HOMER ....................................... DAN CASTELLANETA

MARGE ....................................... JULIE KAVNER

BART ........................................ NANCY CARTWRIGHT

LISA ........................................ YEARDLEY SMITH

MAGGIE ...................................... YEARDLEY SMITH

SMITHERS .................................... HARRY SHEARER

BURNS ....................................... HARRY SHEARER

LENNY ....................................... HARRY SHEARER

HERKY, SMITHERS DOG ......................... HARRY SHEARER?

WORKERS AT PLANT ............................ HARRY SHEARER?

SURGEON DR. DOUG ROSS ....................... GEORGE CLOONEY?

HOSPITAL/AMBULANCE STAFF .................... HARRY SHEARER?

NELSON ...................................... NANCY CARTWRIGHT

TV AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR ...................... JULIE KAVNER?

SECURITY GUARD - WILL ....................... HARRY SHEARER?

SECURITY GUARD 2 - NON SPEAKING

911 OPERATOR ................................ JULIE KAVNER?

Please note, for some characters I have created for the script, I have suggested voice overs.

 ~~~~~~~~

INT. SMITHERS' HOUSE EXT. SMITHERS' HOUSE

BEDROOM

KITCHEN EXT. SMITHERS' CAR

LAUNDRY

LOUNGE ROOM EXT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

HALLWAY CAR PARK

INT. SMITHERS' CAR EXT. STREETS

FOOTPATH

INT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

BURNS' OFFICE

SMITHERS' OFFICE

CORRIDORS

CAFETERIA

SECURITY BUNKER

HOMER'S WORK SPACE

INT. SIMPSONS' RESIDENCE

BATHROOM

LOUNGE ROOM

DINING ROOM

INT. HOSPITAL OPERATING THEATER

 ~~~~~~

SHOW AN ENTIRE WALL OF MINT CONDITION BOXED MALIBU STACEY DOLLS. SHOW ONE EMPTY SPOT BIG ENOUGH FOR A BOXED DOLL.

Smithers lies, covered up in bed, half asleep, making SLEEPY NOISES. There is a digital alarm clock on his bedside table. His glasses are there too. Above his bedside, show a poster of Julian Clary.

SHOW DIGITAL CLOCK DISPLAY: 3:59 am -

SHOW CLOCK DISPLAY CHANGE TO 4:00 am

Show Tape in the alarm clock.

ALARM TAPE BEGINS TO PLAY "Mama Mia," By ABBA.

Smithers stirs, blinks, then opens his sleepy eyes and turns off the tape. He stretches, yawns, and sits up in bed in baggy pink pyjamas. He opens his eyes, then rubs them, reaches for his glasses on his bedside table, and puts them on. Smithers dons a pair of fluffy bunny slippers and walks to his cupboard.

DISSOLVE TO:

SHOW FRAMED PICTURE OF MR BURNS ON THE WALL.

Smithers is in a dark blue, white striped exercise track suit and running on the spot in tune with the television, then he sits on the floor.

Show television on TV/video unit with video recorder on top.

SHOW TV SCREEN -- A group of females with impossible waistlines and legs are performing various aerobics. The instructor is sitting down, in a difficult looking stretch pose.

TV AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR

And hold, 1, 2, 3, 4

SMITHERS

(V.O IN BACKGROUND)

Ow.

Under TV show neatly stacked video movies. - HOLD ON THESE FOR A SHORT WHILE. (NOTE: These are all gay movies, bar the last shelf) Note - Leo is Leonardo DiCaprio)

"CITIZEN COHN" "THE SUM OF US" "HEAD ON"

"THE BIRD CAGE" "TOTAL ECLIPSE - Starring Leo"

"PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT"

"NAKED CIVIL SERVANT"

"LA CAGE AUX FOLLES TRILOGY"

Show a whole shelf of - "MR. BURNS PRESS CONFERENCES & SPEECHES + OTHER EXCITING MR. BURNS BITS ... " - This one is written in Smithers' handwriting.

DISSOLVE TO:

SHOW SMITHERS WALKING THROUGH KITCHEN TO LAUNDRY DOOR.

He opens the door.

Herky, his Yorkshire Terrier is lying in his basket and looks up.

HERKY

(Happily)

Yap! Yap! Yap!

He starts wagging his tail. - BACK TO SMITHERS - Smithers smiles.

SMITHERS

Good morning, Herky. I hope you had

a good nights sleep.

Herky stretches. Smithers bends down and ruffles his fur. Herky licks him. Smithers smiles.

SMITHERS

I feel the same way about you.

Herky follows Smithers. FOLLOW SMITHERS AND HERKY INTO KITCHEN

INT. KITCHEN

Smithers walks to his SMEG NAME BRAND fridge, opens it and takes out a can of DOG'S DELIGHT - BEEF covered by a small plastic

bag. Smithers takes off the bag and puts it on the bench.

SHOW INGREDIENT LABEL on dog food can:

Smithers picks up a fork from the bench and dishes some up for Herky into his bowl with MY BELOVED HERKY printed on it, with HERKY'S WATER BOWL printed on the bowl next to it. Herky sniffs the food, makes an 'I don't want to eat this, but what the hell choice do I have?' noise. He laps some water, then begins to eat. Smithers puts the fork in the sink, then places the plastic bag back over the can and puts it back into the fridge, the gets a carton of CREAMY LOW FAT MILK out of the fridge and proceeds to his immaculately set breakfast table and pours it over his cereal and in the glass before placing it back in the fridge. Smithers then sits down and eats his breakfast.

SMITHERS

Mmm ... I couldn't think of anything

better to start the day.

Herky has licked his bowl clean. He then goes into the laundry, and out of the doggy flap, into the garden.

Smithers walks to the sink with his breakfast utensils, washes, dries and puts them away, then begins putting out a dinner setting. Smithers fills Herky's water bowl, puts it in the laundry and closes the door.

SHOW OUTSIDE LAUNDRY WINDOW

Herky is marking his territory on a large tree.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS' BATHROOM

Smithers is using a red pre-brush anti plaque mouthwash. He spits it out, then brushes his teeth With MALIBU STACEY BRAND toothpaste, then washes his mouth. Smithers turns on the shower. Show Smithers track suit drop to the floor as he steps into the shower cubicle, reaches for the green soap and proceeds to lather and scrub himself vigorously.

SMITHERS

(sings)

This is the way we wash ourselves,

wash ourselves, wash ourselves

This is the way we wash ourselves,

early in the morning...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS' LAUNDRY

Smithers, with a towel wrapped around his body, places

his track suit and breakfast napkins in the wash basket and

dusts off his hands.

Follow Smithers as he heads for his bedroom.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS' BEDROOM

Smithers is now dressed in his work clothes and straightens his tie in the mirror. He checks the clock -

SHOW DIGITAL CLOCK DISPLAY: 6:30 am.

Smithers smiles, flicks his hear and picks up his briefcase.

SMITHERS

Right on time ... (sings chirpily)

Hi ho, hi ho ... it's off to work

I go ... Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho!

SHOW LOUNGE ROOM BOOKSHELF AND CLOSE IN ON ONE SHELF WITH THE FOLLOWING BOOKS, AS SMITHERS IS WALKING PAST:

"YOUR YORKSHIRE TERRIER"

"MOVIE MATE: GUIDE TO MOVIES & VIDEOS"

"COMING OUT"

"NUCLEAR POWER: WHY IT'S SAFE-" By C.M. Burns

"WINNIE THE POOH"

SHOW AN ENTIRE SHELF OF MALIBU STACEY BOOKS.

CUT TO:

EXT. SMITHERS' HOUSE

Smithers stands on his porch and checks that his door is locked.

FOLLOW SMITHERS WALKING TO GARAGE, OPENING ROLL-A-DOOR AND GETTING INTO CAR.

Show him pulling out of the driveway.

INT. SMITHERS' CAR

Show pink fluffy dice hanging from the mirror. As he's driving, he puts a tape into the player and presses play. The player starts playing "YMCA" By THE VILLAGE PEOPLE

Smithers nods in tune to the music.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

Smithers pulls up and parks in his parking spot.

SHOW SIGN ABOVE PARKING SPOT.

Smithers reaches over to the passenger seat, and ejects the seat belt over his briefcase, then exits his car, closes the

door, and uses his central locking car beeper. CAR's HEADLIGHTS LIGHT UP AND A CUTE "VW HERBIE" BEEP NOISE IS HEARD

FOLLOW SMITHERS AS HE WALKS BRISKLY INTO THE BUILDING AND UP TO MR. BURNS OFFICE.

Smithers opens the door, then closes it behind him again.

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers checks the clock on Mr. Burns' desk.

SHOW 6:59 ON DIGITAL CLOCK DISPLAY CHANGE TO 7:00

SMITHERS

Phew! Just made it! As always.

He crosses over to Burns desk and smiled warmly as he touches it and runs his hand along the edge. He tidies up Some papers, and pamphlets an takes a half empty cup of cold coffee to the kitchen.

INT. BURNS' KITCHEN

Show clock on the wall. SHOW DIGITAL CLOCK DISPLAY: 7:03

Smithers throws the old coffee down the sink and carefully washes the cup, then begins to make Mr. Burns' coffee. He counts out the heaped spoonfuls.

SMITHERS

One, two, three, four...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BURNS KITCHEN

Smithers is finishing counting

SMITHERS

Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen ... there.

He then uses the boiling water machine to fill the cup. Smithers takes a tea spoon and stirs it. He dips the spoon in, scoops some coffee and tastes tests It. Smithers screws up his face and spits it into the sink.

SMITHERS

(Smiles)

Perfect.

FOLLOW SMITHERS AS HE WALKS OUT OF THE KITCHEN INTO MR. BURNS OFFICE SHOW STEAM COMING FROM THE COFFEE MUG.

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers sets the cup down on a mug coaster. He then sets about tidying the office, straightening the chairs, desk stepping back and inspecting his work, frowning and moving one chair slightly. He then looks around and begins picking a few things off the carpet and throwing them in the bin. Smithers then walks to the window and looks out.

SHOW EXT. POWER PLANT FROM BURNS' WINDOW

Smithers smiles as he sees the steaming silos and the early morning workers going about their business. Smithers stretches his arms out sideways.

SMITHERS

(Breathes in)

Ahh ... There's no place in the world

I'd rather be ... There's no place

like work. There's no place like work.

There's no place like work...

Smithers walks to his office and enters.

INT. SMITHERS' OFFICE

Show computer screen with screen saver of Naked Mr Burns. Smithers is in front of it, carefully obscuring the indecent parts ...

On Smithers' desk, show a gold picture frame with Calligraphy poem: SHOW POEM:

Smithers sits his desk. He tidies a few papers, picks a hand written lined one up, looks at it and smiles.

SMITHERS

Ahh one day ...

Smithers places it in his draw, then places his briefcase onto the desk, and opens it with the secret combination code, 007. He takes out a Malibu Stacey doll, dressed in Hawaiian style dress and lai. he takes out a real hair brush and begins to brush her long (down to her ankles) hair.

SMITHERS

That's better, isn't it? Those

tiny pink brushes you get with dolls

are useless, unless you're Homer Simpson.

CUT TO:

INT. SIMPSONS' BATHROOM

Show Homer brushing his hair with a tiny plastic pink brush.

HOMER (Smiles)

Hey ... These brushes are sooo good!

LISA

Dad, have you seen my Disgruntled Housewife

Barbie Brush?

Lisa sticks her head in the bathroom.

HOMER (Hides Brush)

Uhh ... Bart took it!

LISA

Baaaaaaart!!!!

BART (V.O)

It was Maggie!

Maggie crawls past Homer and Lisa in the bathroom, sucking her dummy. Lisa looks unimpressed.

CUT TO:

INT. SMITHERS' OFFICE

Smithers continues to play with his doll. He then puts her down, and takes an unopened pack of FIVE FLAVOR JOLLY RANCHERS out of his briefcase and opens it. He takes out one, and carefully unwraps the silver wrapping, revealing a transparent red candy.

SMITHERS

Mmm... Cherry ... my favorite ...

He pops it into his mouth and begins sucking it.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS OFFICE

Smithers is still sitting behind the desk eating Jolly Ranchers. Wrappers are in a neat bundle on the desk. He unwraps the last one, a green one, and pops that into his mouth, then looks at his watch and swallows it whole. He puts the bundle of wrappers in the bin and places his Malibu Stacey

doll back in his briefcase, closes it, stands up, and walks to into Burns Office.

FOLLOW SMITHERS INTO BURNS OFFICE.

INT. BURNS OFFICE

SHOW DESK DIGITAL CLOCK DISPLAY: 8:59 AM

Smithers stands by Mr. Burns desk.

Show Smithers looking at the seconds on his watch -

8:59:55

COUNT DOWN WITH SMITHERS --

SMITHERS

Five, four, three, two, one ...

SHOW SMITHERS WATCH AND CLOCK DISPLAY SYNCHRONOUSLY CHANGE TO: 9:00 AM

Smithers stares directly at the door, which opens, revealing Mr. Burns. Smithers smiles warmly.

SMITHERS

Good morning.

You never let me down, sir.

BURNS

Ah, hello, Smithers. Early as usual

I see?

SMITHERS

Of course.

BURNS

Excellent. I wouldn't have it any

other way.

Smithers smiles as he watches Burns walk to the desk. Burns sits, then picks up his coffee cup and takes a sip.

BURNS

Ooh ... seventeen heaped teaspoons,

lukewarm with no sugar - just the

way I like it.

SMITHERS

(Smiles)

I know ... Somehow I've always known...

BURNS

(Smiles)

You have a sixth sense, I think.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BURNS KITCHEN - FLASHBACK - WAY BACK WHEN

SHOW DIGITAL WALL CLOCK DISPLAY: 7:06

Show young Smithers making a cup of coffee. He is startled by an klaxon alarm and a whole heap of coffee falls into the mug.

SMITHERS

Damn it to Hades!

He brushes instant coffee granules off himself.

HOMER (V.O)

D'oh - But it says DONUT, touch

this button ... ohh .. DO NOT

touch this button - well didn't they

say so?

Smithers frowns and shakes his head.

SMITHERS

Pathetic lackey.

He walks out of the kitchen.

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers absent mindedly places the coffee cup on the desk and tidies a few things up.

CUT TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE

SHOW CLOCK DIGITAL DISPLAY: 9:00

Show doors open to reveal Mr. Burns, not looking a day younger.

SMITHERS

(Slightly Nervous)

Good morning, Sir.

BURNS

(Smiles)

Good morning, Smithers, isn't it?

Your first day.

SMITHERS

Yes, sir.

Burns walks behind and sits at his desk. He picks up the coffee. Smithers gasps and looks absolutely horrified.

BURNS

Ahh ... seventeen heaped teaspoons,

lukewarm, no sugar ... just the way I

like it. Splendid! Smithers,

how did you know?

Smithers looks blank.

END FLASHBACK

RIPPLE DISSOLVE BACK TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE - NOW

SMITHERS

Intuition, Sir.

BURNS

Thank you for a lovely cuppa, Smithers.

SMITHERS

(Smiles)

My pleasure, sir.

Through Mr Burns security computer, we see LENNY entering the building.

BURNS

I don't believe it! Four and a

half minutes late! I'll see to that!

SMITHERS

It is only four and a half minutes,

Sir.

BURNS

Damnation, Smithers! I can't make

exceptions for everyone? Where will

we be then? Up poo poo creek, that's

where! Tardiness is an evil which

must be crushed!

SMITHERS

Yes, Sir.

Burns sips his coffee, then picks up the phone.

BURNS

You're late! You're fired!

LENNY (V.O)

(shaky)

B ... B ... B ... My car wouldn't start...

BURNS

I don't care! You're fired, you

worthless trollop!

SMITHERS

Lenny is an important part of the

team, Sir.

BURNS

(Narrows eyes)

Smithers! Do I detect disagreement?

SMITHERS

(Shakes head)

No, Sir, I-

Burns slams his coffee cup down, spilling the lethal espresso.

BURNS

Damn it, Smithers! You're fired!

Get out! Out, out, I say!

Smithers widens his eyes and looks dumbfounded.

SMITHERS (Shocked)

Sir? ...

BURNS

And get me another coffee.

SMITHERS

But you just fired me.

BURNS

I did not.

SMITHERS

You did too.

BURNS

Don't argue with me, Smithers, and

hurry up with that tea!

SMITHERS

Right away, Sir ...

He walks to the side kitchen looking worried.

SMITHERS

Something's not right ...

He looks at Burns, looking over some papers on his desks, whilst he makes the coffee.

BLACK SCREEN: SHOW "MID MORNING CRISIS" TYPED ON SCREEN IN ILLUMINATED RED

Smithers returns with another cup of lukewarm coffee and wipes the spilled coffee from Mr. Burns desk and he is about to set the new cup down.

CLOSE ON BURNS

Mr Burns suddenly gasps, heaves, stands, his face distorts hideously as he clutches his chest. Smithers drops the coffee cup in shock.

BACK TO SMITHERS

SMITHERS

Sir!

He catches Mr Burns as he falls to the floor. Smithers gently sets him down.

SMITHERS (worried)

Sir? ...

He pats Burns' now very pale face.

SMITHERS (More urgent)

Burns lies there with his eyes closed. Smithers becomes more worried, grabs the phone and dials 911.

SMITHERS

This is an emergency!

FEMALE OPERATOR (V.O)

Please hold.

Smithers looks both worried and annoyed as the Funeral Barge theme plays over the phone.

OPERATOR (V.O)

Can I help you?

SMITHERS

Get an ambulance to the Springfield

Nuclear Power Plant on the double!

Mr Burns has had a heart attack!

Shrieking laughter is heard over the phone.

OPERATOR (V.O)

Didn't know he had one!

SMITHERS (Frowns)

Now, Dammit!

OPERATOR (V.O - Still laughing)

Ambo dispatched.

Smithers sighs, hangs up, gets a cushion from the chair and gently places it under Mr. Burns head.

SMITHERS

Don't worry, Sir ... You'll be fine..

Smithers' mouth starts to quiver and tears start welling in his eyes.

FADE OUT:

~~~~~~~~~~

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Burns is still lying on the floor, with Smithers kneeling by his side. Burns' eyelids flutter, he turns and starts to regain consciousness, but he's still out of it.

BURNS (Mumbling)

Mummy, is that you?

SMITHERS

(Warm smile ... High pitched)

Yes, Dear.

Burns smiles and starts to suck his thumb.

SMITHERS

Oh Dear.

BURNS

Where's Bobo? ... I can't sleep without

him ...

SMITHERS (Whispers)

Lucky bugger. I'll get him, Sir.

Smithers stands. Burns tugs on his jacket.

BURNS

Don't leave me...

SMITHERS

Sir, you misplaced Bobo. We're

still looking for hi, remember?

BURNS (Sad)

Ohh, Poor Bobo ... Alone ...

SMITHERS

I promise I'll find him, sir.

SHOW DOOR TO MR. BURNS OFFICE

The door bursts open and two medics rush in, carrying a stretcher. Smithers watches worriedly as they place Mr. Burns onto it.

SMITHERS (Snaps)

Careful!

The two medics stop for a moment, then one of them looks Burns over, then into his eyes and mouth.

MEDIC 1

He's bad...

MEDIC 2

He's evil!

MEDIC 1

No, Doofuss - I meant Bad as in

-he might not make it.-

SMITHERS

(Very worried)

What are you saying ...? He has to

I mean ... He's Mr Burns ...

The second medic puts him hand on Smithers' shoulder.

MEDIC 2

We'll do everything we can for him.

BURNS

(Well and truly out of it)

They're coming to take me away

He heee ho ho ... he hee!

SMITHERS

(Almost crying)

You don't worry about a thing, Sir.

You're going to be fine ...

BURNS

Hold the Fort, Smithers. Keep out those

Nazis!

SMITHERS

I will, Sir. I promise.

The medics take Mr. Burns away on the stretcher.

BURNS

(Sings slowly)

Daisy ... Daisy ... Give me your

answer do ... I'm ... half crazy...

over my love ... for you...

Smithers looks really worried as the Medics exit the office, using the stretcher as a battering ram, to get through the closed door.

CUT TO:

INT. CORRIDORS

Show Medics rushing Burns out as though it's the Indy 500.

Plant workers stare as they rush Mr. Burns out of the plant.

Show Lenny sitting, dejected one some grass near the car park.

Burns starts to regain consciousness and looks at Lenny.

BURNS

What are you doing lazing about

out here?! Get back to work, Miss!

LENNY

But ...

BURNS

But nothing! If you don't get cracking,

I'll fire you!

LENNY

Yes, Sir!

(He points to Burns' head, looks at the Ambulance guys and says quietly...)

Don't forget to tighten those screws...

Burns flops back onto the stretcher, while Lenny scurries off back into the plant, amidst other workers all staring after the Ambulance.

SHOW AMBULANCE

Ambulance is speeding away, and hits a pedestrian.

Nelson appears.

NELSON

Ha! Ha!

CUT TO:

INT. AMBULANCE

The two Medics look contrite

MEDIC 1

Uh Oh. Knew that'd happen

one day...

The second medic rushes out with a stretcher, puts the pedestrian on it, shoves him inside and the ambulance speeds off again, this time hitting a pigeon.

MEDIC 1 (V.O)

Dang!

CUT TO:

INT. POWER PLANT

Lenny, and other workers gather.

LENNY

What's up with Burns?

WORKER

Either a heart attack, brain

tumour or breast cancer.

LENNY

50 bucks says he doesn't make it.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CAFETERIA

Show plant workers making bets on Mr. Burns and writing it up on a table pinned on the wall. There are more bets against Mr. Burns making it...

CUT TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers looks up.

SMITHERS

Ahh ... Homer Simpson ... Maybe ...

He looks at the computer screen and sees Homer's station bare and frowns, then checks the computer.

SMITHERS

Called in sick ... Flu - at this time

of year?...

CUT TO:

INT. SIMPSONS' LOUNGE ROOM

Homer is lounging in a vest and underpants with Duff beer in the hand, watching TV. Marge walks in.

HOMER (Smiles)

Ahh ... this is the life ...

MARGE (Concerned)

Mmm ... Homie ... Haven't you used up

all of your sick days?

HOMER

Nah ... I got 27 more up my sleeve...

Marge doesn't look impressed. The phone rings. Homer answers.

HOMER

Hello ... I mean (sounding sickly)

H..e...l..ll...o...oo

SMITHERS (V.O)

Homer Simpson, there's been an accident...

HOMER (Frowns)

What's the boy done now? ...

Ohh, Hello Mr. Smithers ...

SMITHERS (V.O)

I need you at the plant. I hope you're

not to ill to ...

HOMER

Actually, it's just cleared up.

SMITHERS (V.O - Unconvinced)

Uh huh.

HOMER

I'll be there in 20. No, make that 30.

THINKS ... Wanna try out that new

burger joint ...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BURNS' OFFICE

Smithers is impatiently tapping his fingers on Burns' desk.

He almost jumps the proverbial 10 feet when he hears a knock at the door.

SMITHERS

Enter and shut the door behind you

Homer enters and closes the door behind him.

SMITHERS

I really don't know where to begin.

HOMER

Lets start at the very beginning. A

very good place to start.

SMITHERS (Calm)

All right ... (Absolutely Hysterical)

Mr. Burns had a heart attack and he might

never come back and I don't know what

to do and I ...

HOMER

Whoa ... Hold your donkeys ... Who did

Mr. Burns attack?

SMITHERS

(Slightly angry)

No ... No ... Mr. Burns had a heart attack

and he's been rushed to hospital.

HOMER (Gasps)

Ohmigod!

THINKS ... Please don't let it be that

high fat peppermint fudge I gave him

for his birthday ...

SMITHERS

They don't know what caused it, but

HOMER

THINKS ... Phew.

Is he gonna be okay?

SMITHERS (Sobs)

I don't know ... (He grabs Homer)

You gotta help me! ... I don't know what

to do ... He left the company to me and...

HOMER

That's great!

SMITHERS

(Sighs and sits)

It is ... But without Monty ... I can't

do it, I just can't do it.

He traces his finger on Mr. Burns' desk and a tear rolls down his cheek.

HOMER

Aww come on, Mr. Smithers...

He might not kick the bucket you know.

SMITHERS

I know ... But what if he does? I'm

not up to this. I can't go on it alone.

HOMER

Mr. Burns will always be with you.

SMITHERS

(Looks up at the ceiling and shakes his head)

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi ...

HOMER

You know this company like the back of

your hand ... I know how you feel about Mr.

Burns...

SMITHERS

He's my best friend in the whole

Universe.

HOMER

But that's not all ... Come on, it's

not like I haven't noticed.

SMITHERS

(Feigning innocence)

Noticed what?

HOMER

It's not a crime to be gay.

SMITHERS (Mortified)

Could you say it any louder? I don't

think the Martians on Pluto heard you.

Ssh! There are spy cameras everywhere.

HOMER

I'm sure the cameras don't mind.

Smithers shakes his head, resigned.

CUT TO:

INT. POWER PLANT - SECURITY BUNKER

Two security guards monitor many TV Screens.

GUARD NO 1 - WILL

He is! I knew it! You owe me twenty!

Guard no 2 scowls, and grumbles as he hands over the note.

CUT TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers is looking terrified.

SMITHERS (Begs)

Ohh please ... don't say anything ...

HOMER

Relax, your secret is safe with me...

SMITHERS

Thank you. If I find you've breathed a

word you're fired ... Ohh ... I just

can't do this alone ...

HOMER

Sure you can. You know Mr. Burns better

than anyone and you know what direction

he was leading the company's future.

SMITHERS

Homer, that actually sounded intelligent.

HOMER

It did? Woo hoo!

SMITHERS

Which leads me to tell you why I asked

you here. Homer, I want you to be my

second in command ... Until ... (holds

back tears) Mr. Burns comes back...Call

me crazy, but you're the only one I trust.

HOMER (Dumbstruck)

Really? Oh thank you, Sir, I won't

let you down.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Homer bursts in looking absolutely frantic

HOMER

Mr. Smithers, there's an emergency!

Smithers jerks up from the desk, his eyes puffy.

SMITHERS

What is it? Not a terminal meltdown I

hope. This I can't take right now.

HOMER (Frantic)

Worse!! THE CAFETERIA'S OUT OF DONUTS!!!!!

Smithers sighs and shakes his head, then reached into the drawers and pulls out a black box.

SMITHERS

You're in charge. Here, take Petty

Cash. Buy some more.

HOMER

Phew. Crisis averted.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CORRIDOR

Homer stands with Lenny, both staring mesmerised at the many $1000 notes.

HOMER

Lenny, how many donuts do you think

this'll buy?

LENNY

Uhhh....

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CAFETERIA

Show entire area piled sky high with donuts. Lenny points.

LENNY

That many.

Homer is drooling and is drawn to the donuts like metal to a magnet and starts ravage them.

HOMER (Sings)

I'm in Heaven ... (Munch, munch)

CUT TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers is blowing his nose in yet another tissue. blows his nose hard in a tissue and tosses it into the bin. SHOW BIN OVERFLOWING WITH SCRUNCHED UP TISSUES. Tissues are also strewn on the floor. Smithers stares at a picture of Burns on the wall.

SMITHERS (Snivelly)

Ohh Monty, (Sniff) I wish you were

here ...

His head flops to the desk.

RIPPLE CUT TO:

INT. DREAM SCAPE

Smithers stands amongst rolling hills, flowers, trees, meadows and blue skies. he sees Monty in the distance. The two run to each other to the tune of CHARIOTS OF FIRE.

SMITHERS

Ohh Monty ...

BURNS

Oh Waylon...

They embrace and kiss.

END DAY DREAM

RIPPLE CUT TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers blows his nose, sounding like a foghorn.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL OPERATING THEATRE

Show nurses and doctors standing around Burns' bed.

DR ROSS examines him. (If possible, Likeness of George Clooney) While nurse examines the life support unit.

NURSE

It looks bad, Doc.

ROSS

Stethoscope.

NURSE

Check.

ROSS

Scalpel.

NURSE

Check.

ROSS

Three Musketeers Bar.

NURSE

Che - what?

ROSS

I work better with a choc fix.

The Nurse goes to the vending machine in the room and brings back the bar. Dr. Ross unwraps it and hurriedly eats it.,

ROSS

All right, people, now we can begin.

He cracks his knuckles, then holds up the scalpel. Show instrument gleaming in the light. Dr. Ross hums the theme song from CHICAGO HOPE as he begins to operate. Show Burns unconscious on the operating table.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BURNS KITCHEN

Smithers is making a cup of coffee. He brings it out.

SMITHERS

Here you go, Si-

Burns desk is empty. Smithers face quivers as he drops the cup and he bursts into tears as he picks up the cup pieces and pushes them into the tissue filled bin. Smithers wipes his cheeks, sits behind the desk and picks up the phone.

CUT TO:

INT. HOMER'S WORK AREA

Homer is lounging with his feet up, groaning.

HOMER

I never wanna see another donut again...

His phone rings. Homer's feet instantly drop to the floor. He grabs the receiver.

HOMER

Hello, Nuclear Power Plant. Executive

Director Homer Simpson Speaking...

SMITHERS (V.O)

Homer ... I'm afraid I'm going to have

to ask you to stay back tonight.

HOMER

Bur Marge is making a roast ...

SMITHERS (V.O)

I need you here ... It involves a

fifty percent pay rise.

HOMER

Woo Hoo! I'll stay till Christmas!

SMITHERS (V.O)

Just until ¼ Mr. Burns ¼ comes ¼ back¼

CUT TO:

INT. SIMPSONS' HOUSE

Marge is putting the roast in the oven. The Phone rings and she answers it.

HOMER (V.O)

Marge ... There's been a little

crisis here ...

MARGE (Worried)

Homie, are you all right?

HOMER (V.O)

Fine, but I have to stay back until

MARGE

I've spent all day preparing this

lamb roast ... And you promised to

take Bart and Lisa to the Night Zoo.

HOMER (V.O - Apologetic)

I know ... I'll make it up to you...

It's just until Mr. Burns gets better.

He had a heart attack.

MARGE

Oh my god, that's terrible ...

But what if he doesn't get better?

HOMER (V.O - After a short pause)

I don't know ... But it does involve

a fifty percent pay rise...

MARGE (Groans)

Your family comes first.

HOMER (V.O)

Aww Marge ...

MARGE

No, Homie ... What if it's permanent?

I don't want you becoming a phantom

father, always at work ... in love with

a briefcase ... I've seen it happen ...

Marge looks sad, eyes droopy.

CUT TO:

INT. POWER PLANT - HOMER'S WORK SPACE

Homer sits at his work station.

HOMER (V.O)

D’oh! ... Even over the phone I can

see those puppy dog eyes...

Homer looks torn between the two as he hangs up.

FADE OUT:

~~~~~~

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers is sitting behind Mr. Burns desk. He gasps and jerks when the phone rings.

SMITHERS

I'll have a heart attack next...

(Upset) Afternoon ... Nuclear ...

P...ower ... P ... lant...

Pause as mumbling is heard over the phone.

SMITHERS (Bright)

He is? (Pause)

There is a God!!!

Smithers leaps out of his chair and does acrobatics around the office that would put the most experienced stunt person to shame. He picks up the phone.

SMITHERS

Homer, about staying back, don't

worry about it? Monty's gonna

be fine. Thanks for all your help,

oh, and remember our little secret...

HOMER (V.O)

I will. It's great, Mr Burns is okay,

but do I still get my fifty percent

pay rise?

SMITHERS

Okay ... Just for today.

HOMER (V.O)

Woo Hoo! By the way, thanks for all the

donuts.

Smithers looks a tad confused.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Mr. Burns enters. Smithers sighs happily, rushes to his boss and hugs him, excitedly.

BURNS (Smiles)

I'm glad to see you too, Smithers.

(Cracks his knuckles and stretches

his arms out) Ohh how I missed this place.

Smithers helps Burns walk to his desk.

BURNS

Damnation, Smithers! I'm not a baby!

SMITHERS (Smiles)

Ohh how I missed your infernal

cursing, Sir... (Pause) but you

must relax. We wouldn't want you

getting sick again.

BURNS

Quite right. All that jabbing,

prodding and bad jokes...

SMITHERS

There, there, sir. I'm here and so is-

Smithers produces Bobo. Burns face brightens.

BURNS

Ohh Smithers, where did you find him?

SMITHERS

Behind the water cooler, Sir.

BURNS

Ohh yes, now I remember. He was

looking for mice I believe.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE - FLASHBACK

Burns is holding Bobo.

BURNS

What's that you say? You saw a mouse

scurry behind the water cooler?

(He nods Bobo's head.) Ee Gads!

we can't have that!

He takes Bobo to the water cooler and places him behind it.

BURNS

Keep watch now. And tell me when

you see that fast and furry vermin

again. I'm counting on you, Bobo.

Smithers enters the office and seed Burns patting Bobo. Burns returns to his desk.

BURNS

He's keeping watch for mice.

SMITHERS

I see.

SHOW BOBO. A cute grey mouse is twitching its whiskers and scurrying all over him ...

END FLASHBACK

RIPPLE DISSOLVE BACK TO:

INT. BURNS OFFICE

Smithers sits Bobo on the desk.

SMITHERS

If I may speak boldly, sir.

BURNS

Of course.

SMITHERS

Don't you ever do that again! ... Sir.

BURNS

Believe me, Smithers, I don't

intend to. (Pause) I had a strange

dream about you, Smithers, while I

was under.

SMITHERS

(Curious and looking bright)

A dream about me, Sir?

BURNS

Yes ... You were wearing a pink

frilly frock.

SMITHERS (Widens eyes)

It's my mothers ... I mean ... Dreams

can be very strange, Sir.

BURNS

Indeed ... Smithers have you ever had

a dream about me?

SMITHERS

Too many to ... Uhh ... Yes, Sir.

BURNS

What was I wearing?

SMITHERS

The Full Monty, Sir.

BURNS (Sighs)

Ahh, yes...Brigadier Montgomery -

SHOW BURNS' THOUGHT BUBBLE --

Burns, proud is donning an immaculate Full Military Uniform.

BURNS

I'm in a good mood, Smithers.

Give yourself an early mark.

SMITHERS

But Sir, it's only 6.00 ...

BURNS

What of it? You've done a splendid

job. Actually take a week off

and give yourself a raise.

SMITHERS

Sir, are you sure you don't need to

go back to hospital?

BURNS

Hah! I'm fit as a piddle!

SMITHERS

That's fiddle, Sir.

BURNS

Don't argue!

SMITHERS

Sorry, Sir. (Pause) Will you be

all right?

BURNS

I'll be fine. I don't know what

I'd do without you, Smithers.

SMITHERS (Smiles)

Likewise, sir.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CORRIDOR

Show Smithers walking, talking happily to himself.

SMITHERS

A whole hour and a week to myself...

What'll I do? I can catch up on my

reading ... Organize my files ...

Write to Mummy...

Smithers smiles to himself as he continues walking down the corridor, whistling "Pop Goes the Weasel."

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS' CAR

He's driving home whilst listening to CHICAGO.

TAPE (V.O)

And all that JA-AAA-AAZ!!

CUT TO:

INT SIMPSONS' DINING ROOM

Show Homer sitting his family, eating the roast. Marge smiles and kisses him.

MARGE

Thank you, Homie.

HOMER

Ahh Shucks...

Bart finished eating.

BART

Can the mush! Let's get to the zoo

already! All the animals'll be

asleep by the time we get movin'...

LISA (Rolls eyes)

Bart, they're nocturnal. That is

why it's called a Night Zoo. Duh.

BART (Scowls)

Well the snakes better be awake...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SMITHERS' HOUSE

Smithers parks his car and walks up the driveway. He sees an oblong parcel addressed to him on the patio and smiles.

SMITHERS

He enters his house.

INT. SMITHERS' HOUSE - HALLWAY

Herky bounds excitedly to his Master, yapping.

SMITHERS (Smiles)

I had an interesting day too ...

And I've got a week off, so I'm

taking you to that Dog Amusement

Park...

Herky jumps up and runs round Smithers.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS' KITCHEN

Smithers feeds Herky, then washes out the can and drops it into the Can/Bottle Recycling bin. He goes to his fridge and pulls out a pre made dinner, and pops it into his microwave. Show Micro Counter count down. 5.00 - 4.59 - 4.58

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS' KITCHEN

Microwave timer - 003 - 002 - 001 - BING! Smithers pulls out his piping hot Dinner and sits to eat at pre-set dinner table.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS' KITCHEN

Smithers is washing his plate, glass and cutlery.

SMITHERS

Now to set the table for breakfast

tomorrow (pause) You know what,

Herky? I'm gonna do it tomorrow.

Herky looks up at his Master as if to say 'do you need a Doctor?' Smithers only smiles.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS BEDROOM

Smithers rips open the wrapping around his oblong parcel.

SHOW BOXED DOLL - ANCIENT GREEK MALIBU STACEY

(She looks like Xena: Warrior Princess)

SMITHERS

Can't wait ‘till they bring the

Intergalactic Princess Stacey out ...

He turns the boxed doll over to show the picture of the upcoming Malibu Stacey. SHOW PICTURE - (She looks like Princes Leia - Bagel Buns) Smithers smiles happily and places the doll in the empty hole. Smithers yawns, stretches and begins to undress.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SMITHERS' BEDROOM

Smithers covered up, fast asleep, snuggling up against his pillow, his glasses by his bedside.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

SHOW SMITHERS' DREAM

Show Burns from the back totally naked - tossing away a Policeman's hat.

FLASH WHITE

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