' me. It had taken me a long tome - too long to learn
that I was a fool - though I'd been told many times. I never seemed to learn
from my mistakes, and I'd been too pig headed, proud and stupid and too up my
own afterburners to listen to anyone else or ever admit that I was wrong. I
thought I was perfect - or I wanted to believe it so much that in the end I
did.
But I sit
here now, thinking back on my life ... could I have made it better? I guess
it's too late for that now. Unless I travel back in time, but seeing what
terrible destructive damage Transformers traveling back and forth in time has
done - like almost destroying the Universe as we know it, I'd rather leave
things as they are. What's done is done. I did what I thought was best for me
at the time and I guess I stuffed it, but that's my fault and there's nothing I
can do to change it. Perhaps those were
the lessons I was meant to learn.
Perhaps I was many to learn the hard way. Soundwave once called am an immature child
and at he time I hated him for it, but now, many millions of years later, with
grudging respect, I realise he was right.
Seeing
Optimus Prime and Megatron signing that Peace Treaty not so long ago... No
doubt an enormous milestone in our history.
Seeing
Skywarp, Thundercracker, Breakdown, Scavenger and Long Haul, playing games with
Bumblebee, Wheeljack, Jazz, Hound and Mirage ... That made me smile awkwardly.
It looked so alien, but yet so right at the same time.
It had
taken over nine million years of war - countless millions of deaths, casualties
and pain on both sides ... Many couldn't remember anything but war. Some were
created during the war and didn't know anything else. But now the Great
Cybertronian Wars were officially over. I mean really over, not a just
temporary truce and not some elaborate Decepticon scam to get the Autobots off
guard and I’d know if it was. Of course some Autobots were suspicious and
uneasy, but who could blame them?
However,
the majority of Autobots and Decepticons had agreed that the war could go on,
for perhaps another nine million years, or even longer if something wasn't done
about it, both sides would eventually be annihilated. I guess the Transformers
finally came to their senses. Funny, isn't it? How people can change through
their experiences, or by witnessing experiences of others. In my early years of
being a Decepticon, I would have rejected a peace treaty outright and settled
for no less than destruction of all Autobots - But I guess I'm learning. In a way that terrifies me, but I realise my
past is part of me, and I realise I don’t have to sacrifice my youthful
exuberance or my zest for life as I grow older and wiser. I smile to
myself. Soundwave, I’m growing up.
The peace
treaty did make me a little nervous and unsure. It was a bona fide treaty, but
if I signed it, I'd have to abide by it, as it was to be signed by all members
of both sides. I've always been a loner and never felt comfortable in groups.
Some things never change. I told them I'd sign it if I could leave Earth, be on
my own, and they agreed to that - besides Megatron told me he'd blast me into
oblivion if I disturbed the peace.
A
charmer, isn't he?
I told
him and Optimus Prime, standing before me that I had no intention of ruining
anything. I told them what I wanted was freedom - My freedom. I would leave
Earth, and perhaps explore the Universe, as I had done before with
Skyfire. Perhaps someday he would join
me again and we could reforge our long broken friendship. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but I was sure
it wasn't what I had before, and whatever it was - I was sure I'd find it out
there - The look on Meggers face was priceless! I wish I had a vid-cam! But it
was my turn to be surprised when he wished me good luck. I never thought I'd
feel anything more than jealousy, resentment and hatred for him. It's funny how
things change from one moment to the next. For the first time Megatron had ever
believed me, and Optimus Prime did too. I guess it was the first time anyone
ever really trusted me, and it sounds odd, but it was a wonderful feeling.
Optimus
and Megatron shook hands, thus sealing the Peace Treaty.
I
transformed and left them, flying high into the sky, leaving Earth's
atmosphere, then leaving orbit altogether. Perhaps I'd return someday - perhaps
I'd return to Cybertron - who knows? It seems as if my life's beginning again.
This time, I was determined to make it better and worthwhile and not balls it
up. A life without purpose is meaningless. For the first time I find myself on
my own, as I sail through the galaxy, in search of my true purpose. I'm sure
I'll find it somewhere in this vast Universe ... I feel unsure, but I've
accepted that as part of me. I no longer feel ashamed to admit my weaknesses or
my failures. They are part of me too, but I and determined to find my true self
out here. Primus, please guide me.
Sorry, it
was rude of me not to introduce myself earlier. I had so much to tell you, I
didn't know where to begin or where it would end. Hope it all makes sense, but
I'm sick and tired of keeping it all to myself. For the first time, I feel a
need to share my innermost feelings and experiences with others, so maybe you
can understand and learn from them.
And if
you don't already know by now - My name's Starscream.
*