PART TWO
Chapter Eleven
THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS AGO
SOUND. Voices.
“There, that should do it ..."
“When will we know ..."
I slowly opened my eyes for the first time as a conscious entity.
Light, shadows.
I'm in a laboratory.
A face was peering down at me. A humanoid male. Doctor Noonian Soong. I recognized him.
My father?
“Lore?"
My designation?
Name. My name is Lore.
“Lore?"
I looked at Doctor Soong and sat up.
Noonian Soong. Father? My father?
Yes.
“Father" I said. It was not a question.
Doctor Soong smiled. “Yes, Lore. I am your father."
I smiled back, then looked around the lab.
Many different faces. All humans. The Omicron Theta colonists.
There were seven people here. They were all looking at me with a variety of expressions... wonder, surprise, scepticism, fear ...
Why are they all staring at me? Had I done something wrong?
I felt nervous, uneasy, but then - something caught my attention. It was if everything had stopped. The nervousness vanished and was replaced by wonder. All the other faces in the room seemed to become a blur, bar one. I stared. It was human - but somehow different from all the others. It had a larger, protruding chest. Its waistline was shaped differently and its face had a softer, more delicate complexion. Its hair was long and wavy. I was intrigued.
Accessing.
I tried to come to terms with what I had seen.
Ah ... Female. A human female.
The enigma was gone. I had discovered why she was different, but still, I stared, mesmerized. She was beautiful.
"Lore?"
I blinked and snapped out of it. My father called my name. I turned my head around and looked at him.
“How are you feeling?"
“I am functioning within normal parameters."
Doctor Soong smiled. “That is good."
As I stood, I could feel the eyes of the colonists upon me. It made me feel nervous again, uneasy. What are they staring at? Why were they staring? Maybe they'd never seen an android before and were intrigued, like I was with - I looked around. The woman was gone.
Where has she gone? Why did she leave? Will I ever see her again?
“Come, Lore."
I turned followed my father. The colonists began to return to their duties and my nervousness began to subside. I had many more questions, but they could wait for now.
Doctor Soong led me into another room. I wanted to ask him about the woman, but I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. I decided to leave it for now.
My father began to show me around the colonists' base.
He had programmed the layout into me, but decided it would be more beneficial for me to see everything for myself - become more familiar with the place. I kept an eye out in case I saw the woman, but paid close attention to my father. I could quite easily do both things at once.
I was introduced to some of the colonists on my tour. I was hoping to get introduced to the woman, but didn't. I felt disappointed. The image of her beauty kept creeping back into my mind. I hope I can officially meet her. I don't even know her name...
Doctor Soong led me into his workroom.
"There is someone I'd like you to meet, Lore," he said.
A woman looked up. She was quite pretty, but I didn't feel the same way for her as I did for the woman I had seen earlier. I wondered why. They were both female.
"Lore," said Doctor Soong, “I'd like you to meet your ... mother, Juliana Soong, formerly Juliana O'Donnell."
I stared at my father.
“Mother?"
“Your mother's identity has to remain a secret - in case we are ever found out here. The Federation has no idea that we're married - or that I'm here. As far as they're concerned I disappeared and am presumed dead."
This seemed strange, until I accessed the memories my father programmed me with.
“Hello, Lore,” she said with a smile.
I turned around. “Hello ... Mother."
She smiled warmly. “Don't be afraid. It's all right. I helped your father with your construction. He couldn't've done it all by his lonesome, y'know."
I smiled. “I guess not."
“I'm nowhere near as good as a scientist as your father, Lore, but as far as the Federation's concerned, Noonian was a failure - but as far as I'm concerned, he's brilliant in more ways than one."
My father smiled and began to blush. “Come on, Juliana," he said. “I can't take all the credit. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be the laughing stock of the Federation. It was you who saved me from that humiliation. There's no way I could've accomplished what I've done here if you hadn't helped me."
“All right, Noonian," she smiled. “One thing I have learned - It's hopeless to argue with you."
He smiled and kissed her. “I'll be back later, darling."
Doctor Soong left the room with me.
"Father," I said, “why did you call me Lore?"
He smiled and paused for a moment.
“It's a name I chose for you, specifically. I spent many months trying to think of a suitable name for you. Went through billions of name listings, dictionary words, you name it ... and then, just a few days before I was going to activate you, it just popped into my head. Just like that." He snapped his fingers. “Lore. It was perfect."
“Thank you, Father. I like my name."
“That's good, Lore, it'd be tough luck if you didn't! ... Listen, I have some computer files to sort out. I'll be rather busy for a few hours."
I nodded. “Okay, Father. I'll be in my quarters if you need me."
I had been programmed with a map of the entire base.
Sitting down, I accessed my computer. “Computer, please display the meaning of the word or name 'Lore.'"
I looked at the monitor.
LORE:
1) The act of teaching; the condition of being taught; a lesson; learning or erudition.
2) A strap like appendage or part in certain insects, birds and snakes.
That was an interesting one.
3) The body of traditional, popular, often anecdotal knowledge about a particular subject; folklore; mystery.
For example: the Lore of the woods; the Lore of the world; Faery Lore.
I considered. I think the third definition best describes my name.
"Clear screen ... Computer, please search your data banks for the origins of the name 'Lore.'"
There was a pause.
"The name Lore originates from the names Elanore or Lorelei."
“Computer, please give me the meaning of the name Elanore and any names that originated from."
"The name Elanore is a French form of Helen, meaning 'light.' Helen is a Greek name which also means 'the shining one.' Helen of Troy was a famous Greek maiden 'the face that launched a thousand ships' in the infamous mythological ten-year battle of Troy."
I nodded. “Intriguing... Computer, please search for the origins of the name Lorelei in detail."
"The Lorelei is a German name meaning 'lurer to the rock'. The Lorelei was folklore. The legend says Lorelei was a beautiful maiden who threw herself into the swift and dangerous Rhine River between Mains and Koblenz, in despair over a faithless lover. She drowned and was transformed into a rock siren, whose lovely, echoing, captivating songs lured many a sailor to their deaths. Lorelei was considered a beautiful, but mysterious and deadly water nymph.
The Lorelei rock siren can still be seen today on the Rhine River in, Saknt Goarshausen, Germany. Some say the beautiful, enchanting Lorelei songs can still be heard today, especially on crisp clear, quiet nights when one is alone.
The tale is said to have been invented in 1802 by Clemens Brentano in the ballad Die Lore Lay in his novel Godwi. Since then, the Lorelei has been the focus of many literary works, both in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. The works include poems, songs stories, novels and operas.
The best-known adaptation is Friedrich Silcher's song Die Lorelei 1838, set to the poem of the same name by Heinrich Heine which first appeared in Heine's Buch der Lieder, 1827. The poem has been set to music by more than twenty-five different composers.
The name Lorelei means 'rock elf', and remains in occasional use today.
The Lorelei is also the name of a precipitous cliff towering about 130 meters above the Rhine River between Mainz and Koblenz in Germany. At that point the river is swift and dangerous and legend says that the voice of the Lorelei can still be heard."
"Wow ... Some story ... I wonder what her voice ... Computer, can you replicate the songs of the Lorelei?"
“Negative. Many individuals have claimed to have heard the Lorelei, but it has never been proven. The songs therefore, if they exist have never been recorded."
I turned away from my monitor, wondering what her songs sounded like.
I listen to some instrumental tracks, some quite lovely, some awful, some boring. I repeat the ones that were for want of a better word, music to my ears.
* * *
Later that week, I was walking through the lab, on my way to Doctor Soong's office. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her. I stopped and looked at her. There were at least ten other colonists in the room, and I didn't want to look suspicious, so continued walking.
“Have you finished with the diagnostics, Alana?" a colonist asked.
I looked around. I now know her name.
“Yes," she said to the other colonist. “Just about. You can download the information to your terminal."
It was the first time I had heard her speak. Her voice. It was like ... I can't describe it. Sweet, gentle beautiful ... All of the above. Like the Lorelei.
Her name is Alana and her voice ... maybe that's what the Lorelei sounded like.
Alana. A..la..na. Such a beautiful name.
I looked at her, at work on the computer, then turned and continued on my way to Doctor Soong's office, hoping to actually meet her.
I learned that the name Alana was Earthen Irish for “Oh, my child!" Its origins were from 'a leanbh', meaning “O child," in old Irish.
* * *
I found my father his lab. Messy as always. Bits of mechanisms, book, printouts, bits of this and that, lying strewn across the floor. If I didn't know better, I'd say the place was bombarded by a bunch of photon torpedoes, and then I saw my father, slumped over his desk. My first instincts were to run to him, then my worried expression changed into a smile as I saw him breathing and snoring softly. He'd fallen asleep, whilst working, I guess.
The computer made a few bleeping noises. I turned it off, so not to disturb him, then quietly said, “lights off," and left my father to his little nap.
Doctor Soong was fifty-seven when he left for Omicron Theta.
He told me that he had tried to make other positronic androids, three in fact, before he made me, but they all failed to function properly.
That's how he earned his nickname 'Often Wrong Soong.' They could've at least gave him one that rhymed, but what rhymes with Soong?
His failures virtually destroyed his reputation as far as the Federation was concerned.
He was the centre of ridicule and even his name became 'taboo' so to speak.
The Federation ceased to fund my father's project, because they didn't think he was serious. They thought he was mad. But then they thought Einstein was mad too. And Edison? What a nutter, right? Wrong.
But instead of gracefully accepting his forced retirement, my father gathered his true followers together, ready to leave Earth and leave the ridicule far behind.
My father told me he also pursued my mother. At first she had resented him, because of his reputation, but she became fascinated at his unusual ways of proposing to her. Finally, she gave in and they were married in secret. It was then that she developed a fascination for my father's work and wanted to leave Earth with him. The colonists all travelled under assumed names. My father under Ian O'Donnell.
They set up base on a remote planet called Omicron Theta and built a secure underground base. They cultivated the land around the new base, maintaining farms, but the colony's principal interest was science.
It was always a constant fear that the base would be discovered, so it's hidden from sensors by various dampening fields and the entrance looks like a natural hollow in the rock.
When they had settled in, my father started constructing me. It had taken close to a year. He said the reason he didn't program me with Asimov's Laws of Robotics was that he wanted a son not a slave. Not just some mindless automaton which would blunder blindly forward, because that' what its programming required of it. I was more than a collection of sub processors and parts to him. I was his son and he was my father. He wanted me to do what I felt was right, not because it was part of some program. I knew it was wrong to hurt people or to let people come to harm and I wouldn't. I was not a bad person.
My father was somewhat of a workaholic. He was a devoted individual, and I respected him for that, but he had always mixed work with pleasure. He enjoyed tinkering around with mechanics. After all, he was the greatest cyberneticist in the galaxy, wasn't he? But he had other hobbies too. He loved reading. Science fiction, mainly. He'd devour a book in no time. I'd see him reading a book, and then I'd come past later and he's be reading another one. Maybe he's got a positronic brain tucked away in there, somewhere!
He also loved pot plants and always talked to them. The big one in the corner with the orange flowers, he calls Shalom, Earth Hebrew for 'peace'. He was also a fan of archaeology and has collected many fossils. He also studies chemistry and the Human body.
Another thing I also found quite fascinating, is that he was intrigued by twentieth century television shows involving robots and androids. One of his particular favourites was called The Transformers. They're sentient robots that came to Earth from their mechanical home planet of Cybertron. I saw all the episodes, both of the original and later shows on the viewer that my father had. Very interesting. My father actually has one of the antique models from the show. He tells me that it's extremely rare and fragile. He showed me the date stamped on it. 1984. My Gods that's old!
I put it down carefully on the ledge, scared that I would accidentally break the delicate figure. My father told me that the Transformer's name was Optimus Prime and transforms into an articulated Earth truck. My father is also fascinated by dinosaurs, extinct Terran reptiles, ranging in size from tiny to huge.
Another thing about my father was every time I looked into his blue eyes, I could see how dedicated he was to his work and how much he cared. It made me angry that those Federation people shunned him into exile, just because he was different.
When I look at my father, it's like looking at myself - staring into a mirror. He looked very much like me, but it's not just physical. I see some of myself in him, being so different. I wonder how much of himself he sees in me.
* * *
I saw my father eating his dinner alone, and walked to him.
“Can I eat something?" I asked.
He swallowed a mouthful, then stood, walked to the replicator and ordered me a serving of what he was having. A large osso bucco steak with marrow, accompanies by fresh steamed minted peas, mashed potatoes and other vegetables. He brought it over to me. I watched him eat for a while. When I was confident I could do it myself, I gave it a bash. I did it the way my father did, but somehow, it didn't feel right.
“Lore!" he exclaimed, “don't eat with your fingers and chew with your mouth closed. Really! your table manners are appalling!"
I looked at him, apologetic. “I'm sorry, Fath..."
“And don't talk with your mouth full!" Juliana scalded, frowning.
I swallowed, then apologized again, contrite,
My father's face softened and he smiled. “Here, watch me again. It's done like this."
He cut a small piece of the steak, raised it to his mouth, chewed it a number of times, then swallowed. I watched him a few more times, then tried again myself, slowly.
I chewed very fast as I am an android, I couldn’t see the point in doing things slowly.
Slow down, Lore, you don’t want to choke and it’s not going to run away.
I laughed. Surely not. The cow was dead.
I slowed down and carefully swallowed. I think I've got it right this time. My mother clapped. I looked at my parents and they were smiling. I felt a warm wave of pride flush over me. I loved to please them and I loved to see them smile. Doctor Soong always smiled when I did something right, even if it was just a silly trivial thing, but nevertheless to see him smile was a wonderful feeling.
Sometimes I think I do things just to my parents smile.
* * *
I found another fascinating book on my father's shelf today. A large and illustrated copy of Peter Pan and Wendy by J. M. Barrie. I could read the entire book in under five seconds, but this one, for some reason, I wanted to savour. It was a very old copy, hundreds of years in fact and very valuable. I promised my father I'd be very careful with it and I began to read. Reading this was quite a different and please pardon the pun, but a novel experience.
* * *
I had been working out on the farms today. It was okay, I suppose. Though old Tom Handy chased me off his land for stealing a couple of nectarines. He's very possessive of his fruit. I had to smile. Not much he could do with a wooden walking stick against an android now is there, despite holding it in such a threatening manner. Nevertheless, in respect, I left him shaking his old fashioned wooden walking stick in the air, swearing obscenities that would make my mother blush. I have never heard him use that language at anyone else staling his fruit. Maybe it was just me. And I got to eat my nectarines, so there, Old Tom! The unique flavour filled my taste sensations with delight. It was the first time I had eaten one. Sweet, but tart at the same time. An exquisite blend of flavour.
Nature's bounty is so much more delightful that that processed stuff that humans eat. I can't understand how anyone can eat real meat though. The thought of eating a living creature feels so alien to me. Natural fruits, vegetables and ancient grains are so much better for humans as well, so I wonder why they don't eat more of them. Processed foods are so dull and lifeless. Very strange creatures humans are.
I don't normally need to bathe or shower, but after working on the farms all day, and thanks to a late afternoon dust storm, I was utterly filthy. I took my jumper off and began walking to my room.
I walked past my parents' room ... and began hearing strange noises coming from there. Some sort of a loud groaning noise, but it wasn't groaning, it was something else. Something that sounded very weird and then I heard screams. I paused, and the scream again. It was my mother. I heard another loud groaning noise. I recognised that as my father.
What the hell was going on in there?
My mother screamed again. I became worried. What was happening to them? I rushed in to the room. The place was pitch black.
“Father... is everything..."
The next thing I knew, a shoe hit me in my chest. I didn't see that one coming. I was still very confused. I walked further into the room.
“But, Father ..."
A whole closet of shoes and trinkets were thrown at me. Pillows hit me in the chest. Why were they doing this?
“But..."
“Get out, Lore!!"
“But why..."
“Get Out and stay out!" My mother yelled.
I'd never heard her yell before. She was angry too. Why?
“But..."
“OUT!!!" yelled Soong, brooking no arguments.
I backed out of the room and the door closed behind me.
What had I done wrong? Why were they so angry? I was just worried about them. Was that a crime? To care for your own parents? What were they doing in there? Maybe something private, but how was I to know? They sounded as if they were in excruciating pain. I just wanted to help.
* * *
The next morning ...
I had been sitting in a chair all night, pondering why my parents had been so angry and why they chased me out of the room.
Then my father came to where I was sitting. He glared at me.
He was seething, fuming. I'd never seen him so mad before. Come to think of it, I'd never seen him mad before. I don't know why, but I felt scared.
“Lore ... don't you ever, ever come into my room like that again!"
“But, Father ..."
“Don't 'but Father' me! ... You ..."
“But why? ... I don't understand why you're so angry ... I didn't do anything wrong ... What were those strange noises coming from your room? Mother was screaming I was ... worried. Anything could have been happening to you and mother in there. I just wanted to help." I paused for a moment. “Please don't be angry with me ..." I pleaded, looking up at him.
My father's tense features began to soften. He didn't look angry anymore, but sorry. He sat down beside me and sighed.
“What we were doing was very private, Lore."
“I figured that out now, but I didn't know. I -"
Soong nodded. “I should have realized. You couldn't know... But it was very embarrassing for both your mother and I to have someone walk in on us like that."
“I'm sorry, Father. I won't do it again and I won't tell anyone, now that I know, but ...what were you doing in there? Will I ever get to do that?"
Soong smiled and hesitated for a moment. “There are some things you're just going to have to learn when the time's right, when you're old enough. You're only two weeks old now... And, Lore, if ever you hear those ... noises coming from my room again, rest assured, everything is okay."
I nodded. “Yes, Father, I'm sorry."
At that moment, my mother walked into the room.
“There you are, Noon-"
She then saw me and stopped in mid-sentence.
“I'm sorry, Mother," I said. “I was just worried about you both, that's all. That's why I went into the room. I didn't know what you were doing in there, and I heard you screaming. I was worried."
She burst out laughing.
“What's so funny?" I asked, frowning.
She shook her head and smiled. “Nothing, Lore ... Perhaps your father'll teach you some other time, when you're older. By the way, Lore ... you didn't see anything in there, did you?"
“No, it was dark. I could make out your naked silhouettes, but that's about all."
She smiled. “Good."
* * *
I was working with the computer, trying to determine the growth rate of the crops since the last rainfall. I was alone in the room. Then, the door opened and someone entered. I turned. It was her. Alana. The first woman I had ever seen.
I wanted to rush over to her, but thought better of it. She walked to the other computer. She was only a few meters away from me, but it seemed like miles. I looked over at her. She began punching in commands. I tried to draw myself back to my work. My father said he needed the results as soon as possible, but I could not draw my attention away from Alana - and then, as if she knew she was being watched, she turned her head around and looked at me. I quickly looked away, then at the computer screen, hoping she didn't notice that I had been staring. I gradually turned my head towards her again and saw she had turned back to the computer. I hesitated, but then decided to approach her. I gradually walked towards her, feeling more and more nervous with each step. In what seemed like an eternity, I reached her.
"Do ... do you need any help?" I asked. It was the best I could ad lib at the time.
She turned to me. “Help with what?"
There was a short beat. “Ahh ... help with what you're doing."
“No thank you. It's quite simple."
Damn!!
“Are you sure?"
“Yes. Quite sure."
I felt like an idiot. I'd better back off before I really mess this up. I could not resist turning to her. “If you need any help, just let me know."
“All right, Lore."
There was a hint of irritation in her lovely voice. I'd better shut up.
Gods above and below, you're such an idiot, Lore.
I nodded and began to walk back to my computer. I wanted to say something else to her, but decided against it.
I looked at her again.
Her head snapped around. “What are you looking at?!"
I had been caught out. What do I do?
“I...I ... uh ... I don't ... don't know ... I was just looking ... at ..."
“Stop staring at me. You're giving me the creeps!"
Great. You've done it now, Lore ...
“I ... I'm sorry ... I didn't mean to. Um... I was just trying to see what you were doing. I'm sorry if I upset you."
Alana looked at me, puzzled. She finished what she was doing, turned and left the room. I watched her walk out. When the door closed behind her. I sighed, spun around on one foot and clasped my hands together. I think I'm in love ...
I found many a romance novel in my mother's collection. Most were utter crap, bar a few. I liked the mystical ones about witches and wizards falling in love and ones about ancient mythology. I found the Gods fascinating. Earth Gods and so I began to find out more of them. It took a total of one hour and fifty-five minutes to learn all the information there was about the Gods of Old of all types of mythologies and I found them all very intriguing. Did they really exist? Were they only in stories? Were they watching over me? I hoped so.
I found out more about different types of magick as well. Was it real? I hoped so. Was there a spell to make everyone like me? I doubted it, but it was nice to dream. After I had finished my fascinating research, I began to read more of Peter Pan.
I decided to sleep for the first time that night. It was a novel experience. I found myself in glorious fields, stretching further than the eye could see, forests stood tall. In the distance were glorious snow-capped mountains, the other direction, the vast ocean. I saw an enormous albino white humpback whale breach and it was magnificent. I had never seen a real whale before, although my mother has a picture of one in her lab. Where was I? It was the most beautiful place I had ever been. The most gorgeous world I had ever seen. I saw unicorns running free on the fields, mermaids swimming in the oceans, fairies and pixies like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell in the forest. It was so serene and peaceful and no one hurt me here. It was beautiful. It was perfect. It was perfect. It was bliss. Where was I? And then I knew it was Elysium ... the Elysian Fields a blissful land the good and virtuous ancient Greeks believed they went when they died. Wherever it was I felt like I was home and I never wanted to leave.
When I awoke, I was on the colony of course, but where had I been? Could I go there again. I was disappointed that I could not access the exquisite land that I had seen.
Excitedly I told my father about my wonderful experience.
“You had a dream, Lore," he told me, excitement lighting his face. “I didn't know you could dream."
“Neither did I. Until last night, I didn't know what a dream was. Will I ever be able to go back to that beautiful place?"
“Sometimes dreams repeat themselves, but I have never had the same dream twice."
“Oh, I said, disappointed, though it did give me hope that I may be able to go back to that beautiful world someday. But could I stay forever?
Enthusiastically, I began some research.
“Computer, please give me all available information on the ancient Greek Underworld and the Greek God Hades in detail."
It took a moment for the computer to chirp into action.
“Hades, brother of Zeus and Poseidon. In Ancient Greek mythology, he was the Lord of the Dead, and the Underworld. He was not an evil God, for he rightfully punished the evil, for wrongs they had committed in their mortal lives, such as murder, rape, paedophila and other such crimes, though he takes no pleasure in punishment, he would rather not have to punish. Hades rewards the good for leading virtuous lives, as he is also the God of Justice. Contrary to reports that Hades was unhappy with his realm, the Underworld, Hades created the Underworld as he believed the souls of the dead needed a place to spend eternity, as opposed to oblivion, the Underworld be either their sanctuary or their prison, in accordance to how they lived their mortal lives.
Some of Hades' other names include Aidoneus, meaning the unseen, Polydectes, meaning the receiver of many, as all souls went to Hades, Pluto, Pluton, Ditis Pater, Dis Pater, all meaning the rich one, and Eubuleus, meaning the giver of good counsel. He is also called The One of Many Names. No kidding, Sherlock!
Even in his own time, Hades was misunderstood. Mortals were terrified of him. They feared that if they said his name or invoked him he would kill them and take them to the Underworld. Hence, they despised him. However, Hades would only ever have a mortal escorted to his realm if it was their rightful time to die. He would often send the souls of deceased newborns and infants back up into the mortal world, to give them a chance to live. He was one of the few Gods who did not abuse the power that was given to him.
Contrary to popular belief, Hades did not rape Persephone, the Goddess of spring. The Patriarchal telling of the myth was that he kidnapped her and took her to his Underworld, however the older matriarchal telling of the Myth is that Persephone sought out Hades and went to the Underworld and willingly ate the seed of the pomegranate. Persephone dearly loved Hades, as his love for her was genuine and she chose to remain with him.
Hades has also been portrayed in Earth television shows and movies such as Ulysses 31, Disney's Hercules, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess. And Myth Quest. He has also been portrayed in books such as Roberta Gellis’ romance novel Dazzling Brightness. Hades was portrayed as a Mage in this novel with a fierce love for his beloved Persephone. Hades has also been written about in various young adult novels.
The God Hades had been portrayed many times, since, most notably by human actor Stephen James Thomson in the play Aidoneus in 2090.”
I sat back in awe. Here was a God, misunderstood just like I was. He had so much power, but was also responsible in that he never abused that power. Could I do the same if I had that power? I endeavoured to obtain holovids of all those portrayals.
* * *
Later that day, I gave my father the report I’d been working on.
“What took you so long, Lore?"
“I'm sorry, Father ... I ... I was distracted."
“Distracted?"
I nodded.
“How? Was it by your dream last night?" “
He had to ask.
“No ... it was ... ... Just something I found ... uh ... intriguing ... “
Alana.
“And ... well ... I ... well she ... I-"
My father smiled warmly. “Walk with me."
I followed him. We walked outside the base, into the farmlands.
We were walking for quite a while, when my father stopped and turned to me.
“I knew this time would come," he said. “But I didn't expect it to come so soon."
I frowned. “What time?"
Doctor Soong smiled.
“Lore ... I think it's time I told you about the birds and the bees ..."
I became puzzled. “But you've already programmed me with the knowledge of animal life forms. Birds are feathered creatures capable of flight."
I pointed up into the sky as a bird flew past
“And bees are insects that make honey."
My father laughed.
“What's so funny?" I asked, irritated.
“Nothing, Lore, nothing. Sit down."
We both sat on two large rocks, opposite each other.
“I know what distracted you from your report, Lore ..."
I shifted, uncomfortably, embarassed. My father saw this. He smiled, understandingly.
“It's all right. It happened to me many a time. It's all part of being a man."
“But I'm not a man. I'm an android."
My father nodded. “Yes, Lore, but you have been ... Programmed ... sorry, I can't think of a better word - as a fully functional male ... with all the ... parts ... and ... feelings."
I nodded. “So what do I do?"
“Be careful, Lore. Love is a dicey game. There's always a chance of getting hurt. Sometimes it's a game you just can't win."
I nodded, understanding - well, trying to at least.
“Lore, listen to me here. I may be an old man, but I've been through this many times."
“So you know what to do? You understand women."
My father laughed hard. “Oh Gods no. I don't think there’s many men who can claim to do that."
I was puzzled. “Then how ...What is the right way?"
My father chuckled. “There's no right or wrong way, Lore. You just have to take it one day at a time. Some women like the hands-on approach, other the more subtle, gentle approach... It's hard to know exactly what they want, and when you know what they want, you have to feel that you want it too."
“It sounds very complex."
“It is and then again it's not."
“What do you think Alana will like?"
“Alana ... Alana Vashele. She's very talented. Very work orientated."
“She's beautiful..."
“What?"
“Uh ... Nothing ..." I said, ignoring the question
My father nodded. “Ahh, that she is, my son - a bit young for your old man, though."
I smiled. “How old is she?"
“You should never ask a woman that."
“Why? And I'm not asking her. I'm asking you."
“Women are sensitive about their age, especially when they’re getting older. Human life is finite after all. And she'd kill me if I told you."
“Please, father. I won’t tell her."
“Oh, all right…" he gave in. “She's twenty-eight. Don't tell her I told you that. She'll have my guts for garters."
I smiled. “Garters?”
“Things humans used centuries ago to use to hold up socks and stockings. It’s just an expression that has hung around.”
“Oh. And of course not. I won’t tell Alana, I promise. Thank you, Father."
Then there was silence for a while.
“Lore, are you perfectly clear on your feelings for Alana?"
My brow creased a little. “What do you mean?"
“Before you plunge into a relationship, you must know the difference between Love and Lust."
“Lust? What's that?"
A smile spread across his face and he patted my shoulder. “I think it'd be better if you found that out for yourself."
I nodded. “But, Father, you haven't told me what I should do."
“Do what you feel is right, Lore, but I'm warning you - Please be careful. I don't want you to get hurt."
“I'll be careful, I promise."
“We best be getting inside," he said. “It's starting to get dark."
Chapter Twelve
"Father, do you think Alana will view me differently because I'm an android?"
“I don't know, Lore. You're the first sentient android ever created. Some people may view you as nothing more than a machine, simply because they don't understand. But I know differently. I know you have feelings. Feelings that can be hurt. You are my son. My child. You mean as much to me as any human son would, but others may not be so accepting. You just have to be patient."
“Thank you, Father. You've been a great help."
He smiled. “That's what fathers are for."
* * *
I spent all night pondering what my father had told me about love, relationships and Alana.
The next morning, I walked to the computer terminal in my room and sat down. I knew what love was - or thought I did, and had some idea what lust was, but I wanted to be exactly sure of the differences between them.
“Computer, please display dictionary meaning of the words 'Love, and Lust'."
I looked at the screen.
LOVE:
1) An instance of warm affection; also an act of kindness.
2) To have a strong affection - to be devoted to; to care deeply for someone, or something - to be in love.
LUST:
1) Pleasure, delight; also source of pleasure.
2) Sexual appetite or desire, passionate desire; to have a strong excessive sexual desire.
My eyes widened.
“I feel both of those ... I think, but will Ala ..."
“Lore..." called a voice. It was Alana.
I jumped the proverbial ten feet.
“Screen off!" I snapped to the computer, quietly
The screen obediently went blank.
“I'm ... I'm coming, Alana, just ... er ... wait a second."
I composed myself as best I could and went to join her.
“Yes?"
“Doctor Soong asked me to do the crop survey with you."
Thank you, Father!
I tried not to look excited.
“Yes, well ... let's get started."
I helped her with some of the heavier equipment, but she seemed to be managing quite well, despite her fragile looking frame.
We climbed onto two separate hovercrafts and began our survey.
“You do the North quadrant, Lore. I'll do the South."
She was about to leave.
“Alana," I said. “I think it'd be more beneficial if we worked together on the same quadrant. That way we can share our findings and make comparisons."
She hesitated for a moment.
“All right, Lore. We'll do it your way."
Yes!
We began our survey.
The survey was over in less time than I would have liked. As they say time flies when you're having fun. I enjoyed and savoured every moment with Alana. Crop surveys are dead boring, but with her... It felt wonderful., like I was truly coming alive. Alana and I shared our readings and came up with virtually the same findings. I only wish I knew how she felt about me. If she liked me, she was very good at hiding it.
I sat at the computer in Alana's office, and helped her input that data we gathered today. I nodded as she read from the recorder. I could have easily done this myself, and a great deal quicker too, but I wanted to be with her.
“All right," she said, “that's all of it."
I stood. “It's all in the computer."
What a corny thing to say, Lore. Of course it's in the computer!
“Alana..."
She turned around. “Yes?"
I had a mental block. I was too scared to say what I had originally intended to.
“...Are you happy with the survey results? ..."
She looked puzzled. “Yes, Lore. They were fine. They showed nothing out of the ordinary. The crops are growing and there's no abnormalities in the soil. Your instruments should've shown that."
“They did ... but I wanted to know if you felt okay with the results."
“I feel fine with them. Lore ... is there something wrong with you? Are you functioning correctly?"
“Yes ... yes. I am."
“Then why do you sound as though you're ..."
“As though I'm what?"
“...As though you're ... unsure ..."
I said nothing.
“Maybe Doctor Soong had better check you out."
“No, Alana. I'm fine. What are you doing later?"
“I'm going to file these results."
“Is that all?"
She frowned. “Yes. Why?"
“I was wondering if you'd ..."
“If I'd what?"
“If you'd like to have dinner with me?" I tensed, terrified she would refuse.
I tried not to sound too hopeful.
She looked puzzled. “But you don't need to eat. You're an android."
“I am capable of eating, and you need to eat."
She paused for a moment. “No ... no thank you, Lore."
I felt more disappointed than I looked.
“Maybe some other time?" I said, hopefully.
She turned around and gave me a weird look. She also looked a bit more uneasy.
“I really think Doctor Soong should check you out."
“But..."
She spun around. “What?!"
I felt scared. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know why I'd called after her.
“Nothing..." I said softly, leaving. “It doesn't matter..."
Alana left. The last thing I wanted to do was frighten her. She doesn't like me. Was it because I was an android? If only I could tell her how I feel and that I was really feeling it, then perhaps...
But I can't force her to love me. If she doesn't, that is her choice. I felt upset. It was not a nice feeling. I wanted it to go away, but it wouldn't. My father had warned me about getting hurt and now I was.
* * *
I was working in the main room with a few other colonists. We were sharing our computer findings on the crops and finding out ways to better maintain them.
They weren't doing all that well.
It was so easy. I couldn't understand why the colonists were so puzzled by it, but then again, they're humans and they don't have the intelligence that I do and I can't blame them for that. I don't hold that against them. They think I look down on them because I'm better than them. I don't. I want to help them. That's one of the reasons why I'm here.
But I've found the colonists would rather ask each other for advice rather than me. Why? I can give them better and more valuable advice. I don't understand what they have against me. I only want to help. I guess they feel intimidated by me, well I can't help that. I was created with mega strength and intelligence. Can they help the way they're created? No one can. But I don't think it's the intelligence that bothers them. It's because I'm a mechanical life form. They say humans are not prejudiced anymore. I find this to be untrue. They used to be prejudiced against different skin colours, sexual preferences, different cultures and religions ... I don't understand why, though they seem to be more open minded now, but I guess it will be a while before they learn to accept androids. They're prejudiced against me and it's not because of my skin colour or culture. It's because I'm an android. They can't understand how a machine can have real feelings. I'm just different, that's all. Why can't they realize that inside I'm just like them? I can feel. I can be hurt. All the things they feel, I can feel, and they just don't realize. Humans are so single minded. They don't accept anything they don't understand. They don't even try.
I walked over to Ron Dane, one of the colonists.
He was working on a computer analysis program to monitor changes in the crops. He had a good idea, but he was doing it all wrong. I could see the bugs in it even with my eyes closed.
Dane was looking rather frustrated.
“Let me help" I said. “I know what you're doing wrong.
He looked at me and seemed not to want my help, but he had no other choice.
I began rewriting his program.
“What are you doing?" he asked.
“Taking the bugs out."
“Yeah, but you're changing the whole thing."
“The way you had written it wouldn't work and you didn't account for the severe colder temperature of the winter nights."
A few seconds later, I turned to Dane.
“It's done," I told him.
“Done? So soon?" He looked very surprised. “Let me see."
I showed him the program. He stared at the screen.
“It took me six months to do that. Six months!"
I became puzzled. “Why are you so angry? I did what you asked me to."
“I didn't ask you to do anything!"
“But I helped you with-"
“It took me six months to write that program and you come in here and write the whole damn thing again in six seconds!"
“It didn't take me six seconds. It took twenty-one."
Dane looked ready to explode.
“Isn't that what you wanted?" I asked, puzzled. “You wanted the program to work and-"
“You think you're great, don't you, android? Just because you're more intelligent than us... you're nothing more than a machine!"
That hurt a lot. Why won't they accept me? What have I done wrong? I try to help them. I'm nice to them. I've never hurt them in any way and look how they repay me, and you know what? It's just because I'm an android. Would it even matter if my skin and eyes were the same colour as theirs?
They're all the same. They're all human. I know I'm not human, but close enough. I look human and have needs, wants, desires and feelings just like they do. Why can't they realize that? It's just blind ignorance.
“Do you want me to erase the program?" I asked.
“Of course not!" snapped Dane. “We need this program to-"
“Then why are you so mad at me for-"
“Shut up, android," snapped, Glynn, another colonist.
I turned and looked at him.
“Look, I don't understand. First you want my help. That's why I'm here and then you yell at me for helping and-"
“Look, Android, we don't want your help."
“My name is Lore" I snapped, “and if you don't want my help, why the hell did you create me in the first place? Why did you want an android?"
“Who said we wanted an android? Soong wanted to create you, but now, we wish he hadn't. You're more trouble than you're worth."
“What do you mean, trouble? All I-"
“What I mean, Lore, is that it was a waste of time and material to create you. Soong would have done better using that time on bettering the machinery here. The last thing we needed is an android."
"Is that what you think? That I'm just a machine?"
“Well what do you think you are, a human?"
“I know I'm an android, but that doesn't mean I can't feel."
“Of course it does. Soong programmed you to be act human and you do. You even think you're alive."
“Think I am ...I-"
I really wanted to thump him one, but refrained myself. If I hurt anyone here, that'd really look bad, and besides, he didn't know what he was saying. How could he know how much he's hurting me? I'm just a machine, remember?
Glynn continued. “Doctor Soong made you so human that you're really becoming pain in the ass!"
I didn't want to hear anymore.
“Well, if you don't need me fine."
I pushed past them and stormed out of the room in high dungeon.
I burst into my quarters, almost breaking the door.
“Lore ..."
It was my father.
“What?!" I snapped.
“What happened with-"
“Great, now you're rousing me. Can an android not have a moment's peace!"
“Lore, calm down, I just want to know what happened."
“I'll tell you what happened. I helped him and he yelled at me."
“Lore," my father sighed, “you've got to understand that humans can't work as fast as you and don't have your superior intelligence."
“I know that and I don't expect them to."
“They're rather possessive of their work."
“So I've noticed, but if they don't want my help - fine."
I pushed past my father and left.
“Lore!"
I ignored him and left the complex
* * *
I walked briskly for approximately three and a half hours before I came up on an old watchtower. From my programmed memory banks, I knew that the watchtower was an old abandoned relic from the previous inhabitants of this planet. They killed each other in a civil war, apparently, over three hundred years before we came here. I entered the deserted stone watchtower, climbed the stairs to the top and smiled. No one around for miles and miles. This was the perfect spot, the perfect getaway, this old watchtower. A small amount of the colonists believed the ghosts of the other race are still around, but there was nothing here, only the gentle wind.
I lay down on the floor on an old pile of blankets. If only my entire life could be this peaceful.
* * *
I often came to the old watchtower in times of need, times when I just wanted to be alone. I even played there, though I told no one about it, not even my parents. It was fun to pretend the enemy was coming and to man the ancient trebuchet atop the tower. I smiled to myself. I loved that old grey stone watchtower. It was a place where I finally found solace. My proximity detector could detect anyone within a three-mile radius, but it was fun to use the watchtower to keep lookout, but no one ever came out here. Good.
That's what they thought - that I was just an unfeeling machine. No matter how hard I try to convince them otherwise, that's what they'll believe. As I said, they're so damn single minded, not willing to give anything a chance. Why can't they understand? Why can't they see that I have feelings, just like them? Can't they hear the emotion in my voice? No. They believe it's all part of a blasted program. Well, if I'm programmed to think I'm alive, maybe I'd be better off thinking I'm dead. I don't want to go on the rest of my life being rejected. I've done nothing to upset them and yet they hurt me without even realizing it. I wish they could understand, but can I blame them? They're only human. Perhaps one day, they'll accept androids as a life form, but unfortunately for me, not yet.
How would Glynn like it if I rejected him just because his skin was a very dark colour? People used to get rejected hundreds of years ago just because of what colour they were. Stupid, isn't it? What difference does it make? Do I have to wait hundreds of years before they'll accept androids?
* * *
That morning, I emerged from my quarters, tired of sulking. The colonists didn't want to accept me and that was that, but what they said still hurt a lot and I couldn't shut the pain out. Sometimes, I wish my father hadn't given me emotions. Then I wouldn't feel any pain, but then again, I wouldn't feel love either and that was a beautiful feeling.
I saw Alana walk past. I fell into step behind her. There was something I really wanted to say to her and I hoped I could say it properly this time without making a complete idiot out of myself. I admit I was shy when it came to her.
Alana then stopped. I did too, almost bumping into her. She turned around.
“Lore" she said. “Were you following me?"
“Ah, no, Alana ... I was just going to the room over there."
I pointed and started to walk toward the door. Great. Now I sound like an idiot. I turned around, just as Alana was starting to walk away.
“Uh ... Alana, there's something I need to show you ... in here."
“What? Have you found new information on the crops?"
“Uh ... not quite, but come in and I'll show you."
She followed me into the room.
"Lights" I said and the room was illuminated.
Alana frowned.
“This is the old computer room. It's not used anymore. What could possibly be of use in here?"
She looked at me, expectantly.
“Er... Alana, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while ..."
She looked uneasy. “What ..."
I hesitated for a moment. She became more and more uneasy.
“Don't worry," I said gently. “I'm not going to hurt you."
She still looked unsure.
“What I wanted to say is .. is ..."
I took a deep breath, then grabbed her and kissed her. She dropped her papers. This was the first time I'd kissed anyone. It felt wonderful, then Alana began to struggle. I wished it could have gone on for longer, but I let her go, the next thing I knew she belted me across the face.
“Don't you ever do that again!" She held her smarting hand.
“But..."
She tried to slap me again, but I grabbed her wrist. She tried to jerk free.
“Let me go!! You're hurting me..."
“Sorry ..." I released my grip.
“Just what do you think you're playing at?"
“I ... I wanted to say that ... I ... Alana ... that you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and ... I love you."
She nodded. “Right - and I'm your fairy godmother."
“But it's true ..."
“I don't need this. I've got enough on my hands without a deranged android who thinks he's human and in love of all things."
She bent down and picked up her papers. I looked at her.
“I guess that means dinner's off..."
She glared at me, made a noise of annoyance and threw her papers in my face. Then she stormed out of the room.
I watched her go. A tear rolled down my cheek.
Why, of all the colonists, why can't she understand? She's just like all the others and she's the one I care most about. I love her. I really do, but now I know she sees me just as all the other colonists do. Why can't she see? Maybe I have to show her more. Maybe she will understand if I show her more love, I mean all I've done is ask her for dinner and kiss her. Maybe she doesn't think I can love her after such a short while. My father had told me that you can't fall in love overnight and perhaps she thinks the same thing. I hope that's all it is. If she really knows that I love her, perhaps she'll love me too. Is that too much to hope for?
I was walking past Doctor Soong's office and heard yelling.
"I've had it with that android of yours!"
It was Alana doing the yelling.
“What happened?" asked Doctor Soong.
“I'll tell you what happened! It followed me, then led me into a room, telling me it had something to show me. So I went in."
It? is that what she thinks I am an it? I continued to listen, hoping my father would help me by saying something good.
“And then what?" he asked.
“Then it said it loved me, grabbed me and kissed me! ..."
My father laughed.
“This isn't funny, Soong!" Alana raged. “That android has been getting on my nerves since day one. Ever since it woke up for the first time, it was always staring at me wherever I went."
“Lore's just fascinated by you, that's all."
“Fascinated?"
“Yes. You were the first woman he ever saw and ... well, he's developed a liking to you."
“Well, tell him to keep his fascination to ... He? Hey, Let's not get carried away here. I know you and Juliana spent quite a while creating Lore, and it's quite a step forward for you, but..."
“Listen, 'Lana, Lore is the closest thing I've ever had to a son. I know that may sound strange to you and everybody else. He may be just a machine to you - an android, but to me he's my son."
“I respect your view, Noonian, but don't expect us to feel the same way about Lore as you do."
“I'm not excepting anything, 'Lana, just hoping. Hoping that mankind will someday accept androids as a life form."
“Perhaps we will, Noonian, but not today. Maybe we're not ready for that yet."
“You can be assured of that, Alana."
The two then left my father's office. Alana saw me leaving.
“An eaves dropping android, what next?!"
I turned around. “You were talking about me."
“Yes. Not to you."
“I have a right to know what's being said behind my back."
“Maybe you do. You heard everything?"
“Most of it."
“So you love me, Android? ... How about it? You and me. Let's get married ..."
“Yeah, well, why don't we? I can detect sarcasm, you know."
I spun on my heel and left. Time to visit the old watchtower again.
And so I went. I was there for about an hour and lay on the hay again.
“So you've found the old watchtower..."
I jumped to see Old Tom Handy.
“I used to come here often, pretend I was a sentinel. I brought the hay to make it more comfortable to lie down."
I smiled. “It's nice out here, nice and peaceful."
“Aye, that it is, young Lore."
“Young?"
“Well compared to me. I'm pushing ninety."
I nodded. “A well derived comparison."
And we spent the day in the watchtower. Though, this was the last time Tom would visit it.
* * *
2.00 am. I walked down the corridor, towards the exit. The corridors were dimly lit, as hardly anyone was awake at this hour.
I approached the exit and touched the door panel. It opened to my palm print.
It was dark outside. Dark and quiet. Everything seemed to stop here at night. If there were any nocturnal creatures, they were very quiet. Even I couldn't hear them.
I walked into the night. The only sound to be heard were my footsteps.
I knew where I was headed. The flower gardens out yonder. A few miles past the farmlands. I could go on a hovercraft and be there in a few minutes, but I wanted to walk.
And so I walked. Past the vast farmlands, which the colonists cultivated for a lot of their food supplies. They had replicators, but felt they needed to remain true to their heritage. Some had been farmers for generations, my father had told me.
I walked on. I could see light brimming on the horizon - 'the crack of Dawn' they call it. I wonder why. Funny people. I didn't hear a crack.
It was gradually beginning to get lighter.
I reached the flower gardens about an hour after I left the base. There were many flowers here, both from Earth and ones indigenous to Omicron Theta. 'Fluffs' as the colonists had aptly named them. They were small fluffy flowers, which grew in bundles. Almost every flower in the bundle was a different colour. However, they didn't like to be touched. They closed up into a bud when they were exposed to unnatural pressures.
It was almost as if they were alive. Were they? One really didn't know. There was no way we knew to communicate with them. They were unlike Earth flowers. Essentially, the 'Fluffs' had as much right to be here as we did, so the colonists chose to leave them alone. They had survived quite well without our help, so it would seem.
I touched one of them gently. The yellow flower closed up and retreated back into its bud. I waited for a while, until it re-emerged.
At least they didn't treat me like a machine. Even if they were 'just plants.'
It gradually started to get lighter.
I stood up and walked to the rose bushes. There were many of them, each bush with a different colour roses. Red, Yellow, orange, violet brown, white, black and other colours the colonists had bred, such as mustards, blues, greens and more.
I walked to one of the red rose bushes. I needed thirty-six bright red roses for Alana. The flowers of love. Essentially, I'm against humans, but I still love Alana. I guess I always have, even if she does reject me. Perhaps today will be different. I hope. I looked around the bush and started to pick only the best ones. It took a while. I could've done it much faster, but I didn't want to.
I sat down with the three dozen red roses and began individually picking the thorns off them.
“She loves me, she loves me not. She loves me ..."
I know you're supposed to do that with daises, but there aren't any around here, not with the roses, anyway.
It took quite a while to pick all the thorns off them. I didn't want her to prick herself.
I picked off the last few.
“She loves me ... she loves me not ... She loves me!"
I wish ... Perhaps she will love me, someday. Perhaps today, if she knew how I really felt for her. I feel great today. I don't know why, but I just do. I suppose it's just one of those days where you get off on the right side of the bed for a change. I haven't had many of those days since I've been activated.
I'd spent about an hour, carefully choosing the roses and preparing them for her.
Carefully, I gathered up the vermilion flowers and began to walk back to the base.
It was 0600 when I returned.
I had already prepared a card the night before. All I had to do was write some a love poem in it. I looked through the computer files, but none of them seemed right. None of them fitted my how I was feeling. However, a self-written poem would be more meaningful and it'd be more ... me.
I'm not much of a poet, but I'll give it a bash.
I've spent over half an hour, thinking, writing lines, changing words around, swapping lines, but I think I've come up with one. A good one at that.
One which describes how I feel exactly.
To my dear Alana
These roses, My Love, are only for you
I'd give anything for you to love me too.
What can I do,
To prove my love for you
Is true?
Everything I've done,
You've shunned.
These thirty-six roses red
Or so I have said,
Are a small token of my love
Please accept them, or I'll feel blue
The rest of my life, thinking of you.
I love you, Alana, I really do.
I promise my feelings for you
Are true.
But I cannot force your love
And I will not
But you do not even see my love
All you've seen
Is that I'm only a machine
Who cannot feel a thing.
LORE
Love Lore xoxo
I hope she'll understand after she reads this. I gathered the roses, the card, with the poem written inside it. I suddenly remembered. Chocolates! Oh, how she loves chocolates!
I rushed to the replicator and replicated a box of macadamia and hazelnut milk chocolates. Her absolute favorite. I put the card inside the ribbon on the chocolate box and went to Alana's quarters. I was happy, but at the same time scared. What if she rejected me again - like she always has? What if she never understands how I feel about her - that I can feel? I didn't want to think about that. I knocked on the door and tried my best to hide the roses and chocolates.
“Wait a minute" was the reply.
That minute seemed to go on forever, until she opened the door.
“What is it, Lore?"
I then shyly and gingerly handed her the roses and chocolates. She just stared at me.
“What ..."
“Isn't it obvious?"
“Lore..."
“What?"
“Why are you doing this?"
“You know why."
“But, Lore, you can't..."
“Just open the card." I said, hastily. “Please." I added, gently.
“Oh ... all right ..." she sighed, resigned.
She took the card from me, tore open the envelope. I had drawn symbols of love on it. Cupids, Roses ...
Alana opened the card.
To my dear Alana
These roses, My Love, are only for you ...
She finished reading and looked up.
“You wrote this?"
I nodded.
“Well, it's quite a good poem, but-"
“But, what?" I felt nervous.
“Lore..." Her voice sounded resigned. “You can't be feeling this."
“Why not?"
"You're an android, for Pete's sake! You're not capable of emotions!"
“But I am. Everything I've done ... Can't you see that?"
“Lore, Doctor Soong created you to help us, and so we wouldn't be intimidated by an android, he ... he made you look and act human. And he did a good job at that. If you weren't an android, I might've thought you were human."
“I know what you're saying."
“What am I saying?"
“You're saying that because I'm an android, programmed to think I'm alive, so I think I'm alive. Didn't it ever occur to you that I might be alive?"
“No."
I looked into her beautiful oceanic blue eyes. And a tear rolled down my cheek.
“See," she said. “You're crying. Not because you're sad, but because that's the thing a human male would do in this situation - now get outta my room."
I looked at her, hurting even more.
“Okay, I'll go, but just tell me one thing - Would you love me if I were human?"
“If you were human Lore." she said, after a long pause, “you might be considered charming. Everything you've done for me suggests that. Perhaps ... Perhaps I would."
I let the roses drop to the floor, then met her eyes, “Then I wish I was human."
And with that, I left her quarters.
At first, I wasn't aware that she was following me. I was so upset and hurt, I might not have cared. I walked into a room and wanted to burst into tears, but she came in and turned on the light.
“You wish you were human?" her voice was ever so sarcastic.
I turned around and looked at her.
“Yes. Then perhaps you would love me."
“Love?" she scoffed. “You don't even know the meaning of the word and don't bother to quote the dictionary. I'm sick of you, Lore! Pretending you're alive, playing on our sympathies, well, you're not going to get any from me. Nothing I say will hurt you, although you'll claim it does. You're nothing more than a machine, Lore and nothing is ever going to change that."
I turned around, more hurt than ever, but she wouldn't understand. She never will. Nothing is ever going to change that. I know that now. I only wish she felt the way I did. Why can't she love me? What have I done wrong? I did everything by the book, and more. I don't understand ...
“I wish Doctor Soong had never created you!" she screamed. “All you've caused this colony is trouble, from the moment you awoke. You're just a thing, Lore and things can be replaced."
“Stop it ..." I pleaded, but she continued.
“I often wondered why Doctor Soong didn't build something more worthwhile ... or make an android who doesn't think he's - It's alive."
“Stop it..."
“Why should I? Is it hurting you, Lore?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “Oh, I'm so sorry... forgive me, Mr Sentient Android. I didn't know circuits could feel."
It was doing more than hurting me. What she was saying was angering me. Why can't she - why can't they all understand?
“So, Lore, do you want to marry me? Do you love me that much?"
Yes. I did love her that much, but she'll never know or understand.
But that's not why she asked the question.
“Let's get married right now!" she jeered. “We'll go on a honeymoon and..."
“Stop it, please..."
“Oh, you don't love me anymore? ... Oh, Lore, how could you? All the things you said to me...The roses, the card, the poem..."
She pretended to cry, then she laughed.
“You see, Lore. You don't love me. You can't love me. You can't feel any-"
“Stop it!"
“Stop what? Oh, so now we're angry? Is that it? Trying out another human emotion? You're nothing but a walking pile of circuits and-"
“STOP IT!!!"
I could barely control my temper and whacked her. Alana reeled back and stared at me.
I stared at her in disbelief at what I had just done. “'Lana, I'm sorry ..."
“Get away! Just get away!"
“'Lana... Sorry if I offended"
“LEAVE ME ALONE!! AND DON’T CALL ME ‘LANA"
Unsure of what to do, I left, angry and frustrated.
Bitterly I grabbed Peter Pan and Wendy and finished the old book.
Is that right? ... I sighed to myself. If I took the first star on the right and went straight on till morning, would I reach Neverland? I hoped so. Would the Lost Boys reject me? I hoped not. I was a lost boy myself. Would I be able to fly with a little pixie dust? One needed ot think happy thoughts in order to fly in Neverland and happy I was not.
Yes, it was a work of fiction, but I really wished it wasn't. If I clapped my hands loud enough and long enough would fairies appear? I highly doubted it. I thumped the book closed the book and slammed it to into the shelf, where it would gather dust until someone decided to visit Neverland again.
This was the first time I'd been really angry at Alana. She was asking for it, but I felt I done the right thing. Although I was mad with her, but I still felt I loved her. I needed some advice, so I walked back to my father's office.
“Hello, Lore" he said.
“Father, I need some ..."
There was a loud thud and clash from inside my father's bedroom. We shared startled glances and rushed in.
“Lights!" yelled Soong.
My mother was lying on the floor. Doctor Soong rushed over to her and turned her over.
“Darling... what happened ... are you all right?"
She groaned slightly and opened her eyes.
“Don't know ... felt weak and fell ... fainted..."
Doctor Soong looked at Alana and I. “Get me a tricorder."
I looked around and there was one of the ledge. I grabbed it and gave it to him. Doctor Soong scanned her body.
“Keep still" he said.
“What's wrong with her. “Is she going to be all right?" I asked anxiously."
Soong paid no attention to me and continued to scan. He nodded, relieved. “You're going to be fine. A little too much stress, that's all."
We helped her up unto the bed.
“I can't rest..." she said “I have lots of work to do."
"Mother, you have to rest" I said, then turned to my father.
“You have to rest, Juliana," Noonian said to her. “We'll take care of you. I'll get some of the other colonists to do your work."
“But ..."
“Mother, please" I said. “You work too hard and you'll wear yourself out."
Noonian turned to me.
“Lore, I'd like a moment alone with my wife, please."
I nodded and left. I did understand, but again, I felt shunted aside. I felt for my mother, but was I not her only son?
Doctor Soong came to me a while later.
“Alana told me what happened.”
“Great. Now you’re on my case too?”
“It’s best of you leave it with her. She’s clearly not interested and the colonists are beginning to protest that you are a danger.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
“It’s easy to say that in retrospect.”
“It’s because I’m an android. If she knew I could really feel, would she be interested in me? She’s gorgeous, but I don’t see any of the other colonists vying for her attention.”
“Difficult to say, Lore. She may be, she mightn’t be.”
I signed and even though I was proud of being an android I wondered if I’d become human for Alana.
* * *
I began to lose myself in music, whenever and wherever I could. I listened to millions of tracks. Some wonderful, some just plain awful! Some songs seemed to speak my feelings as if the songwriters knew my soul. Some jarred and grated on my cyber-nerves. As if they were writing about me, but they lived and died hundreds of years ago.
Perhaps they felt the way I did, lost even amongst their own kind. Humans are such strange creatures. I listened to much alien music, and some of it was just as beautiful, however some the less said the better. Some of it was passionate, like Klingon opera.
My father came into my room when I was bellowing a well-known Opera in perfect Klingon and I could have died. Fortunately, he just smiled and left my quarters and never said a word then or since. Ferengi music, the less said the better. As you guess, most of it is about profits and to tell you the truth, they could not sing if their profits depended on it. Their instrumental stuff isn't too bad though. Some nice pieces. I find a lot of wordless music just as moving, some of it you feel you can sway like the trees in the wind. It seems books and music were my only friends here.
* * *
I had finished checking the equipment in the main control room. I was about to leave when I heard two colonists enter from the far entrance.
“I can't believe it, Elai!" one of them said. “It's so easy!"
“I'm not a mathematical genius, Albert," she said.
“That's obvious ... Elai, it's so simple!"
“My name is Elanore, if you don't mind. And I can't help it if I'm not a numerical whiz like the other people here. I don't even like it here."
“Then why did you come with us on the transport? You should have stayed on Earth."
I looked at the woman he was abusing and could see she was hurt.
“I don't even know why you came in the first place."
“I admire Doctor Noonian Soong and his accomplishments."
“We all do," Albert said, “but you're a useless contributor."
I'd had enough. “Leave her alone," I ordered, walking toward them.
Albert looked at me. “This isn't your concern, android."
“Maybe not, but I don't think your treatment of this young woman is fair."
“Not fair?" he said with a trace of sarcasm. “She doesn't know anything."
“Mathematics isn't everything," I said. “There must be other things she knows."
“Like what?"
I glared at him. “Why don’t you ask her? It’s also puzzling ot me why you would purposely be trying to hurt her feelings."
“What would you know of feelings?" Albert sniffed.
“A hell of a lot more than you do."
He said nothing to that.
“Okay," he said, turning to me, “if you're so intelligent, give me the proof for Pierre De Fermat's Last Theorem - x**n + y**n = z**n when n>2 which has no solution in whole numbers. He said there was remarkable proof, but no proof was included in his notes. And until this day, no one, to my knowledge, has ever found proof."
“Well then, your knowledge is obviously faulty," I stated. “Apparently, the theorem was proven by Doctor Andrew Wiles, a twentieth century English mathematician who worked at Princeton. And there are many written documents that have documented the proof."
I proceeded to give him the proof. Albert was stunned and snuffed. Before he stormed out, I said, “do you see me rejecting you because my intelligence is much greater than yours?"
He turned around and looked at me.
“You shouldn't reject people on accountability of their intelligence. That's not the only thing that makes a person special."
Albert gave me an apologetic look, then left, obviously not knowing what to say.
Elanore turned to me. “Thank you, Lore. No one's ever stuck up for me before."
I smiled. “I don't like to see people get rejected. It happens to me all the time."
“Me too," she said. “I feel lonely here. I mean I admire Noonian's work, but I' just haven't got it up here," she tapped her head," to become a scientist."
“I'll help you," I said, and I really wanted to. I hadn't had much to do with her, but at least she wasn't rejecting me like the other colonists.
She shook her head, embarassed. “No ... I can't ... You have more important things to do."
I looked at her, sympathetically. “I'm not going to look down on you because you're not a mathematical genius. There's got to be something you are good at."
"I love cooking and writing stories," she said.
“There you go," I smiled. “I bet that Albert guy couldn't write anything more than an equation and I shudder to think what his cooking is like."
With that, Elanore laughed. “I really don't like him. He's been on my case since day one."
"I’m not a fan of him either. Well, if he bothers you again, just let me know."
She smiled. “Thank you, Lore."
I turned to leave, but there was something else. Was it the way she looked? She was quite attractive.
Short, but pretty. Her long wavy brown hair suited her delicate face and her emerald eyes seemed to penetrate into mine, but somehow, I don't think that was it.
“What is it, Lore?" she asked.
“Oh ...nothing ..."
I started to leave.
“Lore ..."
“Yes?"
“I don't have any friends here," she said.
I turned to her.
“Neither do I ... Like you the others reject me - because I'm an android."
“That makes no difference to me," she said. “No one has ever been kinder to me. Will you be my friend?"
She sounded nervous, afraid of rejection and I'd be damned to Tartarus if I would reject her.
Overjoyed, I smiled. “Thanks, I'd like that a lot."
She moved toward me and kissed me on my cheek.
“I have to go. The others are expecting me."
I nodded and watched her leave, then smiled. I had made my first and only friend. It was a wonderful feeling. She didn't reject me like the others do and I would respect her friendship deeply. So what if she's not that bright in the numerical department? She's a very nice person and nicer that some of the so-called geniuses we have here, anyway.
That night, I had another dream ...
I stood in the hall, looking immaculate and smiled to myself, then paused for a moment. All of a sudden, the place seemed familiar, as if I'd been here before, but I knew I hadn't. I gazed down the aisle, and the music started to play, soft, gentle, inspirational.
Then I saw Elanore, walking toward me, dressed in a beautiful, many shaded brown wedding dress. Her face covered by dark brown veil.
She was the one for me. It seemed to take forever, for her to reach me, but I didn't mind. I would wait that long for her.
She stood beside me now. And the music had come to an end. Gently, I took her delicate hand into my own. She turned to me. With my free hand, I slowly began to lift the veil… Her rusty coloured hair shone like the sun. I drowned himself in her beautiful verdant eyes, and slowly lowered my hand from her veil, now pulled back over her small head. I put my arms around her, gently, and slowly, drew her toward myself. When I kissed her, I felt something. A feeling that was almost foreign to me - distant. I had felt it once before. After Alana, a feeling I swore I would never feel again. Love.
I awoke from the dream with my arms around my pillow and I chuckled sadly to myself. Would I marry Elanore? Somehow I doubted it. Yes, she was my friend, and the experience was lovely, but now I was awake and it was gone. Along with Elysium.
It was only a dream.
Chapter Thirteen
Sometime later that week ...
I came into the main room and saw my friend Elanore bringing out different dishes of food and putting them on the table. There were quite a lot already out there.
“What are you doing?"
“Oh hello, Lore," she said. “I don't know. I just had this sudden urge to cook. I've been up since five o'clock this morning."
“Are you sure you don't need to rest?"
“Yes, Lore. I'm fine - wide awake."
I smiled. “What are you going to do with all this food?"
“Well ... I was hoping you would try it and tell me what you think. I was thinking of making some of these dishes for the Solstice celebration coming up in a few months’ time. Can you try them?"
“Sure."
She smiled. “Well, go ahead and taste test. I'm going to bring out some more."
“More?"
There were forty-two out here already.
Elanore smiled sweetly and left. I sat down at the table and began to eat. They were mostly desert dishes and thirty different types of chocolate mousses. She had a love for sweet things, after all, she was a sweet person!
She came out about ten minutes later with two more dishes. I was sitting at one end of the table with my arm over my stomach. She looked at me, then at the table. Every single one of the dishes was empty. Her eyes widened and she almost dropped the two she had in her hand.
“My God, Lore ... You ate all that?!"
“Very nice, Elanore ... Particularly the chocolate mousse."
“And I thought your father ate a lot ..." She looked at me. “And you're still as thin as a rake, damn you," and then she smiled. “Here."
She handed me the other dishes and then she laughed.
“I've never seen someone eat so much food!"
I smiled and finished eating the other two dishes. To tell the truth, I was stuffed to the brim. I don't think I could fit another thing in.
“I'm going to have to replicate most of the dishes, unfortunately ... “ Elanore said. “It'll take until next Solstice to cook for over four hundred people!"
“Very good," I said. “The texture was unusual, but the contents blended quite well."
“Thank you, Lore. I've spent years trying to get that right. Here's the other one."
“Elanore ... I'm full, really ..."
“But I saved the best one for last."
“If I eat another thing, I'll burst."
“Please, Lore ..."
I looked at her and she was looking to me with puppy dog eyes. She did that so well.
“All right ..." I gave in, but you're going to have to clean me off the floor when I explode after I eat this."
She laughed. “Thank you, Lore. You'll like this one. It's minted white Belgian Chocolate mousse. From Earth, my home world."
I began swallowing it. Its texture was a lot smoother than the others and it went down well, a lot sweeter too. I finished it and handed the empty bowl to Elanore.
“Thank you. That was delicious. You're a great chef."
She smiled. I really liked her.
* * *
That night ...
I was walking down the corridor, on my way to the computer room.
I saw Carley a pregnant colonist, waddling down the corridor, using the wall for support. She stumbled and began to fall. I dashed to her and stopped her fall.
“Are you all right?" I asked, helping her up.
She took a few moments to reply. She nodded slowly, then said, “Thank you ... I feel weak... Lore, can you help me to Sick Bay please?"
My Gods, she's having a baby. I picked her up carefully and rushed her to the Sick Bay as fast and as gently as I could.
We arrived moments later. I helped her inside and took her to Doctor Castimir Bais. One look at her and he knew.
“Bring her over here," he said, hastily.
I walked around the bed and carefully laid Mrs Mimily down.
Doctor Bais looked at me. “Be very careful..." he said.
I nodded, then looked at Carley. “Everything's going to be all right." I told her.
“You'd better go," Bais said.
I wanted to stay. I've never seen a baby being born before, but I turned to leave.
“No," Carley said. “I want him to stay. I need someone to stay with me and Michael isn't here." She took my hand and I turned around and silently thanked her.
Michael was her husband. Some husband. He's not even here for one of the most important events in his family’s life. I was grateful she wanted me to stay.
“As you wish" Doctor Bais said, monitoring her with a tricorder.
* * *
The baby started crying. I wanted to touch it, but Doctor Bais pushed past me and cut the umbilical cord.
The whole procedure was truly fascinating, though I felt sorry for Carley in pain.
She looked up. “What is it?" she asked.
Bais smiled. “Congratulations. It's a boy."
She laughed. A lovely sound.
“Can I touch him?" I asked.
Carley smiled and nodded.
I outstretched my hand slowly and gently touched his head. His skin felt warm to the touch. I smiled. It was truly wonderful.
Doctor Bais smiled and nodded.
“I'll clean him up for you."
He took the baby away in a cloth.
I turned to Carley.
“Thank you, Lore," she said, “for being here with me."
“It's my pleasure, Carley."
“I wish Michael could have been here to see it."
I nodded. Where was he anyway? I began to feel angry. He should have been here. But now wasn't the time for anger. I was happy for Carley, even though I didn't know her that well.
A few minutes later, Doctor Bais returned with the baby.
“Can I hold him?" I asked.
Doctor Bais looked at Carley questioningly.
“It's okay, Doc," she said.
Bais handed the baby to me. I gently took him into my arms. He was so gorgeous! He had his mother's cute nose.
I turned to Carley. “What are you going to call him?"
She thought for a moment. “Joshua" she said. “After my grandfather."
I handed Joshua to her. She took him into her arms and nursed him gently. He started making those adorable baby noises and she gently worked her finger into his mouth and he sucked onto it. I smiled. I turned as I heard the door slide open and I saw my Michael burst in. He rushed to Carley.
“I'm sorry," he said. “I just heard about it. I wish I could have been here to ..."
Carley smiled at him. “Look."
Michael looked at the baby - his baby.
“I called him Joshua," she said.
Michael smiled. “I know. If it was a girl, I would have called her Umiko."
Carley smiled. She told me her husband had a soft spot for Japanese names. Michael took Joshua from her, then he noticed me.
“What are you doing here?" he asked, somewhat angrily.
“He helped me to Sick Bay," Carley said. “And he wanted to stay, so I let him. I needed someone to be with me."
Michael sighed. “I'm sorry ... I..."
"It's all right," she said. “Everything's fine now."
Michael looked at me. “Thank you."
I smiled.
Michael smiled back at me, then looked at his child. “Beautiful, isn't he?"
I nodded.
“Uh, listen, Lore ... if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone with my wife now."
I took the hint and left.
* * *
One day, a few months later, I was walking past Carley and Michael's room, when I heard them arguing, well sort of. A good thing about them is they never had any serious arguments.
“Michael, it's your turn."
“No it's not. I fed him yesterday."
“No you didn't. I did."
“I fed him for breakfast."
“And I fed him for dinner."
I smiled and began to walk past the door.
“I'm not feeding him."
“Yes, you are." Next thing I knew, they called me into the room.
“Uh ... is everything all right here?"
“Yes, thank you," Michael said, “uh .., Lore ..."
“Yes?"
“Will you mind feeding Josh?"
I had an awful feeling I had been sucked into this.
“Michael ..."
“It's okay, Mrs Mimily, I'll feed him - and change his diapers."
She smiled. “Thank you, Lore. I'll get him."
Carley returned moments later with Josh and handed him to me. I gently took him from her and left the room.
I sat Josh down and walked to the replicator. He started making noises, as if he was about to cry.
“It's all right," I assured, walking back toward him. “I'm just going to get you some food."
I don't know if he understood, but he kept quiet.
I approached the replicator. Hang on a second ... What do babies eat? I looked at Josh, who seemed to be looking at me expectantly. I turned to the replicator.
“Uh ... A large steak, please, with peas, mashed potatoes and mushrooms."
The meat and vegetables materialized and I took it to Josh. I put it down in front of him. He looked up at me and made baby noises.
“There's your food. Eat it."
Josh looked blankly at me. I pointed to the meat. He looked at it, then looked back at me.
“Come on. My father eats this all the time. Wait ... Ah. I know what's wrong. Too big."
I cut the steak into small pieces and offered one to Josh. Still, he wouldn't eat it.
“What's wrong with it?"
I was getting frustrated, but Josh smiled at me. He clasped his tiny hand around the piece of steak.
Finally, he's going to eat -
He threw it in my face and then started playing around with the other pieces, but wouldn't eat the damn stuff. I wiped my face, and looked at him.
I heard someone walk into the room and turned around.
“Mother..."
“What are you doing, Lore?"
“Feeding Joshua."
“The Mimily's child?"
“Yes. They asked me to."
She looked at the plate of food, smiled and shook her head. Then she laughed.
“What's so funny?"
“Nothing, Lore ... That's not the kind of food you feed a baby."
“But father eats this all the time."
“I know, but he's an adult."
My mother took the plate of food and walked to the replicator.
She placed it in the slot.
“Disperse."
The mangled steak dematerialized and she faced the replicator.
“Baby nutritional supplement 45."
She brought me the bowl of food.
“Mush?"
She nodded.
“They eat that?"
She nodded. “Trust me, Lore. Young babies eat this stuff. Josh has no teeth yet, so he can't chew. Egg custard is another thing they love."
She gently put her finger into Josh's mouth and he sucked on it.
“Here" she said, handing me the mush. “I have to go back to your father."
I watched her leave and turned to Josh.
“You're braver than I am if you're gonna eat this stuff."
I took a spoonful of it to his mouth. He looked at it and then took it into his mouth, then spat it into my face.
“Listen, you ..."
I was getting more and more frustrated, but then, I looked up at Josh, smiling and laughing. I couldn't help it. I started to laugh too. I tried to feed him and he finally ate some.
Later, I returned Josh to his parents.
Michael looked at me and laughed. “I see you've discovered a new fashion, Lore. Baby food!"
He smiled. “Thanks for feeding him. You are now our official baby feeder."
“Why, thank you ..."
I'd finally picked up the art of sarcasm.
Michael smiled again. “Get Josh and yourself cleaned up."
I nodded. “What shall I wear? ... Steak, peas and mushrooms?"
He laughed at that. “I think a nice robe'll do."
I smiled, then left.
I put Josh in a gentle old-fashioned water shower and had one myself. He loved it, sitting there, cackling away. He was a cute baby, you know. Messy, but cute.
The Mimily's often let me babysit and feed Josh. I liked doing that, even though he was an untidy little tyke. I hate to admit this, but I liked playing with him. To him it made no difference what I was.
* * *
I was on my way to the exit, then heard quiet footsteps behind me, so I stopped and looked around.
At first I saw no one, but then I felt something against my legs and looked down. It was Silky, the colony's cat. No one really owned her. She was a stray one of the colonists had felt sorry for and brought from Earth.
“I know what you want."
She only meowed, which in cat language, usually means 'feed me.'
I smiled. “You've probably been fed a million times today."
But she was a cute thing. A short-haired white cat, with green eyes. I picked her up and took her to the nearest replicator.
“Fresh tuna fish," I told it.
I don't know why people feed their pets cat and dog food that's not fit for human consumption and it tastes and smells worse than the baby food I had to feed Josh! I know – out of curiosity I tried it months ago. Wish I hadn't. The fish materialized. I put it in front of Silky who gobbled it up like you wouldn't believe. I told you, they hate that cat muck.
I'd often feed Silky. At first she had been scared of me and she'd always run away, perhaps because she knew I was not human. I knew I wouldn't hurt her, but I didn't want to chase after her, as that would only scare her more. I knew it would take time for her to trust me.
It had been three months since I first saw the cat. I'd put food down for her every day, then walk away.
I knew she ate it, as when I returned, the bowl would always be licked clean. I once replicated some salmon for her and was startled to see Silky right beside me, looking up at me. I slowly bent down and she backed away a little. I placed the bowl on the floor and remained in a squatting position. I slowly edged my hand toward her head, she looked up and backed away a tad. I held out my hand. It took a few minutes, but she gradually approached, and sniffed it. I took it closer to her and she let me pat her head. I stroked her gently a few times. At first she seemed a little timid, but now she was rubbing her head against my hand and purring. I smiled, glad that she trusted me now.
She often came to me, and not just for food. I'd play with her. I'd scrunch up a piece of paper, tie it to a string, and drag it around the room. She'd go wild, tearing the thing to pieces. Sometimes, I'd pull a plain piece of string along the floor, and she'd go for it and I'd dangle it above her head and she'd jump up and claw it down.
She loved it when I scratched her stomach. I think she's ticklish! She would often claw my hands gently. She was a very acrobatic cat. She'd do back flips, and when she got a fright, she'd jump about five meters into the air without effort!
I discovered she was deaf, when I called her name a number of times, and she didn't respond, but when I walked towards her, she responded to the gentle vibrations of my footfalls. I checked with Doctor Bais, and he told me that Silky's deafness was permanent, unfortunately.
I liked Silky a lot. Unlike the colonists, she didn't reject me. Somehow, she knew I wasn't quite human. At first it bothered her, and that's why she always ran from me, but when she discovered I wouldn't hurt her, she trusted me, and saw me as a friend.
One day, I was looking for her, to give her a meal I'd just replicated. It would be no use calling her name, because she wouldn't be able to hear me. I asked the base computer to locate her, and it told me that Silky wasn't anywhere in the complex. I walked outside. I'd often seen her out here, lazing around in the sun. Lucky girl, she didn't have to work!
There was a dark opening that led to a shaft, which lead into the base. I'd often seen her sleeping in there. I walked to the opening and looked inside, sure enough, there she was, asleep, her legs stretched out, lazy as ever. I didn't want to disturb her, so I left the food and quietly walked away. Cat's hearing is so much more sensitive than human.
During the days that followed, I wondered where Silky was. She didn't come to me for food, or otherwise. I went to look for her. The last time I saw her was midday Sunday, asleep in the opening. That's where I would start. I walked to the opening, and saw the food I had left for her, untouched, except wet from the rain we had two days ago.
I looked in the opening, and there Silky was, at first I thought she was asleep, and then I realized, this was the exact same position she'd been in the last time I had seen her.
No, please no ...
She was not breathing. I touched her once and she didn't move. She was stiff as a board. I slowly picked her up Her eyes, one blue, one hazel, were half open. My eyes filled with amber tears. I loved that cat. She was a very special friend, not in the same way as Elanore, but ... Why did this have to happen? Why didn't I notice that she was sick the day before? Then I could have taken her to Doctor Bais and he might have been able to help her.
I carried her into the colony and took her to the Doctor, but I knew it was too late for that now. A colonist was in sickbay when I walked in, holding Silky.
Doctor Bais scanned her with the tricorder. I stood by him and watched, maybe I was hoping he'd perform some miracle and bring her back to life. Even with all my super human strength and speed, I couldn't do that.
It was only a whisper, but one of the colonists distinctively said, “I bet that android killed it."
I whirled around in anger. Fortunately, Doctor Bais heard him too.
“This cat died of natural causes" he snapped. “And if you don't believe me, you can check the analysis yourself."
The colonists said without saying another word.
“Thanks," I said.
“That's okay. I've seen you playing with her. She took quite a liking to you."
I smiled, and looked at Silky lying on the bed, in the same position I had found her.
“If you don't mind, Doctor, I'd like to take her outside and bury her."
“Not at all."
I dug a deep hole for her, next to a large tree and placed her body into it and covered it up. I knelt there for over an hour, crying softly. I heard someone walking to me. By the sound of the footsteps, I could tell the person was female. For some reason, before I even looked at her, I knew it was my mother.
She knelt down beside me.
“Come inside, Lore," she said, “it's dark."
She had a woollen shawl around her. I hadn't noticed, but at night the temperature drops here and it would be considered cold for a human. Juliana's hair was down. She always did it up in this silly bun, I don't know why, because she always looked better with it down, so I keep telling her.
“I loved that cat..."
“I know you did, Lore."
I looked at my mother. Her eyes were understanding, and she gave me a comforting smile. “I know how you feel. I felt the same way when my cat died back on Earth. She'd been with me for seven years."
“You had a cat?"
She nodded. “I called her Macavity named after the cat from T. S Eliot’s play Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. She was a fluffy tabby longhair, though she didn't look like a tabby. She was a grayish colour, with a white tummy and chest, and very playful. I loved watching her acrobatics and chasing her tail."
I smiled, thinking about Silky.
“We were moving to another living complex," Juliana said, “and we had to leave her at the old one for a while. I came there every week to check on her, but at the end of that month, when we could eventually take her with us, some of my friends in that neighbourhood said that the last time they saw her, she had been very ill. We searched for days, but we couldn't find her."
By the tone of my mother's voice, I knew she never found Macavity.
“It's horrible," she said, “it's like you've lost a friend, believe me, Lore, I know how you feel."
I gave her a comforting smile, then stood up with her, and we slowly walked back inside the base.
Elanore came and placed flowers on Silky's grave, then came to me and placed her arms around me.
“I'm so sorry, Lore. I liked her too."
I returned her gentle embrace.
* * *
A few weeks later, I was walking past Doctor Castimir Bais' office when I heard him singing. He was a quiet man, never went out much and was very committed to his work. The melody he was singing interested me, so I walked to his office and listened in. Unlike my father's office, Doctor Bais' was usually quite tidy. He looked at some reports while he sang to himself. He jerked when he saw me and stopped in mid song, becoming embarassed.
“What are you doing in here?" he asked abruptly.
“I'm sorry. I heard you signing and ... It's an interesting tune. Can you tell me what it is?"
He smiled at me. The colonists hardly ever smiled at me.
“I can give you a recording, if you like. It's an ancient Middle Eastern tune from the twentieth century, the 1930's to be exact. It's called Abdul Abulbul Amir."
* * *
My friend Elanore had made most of the food for the Winter Solstice celebration. She loved cooking and scarcely used the replicator. Sometimes she's replicate some of the rarer or out of season, ingredients, but made all the best dishes herself.
“Lore," she said.
I looked around. “Yes, Elanore?"
“Can you make the punch? I've got my hands full with the dark chocolate truffles and Belgian mint white chocolate mousse royale."
“Sounds delicious!"
“I hope so, it's only the third time I'm trying the royale. The first time I failed miserably."
“You did it beautifully a few months ago I’m sure you can do it again."
“Thanks for the encouragement, Lore."
“I'm happy to help."
“Thanks again, you're so sweet," she said, with her lovely smile.
Elanore gave me the recipe, then attended to her cooking. I looked down at the old-fashioned recipe book.
TRADITIONAL PUNCH
Ingredients:
Pure fruit juices of personal choice
Fresh fruit pieces
Pomegranate arils (optional)
Cloves
Cinnamon
Sugar
Alcohol of personal choice
Ice (optional)
Method:
Combine liquids and stir. Add sugar and stir until dissolved. Then add fruit pieces. Let stand for approximately an hour before serving.
May be served hot or cold.
“Did you know," I told her, “that the name Lore in Germany on Earth is a feminine name, used as a diminutive of either Lorelei or Elanore?"
“No, I didn't," she said. “Wow, how interesting, you learn something new every day."
She kissed my cheek. I loved it when she did that.
"And Elanore,” I said, “is a form of Helen, meaning the shining one and is ancient Greek in origin."
She smiled. “It does? Really. That's so lovely."
“Indeed you are," I said with a smile and she kissed me again. I could have fainted if I knew how. I told her the meaning of my name.
“I really ought to look into names. They are fascinating, aren't they?"
I nodded, but I was more fascinated by Elanore.
About an hour later, I placed the bowl of pomegranate, pineapple, cherry and star fruit punch in the middle of the table near the chocolate truffles. The alcohol I’d chosen was brandy. My father had a not-so-secret stash.
I then looked around. The party would be starting soon. I felt upset. The colonists wouldn't want me at their do now would they? I'm only an android, remember?
I started for the exit, as some colonists came in.
“Where are you going?" Ron Dane asked.
The question caught me off guard. I was really going nowhere, but why did he ask?
“I ... I ... well ..."
“Come 'n join the party."
Was I hearing right?
“What?"
“I said come 'n join the party."
I was hearing right, but I still couldn't believe it.
“But ... but ..."
“But what? You afraid?"
“No, but ... You want me here?"
“Well, you're a machine and all, but hell, it's Solstice. We can't have any hard feelings on Solstice."
I know why the Solstice is celebrated, but what I don't understand is the change of attitude. One minute they hate me and the next they're accepting me. I wish someone would explain – ahh to hell with the explanation. I actually feel wanted, so I’m not going to look this gift horse in the mouth as they say.
I was about to walk into the room with them, when some more colonists entered the room, all dressed up.
“Hang on a minute, Dane" I said. “I'll get changed into something more appropriate."
He smiled and nodded as I left to change.
I returned to the party room, wearing a shiny, snazzy brown outfit. Suited me rather well, I thought. I walked over to the table and tried one of Elanore's chocolate truffles. Yum. Delicious, absolutely exquisite. She had fussed so about getting them just right! And the Belgian white chocolate mousse … I had died and gone to the Elysian Fields.
More colonists began pouring into the room. They all began to mingle and the food was going down well. The whole atmosphere was warm, the people were warm. It made a nice change to their usual liquid nitrogen attitudes towards me.
Elanore came to me. “You look wonderful, Lore."
I smiled. “You look lovely too," even though she was in a messy apron, but messy or not, she was still my friend.
“What do you think of the chocolate truffles?"
I picked up a second one and ate it. “Wonderful."
She smiled. “Good thing you can't get fat!" She patted my ‘stomach.’
I smiled at her. Some other colonists walked passed and took some of the truffles. Their expressions told Elanore that they approved of her cooking.
Albert came to the table.
“Hello, Lore, Elanore," he said.
“I've been helping Elanore with her maths," I said.
Albert smiled, then took one of the chocolate truffles and ate it.
“Mmmmm ... Delicious ... So, tell me something," he said to Elanore. “How has your math improved?"
“Well," she said, “I calculate that by the end of tonight, zero truffles will be remaining on that plate."
Albert smiled and patted her on the back, then left to join the others. It's great to see humans being nice to each other for a change.
Elanore kissed me on the cheek.
“What was that for?" I asked.
She pointed up at the mistletoe above us.
“It's an ancient tradition to kiss under the mistletoe."
I smiled and kissed her back, gently.
“Are you going to get changed?" I asked.
“I'll need a shower after all that cooking, but I'm really not the party type."
“Oh, come on ... It's Solstice. Enjoy yourself."
“All right ... You talked me into it. I'll be back soon. Don't go anywhere."
“Don't you worry."
I smiled and waited.
And then Alana entered in a stunning body hugging red dress.
She walked over to the table, just a few meters away from me. I turned towards her. She seemed oblivious to me. Cautiously, I approached her. She looked up and saw me. I smiled shyly at her.
“So, Android," she said. “What do you think of Solstice?"
“It is a very interesting and beautiful celebration."
“Beautiful? Is that what you think, or what you're programmed to think?"
I tried not to show that I was hurt. I didn't want to be sad on Solstice Eve.
“Am I not entitled to my own beliefs?" I asked her.
“Of course you are - If you were really alive."
I looked at the table. “Do you like the food?" I asked, quickly changing the subject.
Alana seemed to relax, her beautiful features softening.
“Yes, it's nice, thank you."
“I made the strawberry flan."
Alana reached out and took a slice. She began to eat it and smiled.
“You made this?"
I nodded.
“Not bad. For an android, you make a pretty good cook."
I smiled. That was the first compliment she'd ever given me and I hoped it wouldn't be the last.
“Lore, tell me," she said, “what do you know of Solstice?"
“Winter Solstice, or Yule, is an ancient Earth ritual, celebrated on December 21 in the Northern Hemisphere, June 21 in the Southern. It is the longest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, celebrating the long cold Winter coming to a close and the birth of Spring. Gifts of love and friendship are traditionally exchanged between family and friends."
“A perfect encyclopaedia. What else do you know?"
“It's a time for love and friendship and to forget angers of the past."
Alana considered for a moment. Before she had a chance to say anything, I kissed her.
As she broke away, Alana didn't know whether to feel angry, sorry or what.
“What did you do that for?"
Gingerly pointing upwards at the mistletoe above us, I said, “Uh ... Solstice spirit?..."
Alana tried not to smile, but didn't succeed. She shook her head and bit her lip.
I then opened my hand, revealing a small crystal. It reflected the light and shimmered, displaying all the colours. Alana stared at it.
“It's beautiful ..." she gasped in awe. “Where did you get it?"
“I found it outside yesterday ... It's for you. Merry Solstice, Alana."
Alana smiled. “Thank you, Lore. I haven't got anything for you, I -"
“That's all right. I wasn't expecting anything."
“Neither was I."
I wish I knew what she was thinking. This was the kindest she'd ever been to me. Would her kindness go on afterwards, or would it stop once Solstice is over? I wish Solstice would come all year round.
I took a chocolate truffle and swallowed it. “I'd get one of those before they all disappear. Elanore made them."
“She's a great cook" complimented Alana, gobbling up the truffle. “I'm hopeless without a replicator." Alana paused for a moment. So, what else would you recommend, Mr. chocolate truffle android?"
I smiled, despite the hint of sarcasm in her voice. “How about some punch?"
Alana nodded. “Thanks."
I poured her a glass. Alana drank it.
“Mmmmm! Quite a kick. This is the best punch I've ever had. Tell Elanore she's really excelled herself this time."
“Uh, Alana ... I made the punch."
“You did?!" She sounded really impressed.
I smiled. “Would you like some more?"
She filled a second glass.
And then Elanore entered. I could not take my eyes off her. She had done up her long brown hair in the most beautiful style imaginable, and her dress, it fitted her like a second skin, dark brown satin, suiting her to a T. She looked absolutely stunning - like a princess. The princess of Omicron Theta. I totally ignored Alana and walked toward Elanore. If I didn't know better, I'd say Alana looked jealous.
I walked with Elanore to another section of the table.
She took some food and delicately ate it, and popped a soft gelatine cherry flavoured candy in my mouth.
Out of my pocket, I took a present I had wrapped for her.
“You shouldn't have..." she said, with a scalding smile, then ripped off the wrapping and gasped.
“It's beautiful ..."
It was a piece of jewellery I had made from natural crystals I had found outside the colonists’ base. I had cut them precisely, and made a necklace for Elanore. I had considered giving it to Alana, but decided Elanore would appreciate it more and I liked her better now anyway.
Elanore threw her arms around me and kissed me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Alana watching us. Was she jealous? I turned around to look at her and she instantly turned her attention to the colonist beside her. I turned my attention back to Elanore.
“I'm glad you liked it."
She smiled, blushing, then began to took off of her necklace and gave it to me.
It was a golden chain with a brown sparkling sunstone teardrop charm.
“I wasn't sure what you would like. It's a genuine gold chain," she said. “And the charm is made from crystals indigenous to Earth. It's called gold stone. It was given to me by my mother before I came here."
“It's beautiful," I said, seeing the teardrop twinkling in the light. “Are you sure you want me to have it? It's very precious."
She nodded with a smile, then turned around, holding the necklace I had given her. I clasped it around her slender neck.
“It looks wonderful on you."
She kissed me again and I smiled.
Within the next hour, the celebration was well under way. Speeches were made, and many gifts distributed. My father gave me a brown jumper that he said he'd made himself. It was a little too big for me, but what the hell. It was comfy.
Elanore drank some of the punch and made a delicious noise.
“Mmmmmm! This is the best punch I've ever tasted."
“You're not just saying that to be nice?" I said.
She shook her head. “Maybe you should be a bartender instead of a scientist," she said and I smiled.
Within the next few hours, Elanore had downed quite a few glasses of the punch.
“Oh wow ... This stuff's the greatest ..."
She threw another glass of it down, then reached out to fill the glass again and dropped it. It smashed on the floor. She reeled and fumbled around to get another clean glass.
“I think you've had enough," I observed.
“No ... Just a little more ..."
I held her back.
“If you have any more you'll get sick. You're drunk."
“I'm not piffed yet," she insisted. “I want thum more..."
Elanore clawed at the glass. I pulled her back, then picked her up and began to carry her to her room.
"Where are you taking her?" came a voice.
I spun around, almost dropping the woman.
“Oh ... Father ... Elanore had a little too much of the punch."
Doctor Soong smiled. “All right, Lore, put her to bed. She'll be okay in the morning, but with one hell of a hangover."
I carried Elanore into her quarters.
“Lights."
Obediently the lights illuminated the room.
Elanore winced.
“Computer, reduce lighting by forty percent."
The lights dimmed.
“Put me down," demanded Elanore, kicking her legs and hiccupping.
She was well 'n truly plastered as they say. Pissed as a newt was my favourite expression regarding drunkenness.
I laid her down gently on her bed, then turned toward the door and started to leave.
“Don't go ..."
I turned back around.
“I have to go. I told my father I'd be..."
“Lore, I don't want to be alone ... can you please stay with me tonight?"
“Elanore, I have to..."
“Lore, please ..." she begged, almost in tears.
I looked into her sad, emerald eyes and immediately gave in. “All right," I said, sitting on the bed, next to her.
* * *
I stood there in a beautiful palace, dressed in a brown suit, fit for an emperor.
I gazed down the aisle, and the music started to play, soft, gentle and inspirational.
I was Sovereign. I was Emperor. I held my sword aloft and I ruled the Universe.
When I awoke, I thought about discussing these dreams with my father, but then decided against it. He'd just laugh it off or it may worry him. I thought about the dreams again. What did they mean? Dreams can be a representation of what is to come, or contain messages for one, but then again, maybe they were all just dreams.
* * *
The morning after ...
I began putting on my clothes. I saw Elanore waking up. She didn't seem to have that much of a hangover as my father had predicted, but she hardly looked one hundred percent.
“Ohhh ... ohh ... Ohh Gods .... “ she groaned.
She looked up and saw me. I hesitated. She probably doesn't remember anything that happened last night, which was good in a way, I suppose.
“You got drunk last night," I said.
“Drunk?"
I nodded. “On the punch. You had quite a bit of it, y'know."
“It was good punch. You really excelled yourself ... I can't remember much, except for eating some things getting a lovely present from you, and then punch. What happened after that?"
“I carried you to your room and, well, uh ... Do you remember anything else?"
Elanore looked as though she was thinking hard.
“Yes ... I vaguely remember you taking me to my room. It was light, then dark and ... What time did you bring me here?"
“It was about midnight."
Elanore looked at her digital clock.
11:11:11 AM
“Then you asked me to stay," I reminded.
She tried to think.
“What else happened, Lore?"
“Uhh ... nothing ..."
“Something did happen, didn't it? Otherwise you wouldn't still be here."
I was silent again.
Elanore looked at me. “We did it, didn't we?"
I chuckled. “No, we went to sleep."
Elanore laughed. “No offence, Lore, but I would prefer to be sober."
“None taken." Gently, I kissed her cheek. Her skin was so smooth and soft and at least it wasn’t a ‘no!”.
* * *
A day into the New Year, Elanore and I were out planting seedlings in the farms. She planted sweet red onions, tomatoes and lettuce, while I planted purple carrots, beets, radishes and Mediterranean eggplant. I could have the whole field done in less than ten minutes, though I really enjoyed planting, especially when I was with Elanore. Some of the colonists believed it was a waste of time, 'we have replicators for that sort of thing' they say, but fortunately many colonists like Elanore believed in the fruits of nature and that's what we were planting. I too preferred natural produce to replicated. I like growing things.
I could see Elanore was getting tired.
“Perhaps you should rest a while," I recommended. “I'll rest with you."
She smiled gingerly. “You won't get bored?"
“Never when I'm with you."
She smiled warmly. “You're so sweet, Lore. I wonder why the other colonists can't see that."
“So do I ..." But now was not the time for anger.
I sat with Elanore for a while away from the seedlings we had planted and we rested in the mid-afternoon sun. I watched Elanore's chest rise and fall with here silent breath and I matched it. Though androids don't need to breathe, I find it helps me relax. One could say an android doesn't need to relax. I beg to differ. Stress affects us too.
We lay on the grass together, holding our earth covered hands. Elanore smiled that lovely smile. Her green eyes always lit up when she smiled.
She drew herself closer to me and lay next to me. Gently, I stroked her lovely hair. I realise now that what I felt for Alana was nothing but lust. And I was grateful to know the difference now. I loved Elanore. I truly did. Though I was afraid she may turn on me like Alana did when I kissed her. Would she? I hoped not.
“Lore, you're shivering."
“Oh ... must be a glitch in my program. One moment while I correct it, please." I cocked my head to one side.
“Lore ... you don't have to lie. This is new to me too."
I looked at her in surprise. “It is?"
“Yes... I've never felt this way toward anyone before, human alien or android."
I smiled as we sat up together. Elanore laid her head on my chest and I continued to stroke her as I held her gently. At one point, she looked up at me and smiled, again, that beautiful smile. And I took a deep inward breath and kissed her. I closed my eyes as I parted. I was relived beyond all wordage that I did not feel a slap. What I felt was incredible. And then I felt her lips against mine and we kissed again. The feeling was incredible. Like nothing I have ever felt before ... I felt I had come home. The kiss became more and more passionate and we cared not that we were now rolling all over our newly planted seedlings and getting dirty. Passion flared like a fire within me. I wondered if Elanore felt the same. I opened my eyes for less than a second and saw the same fire in hers. Yes, the answer was yes, the passion flared between us like a raging fire, unstoppable, immense, awesome. Now I truly knew what love was.
We were filthy when we returned to the complex and Soong wondered what had taken us so long.
“Dust storm," I replied. “We had to wait until it was over."
“Ah, I see."
I could see my father was trying to stifle a smile. He knew. I wasn't sure whether to feel elated or embarassed, but by the look on his face, he was happy for me and so was I and I was ecstatic for Elanore as well, my beautiful lady.
* * *
A few nights later, Elanore had asked me to come to her room at nine in the evening and to wear something nice and so I did. I wore the suit she had made me that I wore for Winter Solstice. She invited me in, wearing the most beautiful dress I had ever seen, a beaded silver mesh dress with undertones of pastel green. It was truly gorgeous, but paled in the face of Elanore herself.
“You look wonderful," I said, grateful for the fact that androids didn't need to breathe, otherwise I may have fainted.
“So do you," she said with a smile. “So sweet of you to wear this."
“I like it. No one else had thought to make me something before. All my other outfits are replicated. Thank you."
“My pleasure," she said, taking my hand and leading me inside.
I saw she had set up a dinner table with two places, and two red candles and I smiled. Elanore gestured for me to sit down and I did, eagerly awaiting the delicacies that I knew she had made herself. The entrée consisted of mint sweet chilli sauce, cream cheese and rice crackers, the main course, vegetarian Glens of Antrim Irish Stew, with lovely ancient Celtic music playing in the background.
“You've gone to so much trouble," I said. “What can I do for you?"
“You can eat," she said with a smile, “and enjoy."
For desert, we had pomegranate ice cream topped with fresh pomegranate seeds.
“I grow them especially," she said. “They're my favourite fruit. I love the mythology behind them"
I accessed some information in a matter of seconds. “Pomegranate: For Divination, luck, wishes, wealth and fertility. It is said that when the ancient Greek Goddess Persephone went to the Underworld, she chose to eat six pomegranate seeds, binding her to her beloved Hades, Sovereign of the Underworld. The pomegranate is considered a lucky and magickal fruit and is also sacred to Hera, Goddess of marriage and childbirth. In ancient times, women wanting to know how many children they were going to have threw a pomegranate hard onto the ground. The number of seeds that burst out are how many children they would have. Always make a wish before eating one."
Elanore chuckled. “Very thorough.”
And I made a wish that my dreams would come true.
After Dinner, Elanore had more in store for me ... She came to me dressed in an evocative mesh dress, hiding little. She smiled as she looked at me and let it drop to the floor, revealing her skyclad body. She wore nothing but the necklace I had given her. I stared in awe, not at her beautiful, exquisite slender body, but at her courage, and her trust in me.
I was truly honoured. “I ... I ... “
She smiled warmly. “Lore," she said, coming to me and kneeling down. “I am in love with you."
"And I with you ... But I was not sure that you..."
She stood and gently pulled me up. Slowly she began to undress me, no wonder she had made this suit so that it was most easily removed from the body!
Both naked now, she escorted me to her bed chambers. I could feel she was somewhat nervous.
“I had to take the plunge," she said, as if reading my mind.
“And you plunged," I said.
“Right into your arms."
And then she kissed me. A kiss I returned with all my heart, in the embrace of ecstasy. And we began to caress each other, her touch exquisite. She was a Goddess.
Being with Elanore was the most incredible experience I have ever had, or will ever have again, I'll wager. It was like being inside liquid silk … inside a rainbow, but I found much, much more than a pot of gold. It was like being caressed by the river spirits some people believe live in the waters. It was euphoria. Nirvana. I had found Elysium.
* * *
It didn’t take the colonists long to start rejecting me again, just when I thought things were getting better. I was to learn of hypocrisy the hard way.
However, even they couldn’t dull my spirits. I was in love. One of my duties on the colony was to check the science labs. You know, the equipment and stuff, and if it's faulty, it's also my job to R & R & R - replace, repair or rebuild. It’s usually boring, but today I felt like I was floating on air.
Okay ... someone's using Lab 1. I'll come back later. Lab 2, here I come.
Fifteen minutes later, I've checked all 38 labs. Now I'm back on my way to Lab 1. On my way there, I heard a huge explosion inside the lab. I rushed to the door and burst in, worried, anxiously looking around.
Sparks flew from cables and broken machinery, all over the floor. I heard a clutter of things hitting the floor and a muffled scream. I span around and ran to the source.
“Elanore!"
I ran around a battered computer console, and saw her, bruised and bleeding. I knelt before her. Elanore looked up at me gratefully, but couldn't stand. I knew from looking at her injuries that she wouldn't survive much longer. She was in pain, and very weak.
“Th...Thank you..." She stuttered. “For being here..."
“I'll get Doctor Bais ..." Though I knew there was nothing he could do.
She shook her head weakly and reacted to agonizing pain.
“It's..too late..for that..."
“No! I'll get Doctor -"
I started to stand, although I knew it was useless. Elanore gripped my arm firmly
“Please.. I don't..want to ...die...alone..."
That convinced me to stay. I knelt beside her again.
“Thank..you..."
She looked distracted for a moment then gently touched my face.
“Now..You'll be..the one..who...is alone.."
I nodded, but I didn't care about that now. All I cared about was her. I paused for a while.
“Elanore, you're my only friend here..." I paused again then I looked into her green eyes and was extremely sincere. “I ... I love you ..."
She smiled warmly. “I ... love you also ..." She sounded much weaker and reacted to pain again. “I wish we could have more time together."
I took her hand. “As do I."
I lifted her, gently supporting her. She gave a rumbling little cough. She tried to give me a hug, but it was difficult with two broken arms. I ever so gently held her, careful not to hurt her any further and she died in my arms.
“Elanore? ... Elan!?"
Her eyes were closed and she was motionless. I shook her gently, but nothing happened, then set her down and checked for a pulse, but there was none. I felt so angry and helpless. Why didn’t I check this blasted lab first? WHY??!! With all my strength, intelligence and power, I couldn't even save her. Tears began to form in my eyes.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
I didn't want to believe she was dead. I looked at my only friend, in tears, then removed her necklace from my pocket. I held it in my hand, and closed it. Something I would cherish forever. It was a part of her, and she would always be a part of me. What good are all my special abilities? I thought they were everything, but for all they're worth, they couldn't even save her.
A few moments later, two colonists rushed into the lab.
“What the hell happened in here?!" exclaimed Jerry.
They saw me cradling Elanore in my arms and stared. I looked up at them, very upset.
“I heard an explosion, ran in and she was..."
There was a pause.
“Was she... dead when you got here?" Jerry asked.
“No ... She was still..."
“Then why didn't you get Doctor Bais?" asked Renee.
“She wanted me to stay with her."
“It's your fault."
I looked at Renee, hurt and in shock. I gently put Elanore down and stood, facing my accuser. “My fault?"
“It's your job to check the labs."
“I was coming back here .... It wasn't my fault... “
“It was your fault that she died," Jerry accused.
I shook my head, very upset, close to tears.
“Of course it was your fault!" he screamed. “If you'd checked the labs the way you were supposed to this wouldn't've happened."
“But..."
“Don't make excuses, android. Stop trying to act as if you're human. You're not. You're just a machine. You don't care. You've got no feelings - no heart."
I was very upset and hurt. I do have a heart. What the hell would they know? I'm not the Tin Man. I guess I'm more like Dorothy. I need a home - and clicking my heels together three times isn't going to work. I've already tried it.
“It's your fault" Rene rubbed in. “She died because of your negligence."
I can't stand this anymore!!!
“IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!"
I violently pushed past them and bolted out of the lab. I saw them hit the floor. Were they hurt? I didn’t care. Nowhere near as much as I was. What's a few broken bones compared to a broken heart?
* * *
"What happened, Lore?"
Heartbroken, I looked at my father.
“I was checking the labs. Someone was using the first one, so I checked the others and came back. I heard an explosion and ran into the lab, and ... I tried my hardest, but as hard as I tried, I failed.” I burst into tears.
My father comforted me.
“It's all right to cry, Lore. I know she was your friend."
“She was much more than that .... They blamed me ..." I wailed. “...They blamed me..."
Doctor Soong shook his head. “It wasn't your fault, Lore. I know how much you cared for her."
I dried my tears. “You don't blame me for what happened?"
“No."
I hugged him. “Thank you, Father."
“Go now," he said. “I'll talk with Josef and Rene."
I nodded and left.
I had lost my only friend. What could I do now? Everyone rejects me. Sure my parents care for me, but no none else does. The only true friend I had is dead. My only love was dead.
I walked outside, into the night and gazed up into the stars.
“I know where you are, Elanore," I said. “You're in Heaven ... The Elysian Fields ... You know, the place good and virtuous go when they die. I hope you like it there. Maybe I can join you someday. Sometimes I wish I could die, then I wouldn't feel any more pain."
I accessed the computer to ascertain the best flowers for her.
“Narcissus, asphodel, fleur de Cocou, commonly known as the daffodil. A beautiful mild scented bright yellow flower, which blooms in Spring.
A feminine flower, used for love, fertility for luck. The element of the narcissus is water. It is also known as the flower of hope."
That night, I walked to her grave site, where they buried colonists who had passed away. I had picked some narcissus for her. The colonists did not believe in tombstones, so there was none. I was shunned and not allowed to attend the funeral, but I had watched from a distance. Alana had the gall to have a go at me again, that I couldn’t really be feeling the loss of a friend. I had grown to loathe the woman I once thought I was in love with. I finally knew what love was when I met Elanore. I could barely control my temper. I almost hit Alana, but if I hit her with all the rage inside me; I would kill her, so I curbed my strength and pushed her into a pile of mud. If that didn’t convince her that I was alive, nothing would. And even if she came to understand that I was sentient and come to like me, she’d blown her chances. And I didn’t see any other male colonists exactly lining up to ask for her hand. Even if I was not an android, I had come to see Alana was stuck up and cold. Yes, as my father had said; it had been lust, not love and now I couldn’t even stand the sight of her anymore. She was ugly to me now.
I wanted until the sun disappeared over the horizon. Gently, I placed the flowers on her grave. The flowers of hope. I turned my teary face skyward. Some cultures believed when one died, a star was born. I looked for a new star in the navy-blue sky.
I knew all the stars up there, all the constellations. It would be wonderful if I could explore them all, but I'm stuck here on this godforsaken colony. I looked up into the stars again.
“I will never forget you, Elanore ..."
Chapter Fourteen
I walked into the main work area. There were a few colonists hard at work, tapping away at the computer consoles. I walked past Doctor Kila Marr's console and saw what she was doing. She was writing a program to process the progress of the farmlands. It wasn't wrong, but there was a better way to do it and I approached her.
“Can I offer some assistance?" I said.
She looked at me. “I don't need your help, android. I can do this myself."
“But there's a quicker way to..."
“I said I don't want any of your help. Fine, you might be more intelligent than I am, but you don't know everything."
“I didn’t say I did,” I started to say. “But there's a more efficient way to-“
“I don't care!" she yelled. “Just leave me be will you?!"
Upset, I left, knowing she'd just get madder. I don't know what it is with these people. Every time I offer to help - or do anything, they jump down my throat. What's wrong with wanting to help? I shook my head. I don't need these people. I wish I could leave this blasted colony and find somewhere where I'll be appreciated and accepted.
* * *
A few days later, my father was with Doctor Marr, discussing the progress of the farms.
“I don't think we can maintain the farms much longer," Doctor Soong confessed. “If we can't even keep up to date with their progress. This program you've written, Kila, is the furthest we've got so far, but it's not fast enough to keep up-to-the-minute results."
“I did my best," Kila said. “It's taken me six days."
“I know, but we need something better."
That's where I came in.
“There is a better way to do it," I said.
I began telling them my idea. It was basically the same program as Doctor Marr's but with subtle differences and more information. “It'll take me a few minutes to write the program up full."
“Why didn't you put forward this information earlier?" Doctor Marr asked. “When I was writing the program?"
“You didn't want my help, remember?"
“You could've written this program in a few minutes and it took me six days."
I nodded. “I was going to suggest it to you, but you yelled at me and-"
“I'll tell you why you didn't help," she accused. “You wanted me to waste my time. You enjoyed it, didn't you? You-"
Did she really mean that, or was she just embarrassed that she hadn’t listened? She was a proud, stuck-up person after all.
“No, I-"
“You did it on purpose."
Doctor Soong held up a hand.
“I'll discuss it with Lore, Kila. And you asked me to remind you that your son Renny wanted you to help him with his math homework."
“Oh yes. Thank you, Noonian."
Doctor Marr shot a fierce glare at me, then left. When she had gone, I spoke. “I don't like her, Father."
“Neither do I," he admitted, “but she's a very intelligent woman."
Well, I didn't think much of her 'intelligence' and she was as ugly as excrement.
“Now," said Doctor Soong, “can you tell me why you didn't..."
“I told you, Father, she screamed at me when I tried to help her. “I really don't understand. First I try to help and everyone screams at me for helping, and now they're screaming at me when I don't help. It's very confusing."
My father smiled. “I bet it is. I think the others feel intimidated by you. They think you look down on them because you have superior intelligence and-"
“I don't look down on them, Father."
Then again, maybe I did. After all they were quite stupid sometimes, but they didn't have to reject me left right and centre. Maybe if they accepted me, things would be a lot better.
“Sometimes you can offer too much help," my father explained. “I know you just want to help."
“Sometimes I wish you didn't create me with this super intelligence, strength and speed. Then perhaps I'd be accepted."
And with that, I walked away, leaving my father alone in the corridor. Did I mean that? Would I give up my abilities to be accepted? No, I decided. I was superior and I enjoyed it. Why did I want to be accepted by inferiority anyway?
* * *
I was on my way to my quarters, when I heard two colonists arguing. Quite a heated one at that. I wasn't interested in what they were screaming at each other, but I watched them
through the open door.
“I've had it with you and your theories, Einstein!" Isago yelled.
“And I've had enough of you! And stop calling me 'Einstein!"
“Okay Percy."
Percy squinted his eyes at the sarcasm in Isago's voice. “We are all scientists here, therefore, we should work together."
“Oh yeah - your IQ is miles above ours and you treat us all like dodos."
“That's not true!"
“You wanna bet?"
“I have no time to waste arguing with you like this."
“You see what I mean?!"
He reached out to grab Percy, but the other grabbed a laser scalpel.
“Stay back," he warned.
Isago whacked the scalpel out of Percy's hand, then whacked him across the face. The scientist reeled over from the powerful blast, and Isago whacked him in the stomach, and slammed him into the wall. Percy slid down, unconscious. Isago looked at him, not entirely sure whether he meant it or not, but then he noticed me by the doorway.
“If you mention one syllable of this to Soong," he threatened, “I'll tell him you did it."
Originally I hadn't cared less about what happened, although it was an interesting experience, but the nerve of this colonist to threaten me was beyond belief.
“I won't have to," I said. “Percy’ll probably tell him when he wakes up, oh and if you even try mentioning that 'I did it' to my father, I'll see you end up the way he is," I pointed at Percy, “permanently."
I then continued to my quarters. Humans were strange creatures, but this violence could come in handy. I could see why I was not initially programmed for it, but now that oversight had been corrected.
* * *
The colonists continued to reject me, when I offered help, when I did nothing. Practically 36 hours a day (That's how long the days were on Omicron Theta) eight days a week. I was getting fed up.
Everything I did was wrong, and when I showed my emotions to prove to them that I was a sentient, feeling, some smart-ass colonist would say, “that's just part of your program..." or “you're programmed to think you're alive, but you're not. You're just a machine programmed to act human."
“You were created," Rene said to me.
“So were you," I told him. “Just because your structure consists of flesh and blood and mine consists of circuitry. What gives you the right to define life? Are you a God? I don't think so."
After a long since, all he could think of to say was, “machines aren't alive."
“Oh," I said, “so you're saying that you're not alive? Humans are machines. Your bodies have cycles and you can't operate without rest, oxygen or food."
“But we are alive," Rene said.
“And so am I."
And with that, I pushed him hard into the wall. He fell to the ground, looked up and glared at me.
“Forgive me," I said, melodramatic. “I'm a 'machine.' I'm not supposed to get angry, am I?"
He tried to stand up, but fell back down again.
“Help me," he said. “I think my ankle's broken."
I gave a disgusted smile. “And why should I help you?"
“That's what you're programmed to do, Android."
I gave him the middle finger. An old Earth gesture I had learned of. “Whatever gave you that idea? I help when I want to and I don't want to help you."
“Why?" he fumed.
“Why should I help someone, who, for the past hour has been insulting, rejecting and undermining me?"
He had no answer for that.
“It hurts..." he said, wincing.
“And what you've been saying to me didn't?"
I walked closer to him and he looked frightened. Pathetic coward. I then kicked his broken ankle and Rene howled with pain. I smiled.
“Hurts, doesn't it?"
He glared up at me, clutching his wounded ankle.
“Don't.," he said. “Please help me to Sick Bay."
“Do you know where it is?" I asked.
“Of course. Everybody knows where..."
“Then get there on your own."
I kicked Rene again, then left. Ooooohhhhh that felt good. I finally bit back. I was tired of taking their shit all the time and putting up with it. I thought about the pathetic human on the floor in the work room. Served the bastard right. He's lucky I didn't break his neck. I could've done that if I felt like it.
* * *
“Lore, come here."
Oh, oh ... I know that tone of voice. I'm in trouble.
I walked into my father's office.
“Rene told me what happened yesterday," he said.
That squealing coward! I said nothing, but was nervous as hell.
“He told me what you did."
“I didn't do anything..."
My father looked at me. “Well, then, what did happen in the work room?"
“I was monitoring the computer, when Rene came to me and asked me what I was doing, so I told him and he started insulting him."
“And then you pushed him into the wall."
“I didn't mean to do that."
“And he said you wouldn't help him to sickbay when he broke his ankle."
“I didn't know he broke his ankle. I stormed out of the room when he hit the wall."
“That's not what Rene told me. He said you refused to help him and you kicked his broken ankle, twice, making the damage even more painful and severe."
“I did no such thing. That's just it, isn't it?! They blame me for everything! I hate them! They reject me because I'm not like they are and now they want me to take the blame for..."
“I don't understand this ..." Soong shook his head. “You're lying to me. You weren't programmed to lie."
I opened my mouth in shock. “Now you're doing it!"
“Doing what?" my father asked, puzzled.
“What the hell does it look like?!" I screamed, violently pushing a whole pile of papers and other garbage onto the floor. “You're treating me as though I'm just a toy of yours! Well, I'm sorry if I didn't turn out the way I was programmed to!"
And with that I stormed out of his office, almost taking the door with me.
“Lore, come back!"
I yelled at him. Judging by the shocked look on his face, I guess I wasn't programmed to swear either.
I felt better after that. Who the hell did Soong think he was, expecting me to be at his beck and call? If he wanted someone to obey his every command and be an obedient little slave, he should've made an android dog.
Right. That's it. I'm fed up with this (I could use a certain Earth cuss word here, but I won't) ... colony. I'm not going to be upset anymore. I'm sick and tired of sulking in my room, every time they reject me or treat me like a machine. Who the hell do they think they are anyway? They're just humans. I'm better than them. More intelligent. They can't do half the things I can. Why the hell I wanted to be accepted by them in the first place, I just don't know. Oh well, everyone makes mistakes, and it was time to correct my rather egregious oversight.
During the next few months, I began letting the colonists know how I felt about being rejected. I yelled at them, made them back off quite a number of times. I've had it up to my eye sockets of them rejecting and ridiculing me. One of them yelled an insulting remark at me. I ripped a console off the wall and hurled it at him. He ducked, as I suspected he would, but at least it shut him up.
A few days later, I entered the main work room, and noticed the colonists were giving me a wide berth. Perhaps they had finally chosen to accept me as a life form, although that was hard to believe, since for the past four years, all they've done is reject me and treat me as though I'm just some kitchen appliance.
I approached one colonist, working with the computer. I didn't want to help him, but I offered anyway. I was surprised when he let me help him and correct his program. It was nice to feel wanted for a change. I went around, helping the other colonists, because I wanted to. They seemed to be accepting. I should be happy, but I'm not. I don't know how, but I'm sensing something wrong about all this. They seem to be happy to have me here, but the atmosphere feels cold. I took in the while room, observing everyone carefully.
“What's that android doing?" I heard one of them ask, quietly.
“I don't know" whispered another one.
“It's giving me the creeps."
I frowned at the colonist referring to me as 'it,' and looked directly at that colonist.
“It's looking at us..." he whispered, urgently.
“It heard us ... It doesn't like being called it... he might hurt us or something. Let's go."
I did hear them and began to walk toward them. They promptly changed stations. Then I realized why the colonists were all of a sudden being so nice to me. They were afraid of me. I hesitated for a moment, then felt my lips curve into a smile. It was a wonderful feeling. Better than being rejected all the time.
At first, my instincts had been to tell them not to be afraid. I had no intention of hurting them, despite what they had done to me, but then I decided against that. I knew I was superior to them and now they knew it too.
They probably still thought the same way about me, that I was a 'machine,' but I tried not to let that worry me anymore. I wanted to leave the colony. I hated this awful place.
I didn't want to be running around humans for the rest of my life. I hate them. They made my life a misery and I'm tired of being miserable. I wanted to start a new life for myself, but I can't do it here and I want them to pay.
* * *
I went into the Mimily's quarters for my daily babysitting. I baby sat Josh once a week, when both parents worked. We did all sorts of things together. I sat on the floor and played with him. He's a very playful and happy child.
I'd actually taught him to eat most of the food, instead of spraying me with it. I still dread the nappy changing, but that's all part of looking after a baby.
But today was different. Carley held Josh in her arms.
“Lore," Carley said, “ we've decided we don't need you to babysit Josh anymore."
“But he's still so young. You can't leave him alone. I know, but, it's just that ..."
I felt upset. I knew just what it was.
“It's just that I've been feeling, well rejected lately and the other colonists have been annoying me … I promise I won't harm Josh," I told them. “I've never hurt him, have I?"
“Well, no," Carley began to say, “but..."
“So give me chance to prove myself."
“Lore, I can't," she said, firmly.
“And I agree," Michael chimed in.
“It's too great a risk."
I stared at them in disbelief. “You think I'm going to hurt Josh, don't you?"
“No, Lore. We know you care for him. We just want what's best for him."
“So do I."
Carley smiled and put Josh to bed.
“Again, Lore, I'm sorry, but I can't let you see him again."
I knew there was nothing I could do to persuade her otherwise.
“I try my best," I said. “I really do, but all they do is reject me. It's not fair and now you're rejecting me."
“Lore..."
“Don't 'Lore' me ... You know how much I care for Josh and how much I look forward to spending time with him."
Carley took a deep breath.
“Just give me one more chance..." I pleaded.
“No, Lore. I'm afraid I can't."
“It's not fair!" I yelled, knocking some statue off a table. It smashed on the floor and Josh started crying.
“Now look what you've done!" Michael snapped.
“Me?! It was your fault! You started this whole thing!"
“Lore, stop it," Carley said. “You're frightening Josh."
“Josh knows me better than you. He knows I won't hurt him," and with that I stormed out of the room.
My father called after me.
“Lore, what's the matter?"
“Nothing ..." I then stopped. “Everything ... The Mimily's won't let me look after Josh anymore."
“With the behaviour you've been exhibiting lately, I can't say I blame them."
“But it's not fair, father. I love Josh. He's like a brother and a son to me. I like spending time with him. He doesn't reject me like the other colonists do."
“I know, Lore," he said, sympathetically. “They know you care for Josh and would never intentionally hurt him, but with all your irrational behaviour of late, they're afraid that you might accidentally hurt the child, or worse."
I closed my eyes for a moment. They were protecting their child. I guess I couldn't argue with that. If I had a child, I'd want to protect him, or her from harm, but it just seemed so unfair. What little joy I experienced here was being taken away from me. I didn't want to hurt Josh. I'd protect him, but the Mimily's just couldn't see that. I wanted what was best for Joshua too.
* * *
Later, I was in my father's lab, just looking around. Messy as always. Like my room. We take after each other in that respect.
Boredom was a word that often sprung to mind on the colony. There was nothing to do here.
And then something caught my eye. The door to my father's private lab was open. It was a small room at the back of his lab. Even I wasn't allowed to go in there. But something was calling me. As if there was something in that room that I had to see. I cautiously walked to the ajar door.
“Father?" I called, cautious, but there was no answer.
I proceeded into the dark lab.
“Lights."
The room was instantly illuminated. A large cloth was draped over his workbench. Something was underneath it. Something big.
I slowly walked forward, arrived at the bench. I then removed the cloth. I sucked in a breath, and dropped the cloth. I could not believe it. There was another android under there. I reached out to touch my identical twin.
“Lore!"
I gasped and spun around.
“What are you doing in here! You know no one's allowed in here, except for Juliana and myself."
I looked at my father, not knowing what to make of my discovery.
There was a long pause as my father and I looked at each other.
“Is he my ... My brother? ..." I stammered at last.
Doctor Soong paused for a moment.
“Uh ... yes, Lore. He's your brother. I'm not quite finished him yet. I was going to surprise you for your birthday when he was completed, but..."
I smiled. “A brother... Thank you, Father ..."
I hugged him.
“Thank you ..."
He smiled, but he seemed distracted.
“What is it?" I asked.
“What? ... Oh, nothing, Lore ... I'm glad you liked your ... brother."
“When will you be finished? Has he got a name?"
“No, not yet. I was hoping you might have an idea."
I shook my head. “Not off the top of my head.” It was annoying. I had over twenty billion names in my database and I could not think of a suitable one for my brother.
“I'll be finished in a few more months."
“Can I help in the construction?"
“I'd rather you didn't, Lore. I'd like to do it."
I smiled, understanding.
I looked at the android on the workbench.
“Hello, Brother."
A brother. Wow! I'm going to have a brother! An android just like me. He won't reject me - because he's the same as I am. He won't feel intimidated by me, because he's got the same abilities that I do. I'll teach him everything I know. What to avoid and what to cherish. I want to help him. At last I won't be alone anymore. I'm just glad for my brother that he won't have to endure the pain I did.
* * *
I overheard Dick Holman, one of the colonists, talking to my father.
“So, Soong, how's the replacement coming on?"
“Sssshhhh!" snapped my father. “That's top secret. You, Juliana and I are the only three who know about this. I don't want anyone to find out about this, least of all Lore."
My eyes widened. What was it that my father particularly didn't want me to know? I listened in intently.
“I know Lore's unstable," continued Doctor Soong. “And I must fix him."
“Isn't it a bit too late for that? You've nearly completed the replacement."
Replacement. The word hit me right in my stomach, or whatever I had there. That's what that other android was. My replacement. I stared at my father in disbelief.
How could you do this?
I wanted to run away, but what would that accomplish? I stayed and listened.
“I don't want to disassemble Lore," My father said. “He's my son."
“He is an it and it's an android."
“Lore might be nothing more than a machine to you, Dick, but he's much more than that to me."
He seems to care about me, but if he truly cared, then he would not have made a replacement. I was being betrayed by my own father.
“Have it your way, Soong. When will you be finished the new android?"
“Within the next few weeks and remember, Lore must not know. There's no telling what he'll do. I hope he'll understand."
Understand. Yeah. I understand all right. Hoo boy. You want to get rid of me, well I won't be rid of so easily and I'm not going to let anyone take me apart.
I quietly left, on my way to Soong's lab. I wanted to see my brother ...
I looked around. There was no one here. I approached the other android's naked body on the workbench and examined it again. It was like mine in every detail. I opened his middle panel and placed my hand over a bunch of wires.
A feeling of guilt flushed through me. I was killing my brother.
I know Soong said he was my replacement, but I still see him as my brother, I mean we've got the same father, don't we?
I looked down at him.
It was either me or him. This was the only way I could protect myself. Was self-preservation a crime?
“I'm sorry, Brother ... “
I closed my eyes and yanked the circuits out, then looked down at him and silently apologized again.
* * *
Again, I heard my father talking with Dick.
“Someone sabotaged the new android," the colonist said.
“What?!"
“I told you. Someone sabotaged -"
“I heard you the first time.
“It's probably one of the colonists," Dick said. “They obviously didn't want it to happen again. We all know what Lore's like, or perhaps Lore did it. The android was made to replace the faulty unit, wasn’t it?"
Soong looked at Dick darkly.
“I know you think of Lore as a son, but it's a machine, just like this one."
Soong sighed and nodded. “I'll have to investigate it further."
That's it. I HAVE HAD IT! I had HAD them talking about me as though I am no more than a toaster! A faulty one at that to be thrown out with the trash.
I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care. I just wanted to get away. Maybe it'd be better if I wasn't created in the first place. Then I wouldn't feel anything. Perhaps the watchtower would console me with silent words.
“Where are you going, android?" Gary asked.
“Somewhere private," I snapped.
“Your father wants to see you."
No one could fail to notice the sarcastic tint he had placed on the word 'father'.
“I'll see him later."
“He wants to see you now."
“I said I'll see him later!"
“Ohh! It's yelling at me! Mommy! I'm scared!"
I was reaching boiling point here.
“Just leave," I said, my voice dangerously low.
“Why should I listen to you? You're just a machine."
“Yes, I am a machine," I said, “but I too have feelings."
“Programmed ones maybe."
“That's it! I am sick and tired of you treating me as though I am a thing!"
My face twitched violently. Gary looked afraid and backed off.
“Hey ... what's happening to you ..."
“Concerned, Gary?" My face twitched again.
“You're malfunctioning, I’m getting Doctor Soong."
I grabbed his arm “Do you care or is it because you’re afraid?"
“I'm not afraid of you, you machine!"
I slapped him across his face. He looked at me, a little blood dripping down the corner of his mouth.
“Don't ..."
I backhanded him again, harder. He fell to the floor.
“Get up, you worthless piece of scrap."
He stayed down.
“Weakling!" I yelled contemptuously.
He didn't move.
“Gary?"
I knelt down to him and turned him over. My chemical nutrients ran cold. He was dead. Neck broken in three places. Ohh Gods! What the hell had I done?! I backed off in shock.
Blindly I ran, going nowhere. I doubted the grey stone walls of the old watchtower would console me now. In fact, I ran miles and miles past it. I slowed down, for no apparent reason. I wasn't tired - I couldn't be. I could run forever and not get fatigued. I was sick of running.
Everyone thinks I'm just a blasted machine! Why can't they see I have feelings as they do? Why couldn't they see? How could she think that it was all programming? It all seems so stupid. Humans are so single minded. They can't accept anything they don't understand. They don't even try to understand. No one tried to understand me. No one ever gave a damn. If only they knew and understood. It seems so simple, but yet so difficult ... It's so bloody unfair!
I ran to the ocean, ripped off all my attire, bar the necklace Elanore had given me and swan naked in the ocean. Swimming was one thing I found difficult at first, but my mother and father had persevered with me and now I could swim the entire ocean and back again in less than three weeks, but I didn't go that far. The water felt refreshing against my body. I found a piece of driftwood and pretended I was a Lost Boy fighting the evil Captain Hook's ship. And I sighed, thanking whatever deity was out there for fantasy. It was a welcome escape.
And at last I understood Captain Hook. He felt old, alone and unloved. Just like me. Was I evil too?
Chapter Fifteen
"Lore.."
It was my father. I slowly turned around. The second I looked at him, I knew.
He knew.
I don't know how he knew, but he knew. It's that damn sixth sense again.
“Yes?" I said, sounding as innocent as possible.
“I want to see you in my office. Now."
“Y...yes, father."
Uh oh. I’m in deeeeep you know what.
* * *
My father pointed to the chair. I sat, nervous as ever.
He sat in the chair opposite me.
“I know you did it, Lore."
I shifted uncomfortably in the seat.
“I didn't do it ..."
“I know you did, Lore."
I shook my head. Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he was just trying to get me to admit it.
“I didn't."
“DON'T LIE TO ME!"
I shuddered. This was the first time I'd heard him yell.
“I didn't do it ..." I wailed, resenting the way my voice rose higher and higher when I was scared.
He glared at me.
I tried desperately to keep my cool, but I was losing it.
“I didn't do it ... I didn't hurt Gary ..."
Doctor Soong frowned. “What are you talking about, Lore?"
“I didn't hurt him."
“I know you sabotaged your brother - and don't bother denying it. Your fingerprints were on his circuits."
I had a look of guilt.
“How could you do it, Lore? He's your brother."
“You mean replacement, don't you?"
“This is the second time he's been sabotaged."
“I only sabotaged him once.”
“I know that.”
“Oh? Why didn't you suspect me the first time?"
“I saw Kila Marr doing the dirty deed."
“And if you hadn't, I guess you would have suspected me that time too."
I folded my arms in front of my chest.
Soong was quiet for a while.
“Yes..." I continued in a bitter tone. “I heard you and Dick talkin' about my replacement." I shook my head, hurt. “I'm your son. How could you do that?"
“You're unstable, Lore."
“I know, but does that give you the right to kill me?"
Soong looked exasperated. “I'm not going to kill you, Lore."
“Oh no ... Just disassemble me."
“I want to fix you - find out what went wrong."
“I'll tell you what went wrong!!" I screamed. “Your stupid colonists rejected me, because I'm 'just a machine.' The only one I cared about died in a senseless explosion and my parents reject me now too."
“I never rejected you, Lore and Juliana is afraid of you."
“I would never hurt my mother ... And why did you build a replacement? At first, I was happy about the idea of a brother. Someone I could relate to. Someone who was the same as me and wouldn't reject me for what I was." I shook my head, hurt. “I didn't want to hurt him. I still see him as my brother, but I didn't want to sacrifice myself."
My father looked at me. “I understand, Lore - and I am glad to say the damage you inflicted was not permanent. Listen ... I promise I will fix you in time."
I wanted to believe him, but there was something that told me I wasn't going to get fixed, perhaps not for a very long time - if at all.
There was a silence that seemed to last for an eternity.
“Lie down," my father said.
I don't know why, but I obeyed. He opened a panel on the side of my head.
“Lordy..." he said. “Do I have my work cut out for me…"
I felt him deactivate me.
When I came to, I don't know what my father did, but I felt a lot better, still unstable, but definitely better.
“This is only temporary, Lore," he said. “I'll have to have another look at you later. Right now, I want you to go with five other colonists, Josef, Gloria, Miranda, Plunkett and Anderson, to a mining world. We're running low on kryonic crystals."
“And we need them to power the machinery," I said with a sigh. “When do we leave?"
“Early on the morrow," my father said. “Aboard the Freedom."
That was the shuttle in which the colonists came to Omicron Theta, the only one we had, other than my father's private one which he had built here. He told me he never settles anywhere without an escape route planned. Smart man.
“All right..." I sighed. I just hope I didn't lose my temper again.
As I predicted, the colonists weren't too happy to have me along, though they decided my strength and speed would be useful. Lore the tool again. I would put up with them for now. What goes around comes around - isn't that what they say?
The journey to Vadria IV was uneventful and I was glad to note that no one said a word to me which wasn't related to our mission. They even called me Lore and not 'android.' I guess my father told them to.
* * *
We arrived on the planet and began our work. Kryonic crystals grow on rock, so they are easy to harvest. As I predicted, the colonists let me do most of the work. I carried a crate of crystals to the ship.
“Good work," one of them said. If it hadn't been for the undertone of sarcasm, I might have thought Josef was being polite.
We gathered eight more crates and I took them into the ship. There, we were done. This should last the colony for ten years at least. The Colonists had exhausted the supply of these crystals on Omicron Theta before I was created. I didn't know if I could hold out ten more years of abuse, but time would tell. Perhaps my father would fix me like he said he would.
“Now let's get back," Plunkett said, and then he disappeared right before my eyes.
The rest of them disappeared in a swoop of light. I blinked, astounded.
Was imagining things, or was it getting darker? Vadria IV was a planet in perpetual daylight, thanks to a sun on each side, so it was quite puzzling, and then, it began to get colder, and colder. It was also a relatively warm planet, very rarely dropping below twenty-five degrees centigrade. I was actually feeling cold. I was in a state of disbelief. If I'm cold, it'd probably freeze a human, but it's never been cold enough here to ... I began to look up ... s...now ...
My God, it's huge! A shiver ran up my entire body. It was hovering just a few meters above me. What was it? If this was a snowflake, I'd hate to be caught in a blizzard ... The thing was massive. It was beautiful.
It was a giant ... no humungous crystalline structure, looking like a snowflake. A very large snowflake. Its crystal shards shimmered, displaying all the colours, like a rainbow, but much more beautiful and complex. Words can't begin to describe it. Beautiful was somewhat of an understatement.
Then, to my utter surprise, it spoke to me, to my mind.
What are you?
It's voice was God-like. I felt rather insignificant before it. I wasn't sure how to answer it - It? Was it an it? Did it have a gender? It obviously has intelligence. It spoke again.
What type of life form are you? You look humanoid, but you are different. I have never encountered anything like you before. Please explain.
“Uh ... I'm an android ..." I said, hoping it would understand.
Ah, android, yes. A mechanical life form. I understand, although I have never encountered one before.
I smiled. “I'm pleased to be the first, and if I may ask, what are you? Do you have a name?"
Yes, but it is unpronounceable, even for an android.
“Can you tell me what it is?"
It spoke in its own language to me. So melodical. I stared in wonder.
Right. There's no way even I cold pronounce his? her? name, but it sounded so beautiful. Like a gentle song.
“It's the most beautiful name I've ever heard, but what can I call you?"
You may call me the Crystalline Entity, or Crystal Entity. I have no gender in your terms. What is your name, Android?
“My name is Lore."
Lore.
I nodded. “You are very beautiful, Crystalline Entity," I said. “May I touch you?"
Thank you it said. Yes. You may touch me.
It came closer and lower. It was overwhelming. It was frightening.
Do not be afraid, Lore, it calmed, as if it were reading my thoughts. I do not intend to harm you. You seem to understand me unlike anyone has before.
I smiled. “And you understand me."
I reached out to touch its beautiful surface.
It was cold and smooth, like glass, but I felt warmth. Not to the touch, but inside me. The Crystal Entity understood me better than anyone on the damned colony and was the closest thing I had to a friend now, even though we'd ... just met. So what if it was hundreds of meters tall and practically dwarfed me? It didn't reject me like the others did, and it was so beautiful. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life.
“Why have you come here?" I asked it.
I have come to absorb energy, so I can continue my journey.
“Are there any others like you?"
There were once. Many of us, but our home is far from here and I am lost.
“Where is your home world?"
We did not live on a planet. We occupied a small star system. We got our sustenance from our sun. As I am far away from there, I need to absorb biological life in order to survive and travel through space to find my people. I do not kill, I transform life.
“Are all the Crystal Entities as large and as beautiful as you?"
It seemed to smile at me.
We all looked more or less the same, but we do have our distinguishing features. Each one of us is different. We were not all the same size. There were very large ones, such as myself, but then very tiny ones, which could fit into the palm of your hand.
I tried to picture that. A baby Crystalline Entity! How cute! I also tried to picture hundreds of them, living together. Beauty beyond imagining.
“What happened to you?" I asked, curious.
It happened thousands of years ago. A gigantic wormhole appeared next to me and sucked me in and I struggled but I could not escape. I am alone and long to return to my people.
I felt sorry for the Crystal Entity and its deep despair. In certain ways, we were alike. I'm alone too. There are no others like me and I don't have a home either, or anywhere that feels like home.
I cannot communicate with other life forms the way I do with you. It surprises me. I thought the only ones I could communicate with were my own people, but now I have someone else.
I smiled. “And I too."
Are there any other life forms here? It asked me.
“Yes, a few and there are where I come from.”
The Crystalline Entity could absorb the colonists’ life forces. Kill or as it says, transform them all. I paused for a while. What would it do to me if I didn't tell it? Hurt me? Kill me? But I can't let it kill all those people. It's wrong to kill. Immoral. But I didn't want to lose my new-found friend ... What was more important? Hundreds of lives, or the life of a friend? And my parents are on the colony too. I can't let it kill them ... But the colonists have always rejected me - even my own parents. To hell with my conscience.
I blocked off my ethical program that my father had installed me with and gave my new friend the co-ordinates for Omicron Theta.
Thank you, Lore. This means a great deal to me. I will come back soon. There are preparations I have to make. I will return in two of your weeks.
I watched it soar up into the sky.
“Goodbye, Crystal."
Goodbye, Lore.
It was gone as quickly as it had arrived. I watched it until it was out of sight.
Then I looked around me. There was nothing but hard, dry soil. All the plants were gone. There were no flowers anywhere - nothing. They weren't dead, just gone, as if they never existed. I remembered how the colonists vaporized before my eyes. The Crystal Entity was absorbing the life forces of the plants too. I smiled.
Soon all the colonists would get what they deserved. What goes around comes around.
I could just leave, you know. I had a ship - I could go anywhere, but I felt I had to return to the colony on Omicron Theta to warn my parents. I did not want them to get hurt.
* * *
The shuttle was damaged beyond repair upon my return. I almost couldn't return whether I wanted to or not. My arm had a deep gash from where I was catapulted into the aft stations.
“What happened?" my father asked upon my return.
I told him. “They were all killed ... wild beast ... “ Which was partially the truth. “I tried to stop it, but I failed." I showed him my self-mutilated arm.
“Lore..." he looked concerned. Yes, he knew that I was not lying.
“Let me take a look at your arm..."
Within an hour he had constructed me a new arm.
“How does that feel?"
“Good as new" I said, flexing it. “Thanks, Father."
“Think nothing of it, Lore. I am sorry for your ordeal. A funeral service will be held for the others tomorrow."
“I'll be there," I said.
* * *
The new android was activated the following day. He looked exactly like me, though he wore a sky blue and white suit, whereas mine was mustard and brown. He sat up on the workbench and opened his eyes. They were amber, like mine.
“Hello," I said. “My name's Lore. What is yours?"
He turned to look at me.
"I have been programmed with seventeen billion, seven hundred million, eight hundred and seventy-five thousand, nine hundred and fifty-seven names. I have not yet chosen one."
“Oh."
“Can you do this for me?" my father asked.
Soong patted his head and rubbed his stomach. My brother tried, but messed it up. I smiled. I could do it, quite well in fact and I showed him, still he could not get it right.
“Old Tom said you'd never do it," Soong said, “but I'll show him."
My father smiled.
* * *
Today all attended the funeral of Old Tom Handy. He had died in his sleep of a heart attack the previous night and was found by one of the children. My father was most upset. He and Tom were really good friends. I didn't mind Old Tom. He was a tad possessive of his fruit, but he had character. I often heard him telling the children stories of his former life on Earth, and other fantastical tales, my favourite being The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, which he read chapters of weekly. I had stayed about half a kilometre away, but heard him clear as crystal. Besides my father, the children were the most upset about his death and remained behind with me at the grave site. He was the fourth colonist that had died since we came here. I placed down flowers on both Tom and Elanore's graves.
“You liked her a lot, didn't you?" Tisha said, tugging on my tunic.
“Yes," I said. “She was my friend."
“Are you still sad?"
“Yes, I'm still very sad."
“My father says you can't be sad," Josh said.
“I can, but a lot of people don't understand me."
“Me too," Tisha said. “I like to play with space ships, not dolls." She pulled a face.
I smiled.
“I'll take you all somewhere special," I said. “Somewhere I go when I'm sad."
“Where's that?"
“To the old watchtower."
“What's a watchtower?"
And I explained to them and they seemed eager to come with me.
I borrowed a hovercraft to took them all there. This was the first time I had showed anyone my special place. Only Old Tom knew about it. Perhaps his ghost will be there.
I showed the children around and told them stories.
“You’re not as good as old Tom," Timmy said, “but you’re good for an android."
I smiled, taking that as a compliment “Thank you." I told them stories about the Lorelei, about Hades and Persephone and about Elanore.
It was dark when we returned to the complex. I saw frantic parents rushing to me.
“Where did you take our children?!" one of them demanded. “We've been worried sick!"
“Lore took us to the old watchtower," Tisha said, “and told us stories."
“You should have told us where you were going."
“I'm sorry," I said. “They were upset and I wanted to help them."
“His friend died too," Timmy said. “And he's still sad."
The mother sighed, exasperated. “Well next time you decide to take out children at least tell us where and when you’ll be back."
The kids left with their parents.
“Thanks, Lore," Tisha said.
“Have fun playing with your space ships," I told her and she giggled.
"I don't understand why they were so upset," I said to my father, later.
“They were worried about their children. The last they knew was they were with you in the graveyard and then there was no one there."
“The children were upset. I just wanted to help."
“I know, Lore, but communication is the key."
I nodded, but I was still upset. “They thought I would hurt the children, didn't they?" I said, upset.
“The thought had crossed their minds, but I know better, Lore."
At least someone still believes in me. “Thank you, Father.
* * *
The next morning, I came into to the main lab in the midst of commotion. There was pandemonium. They had found Gary's body. I had to keep my cool.
“What happened here?" I asked.
“Gary's dead."
“What?!" I feigned concern.
“We found his body. His neck was broken. We scanned the injury. It was no accident."
Yes it was an accident and it was my fault.
“He was murdered? Where was his body found?"
The colonist told me. That's exactly where I had hidden him. I nodded to the colonist.
I had not meant to kill Gary. If only he had listened to me, then perhaps ... Perhaps what? It's too damn late now. I turned to leave.
“Lore..."
We walked into his office.
“It’s about Gary."
“What about him?" I looked at my father, nervously.
Soong gave me a knowing look. I tell you that man can see right through me.
“I didn - “
"In retrospect, you practically admitted your own guilt, Lore when you said you didn't hurt him before you went on the mission to Vadria IV. I didn't have any idea what you were talking about, but I do now."
“But I didn't ..."
“I'm being very patient with you, Lore. Why did you do it?"
There was another long silence.
“It was an accident! I didn't mean to! The horrible things he was saying to me just made me feel so angry ... I told him to stop it, but he wouldn't ... and then ..." I hung my head in shame. “I didn't mean to. “Please! I didn't mean to ..."
My father nodded, seeming to understand.
“I know, Lore, but..."
“It was an accident, Father."
“How many more accidents, Lore? You had every right to be angry with him, but what's to say you won't lash out again like that?"
I was silent. He was right. I couldn't control my temper. Even although I wanted to.
“It's not my fault that I'm unstable!" I yelled. “Those pathetic colonists made me like this! They think I'm a thing and never gave me a chance. I'm alive. I've got feelings, but they just don't care!"
“I know how you became unstable, and I know how they treated you," he said, “but the fact is now - you're unstable and I've a responsibility to this colony, Lore. The colonists are afraid of you. They're afraid that you might become totally unstable and hurt or kill someone, and that's exactly what you've done."
“You only care about them! You don't give a damn about me! Nobody cares about me! Just because I'm a machine!"
My father comforted me. “Lore, In some ways, you're still a child."
I tried to calm down.
“Do ... do the other colonists know about Gary?"
He shook his head. “No. They know he's dead, but they don't know exactly how. I don't want to start a panic and Lore ... I'm afraid I ..."
Before I could do anything, he pulled out a phaser and immobilized me. I could speak and move my head, but that was all.
“You're going to disassemble me now?"
I shook my head and tried to get away, but the immobilizer effect held fast.
“Please don't, Father ..."
“I'm sorry, Lore."
I tried my best to hide my fear but he knew. That man can see right through me as if I was a panel of transparent aluminium.
He opened a panel on my head and started to deactivate me. It was a horrible feeling.
“NO!!"
By now I was terrified, and my eyes full of tears.
“I am sorry, but you have left me no choice, Lore."
“Please..." I wailed. “Please don't kill me."
“I'm not killing you, Lore. I will fix you, I promise."
“When?..."
“When things settle down."
He continued.
“Wait ... Leave the colony," I urged. “You, mother and my brother have to leave the colony... Take me with you ... Please."
“Lore, what are you babbling about?"
“It will be best if you leave. The colonists will only resent the other android like they did me and they’ll end up resenting you and mother too." I hated calling him 'the other android' but he didn't have a name yet.
“Nonsense. His programming is somewhat different from yours."
“Father, please … you have to leave..."
“Goodbye, My Son."
I looked into his eyes, and saw a tear forming. He started the final sequence.
“I love you ... Father ...”
He hesitated for a few moments, then completed it. My only regret was I would not see the colonists vapourise when the crystal entity came, especially that bitch Alana. I can’t believe that I was ever interested in her…
And everything went black.
* * *
TWENTY-SIX YEARS LATER
Sound. Voices.
Different voices. New voices. Human voices.
I am alive again.
Soong must've fixed the new android. My s- called brother. Data? That's what he called himself? What a silly name. ... He explained it to me, as he has a fascination for information and to learn, so I guess it suits him. But what's he doing here?... Where am I?
I was made first, but I can't let them know that. I wasn't born yesterday, y'know. If these people know I was made first, they'd want to know why I was disassembled and if they knew that, they'd just take me apart again. I'm not gonna go through that hell again ... It wasn't my fault ... I only wish my father and the others had understood that.
I opened my eyes to answer the human's question.
“I wonder which of them was made first?”
“He was ... “ I looked at Data, “but they found him to be imperfect and I was made to replace him."
It'd been quite a while since I saw Data last, back on Omicron Theta. Soong must have wiped his memories of me. Typical. He had disassembled me soon after. I looked back to the humans. My face twitched once. A nervous tic I'd picked up on the colony. It always happened when I lied. “You may call me Lore.”
* * *
There was no gap between being switched off and being reactivated here, but there were twenty‑six years missing. Gone, into an endless, merciless abyss. And I can't catch up on that lost time. It's frightening to have such a hole in my memory. It makes me feel incomplete.
They tell me I'm on a starship - the Enterprise. The least they could've done is given me something decent to wear. They've given me a utility uniform. The colours are to my liking, mustard and brown, but the style ... ugh! I feel like I'm wearing pyjamas!
Apart from my clothing, the only other difference I have from my brother is the fact that I often smiled. I guess it's because I'm insincere ... insecure. The people here are... well... different from the colonists. I don't feel comfortable here. They're humans just like the colonists.
Data showed me around. What I really can't understand is - why did he join Starfleet? - Under the control of humans. He seems quite comfortable with them, but why does he want to limit himself to the confinement of human operations? He's far from human. I was around humans for four years, before I was disassembled and they drove me crazy! I hate them for what they did to me. They never gave me a chance. They were too damn ignorant to realize that they were not the only beings in the Universe that had feelings.
One of the other officers escorted me to the bridge. There, the officers introduced themselves.
“I'm Commander Riker."
“Lieutenant Geordi La Forge."
“Lieutenant Worf.
“Security Chief Tasha Yar."
“And I'm Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher."
A kid officer, what next?! But the one called Tasha ...Yowza!! Talk about arresting. I wonder if it'd be worth doing something that would have her ordering me to lean against a wall so she could frisk me. Ahh the thought of those hands running all over my body ... Hmm...better stop thinking about that.
Riker gestured. I sat at the Operations Control Console. They began explaining bridge operations to me. If I could have fallen asleep. I pretended to be dumb, but they caught me out, damn it.
Data lead me into his quarters.
I'd never seen such a plain and tidy place in my life. It was like a morgue.
“How would they describe this? ... 'Spartan'?"
“I have no need for places to sit or sleep," Data said. “Do you?"
I looked at him, disdainful. “Do I look that weak?"
Data sat by his computer console and brought up some on our good old father.
I began to tell Data about the colonists, how they were envious of me ... I didn't tell him exactly how they treated me, but he may have guessed by the utter resentment in my voice.
"Do you realize, Brother ... I can help you become more human..."
“And do you realize, Lore, that I am obligated to report all of this to our ship's captain?"
Damn. I wanted him to join me, but he's just too damn loyal to his human friends. Maybe he's as stupid as they are. He's so eager to please them. He doesn't realize he's never going to be human. Poor Data. I can't help feeling sorry for him. Who would want to be human? I gave him a fair chance, didn't I? I have to find another way.
I began to punch requests into the computer. The information flew up the screen, faster ... and faster. I absorbed all of it easily, then smiled.
I'd absorbed just about all everything there was to absorb. Ship's records, history, computer data, weapons data ... and classified files which were a breeze to break into, well, for me, anyway.
I now know everything I needed to know about this ship and its crew ... I sat back in the seat, smiling, satisfied. This will be so easy ...
* * *
I sat with Picard and Riker in the Captain's ready room.
“Crystalline Entity?" The captain quoted.
I nodded. “It's capable of stripping all life from an entire world and that's what it did to the Omicron Theta colony."
The captain took a breath. “Can you give me a description?"
“Is this what it looked like?" Riker asked, handing me some children's drawings.
“That's it, but it's more than that ... It's like a cluster of pure crystal shards, all put together into one intricate pattern, displaying all the colours ... It's hard to describe verbally."
“Thank you, Lore. This'll help our computer enhancement."
I gave him a nod, and was about to leave.
“Why were you disassembled?" Riker asked.
Trust him to ask the dreaded question.
I hesitated.
“The... the colonists were jealous of me."
“Jealous? Why?"
“Because I could do things better than they could. I was faster, stronger and more intelligent and they resented me for that. Data's lucky. He's cared for and accepted here, but the colonists didn't want to accept me. To them I was just a machine." I tried to keep the pain out of my voice, but was barely succeeding.
“Why did you lie to us?" Picard asked.
I thought fast and came up with a save. “I ... I thought that you might ... reject me too. The colonists were often upset that I could do things father than they could … I don't know ... I was just scared, I suppose that you might reject me and take me apart again."
“We put you together" Riker said. “Why would we want to..."
I shook my head and gave a warm-looking smile. “It doesn't matter. Everything's all right now. It's a horrible thing for an android to be taken apart. You've got no idea."
They both seemed to understand.
“Can I go now?"
Picard nodded.
I stood and left them. What I didn't tell them was I admired The Crystal Entity's power and beauty. The colonists were prejudice, racist and cruel. They got what they deserved. And the Enterprise people will get the same. Well they're humans, aren't they? Humans will pay for what they did to me. All of them.
Now is the time. This is going to be easier than I thought. In Data's quarters, I replicated a bottle of UFP champagne and poured it out, carefully drugging Data's glass. There was enough fine grind quadratanium to make him pass out, but not enough to kill him.
Should I kill him? No. Not now. I might still need him. I might kill him later. I don't know ... He is my brother after all ...
The champagne fizzed with a quiet, shrill sound. It had hardly settled when the door opened and Data walked inside. I carefully managed to slip the vial into a pouch in the utility pyjamas. I turned to Data, smiling. I began to talk to him about human customs, as I predicted, he took the champagne glass without question and sipped it. He then set it down and looked up.
“I have some doubts about the value of human cus...toms in this... my Brother..."
Data reeled, and began slumping toward the floor as I watched, very pleased.
I began striping off my uniform down to the black turtleneck undershirt.
* * *
I was now in dressed in Data's uniform and rank insignia. It wouldn't be long now. I opened up a secure subspace channel.
“Crystal Entity. Upon arriving here, you can identify me as the machine named 'Data.'"
The door chime sounded.
* * *
The kid Wesley was still suspicious of me, obnoxious brat! But what can a child do? After all this time, I saw it again. That beautiful Crystal Entity. Glowing. Shimmering ... displaying its incomparable beauty - but, that beauty has a dark side. It was deadly.
Upon the Bridge, I looked at the viewscreen. “Beautiful, isn't it?"
“I can't believe anything overtaking us this fast ... “ Riker said. “...I recognize it, sir. It's the crystal image Lore described."
“My God!..." exclaimed the Doctor in awe.
And so she should. The spectacular Entity practically dwarfed the Enterprise, more than three times the size. It was slowly spinning, showing itself from all angles. It was truly magnificent.
“Still no ID being transmitted, sir," announced Yar. “Also no answer to our inquiries."
Geordi returned to the bridge.
“Did you get a direct look at it?" asked Picard.
“It's like a giant snowflake crystal, but much more complex. The entire electromagnetic spectrum seems to play about inside it, but I haven't the slightest idea what it is, Sir."
* * *
When we arrived at Data's quarters I acted concerned for their safety, suggesting they stay back as I peeked cautiously around the door to look inside. Data was still lying on the floor where I'd left him. I lead the two humans into the room. I controlled Data to twitch violently.
The one called Riker was convinced. Good. But I'm still not sure about Wesley ... Kids!
I disdainfully let Data drop to the floor, then stood, disgusted.
“And you wanna be as stupid as them? ..." I kicked Data's head. “Dear Brother ..."
It felt so good, I did it again. I would've done it a third time, but I have a Crystal Entity to communicate with.
* * *
The ship rocked violently. It was the Entity, trying to get inside. It must wait a while longer, but only a short while ...
I reported back to the bridge. The Enterprise jolted vigorously again. I made a grab for support on the turbolift walls.
The Crystal Entity had moved forward, toward the Enterprise.
I asked them to let me communicate with it, and identified myself as Data to it and the crew again seemed convinced.
* * *
I approached the transporter control console, opened a channel and smiled.
“Crystal Entity Form, it's your old friend ..."
Lore, my friend. I heard you call. I have come. You have more life forces for me. More than before.
“Yes, I have, my friend. It's been a long time ... Very good. You've understood perfectly so far. Next I will signal that I'm about to transport something out, at which time the deflector shields will turn off for a moment, and if you move in at that time the ..."
Uh oh ... I stopped in mid-sentence and whirled around, to see Data standing not far behind me.
Damn. Who woke him up? He's the only one on this ship that has a chance of stopping me. Am I going to fail? Fail the beautiful Entity? Fail my only friend?
“How sad, Dear Brother," Data said, “you make me wish I were an only child."
Aww ... my heart's bleeding' for you, Brother Dear ...
I could sense someone was with him. I stepped to one side and looked around the corner, to see Wesley standing there and smiled.
“Then why this marvellous gift? ... The troublesome little man-child. Are you prepared for the kind of death you've earned, 'Little Man?'"
The kid's mother stepped out from behind a container with a phaser.
“If you take one more step towards my son ..."
Data turned to look at her. Catching Data off guard, I shoved him out of the way, grabbed the Doctor's phaser and made a quick change of setting. One which would inflict the most pain and aimed it at the kid.
I threatened to kill him. Data backed off a few steps. I fired, blasting the Doctor’s shoulder. Wesley rushed at me, but Data stopped him and grabbed my arm, forcing the phaser to fly out of my hand, to the other side of the transporter platform.
Data threw me into a stack of drum barrels. Before he could make another move, I avoided him, stood up and hurled a barrel at him. He caught it and threw it aside. He did the same with the next. I must admit I was impressed. I never knew Data had it in him.
I ran towards him. He grabbed hold of me and hurled me onto the transporter platform. Desperately, I stood, grabbed the phaser and fired at him.
The second the shot was fired, I stared. It was like I was shooting myself. Shooting through a looking glass.
I felt the transporter beam grip me. For an instant I was terrified. Was I being dispersed? I cried out in terror. It’s true what they say. In space, no one can hear you scream.
* * *
I rematerialized in outer space, still holding the phaser, relieved that my molecules were still intact. I released my deep-seeded rage and fired blindly into the void of nothingness, until the phaser ran dry. I hurled it away and watched it spinning through space, and then I looked around. Stars. Millions of stars, everywhere, and the Crystal Entity. Right before me. I was so blinded by fear and rage, at first, I hadn't realized it was there.
The first time I met it was on the colony, alone, outside, a few miles from the colonists’ base. Meeting it out here in space was overwhelming - and frightening.
Lore.
It didn't hurt me before, but, now, I had failed to give it what it wanted - The lives on the Enterprise. Will it be angry? What will it do? Will it kill me? Helplessly I drifted toward it.
I can sense your fear, Lore. Do not be afraid. I will not harm you. I realize this is not your fault. I am eternally grateful to you for giving me the life forces on Omicron Theta. I will never forget that. I must leave now. My search continues.
I could barely contain my relief. The Crystal Entity was the closest thing in the Universe I had to a friend now that Elanore had died ... But then what good is a friend when they can't be there with you ... to support you in times of need? To help you with your problems? Data has many friends like that. I wish I had someone, but I did not.
And then as quickly as it appeared, the Crystal Entity was gone. Leaving me alone to float endlessly in space. Alone.
How long will I be out here before someone finds me? ... What if no one ever finds me? This galaxy is huge. What if I'm left drifting out here forever? I'm frightened ... and lonely. I wish I had someone with me now.
* * *
How long have I been out here? Weeks months years? ... I am not sure. I've lost track ... What's the point in counting when every second grows more agonizing? ... I can't stand it anymore ... It's driving me insane! If only I had a ship. I feel so helpless. So useless. I've given up hope of being rescued. The odds are too great. I reached around and placed my fingers on my off switch. It seems like the coward's way out, but no one's ever going to find me out here and I'm not going to live in this hell any longer. I may as well be dead.
My whole life began to flash before me.
The colony … My father Noonian, my mother. Alana, Elanore a friend I'd had for a short while, and what little joy I experienced - little indeed. I can barely remember what it felt like ... and the pain. The pain. I remember that well. That is something I will never forget.
What sort of a life was that anyway? No one cared for me. No one understood me. No one ever gave me a chance. No wonder all I feel is hatred and pain. Can you blame me for that?
I hesitated, frightened. It was like ... committing suicide, but what else could I do? What other choice did I have? ... I closed my eyes and flicked the switch ...
* * *
The powerful Starship Enterprise left, leaving only the starfield in view. Grebnedlog, the Pakled leader watched through the viewscreen of the Mondor and turned to Reginod.
“They are smarter than us."
“We are not smart," Reginod chimed in dismay. “Did they trick us?"
“Maybe."
There was a pause.
“It was a good trick," Reginod said. “We did not know."
Grebnedlog nodded, part of him angry, the other part wondering. Wondering if it had been right to take Geordi. They had not meant to hurt him, but Grebnedlog found himself now thinking it had been bad to take Geordi from his friends.
They cared about Geordi and it had been wrong to shoot him, even if the phaser was only set to stun. Humans were so tiny! Grebnedlog was now convinced the more he thought about it that the Enterprise's 'crimson forcefield' had been a trick. The Pakleds had wanted weapons to be strong and powerful, not weak and slow. Even if it had been a trick, at first Grebnedlog could not believe how violent the humans had been, threatening to destroy the Mondor, and now he began to realise he too had succumbed to the ways of violence. He had hurt Geordi. Weapons were violent. Grebnedlog and the other Pakleds had believed weapons would make them strong - they had not thought of themselves as a violent race.
“We have no big weapon," Reginod said.
“We have phasers," Grebnedlog said, knowing some weapons were necessary for defence. “We do not need a big weapon. Weapons are violent. Weapons are bad."
Reginod took a few moments to think, before he nodded and agreed. “Weapons are bad."
Grebnedlog relayed this news to the other Pakleds on the ship, Ecirg, Navonodo and Eodnicam and they quite agreed with Grebnedlog, and wondered why they hadn't seen that before.
“There is a lot of things we need to know," Grebnedlog said, wondering if they would ever see Geordi or the Enterprise again.
The Mondor sailed through space unmolested for over a year, the Pakleds aboard trying to modify her to go faster, sometimes with the unwitting help of passers-by. Grebnedlog was careful not to hurt them as he had with Geordi.
The Pakled leader looked at the newly modified warp core and was pleased.
“This will make us go faster," he said with an excited smile. “Watch," and the ship made warp seven.
“This is good!" Reginod said, as the stars whizzed past. “We can go faster!"
Grebnedlog pulled the ship out of the test-warp.
“There is something outside," Eodnicam said suddenly.
Navonodo jumped up and down.
“What is it?" Grebnedlog asked.
“Not know," Navonodo replied. “The scan thing says it is a human."
Grebnedlog frowned. “A human outside? Where is his ship?"
“Maybe he not have one," Reginod said. “Maybe he fell out of his ship."
“How can he be outside with no ship?" Ecirg said. “It is cold and there is no air."
“Is he dead?" Grebnedlog asked, wondering how anyone could be outside with no ship.
“Scan thing doesn't say," Eodnicam said. “He is very still. Maybe he is dead."
“Use transport beam thing," Grebnedlog said. “Bring him inside. If he is not dead, he will be cold and maybe he is hungry."
The five Pakleds gathered in their Sick Bay, where the humanoid figure materialised on one of the beds. Grebnedlog touched him, then withdrew his hand at once.
“He is cold!"
“We must make him warm." Eodnicam pulled a blanket over him.
“Computer make it hotter in here!" Navonodo barked.
The computer obeyed her command.
“He is dead," Reginod said. “His skin is white and he is not moving."
Grebnedlog looked sad, though he wasn't surprised. He did a double take when he saw movement, and was about to dismiss it when he saw the pale hand move. “He is alive!" He jumped up and down.
All the Pakleds stared in amazement as their patient began moving, as the temperature warmed up his body.
A sudden movement. I felt something hard jab into me. Hang on, I'm not supposed to feel anything. I switched myself off ... Where am I? I began to open my eyes and realized I was lying on a bed, surrounded by large aliens, all staring down at me.
One of them spoke.
“You are on the Mondor. We are the Pakleds. I am Grebnedlog. This is my friend, Reginod. This is Eodnicam and this is Ecirg and this is Navonodo. We found you outside. We brought you inside."
I don't believe it ... against all the odds, someone found me. Good thing they knew how to turn me on, or were they just jabbing around?
I started to sit up. One of the Pakleds looked at me.
“What is your name? How long were you outside?"
I checked my systems.
That long! My Gods!
I had been conscious for most of that. I never want to go through that hell again.
The one called Grebnedlog had kind eyes and I smiled, despite the lingering cold in my body which, thankfully was slowly warming.
“He is not human," Reginod announced, waving a tricorder about.
“Oh," Grebnedlog said then he turned to the stranger, noting the strange colour of my eyes. “I am Grebnedlog," he said. “We found you outside. We brought you inside. We warmed you up. You are okay now. If you are hungry and thirsty we will bring food and water. What is your name?"
I looked up at Grebnedlog and smiled.
“You may call me Lore."
"How can you live outside?" Eodnicam asked me later.
“I'm an android. I don't need oxygen or ..."
“What is an...droid?"
Who the hell are these creatures? What were they? born yesterday?! And I thought humans were bad!
“An android is ... a machine... the most superior being in the Universe."
“You have been outside for a long time “ said one of the Pakleds. “You must be hungry."
“No. I don't need to..."
He had already gone off to the replicator. A few moments later, he was back.
“Here" he said. “Eat."
He handed me a plate. I looked down. If I could throw up, I would have done.
“What the hell is this?"
“Ir-Ir."
“What?"
“Small soft black creatures. Very good for you."
“They're ... they're alive..."
“Provide better nourishment that way."
Blecchh. The thought of these creatures squirming around inside me was revolting. As bad as Klingon food!
“I'm ... I'm not used to eating live creatures, sorry ..."
The Pakled shrugged, took the creatures and swallowed them all. I screwed up my face. He then walked away and a few moments later, was back. He handed me a bowl, with some soup in it. Or at least it looked like soup.
"This is Breen," he said.
“Is it alive?"
“No. Dish is made from plant grown on our home planet, Pakled."
I shrugged and ate it. Didn't need to eat, but what the hell? I was grateful to be here. The thought of still being out there, drifting endlessly in space, didn't even bear thinking about. I finished the last mouthful of the chunky soup and stood. “Thank you."
“You must be strong to be outside for so long..."
The Pakleds were all staring me in awe, as if I was some sort of God. Grebnedlog, appeared to be their leader.
“Lore," he said, “can you make us strong?"
“Strong? What do you mean? How?"
“We like to be strong. We like power and we like weapons. Can you make us strong?"
A wide smile crept across my face. “I think I can arrange that ..."
* * *
The modifications took several months. I've improved their ship and they adore me for it.
The Mondor originally belonged to an intelligent peace-loving race, called the Renterb. Its name had been the Foraei. It was stolen by Pakleds, a slow-witted, (that's an understatement) developing race, unwilling to wait for their culture's technological evolution. It could take years - or millennia and that was unacceptable for them. They wanted it and they wanted it now. They had stolen technology from many other races, to try to perfect their vessel. They wanted everything yesterday - like impatient children.
These Pakleds weren't as stupid as they seemed. It was stupid to underestimate them. They might not be the sharpest crystals in the warp-core, but they can't be all that dumb if they'd stolen from Klingons, Romulans and right under the Federation's nose.
They told me of their previous encounter with the USS Enterprise and kidnapped the Chief Engineer, Lieutenant Geordi La Forge and forced him to make weapons for them. They wanted to be strong. Geordi was smart and he was going to give them what they wanted - or else. However, with a clever scam and some quick thinking, the Enterprise people managed to rescue Geordi, leaving the Pakleds none the wiser.
The Mondor was a small ship and was equipped with basic shields, no weapons and sub-light travel only.
But now, all that has changed. I gave them everything - everything they ever wanted. Better shields, powerful weapons, a warp drive, maximum warp equalling that of the Enterprise and even a cloaking device I snitched from the Romulans. We stole from others, including the Klingon Empire and the Federation. The reason being, I'm a fugitive. Wanted for disassembly by the Federation. My crime - conspiring with the Crystalline Entity, on Omicron Theta nearly forty years ago, resulting in the deaths of over 400 colonists and attempting to do the same on the Enterprise.
I have to be prepared - and I am. If they send any ships after me, I'm ready. I can defend myself with weapons, a cloaking device and I'll give the buggers a damn good chase.
I was proud of what I'd done. The Pakleds are grateful to have such a smart, strong leader and I'm grateful to have protection. I hate to admit this, but this is the only place I've ever felt wanted - among the most unlikely of beings, but nevertheless, I'm grateful to the Pakleds for that, although I'd never let them know! And besides, they're the only race that has accepted me for what I am. They know I'm an android. I explained to them what an android was and they understood, but it doesn't matter to them. I wish it hadn't mattered to the colonists.
The Pakleds accepted me as their natural leader, and decided to make me their New Emperor, well why wouldn't they? Even though I'm not one of them, I'm exactly what they need - what they have been waiting for.
There hasn't been a Pakled Emperor in centuries. The last Emperor died seven hundred years ago, and there has been no one else to carry on the tradition. The Pakled Emperors were the more intelligent of the race. They led their people to evolve intellectually, but after the last of them died, there was no one left to lead them.
Well, I'm quite surprised, to say the least that they'd make a non-Pakled their leader... Emperor, hey, I like it!
Now they all call me 'Master.' They're terrified to do something wrong. It's not like I'm gonna bite their heads off. They've got pretty big heads!
They get on my nerves with their stupidity, but they're learning. Sometimes I want to leave them. I can leave any time I wish, but where else have I got to go?
* * *
APPROXIMATELY HALF A YEAR LATER
Something clicked in my brain. I didn't know what it was, but something was controlling me. I had no will of my own ... Lost control of my own wishes. I was being called to a place, by someone I knew, calling from afar. A person close to me. But I didn’t know who.
* * *
I regained my senses, blinking a few times as my surroundings came into focus. That was when I saw Data standing there watching me.
I lunged toward him, my first instincts being to protect myself, kill or be killed. But then there was someone between us, shushing me. My God! It was my father! But how was that possible? The Crystal Entity wiped out the entire colony, didn't it? He should be dead like the rest of them.
“...So... you're still alive ..." I could barely keep the sarcasm out of my voice. “I'm surprised you woke me. Why didn't you just take me apart again and be done with it? That is why the two of you captured me, isn't it?"
Soong explained to me about the homing device.
“No thanks to you ..." I stood and glared at Data. “But thanks to you, Dear Brother, I spent nearly two years drifting in space. If it hadn't been for a fortunate encounter with a Pakled trade ship, I'd still be out there."
“I had no alternative. You would have destroyed the Enterprise."
"Hmph..." How disgustingly typical. I turned to Soong. “Well, since I seem to be an uninvited guest at your little party, I'll leave you with your beloved son and be on my way."
This was the last thing I needed - Data and my father together against me. Turning my back on them, I walked away to leave them to each other. As I neared the doors, ready to leave behind my only family, my father called after me.
“Lore, wait... There are questions I can answer...You ... You'll have no chance to ask them later ... “
So what? First I'm treated like something the cat dragged in and now he wants me to stay. I don't want to be a part of this stupid family reunion.
How could I consider these people my family if they don't even care about me?
Soong finished. “...You see, I'm dying ..."
I was about to open the door, then stopped dead. The words hit me like a phaser blast.
Dying?
I turned around, to face my father.
“... I'm dying ..." he repeated.
Those two words rang in my mind. As if there were an echo in my brain. Over and over, I'm dying … I’m dying ... They demanded I turn around and confront what they meant. I shook my head. This can't be happening ...
“Wait a minute, wait a minute ... What ... what do you mean you're dying? ... You look fine..." My voice faltered. I wish it hadn't. I hurried down the stairs to him, concerned. Very concerned. “You're not that old ... you... you look fine ... What is this? Some kind of a trick?" I was close to tears. He couldn't die. He's my father. I won't let him die!
He looked at me and said sadly, gently, “I wish it were..."
Looking into his blue eyes I could see he was telling the truth. This was not just some ploy to make me stay. But no … it couldn't be true. But it was … I couldn't believe it. My father was dying. He disassembled me, all those years ago on the colony and I've always resented him for that, but ... but - he's my Father. The man who'd given me life. The man who knew me inside and out. The man who'd raised me, who'd cared for me and loved me. And now he was dying.
* * *
“Don't, 'Lore' me. You were my father. I respected you. I looked up to you. You were the only one on that colony who understood me. Well, at least I thought you did. Maybe I was wrong. I trusted you. I cared about you and loved you. I needed you and you betrayed me."
He seemed hurt by that.
“I'm sorry you feel that way, Lore. I didn't betray you. I saw no other alternative. I did what I had to do."
“You did what you had to do?!! What kind of an answer is that!?" I glared at him, upset.
“The only one I can give you" he said. “You were not ... functioning properly."
“Lore told me the colonists envied him because you made him so completely human," Data said.
Well they did, didn't they?
Doctor Soong smiled and turned to Data. “I wouldn't've exactly used the word 'envious', Data."
How could Data be so calm and rational about this? I wonder how he'd like it if he was taken apart by someone he had trusted and loved - but then again, he's got no emotions so he probably can't understand.
“You disassembled me!" I yelled at my father. “You took me apart!"
I paused for a while.
“I was only five years old - a child by human standards ... You gave me no chance. Nobody ever gave me a chance."
“Lore also told me that the colonists petitioned you to replace him with a less perfect android."
Uh oh.
“The last thing you should think of yourself as, Data, is less perfect" Doctor Soong said, scalding me. “The two of you are virtually identical, except for a bit of programming."
Data looked at me. “It was a lie. Another lie."
Yeah. So what. I wish he'd shut up. I looked at my father, hurt. “I would've proven to you if you'd just given me a chance - But it was easier just to turn your back and build your precious Data."
My father stood and turned to me and his tone surprised me. “You were the first! You meant as much to me as Data ever did, but you were unstable. The colonists were not envious of you, they were afraid of you! You were unstable."
Perhaps they were afraid of me, but they still envied me.
“I am not less perfect than Lore." Data said.
I glanced at my brother, then looked at my father. “Why didn't you just fix me?" I pleaded. “It was within your power to fix me."
This was hurting more than I can describe. He could have fixed me. He's the most brilliant cyberneticist in the galaxy. He did everything for Data and look what I've got. Sweet FA.
“It wasn't as easy as that" he said. “The next ... the next logical step was to construct Data... “
Oh... This is too much! Next Logical step! ... I can't believe he said that! Is that all I am to him? A step? In some experiment? Just a bunch of parts he put together? Just a prototype to be used? What's he trying to do? Make me feel worthless? I fought extremely hard to keep back the tears.
“Next logical step? ..."
“I am not less perfect than Lore," Data repeated to himself.
That’s it! I can't stand him anymore! “I am not less perfect than Lore!" I mimicked, furious.
“Enough!" Soong yelled. “Both of you! Sit down!"
I looked at him and waited. He raised a finger at me. “Sit down."
I grabbed a stool and thumped it down in the middle of the floor and sat, looking at my father, pouting. He was always a sucker for a pout.
He looked at me. “For all these years, I've been plagued by what went wrong, with all of your complexities, Lore, your nuances, basic emotion seemed almost simple by comparison, but the emotion turned and twisted, became entangled with ambition... Lore, if I had known you were no longer sitting in pieces on some distant shelf... If I had known that... that I could simply press a button and bring you here... I would have spent those years trying to make things right for you as well..."
Yeah... if only he knew... I wanted to blame someone. All he had to do was push a button, and all my problems would have been solved...It was that simple, but yet that difficult...If only he had known I had been reassembled, but then what? He might've activated the device when I was drifting in space and I couldn't exactly drift at warp speed.
I didn't want to blame Data. He didn't cause my problems. Sure, I'm jealous of him because he's got what I always wanted, but he doesn't mean to be a pain in the neck. That's just the way he is. I wish he's understand that I'm just the way I am.
My father continued. “But all I knew of was Data, so I worked long and hard, and now, I believe I've succeeded."
He stood up, walked to his workbench, picked up a small chip and held it up with a pair of tweezers. “This ... this ... this is why I've brought you here, Data. Basic emotions. Simple feelings, Data. Your feelings."
Data stood up, with an expression of wonder on his face. He cocked his head and looked closer at the chip. I found myself being slightly happy for my little brother. This is what he always wanted, but I also felt jealous. Why should he get his fondest desire when I'm left with nothing?
But wait ... This chip - It could give Data feelings. Emotions ... He doesn't know what he's getting himself into. Emotions are more trouble than they're worth. Data's better off without them, believe me I know.
“I've imagined how hard it's been for you," Noonian said to Data, “living amongst beings so moved by emotion..."
Standing I walked towards them.
"I don't have to imagine. I know how hard it's been ..."
Even though I'm bitter towards him, jealous, even, I don't want Data to go through what I did. I can't let him be hurt like that. The least I can do is warn him. “You'd be surprised, Data ..." I told him. “Feelings do funny things. You may even learn to understand your 'evil' brother ... to forgive him ..." I hope he forgives me someday. I smiled at him warmly. “We will be more alike, Data, you and I. You'll see." I smiled again. “... I'm ... I'm happy for you."
“I question your sincerity, Lore."
Data was naïve but certainly not stupid. Well, what I said was true ... Okay - the last bit wasn't entirely true ...
“Perhaps with this you'll learn to be more trusting, Data," Doctor Soong said. “Your brother's had good reason to be bitter."
“But, sir, Lore was responsible for -"
“He wasn't given the chance that you and I were given ... to live."
He does understand. I was never given a chance.
He looked at me. “But now I'm sure he understands why I did what I had to do. If there were only time, Lore ... I could help you as well ... What a shame."
Maybe I understand, maybe I don't. I don't know anymore. Will Data ever understand me? How can he, when I don't even understand myself? Will he ever forgive me? Who knows? Maybe someday. Data's so lucky. He can't feel anything. No hatred, jealousy or pain. In that way, I envy him. I've felt those things all my life. I'm grateful my father forgives me for what I had done. He knows what I went through. He was there. He was on that colony. And he's right. I was never given a chance. Will I ever get that chance? Is it too late?
“The procedure is quite simple," Doctor Soong explained.
“After the procedure, what then?" I asked.
“I assume Data will return to his ship and you to yours."
I looked at my father. He was sick ... dying. He needed someone, and Data couldn't stay.
“No," I said, gently, “you'll need someone to care for you. I'll stay."
My father smiled warmly at me and then at Data. Data looked at me, his expression showing one of surprise. I don't think he was expecting me to be so sentimental. Well everybody's sentimental sometime. Even me.
“I'm tired ..." Doctor Soong said. “I need to rest, first. I'm tired."
He began to walk to his room.
“May I assist you with the procedure?" I offered.
Soong shook his head. “Thank you, but no. It's a simple insertion ... no need."
Watching him go I still couldn't believe he was dying. I knew I'd had nothing to do with him for thirty years, twenty-six of those which I spent disassembled, but he's my father and I can't ignore that. I forgave him for what he did to me, but, I just wish things could have worked out ...
I thought about the chip, giving Data feelings... but wait a minute ... Data's stable, not round the twist, like me - and maybe this chip will give him stable emotions. If it was inserted in me, could it stabilize my emotions? Make me stable as I once was, so many years ago? ... It was too great a chance to miss. I need that chip.
Doctor Soong had left the room.
I turned to Data and smiled. He didn't return my smile and backed off a little.
“I don't bite, Data."
“I do not trust you, Lore."
“That doesn't surprise me. It's nice to see my father again … Y'know, we should celebrate our family reunion." I looked at Data and grinned. “How about some Champagne?"
Data looked at me. “No thank you, Lore."
“Still haven't developed a sense of humor, I see ... So, Brother, what have you been up to?"
Data looked at me. “Many things, Lore. Exactly what do you wish to know?"
I chuckled. “I want to know how you've been."
“I have been ... okay, Lore."
“Okay? Is that all you've got to say? Come on, it's been two years, Data."
“I am aware of the time that has elapsed, Lore."
“Come on ... You're not still bitter about what happened aboard the Enterprise, are you?"
“I cannot feel bitterness." He hesitated for a while. “You are my only brother. Up until two years ago, I was unaware that you even existed. It intrigued me to learn that I had a brother. I trusted you and cared about you, then you lied to me - you betrayed me."
Was that sadness and disappointment in his voice? But that's impossible, isn't it?
“What have you 'been up to?'" Data asked me after a long pause.
“I was found by the Pakleds, while I was drifting in space. They transported me inside their vessel. They're not the best of races, but they're okay, I suppose."
“The Enterprise encountered the Pakled race on Stardate 42779.1. I observed them to be, quite ... slow witted."
Yeah, well, he's not wrong there. I rolled my eyes. “Tell me about it..."
“How long have you been with them?" Data asked.
“About a year."
“And you are content staying with them?"
“For now. Enough about me. What about you?"
“Do not expect me to believe you care, Lore."
“Maybe I don't. I'm just curious."
“You have already expressed your jealousy, towards me and you are no doubt bitter, after having spent all that time drifting in space."
“Can you blame me for being jealous?"
Data just looked at me and said nothing.
“You've got the good side of humanity. Me, I got the rest that nobody else wanted ... Anyway, about drifting in space, that's history, Data. It's over now ... Data, look, I'm sorry, okay?"
“Sorry for what, Lore?"
“Sorry for what I did. I don't know why I tried to kill your friends on the Enterprise. I was just angry ... and ... I..."
“That does not give you the right to kill." Data paused for a moment. “I want some answers, Lore."
I was surprised at his forwardness, but he deserved some answers.
“I suppose I wanted revenge ..."
“Revenge for what? What did they ever do to you?"
“Nothing ..." I said softly.
“Then why all the lies? The hatred?"
I closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and looked at my brother.
“You always got everything ... I got nothing ... No one liked me ... Humans hurt me because I was a machine."
“Can you blame them? You are a liar. And you are not a nice person."
“Fine! I admit I'm not perfect. And you can't blame me being who I am. So, I'm not a perfect little angel like some people. You wanted me to be exactly like you, well I'm not. I didn’t start out unstable. Humans made me that way.”
“I did not say you had to be perfect, Lore. Nobody is perfect. And I do not expect you to be exactly like me. You have a different personality. You are not me, but I did not expect you to hate me or try and kill everyone on the ship. Humans may have hurt you and I am sorry for that, but that does not excuse your actions."
I gave a disdainful 'hmph'.’ “... You've got friends. You've always had friends ... You've always been accepted. Naturally I was jealous. I was rejected from the start."
“Why did you not tell us this earlier? My friends are good people. They would have understood."
I shook my head. “I was too angry. Humans aren't exactly my favorite people in the Universe. Anyway ... talking about these things isn't easy for me."
“You are talking about it now."
I nodded. “It's still hard. I just want ... need you to know why ... It's been so hard for me ... I just wanted someone to blame and that was wrong."
“It is not my fault for what happened to you."
“I know."
Data paused for a moment. “And I still do not understand how you could kill so many people. What pleasure did it give you, murdering over 400 sentient beings on the Omicron Theta colony?"
“Murdering ... I didn't murder them, Data."
“If not murder, then what was it, Lore?"
“Do I detect sarcasm, Data?"
He didn't answer.
“I told the Crystal Entity where they were, But I didn't kill them. I was unstable. I wasn't in my right mind. Pleasure? I don't know if I felt pleasure. I suppose I wanted revenge for how much the colonists hurt me ... Anyway, I was ... as my father said, not functioning properly at the time. And the colonists never gave me a chance ... and I thought all humans were the same."
“I still do not understand how you could kill."
“I know, you can't, and I don't expect you to ... but ... I'm sorry. If you'd been through what I had, maybe you'd understand."
Data paused, considering. “I am trying to, Lore. Maybe with this chip I may better understand your actions."
I nodded and smiled warmly. “I hope so."
I paused for a while. “Data ... Will you ... Can you ever forgive me?"
My brother looked at me, but said nothing.
“Please."
“Perhaps, Lore ... If you are being sincere..."
“I am being sincere, Data."
Was I being sincere? I don't know, maybe. I did want him to forgive me, but can I ever forgive him?
Data looked at me. “I forgive you, Lore."
I walked closer to him and smiled, then reached out and hugged my brother, gently, switching him off in the process, letting him fall to the floor with a thud, laughing. How could he be so stupid to trust me - again.
In retrospect, my options were limited. What other choice did I have? I needed the chip more than Data and I deserved it more than he did. He's got no idea what I've been through. None at all. If he did, perhaps he'd understand.
I began to switch our clothes.
* * *
Data was now dressed in my Pakled clothing and I in his Starfleet uniform. It was slightly different from the other one. This one had a different collar and was two piece - more comfortable too.
I picked up Data and hid him in another room. Now all I had to do was wait for my father to wake up. Then he would give me what I deserved. What he should have done a long time ago.
* * *
Doctor Soong entered the room.
"Hello, Data," he smiled. “Where's Lore?"
“He became upset and went for a walk."
Soong nodded. “Lore's jealous of you, that's all. He'll get over it someday."
I don't know. Will I?
“Come. It's time to insert the chip."
I felt a twinge of guilt. He had spent a long time constructing the chip for Data and there was no time to make another one. He wanted Data to have it, not me.
“What is it, Data?"
“I am wondering what it will be like to have emotions."
He smiled. “You'll soon know."
I followed my father into the other room.
“You'll have to be unconscious during the procedure, Data."
I nodded.
I'm sorry, Father ... Brother ...
* * *
The feeling was, was ... Well I don't know what it was, but it felt wonderful.
Finally, perhaps now the pain will go and I can live a normal life and get the chance I always wanted -needed.
“Data..."
I began to sing one of my favorite songs.
“The sons of the prophet
Were valiant and bold
And quite unaccustomed to fear
But of all the most reckless
Or so I am told, (chuckle)
Was Abdul Abulbul Amir..."
Soong smiled. “How do y' feel?"
I looked at him. “I've always loved that ditty, but I could never quite get the cadence right. Thank you, Father ..."
He smiled again. “You called me father ..."
I'm surprised the old fool hadn't figured it out yet.
“Well what would you prefer I called you? 'Often Wrong'?"
Soong stiffened and looked puzzled. “What did Lore tell you about that?"
“That is what the colonists called you, isn't it? Often Wrong Soong ... That ... that's a very sloppy rhyme. Wrong Soong ... Wrong Soong, that ... it ... it" I frowned and shook my head, “it just doesn't work ... Let's see ..."
I tried to think up a good rhyme.
Soong looked puzzled. “Data, how are you feeling?"
Ah. I've got one.
I looked at him smirking.
“Often Wrong's got a broken heart
Can't even tell his boys apart..."
Soong stared and gaped.
“Lore ..."
"There were brave men a plenty
All well known to fame
Who served in the ranks of the Czar ..."
I flipped back my thumb nail, exposing a small button which I pressed and began to dematerialize. The song eerily echoed and faded away in the effects of the Pakled transporter. I beamed aboard my Pakled shuttle, then blasted off into warp, before the Enterprise detected anything.
My thoughts were on what had happened down there. Did he mean what he said about the chip? Who cares anyway? It feels great and it's what I deserve - No, need. I didn't mean to hurt my father? What if I killed him? ... He said he was dying anyway, so I suppose it doesn't matter. He owed me the chip after what he did to me - After what happened on the colony.
As for Data, he's better off without it.
* * *
TWO YEARS LATER
It had been over two years since I had taken the chip. At first it had felt wonderful, but then the side effects started taking effect. At first it affected my temper. I blew up at the slightest thing. Okay, I admit that patience was never one of my virtues, but it was never hair-trigger and the Pakleds didn't make it much better. I admit I'm grateful to them for rescuing me after drifting in outer space, but after being with them for five years is enough to drive even the sanest man crazy. The limit of their vocabulary is: “We look for things to make us go..."
I got to tell you, I damn near made a few of 'me go right out the airlock!
They practically have to ask me before doing anything. Makes you wonder how they evolved at all. It worked to my advantage a few times though. We were almost attacked a couple of times, but the adversaries underestimated the Pakleds, like most people do and we flitched some good stuff. The Pakleds may be stupid, but they're not as dumb as they pretend to be. They respect me. Well, they made me their Emperor, didn't they? I must admit, I feel sorry for them in a way. They depend on me like puppy dogs, but I'm not going to stay with them forever.
Well, as I was saying, (I have a habit of going off on a tangent, don't I) About the chip, after the side effects wore off, the chip began to integrate itself as part of my circuitry. I still wondered what Data would be like with it. In a way, he's lucky that he doesn't have emotions, because he can't become insane and he can't be hurt, but there's lots of other things he misses out on. I've tried my best to put my painful past behind me. It's not gonna do me any good brooding over it for the rest of my life. What happened has happened and there's nothing I can do to change it. Now I live for the future and I'm going to do something with my life.
Aboard the Mondor, we cruised through the Brenalian system.
“Master..."
“Not now..."
“Master..."
I turned to Ecirg in annoyance. “What is it!?"
“There is a strange ship ahead of us."
“What?"
“There is a strange ship thing outside..."
“Yes ... yes...what ship?"
“I don't know. They did not answer our call. Maybe they not friendly."
“Well, obviously they're not friendly."
The ship appeared on the viewer. A shiver ran down my back. The ship was cube shaped. Borg.
I had learned of them from Data's memories I accessed when we were with Doctor Soong. I had learned that they were cybernetic life forms, thousands of them, all interconnected into a single collective consciousness. They didn't function as individuals like you and me and they destroyed what they didn't need, and I also learned, they had regarded Data as obsolete and I laughed. The Borg assimilated other species into their collective, making them into Borg, as they had recently done with Captain Picard, making him 'Locutus,’ until the Enterprise crew managed to return his individuality.
Knowing what the Borg were and what they did, and I wasn't overtly keen on hanging around. I was about to leave in a hurry, then realized they weren't doing anything. No tractor beam was being attached to my ship, no Borg beaming aboard and telling 'resistance is futile.' I waited for at least half an hour before I scanned the vessel.
Totally inoperative, adrift in space.
I remembered that Data had beamed aboard a Borg vessel with some other Starfleet personnel and the Borg had ignored them.
I decided to do the same to learn more about them.
I materialized aboard the ship and was shocked by the sight that met my eyes.
Borg lay everywhere, dysfunctional distraught and terrified. Not at all the bad omen of the galaxy as they were so described. Obviously, something had happened to them since. But what force could have toppled the mighty Borg?
I looked at them again. One Borg looked at me, its eyes pleading. Its face twisted with terror. I couldn't bear to look and walked away. Everywhere I looked it was the same.
I saw one Borg lying face down and motionless. Was it dead? I knelt down and turned it around. My god! It's a woman! A female Borg. I looked at her. Her eyes were closed, but then she blinked and opened them slowly. She looked as terrified as the rest of them. My Gods ... What had happened to these people? She moved, trying to get away from me.
“It's all right," I said gently, “I'm not going to hurt you."
Then she spoke. Her voice weak, barley a whisper. “Are ... you ... hu...man?"
I was a tad offended, but then I looked human, didn't I?
“No," I told her. “Most certainly not. I'm an android."
“Hu...mans hurt us..." she said.
“They hurt me too.”
Humans did this? I must admit I was a little impressed. I wouldn't've thought they were capable of doing anything like this. I mean the Borg whipped their butts at Wolf 359, didn't they? Her eyes showed bewilderment. And it was then I realized that it was my calling in life to help them. All of them. And help them I would. The female Borg twitched violently in my arms, then went limp after a while. Although I knew she was dead, I didn't want to believe it. Carefully, I set her down on the floor. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't moving. I shook her gently, but nothing happened, then closed my eyes.
“Come on ... You're gonna be all right." I shook her again, but she refused to acknowledge. “Come on, don't do this to me..."
I don't know why I felt so attached to her. I'd just met her a few minutes ago and already, I felt for her. I shook her again, knowing it wouldn't make any difference.
“Please..." I whispered.
“It is no use. Weikat is dead."
The voice came from behind. I spun around and saw a young male Borg sitting, supported by the railing.
“I know." I paused, then addressed the other Borg. “Who are you?"
“My name is Hugh." The Borg did not pause before he replied.
I was puzzled by his name, then he explained further.
“The name was given to me by Geordi La Forge of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Up until then, my designation was Third of Five."
“The Enterprise ... hmmmm... Can you tell me more?"
“Myself and four other Borg were on a mission in the Argolis Cluster. We crashed on the fourth planet. The others all died. That was the last thing I remembered until I awoke on the Enterprise. I did not understand them at first. They told me they did not wish to be assimilated and resistance was not futile. They were proud of being individual with no other voices in their minds. The people there helped me to become individual. I learned to accept their way of life. It was frightening at first and lonely, but I began growing accustomed to their alien lifestyle. I wanted the other Borg to feel this way, so when I was taken back into the collective, I transferred my unique experience to the others ... but..."
Hugh shook his head in despair, “but in doing that, I almost destroyed everyone ... I did not mean to harm my people."
I shook my head comfortingly. “Of course you didn't. You didn't know this was going to happen. You're not to be blamed."
“I am not?"
I shook my head and helped the Borg to his feet.
The Borg had no idea how to function as individuals. Some starved themselves to death, because they had forgotten how to feed themselves. Many of them were paralysed. Some killed each other. The very fabric of their society was being torn apart.
I mean the Federation say they're not out here to interfere or destroy and yet, look what they have done. The Borg are people too, but they don't care. The Borg may have been their enemies, but they didn’t deserve to suffer like this. Well, I hope they're proud of themselves, because I'm going to teach them a lesson they'll never forget.
“Do you have a name?" Hugh asked.
“Yes. You may call me Lore."
“Lore," the Borg said, “if we are not helped, we will all die soon."
There was fear in his voice.
“No one is going to die, Hugh."
He looked up at me. “But we cannot survive much longer like this."
“I know. That's why I'm going to help you."
“Help me?"
“Not just you. All Borg everywhere."
Hugh's face showed a glimmer of hope.
“Thank you, Lore. I am very grateful."
I smiled.
“So am I."
* * *
All the other Borg I saw were in worse conditions than Hugh. Many were dead. Admittedly, I felt sorry for them. The Borg were physically more like me than the Pakleds and they needed me and I was the only one who could save them.
I thought about the Pakleds. They needed me as well.
Pausing for a moment, I thought.
They didn't need me as much as these people did, and besides, I didn't want to stay with them any longer. They were driving me even crazier than I already was!
They knew how to operate the vessel and fix it. I was grateful to them for rescuing me. They accepted me for who and what I was, but they could survive on their own. They begged me not to leave, but I threatened to destroy their vessel if they didn't depart.
They did so in a hurry. But, strangely enough, they still regarded me as their 'Emperor.'
* * *
I placed Hugh in charge of the New Borg Order. But for now, something was calling me back to a planet. I didn't know why. Actually, I did know why, but I didn't want to admit it. I'd only been there once before, over four years ago.
My new ship, the Lorean approached the planet and I beamed down on the planet's lush, green surface. It was night time. I walked for a while, through the misty forest, each step becoming more familiar, as if I knew this place. I walked further and came to a dead stop.
I walked into the clearing and cautiously approached the structure.
I walked to the door and saw a plaque. I walked closer to it.
This was the laboratory of the
late great Cyberneticist, Doctor
Noonian Soong.
2276 - 2367
May he rest in peace and his
name and his dreams live on forever.
This is why I had come here.
I slowly entered the lab and began to look around. Everything was how I remembered it, except for in one corner. There was some broken glass and things on the floor. I then remembered. This is where I had thrown my father. Had I killed him? If he was dead, where was his body? Perhaps that was it - My guilt. Even if I hadn't killed him, what I did to him, in his elderly condition obviously didn't help.
I cared about my father. I loved him and this is how I repaid him - by betrayal. I always resented him, because I felt me betrayed me, and now ... I felt ashamed of myself.
I felt resentment and anger for what Doctor Soong had done to me on the colony, but when I came here, and found he was dying, I found myself actually forgiving the old man. He was my father, and I could never hate him, no matter what he did. I wished there was something I could've done to help him, but he was human, and humans have a finite number of years. It's something we androids have to accept.
I learned about the destruction of the Crystalline Entity at the hands of Kila Marr. Bitch. How could she know the terrible thing she had done? The Crystalline Entity didn’t understand that it wa skilling. It just needed to survive and longed to get back to its people. How could a mere brainless human understand? It made me hate them even more. I wish Kila had been killed on the colony. The Crystalline Entity had been my only living friend. Now I truly had no one and I grieved for my lost friends. Elanore and the Entity. I wonder, do the Crystalline Entities believe in the Afterlife? Wherever it is I hope it's happy. Now I am alone.
I began to look around my father's lab.
It was cluttered with all kinds of things. He was a real collector. The lab had a mixture of high tech equipment and other not so technological stuff, like models of dinosaurs and other knick knacks he'd collected over the years. He had a great deal of paraphernalia on them. Novels, models, pictures you name it, it's here. His lab had everything. Everything a scientist needed or wanted, for that matter. I thought about him. Had I failed him? I understand why he disassembled me and he was probably right to do so. He said he had planned to get back to me. He wanted to help me, but things didn't exactly turn out the way he had planned. I wondered what he would think of me now. I want him to be proud of me, but what have I done to be proud of?
But even if I get the chance I've always wanted, what good would it do? My father's dead. He won't have any way of knowing what I make of my life now, even if I did something he would be proud of. Does Heaven exist? Do all dead people's souls go there? If they do, then I hope my father's watching me. I hope he knows what I'm feeling.
I looked at the shelf and saw two portraits. One of my father and one of my mother.
The portraits felt as if they were staring at me, their eyes burning into me. I turned away. I couldn't bear to look at them.
“I'm sorry ..."
I began to walk away, but wherever I went in the lab, it felt as if those portraits were staring, glaring rather, at me. It was silly, I know, but it felt spooky. A shiver ran up my back. I started to leave.
I was almost at the door, but something caught my eye. Something that looked familiar, something that I hadn't seen in a long time. I walked over to the table and looked at the little brown velvet box. I slowly picked it up and opened it. Images of Elanore flew through my head. This was the necklace she had given to me that Solstice Eve. Why did she have to die? She was the only one on that colony who I knew really cared about me. She was my only friend and she never did anything to hurt me. She loved me and I her, but it was so brief. Ironic, isn't it? The only person who could have saved me from going insane and she was killed. If she had survived, things would have been different for me. Maybe a great deal better too, but I cannot dwell on what might have been. It didn’t happen that way and no amount of wishing will change that.
I looked at the teardrop shape on the end of the necklace, crafted form brown sunstone. It shimmered in the light. Beautiful. Just like her.
I closed the box and put it in my pocket. I thought it had been lost, in all that had happened. I'll treasure the necklace, just like I promised I would. It'll always remind me of her. Part of me wanted to die just to be with her, but she would have gone to the Elysian Fields or Heaven. I was sure if there was an afterlife for androids, I’d go the other way.
I wanted to cry. I forced myself not to. It was weak, but who's going to know? There's no one here except me and that rather dead pot plant over there. The one that was on the ledge the last time I was here. I recognised it as Shalom. I guess nothing lasts forever. Will I?
That remains to be seen.
I beamed up a few work tools and other bits and pieces that could be useful on the ship and the copy of Peter Pan and Wendy. From the dust, I gathered that no one had visited Neverland in quite a while.
I turned to leave, then looked back at the two portraits. Their eyes seemed to bore into me. Right into my soul. What were they looking for? Perhaps there was nothing to see.
I turned and left the lab.
Outside, I turned around as the door closed and read the plaque once again.
“I'm sorry..."
Sadly, I turned away and returned to my ship and to the Borg.
* * *
I wanted Data with me. I was hell bent on destroying the Federation. I had an army. I wanted war.
“The Sons of Soong have joined together." My brother said and I beamed with pride. “And together we will destroy the Federation."
My followers, my people captured the humans and I wanted to kill them all, but not yet. Data had not called me ‘brother’ since we were walking through the corridor that day on the Enterprise.
Data is the only family I have left now. Of course Picard tried to drive a wedge between us, but to no avail.
I helped the Borg become individual and they practically worshipped me. Crosis was my most loyal subject. And now I felt owe it to my brother to help him. I was too blinded by my own hatred and instability to realise that Data was doing perfectly well on his own.
I never intended to kill Geordi La Forge. The experiment would not have been permanent. I tried to explain to Data what I had done for him, but I really didn't get anywhere, not surprising, since I had suppressed his humanity.
Hugh had deserted me and I hated him for it. I believed he was an ungrateful heap of scrap, but what if he was right? Was I a megalomaniac like he had said? I didn't want to think I was.
Of course, the humans found out how I was controlling Data, didn't take them long. They are quite resourceful, I'll give them that. And they severed my contact ...
And of course, Hugh had to gatecrash ... Borg against Borg it was pandemonium. And I knew I had lost - again and I made my escape and of course I was thwarted ... again by my dear Brother. In retrospect, perhaps it was for the best. I raised a weapon to defend myself. Data shot first.
I didn't have to ask. I knew what was going to happen. I suppose it's my own fault, really. I should have seen this coming. I was cruel to Data; I make no excuse for that. In retrospect, I should not have done it and if I had my life to live over perhaps, would have done everything differently, but I don't and I'm not about to go violating the Temporal Prime Directive after everything else I'm guilty of. I know now what I did was wrong. Why couldn't I be more like Data? Sane, rational, calm and kind. He has everything I ever wanted. I've always resented him for that, but I'm prepared to overlook that now. I guess it's too late for that. I realise now the Borg were never my followers, or my people ... I just so desperately wanted to belong ... It's not Data’s fault that my life turned out the way it did. I've stopped hating him for that. I wanted someone to blame and I chose him. I know that was wrong too. Data isn't the cause of my inner pain. I just wish it would go away forever, but it won't. It stays there like a huge rock and I can't overcome it. I've tried, believe me, I've tried. I felt I was king amongst the Borg, but now I look back ... king of fools, maybe.
I heard Data's footsteps coming closer.
This is it ... He's going to kill me ...
Would he do that? Normally I'd put it straight past him. He wouldn't hurt a fly, but now ... After all I'd done to him. I was terrified - not just for myself - there was so much I wanted to teach my little brother ... to tell him … I wanted him to forgive me for what I'd done to him. Forgive me? Would he ever forgive me? In my dreams, perhaps. Could I forgive myself?
The footfalls stopped.
“I am going to deactivate you now," Data said.
I tried to move, knowing it was futile.
“If you do that ... you will never feel emotion again ..."
There was a pause before Data replied.
“I know that ... If having emotions means my friends suffering, I do not wish to have them."
He opened a panel on my head and began the deactivation sequence. It didn't hurt, but gave me an awful sickening feeling.
I looked at my brother, my eyes and voice pleading. “Data, please don't ..."
He stopped and spoke to me, gently. “I am sorry, but you leave me no other choice ... Good bye, Lore" he said softly.
I know I had not left him a choice. I just wish there was another way. I wanted to be angry with him. Really angry, but I wasn't. This was probably the last moment we would be together.
And then I realized something I hadn't known until now, a feeling I’d long forgotten I had … and I knew I wouldn't get another chance to say it. “I love you ... Brother ..."
He hesitated, and for a second I thought he might let me live, but that was too much to hope for. I saw a small black beetle, struggling for life, before it finally fell still, losing its battle to cling onto its life, and I felt a pang of empathy for it. Ironic, isn't it? I've caused the deaths of hundreds, and now I feel sorry now for a tiny beetle. Was I about to 'meet my maker' as they say? Well strictly speaking, I've already met my maker, but I'm talking about the other one. Would Data reactivate me someday, and perhaps fix me? One can only hope ... Or would I remain deactivated and pass silently into the realms of oblivion? Only time will tell. Is there an Afterlife for androids? Will I go to the Elysian Fields like in my dreams? Though Hades would probably send me to Tartarus. Asphodel if I'm lucky. I'm about to find out.
Goodbye, Data, my Dearest Brother. Hades, here I come. Evening has fallen.
And everything went white.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~