Disclaimers: Gundam Wing was created by Sotsu

No monetray profit is being made by this fic.

Summary: Duo mourns Deathscythe's destruction

Rating PG






My throat taut, I have never screamed louder or longer. I felt my heart blast apart with you, Deathscythe. To see you floating there, hanging on, you gave me a glimmer of hope, but you looked so alone. I am sorry I was not there with you, Deathscythe, but I realise that was not my destiny. My time has not come yet.

I am surrounded by people, and sounds, but I feel so alone, so numb, like nothing in the Universe matters anymore. I always thought we'd be together until the end, Deathscythe. I don't know which path to take now ... I'm a Gundam pilot without a Gundam. I suppose the scientists can create a new one for me, but it will not be the same without you. It will not be you, Deathscythe. Nothing can replace you, My Dear Friend. We've been to Hell and back and back again. You sense my innermost thoughts and feelings. It is through you that I become the God of Death. With you the fates of many are sealed. When I am with you, I feel a sense of peace, even in the middle of a battle. Inside you I am truly home.

We are one, Deathscythe, you and I. I feel as though my soul has been blown apart. I want to blame Trowa. I want to hate him. I want to hurt him, but how can I? They would have killed him. Oh, Deathscythe why? Why did it have to happen like this? Can I still call myself the God of Death without you? Shinigami understands that Death is the next stage of life, that there is life in the Afterlife. Why then do I feel so empty? So lost ... I felt so sure of my life and my purpose with you, but right now I can't tell North from South. I look up into the sky in vain.

*Deathscythe, where are you?!*

Somehow I found my way into a nightclub. Something told me drowning my sorrows in a glass would do nothing, but I wasn't interested in listening to the voice of reason.

I downed one after the other. I couldn't care less what it tasted like as long as it took the pain away. I drank and drank and drank some more. I drank until they threw me out of the club. I can't remember much of it, but I do remember I was pissed as a newt. I found myself a quiet place between two buildings and threw up again. I don't know how long I was there for, until two ladies came to me and helped me up. Part of me wished they had drugs, to take away the pain that still lingered, but I'd blown all the money I had on plonk.

I can't remember what they said to me, but I do recall they spoke very gently and they had kind eyes like Quatre.

They were welfare workers and they took me to their establishment.

The two women let me get myself cleaned up and left me to have a shower. What part of me could still feel felt the warm water upon my skin. I wished it would wash away the gnawing pain. I undid my tattered, dirty braid and slid to the wet floor. Dammit, Deathscythe! I promised myself I'd never cry.

I don't know what happened next, but I awoke in a bed clean and dry with one of the ladies bringing me breakfast. I wasn't hungry, but I ate it anyway. The Gods seemed to have spared me a hangover. She asked me what had happened. I told her I lost my closest friend.

They said I could stay, but I had to leave. I couldn't impose upon their kindness any longer. I didn't deserve it. I failed you, Deathscythe.

Once again I wandered the streets trying to feel something ... Anything ...

As luck would have it, I stumbled across a large park. It's been a long time since I've seen green. I walked over to it, almost being hit by a large transport truck. Pity it missed. The driver yelled at me. I didn't even have the strength to yell back.

When I entered the park, I saw some narcissus flowers and so I picked one. They say it's the flower of hope. I kept on walking until I came upon an enormous tree, its welcoming branches seeming to beckon to me.

Sitting under its shady branches, I placed the flower in a little nook in its roots.

"For you, Deathscythe..." I barely heard my own voice.

I took a deep breath and was relieved when I actually felt a cool breeze wash over me. I curled up and slept under the tree and I dreamt about you, Deathscythe.

As the God of Death I should understand that Death is never the end, but a new beginning ... But I feel so alone without you, Deathscythe. If you went to hell, someday I'll join you. If you went to Heaven I'm not sure I'll be able to.

I know your spirit will live on, My Dear Deathscythe.

I realise you never left my side. Through my pain, anguish and sorrow, I never realised you were standing with me. You were with me when I screamed in pain. You stood with me in the nightclub, urging me not to do anything foolish. You were with me in the welfare establishment, by my side. As I slept, you held me gently in your hand, touching my soul. I realise I never lost you, Deathscythe. You will always be with me. The God of Death can never die.




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