Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns the BuffyVerse

I make no monetary profit from my fanfic

Summary: Spike has to flee when he's attacked by vampires.

He gets a present for Dru, to which Giles and the Scooby Gang think he's up to no good and set off, with thoughts of slaying and lip smackers ... ;)

Author's Note: This is set after "Lie To Me."

And is a response to Trina's Challenge! My first challenge fic! :). My first Buffy - or rather Spike fic!

Rating M - for nudity & profanity 

Drama/Comedy - Enjoy!

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Melancholy, Spike roamed the streets alone this chilly night, brooding over how close he'd come to losing his love, furious with himself for not hating Buffy as much as he wanted to.

Sore, bitter and extremely pissed off, Spike had fled into the night, along the darkened streets. She had beaten him *again.*

His cold blood had drained from his face when the Slayer held the stake to Drusilla's heart. He'd swallowed and grown stiff as a corpse, a icy shiver traversing his spine. Would she have done it? Yes, the bitch probably would, Spike thought, though he wasn't going to chance it, not with the life, or rather un-life of the one he cherished.

He, Dru and the other Vampires had stayed in the old bomb shelter, trapped. Spike, the first to feed upon Ford, saving some for his weak love. It didn't take them long to burst out of their prison, leaving the human's soon to be undead body. The other Vampires blamed him for their loss at the bunker, the ruined feast of Saint Vigeous, amongst other things. He had kept them away from Drusilla, staked two of them there and then in the bunker. The others had wisely kept their distance.

And a few nights before, on All Hallows Eve ... Why in Hades couldn't she stay helpless? Having his wicked way with the Slayer made Spike's skin tingle. Having his ass kicked by her made it bruise. Despite the fact that Dru would be insanely jealous, Spike could not deny wanting to show Buffy exactly what a night with Vampire without a soul would be like. Would he have killed her? Vamped her? A growl escaped his throat when he couldn't give himself an answer.

The sun was due to rise soon, blasted annoying thing. William had hated it when he was alive, now even more so. Still, he surmised, if it wasn't for the garish ball there would be no humans to suck dry.

The platinum blonde Vampire began to make his way home, though he wasn't to make it. Since their escape, Spike's demonic enemies had rallied more like-minded Vampires, Spike being their intended victim.

Without warning, the undead thugs attacked, Spike ducked, hitting the dirt and rolled, kicking and ripping off a piece of wooden fence, a makeshift stake, dispatching two of his attackers in the blink of an eye, his demonic features showing.

Demonic growls and snarls filled the night. People nearby assumed it was a violent dogfight and wisely stayed clear.

"Five against one," Spike said, staking one. "Sorry, miscount. Four against one." He swerved, narrowly missing a stake to the heart.

"You call yourself a demon," one spat. "You who drop everything to tender to your sick-"

"You leave Dru outta this!" Spike yelled.

"We'll get her," the female vamp said, shaking her long blond hair, licking her lips.

Spike snarled and went for her, though she leapt out of his way, and almost staked him in the back.

"It's because of *YOU* our feasts were ruined!"

"They were ripe for the taking!"

"Boys, boys ... and girl there'll be others ... or do I have to kill all of you here and now? I mean four against one is hardly fair." He whirled, staked the girl and began to sing. "There were three green Vampires sitting on the wall... He ducked a blow. "What should happen..." In the next instant he dusted another. "And then there were two."

The lead Vamp chuckled. "You don't think we came alone, do you?"

Spike began to feel a little nervous as Vampires slowly began to emerge, from trash cans, rooftops, behind trees, from the drains ...

In shock, Spike unvamped, his face becoming paler. "Bloody hell..."

The lead Vampire grinned. Spike pushed him out of the way and ran. Hungry growling snarls told him his brethren were hot on his trail. Mercy wasn't a word they knew, he couldn't blame them. Neither did he. His only solace was Drusilla was safe. They didn't know where she was, although he knew she'd worry about him. He couldn't lead them to his home.

Spike staked one who leapt out in front of him as he ran into town. Downtown Sunnydale wasn't the place he'd choose for a midnight picnic. His persuants were too caught up in the hunt and lust for his blood to realise it was almost 6.56am.

Spike came up on a large department store and saw his opportunity as two large men unpacked boxes of merchandise. He slipped in unnoticed as the men entered the back of their truck. Spike turned just in time to see twenty-five Vampires converge on him and swallowed. This was no residence - they did not need to be invited. Spike hoped and prayed that the weather man was right.

The growling snarling demons converged on him and Spike smiled as he saw their horrified faces as one by one they began to turn to dust as he dived under a newly unpacked wooden table, still bubble wrapped.

"Ah thought Ah heard some dawgs..."

"Yeah, dey musta run awff."

The men continued to unpack.

"Six fifty six in the dot!" Spike smiled as he popped some of the clear plastic bubbles. "Oh praise be to the big ball in the sky." The Vampire stood and dusted himself off.

"Hey, what y' doin' in 'ere?"

Spike turned to look at the delivery men.

"Started workin' 'ere today," he lied. "Maintenance and all that."

The burly round man chuckled. "This place needs it all right. Need you to maintain their rip off prices!"

Both men hollered. "Ay, dat's between you and us o'right?"

"Won't breathe a word," Spike said. He'd eaten, and he didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to himself, as he headed to the top floor, found a nice soft bed setting, crawled underneath and went to sleep.

He awoke, around seven, to the bustling of the late night shoppers, yawned, stretched, then curled up and slept for another hour and a half.

He stretched leisurely, peered out from under the chocolate brown display valance and dashed out whilst no one was looking, not even the security cameras, and decided to make his way home.

He stood on the down escalator, hoping Buffy and her friends had not decided to make this their shopping night. He was in luck, though something else caught his eye, then he stared.

There she sat, alone, light brown hair perfect, falling beyond her shoulders, gently touching her pristine face, her dress lovely, a gentle white covered by milky green mesh. Over that lay a light layer of rainforest green, an alternating forest and pastel green ruffle traversing the dress, around the delicate layers, as though she were a Princess of the Earth.

"Oh my God," Spike gasped. "Dru would *love* that." He leapt over the escalator and picked up the 34 inch porcelain doll and began to make his way out of the shop.

On his way, he stopped by a make up counter, grabbed a 'Xmas Special' cosmetic bag and fled, the store alarm blaring, security guards pelting after him.

"Homophobia is evil," Willow stated, firm. "It might not run around at night sucking peoples blood out, but it's evil."

"Right!" Xander agreed.

"And we fight against evil, right?"

"Right!"

"And so I'm publishing my article in the school magazine."

"What?!"

"I am, Xander. Nothing anyone says is going to stop me. Love is a beautiful thing, wether it's between a girl and a boy or a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl. And I've got a punchy title too. 'It's okay to be gay. Hi, I'm bi.'"

Xander gave in. "I'm with you, Will. I may not look at guys and think 'hubba hubba,' well maybe Liam Neeson, but that's about it."

Willow nodded with a smile.

"Good luck with your article, Willow," Giles said, his nose in an old, thick, musty book.

"I'm feeling I don't have your undivided attention," she said, arms folded.

"I'm sorry ... Spike's on the loose again, I'm afraid."

"Just when I was hoping for quiet time," Buffy sniffed. "Oh, hey, Giles, what were all those guys doing earlier on today ... Like they had numbers on their backs like a football team or something. They said they were doing stuff for you, like observing activity of ants nets in school grounds and seeing if there were snakes in the gra--"

"There were seventeen," Giles said, quickly not looking up. "They were running nonsense errands for me," he explained.

"But they were numbered 19-36 ..." Willow said. "What happened to the first eighteen ... or shouldn't I ask..."

"It's that blasted Snyder," Giles snorted. "I had to throw him off. In confusion there is opportunity. That man can smell trouble like Vampires smell fear ... If I didn't know better I'd say he knows about the Hellmouth ... But we've more pressing concerns on our hands right now. Apparently Spike stole an extremely expensive porcelain doll tonight, and a 'Christmas Special' cosmetic bag worth three hundred dollars."

"Expensive makeover. What was in the bag?" Buffy sounded a tad interested.

Giles humored her. "I have the detail from the store manager... White Wish Gold bath gel, very expensive I might add, Australian Moisturiser, Calvin Kline's Obsession for Men, Poison perfume, and something called a Lip Smacker."

"Oo. What flavor?"

Giles gave her a look. "It was red," he said, deadpan.

"Red, like blood," Xander said.

"And while he was being chased by the security guards, he grabbed a bunch of roses from a nearby florist."

"I bet they were red too." Xander nodded.

Giles ignored him and turned to Buffy, the Slayer looking

deep in thought. "I wonder if it was a Cosmic or Jewel Smacker..."

"If you keep up this attitude, where do you see yourself in ten years?" Giles snapped.

Buffy looked up. "I see myself in Feria."

Willow stifled a snicker. Giles did not look impressed.

"Where's Feria?" Xander asked.

Giles and the girls glared at him.

Xander gave an exasperated look? "What?"

"What would a Vampire want with moisturiser?" Willow asked, genuinely puzzled.

"So their skin does get dry," Buffy said. "I wondered. He should have stolen some Maybelline too, inexpensive, won't run. Glides on, liquid smooth."

"Please!" Giles raised his voice. "There must be a rational explanation for all this."

"We can add shoplifting to Spike's many heinous crimes," Xander said, nodding his head, emphatically. "The fiend!"

"He never gives up," Buffy sulked.

"I'm more concerned about the doll," Giles said. "It's no ordinary doll, not at that price."

"Let me guess. The Watcher's Council want us to pay for it?" Buffy asked. "How much was it worth?"

"Three hundred and two thousand dollars and fifty five cents."

Buffy whistled. "There goes my allowance for the next ten thousand years."

Giles gave her a look. "I'm more concerned what he intends to *do* with it."

"Maybe voodoo..." Xander shuddered. "Ooo."

"Most people have misconceptions about voodoo," Willow said. "It can be used for good, but then again this *is* Spike we're talking about..."

"I'll have to look into it further," Giles said.

"And all the make up and stuff?" Xander asked. "I bet it's all part of some satanic ritual."

"Xander," Giles said, "go and get yourself a soft drink."

"Oo, can I get a Dr. Pepper?"

"And I suppose it's up to me to find out what Spikey's up to?" Buffy pouted. "And this was *supposed* to be a quiet night."

Giles sighed. "Some Watchers do have 'em." He reached over for one of his old musty books, 'Vampyr Ritueles' engraved in platinum on the cover.

Buffy grabbed her bag and started to leave.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Giles asked, holding up a stake from the base.

"Oh yeah ..." She took it from him. "I'll just toss it in here with the rest of my life ... It's all in here somewhere..."

Giles gave her a sympathetic look, then turned to his book. "Buffy, I'm sorry, but this may be serious."

"Buffster, you're in danger," Xander declared. "And I won't let you leave. Spikey boy's up to something."

Buffy smiled. "Thanks, Wonder Boy, but this is Slayer business."

"Dammit, Buffy!" He blocked her path.

"Dammit Xander!"

"Dammit Buffy!"

"Dammit, dammit, dammit! Will you both shut up!" Giles snapped. "I'm trying to read..."

"Sorry," they said in unison.

The doors to the library opened.

"Speaking of demons," Xander whispered as Cordelia came to them.

"Very funny," the brunette scowled. "Just for that you're not getting any."

"Thank the Gods for that!" Xander exclaimed.

"I MEANT candy!" Cordelia snapped. "Spree - so sweet, so delicious..." She held one in front of Xander's nose.

He looked like a puppy. "Pretty please?"

"You wanna kick in the mouth?"

"Ouch. Who died and made you Buffy?" Xander snorted.

"Well ... I came here for a book," she said.

Giles looked up, genuinely surprised. "Wonders never cease. Help yourself."

"I need your help."

Xander looked at her. "A book is a rectangular shaped thingy with paper pages in it that you read," he said slowly.

Cordelia gave him a look. "I *need* a book on Vampires. It's for English. We have to do an assignment on 'mythological' beasts. But then, maybe I'll just write about Xander and that reminds me-"

Harris glared at her. "I know who *I'm* going to write about."

"Lips moving, still talking!" Cordelia snapped. "You still owe me five bucks, Xandy."

Giles sighed. "No peace for the good either. Willow, help Cordelia while I try and find out exactly what Spike's up to."

"Why does that sound not good?" Chase asked, as Willow handed her a book.

"This is a good one for beginners. Not too much gore."

"Uhh, thanks..." The brunette turned to Buffy. "I was wondering if you're out Vamping tonight ... Can you give me the details..."

Buffy placed her hands on her hips. "Wanna come?"

"Sorry, I have a manicure."

"At this time of night?" Xander eyed her suspiciously.

"He's open late..." Cordelia scoffed, shaking her head.

Buffy smiled and started to leave, the Slayerettes following.

"You might need back up," Willow said.

"There's no getting rid of you is there?" Buffy said with a smile.

"Nope," Xander said. "We're like crazy glue."

"I'm *not* following you," Cordelia insisted. "I have to get to my car."

"Whatever you say, Cordy," Buffy said, leading the gang.

No sooner had they exited Sunnydale High, the black junkyard dog ran past the Scooby Gang in terror, tongue hanging out.

"Does anyone know why Spot was running?" Xander asked.

Buffy stared. "Usually people run from *him* like that."

"See Spot," Cordelia said, deadpan. "See Spot run."

Xander hugged her. "Cordy! You read a book! I'm so proud of you!"

"Get off me before I scream rape ... Anyway, you guys, I have to go and do the stupid assignment ... and have my manicure ... Uhh, have fun."

"Sure," Buffy said, watching Cordelia go.

She turned to the others. "Well. Plan. We have to find Spike."

"Good plan," Xander said. "How do we do that?"

"Let's go find us some Vampires."

"Uhh ... Good pla - huh?"

"Come on..."

"Glad I wore my coat," Willow said, as they walked, seeing her breath in front of her face. "Don't get me wrong though. Winter's way better than Summer, all hot and icky sticky. Yeech. I like falling snow. Reminds me of this one time, at band camp, we had a pillow fight and we weren't supposed to have pillow fights, and it was *so* much fun..."

"You went to band camp?" Buffy asked, eyes wide.

"In my youth," Willow said, nodding. "I played the clarinet, then changed to flute."

"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets," Xander said.

Buffy whirled, stake out as a Vampire converged on her and the Slayerettes.

"Speak of the Devil."

The demon grinned. "Glad to oblige."

Xander and Willow stayed out of the way as Buffy went into action, kicking the undead shit out of the new arrival.

Xander winced as Buffy kneed him.

"Eee ... that's gotta hurt ... and leave a mark, even if you're dead."

Buffy held the Vampire in a vice. "Now, you tell me where Spike's at, or we'll have a *heartfelt* talk."

"I ain't tellin' you noth-"

Buffy pressed the stake, holding the Vampire down, his arm and head locked.

"Okay ... okay ... sister ... old steel factory, other side of town ...three blocks from the biscuit factory..."

Buffy let him go. "Pleasure doin' business with you."

The Vampire growled, and went for Willow. She ducked, then hit her fanged assailant. "This one time, at band camp, there was this guy, and he smelled really bad... kinda like you." The Wicca winced as the Vampire grabbed her and went for her throat. Buffy staked him in the back, the demon exploding into dust, shimmering in the moonlight.

"Why is it they never keep their word? ..." She shrugged and sheathed her stake.

"The fiends," Xander snorted. "Will, you okay?"

She nodded. "Apart from being scared silly ... Fine."

"You guys ..." Buffy said, "this could get hairy ..."

"Like Chewbacca?" Xander said.

"We're coming with you," Willow stated. "Maybe I could conjure up a counter spell."

"And maybe I could do ... something..." Xander said.

"Be careful," Buffy said. "Knowing Spike, he's probably with Drusilla."

"So there are only two," Xander said. "Spikey doesn't seem like the sharing accommodation type."

"Let's go," Buffy urged with a smile.

The platinum blonde Vampire entered his abode.

"Spike ... Spike..." Drusilla sounded frantic.

"I'm here, Baby."

"Where were you? ..." She whimpered. "Miss Edith and I got so worried and scared all alone and I had to change her..."

"I'm sorry, Pet. Ran into some old friends, but I'm fine now." He kissed her cheek. "I got you summing, Ducks."

"Oohh... a prezzie for l'il 'ol me?"

Spike smiled, softly tracing his fingers against her lips. Reaching into a large, mangled paper bag, he pulled out the doll.

His love stared at it, eyes wide as a full moon.

"She's beautiful ..." Drusilla hugged her new friend.

"I thought you'd like her, Baby."

The dark haired Vampire kissed him, then took the doll to the others, stroking the lovely green dress. "Look, a new girl has come to join the class. You'll all be nice to her, or there'll be no supper or desert. And Miss Edith, you're not to be jealous. She's bigger than you, you know."

Spike smiled as Dru made a place for the doll.

"I'll make some tea and biscuits. Spike, do we have any ginger?"

"I'm afraid we're out, Love."

"I'll need to get some to make mummy's special cookies."

Spike kissed her again. "I'll get some for you, Baby."

"And flour and sugar and eggs and honey."

Spike humored his love. "It'll have to wait until tomorrow, night, My Love, but I've something else for you."

He pulled out the cosmetic bag and smiled. "Impulse steal."

Dru stared, mouth open, excitedly. "Goodies!"

Spike smiled. "Goodies indeed, My Dearest."

He took out the dark purple bottle of "Poison," unscrewed the top, and with his fingers, painted some on his love's pale skin.

She sniffed, closed her eyes and swayed. "Ooo ... I'm a Princess..."

"Indeed you are," He kissed her hand. "My Dark Princess."

Drusilla looked into the bag and made an excited noise as she pulled out "Obsession." Spike closed his eyes as she sprayed some onto his face and he smiled.

Dru leaned closer to him. "You smell very nice."

Spike smiled and caressed her. "Not as nice as you, My Precious." He pulled out the Lip Smacker. "Sorry it's not real lipstick, Ducks, I was in a rush."

Drusilla opened it, sniffed it, then giggled. "It smells funny!"

Spike sniffed it to humour her. "Shoulda grabbed the blue one. Don't suppose they have blood flavour..."

Dru looked at the gloss. "Stellar Strawberry ... Ooh, I can see the stars in it... It sparkles..."

"You are my Universe, Baby."

Gently, he traced the gloss over her lips as she licked the red stick and then kissed her as he reached into the bag and pulled out another item. Slowly, he squeezed a little of the pale blue moisturizer onto his hand and rubbed it into his love's soft face.

"Hope this helps, Baby, your skin's lookin' an unhealthy shade of pale."

Drusilla rubbed her head against Spike. "It feels really nice..." She took the moisturizer tube from him.

"Daydream..." She looked excited. "What fun ..." The Vampiress turned it over and read the back. "Cruelty free ... what a pity..."

Spike smiled. "Can't have everything, My Love, but there's something you *can* have."

He whisked her into his arms and carried her to the bathroom.

The olde style white ceramic bath, stood in the middle of the room, on rusted gold painted legs, filled with warm water and rose petals.

Drusilla looked excited. "You spoil your Princess."

He smiled "Of course..."

He placed her down and poured in the bath gel, agitated the water a little, giving birth to pristine white mountains of bubbles amongst the crimson rose petals. Beside the bath, on a small antique table, stood two champagne glasses, filled with blood, a long stemmed red rose twined between them.

Dru smiled again as the two Vampires began to undress.

Drusilla's white dress lay in contrast over Spike's frumpled black attire. The Femme Vampire lay on top of her love in the deep bath, wet rose petals clinging to her body as Spike softly caressed her and kissed her cheek. Dru giggled as he tickled her bare stomach.

"You know just how to make your Princess laugh..."

Spike smiled. "How about some music, then, love?"

Drusilla looked excited as Spike reached over to the CD player, flicked the switch and smiled.

The Scooby Gang reached Spike's abode. Buffy stopped, and listened as faint sounds wafted through the cold night air.

"Is that music?"

Willow nodded. "I know this one. Call of the Ktulu, Metallica."

Buffy looked surprised. "I didn't know you were a metal head, Will."

Willow shrugged. "I like the song. It's mysterious."

Xander frowned. "What the fuk is a Ktulu? Is that some sort of bird? I want to see a Ktulu!"

"Ssh, Xander!" Buffy snapped. "Do you want Spike to hear?"

"I wonder if he knows what a Ktulu is."

"Xander, I think the Ktulu are spirits," Willow said quietly. "Now, come on."

Buffy cautiously entered Spike's abode.

Spike lay in the warm bath with his love, his head snapping up when he heard a sound.

"We've got visitors..." Drusilla whispered, her eyes widening, mouth curving up into a smile.

Spike held her and looked around a tad anxious, turning the volume down on the player.

Buffy burst into the room, holding a stake.

"Anyone order pizza?"

Spike jerked and stood in a flash. Buffy tried to stifle a smile.

The Vampire realised he was stark naked apart from a single rose petal. Refusing to give in to embarrassment he made no attempt to hide his nakedness, placed his hands on his hips and smiled. "Does the delivery girl come with that or is she extra?"

Xander stared. "I'll be leaving now."

Willow, shocked speechless, stood, not moving.

Drusilla looked anxious as she lay into the bath, clinging to Spike's leg, whimpering. "Don't worry, pet," he calmed.

"Sorry if I've caught you at a bad time, Spikey," Buffy said. "Just doin' my job."

"Well it's my job to eat you and your friends, though I'm not all that hungry. So I'll just kill you - if you don't leave right bloody now!"

"Sorry, no can do ..." Buffy desperately tried *not* to look at Spike's nether regions, however tempting.

The young looking Vampire leapt out of the bath, Buffy leapt back and the two began to fight. Spike whacked Buffy, the Slayer still a tad surprised at finding her intended slayee in the buff.

Willow stared, not moving.

"Breathe," Xander said. "Okay ... I think I might take my own advice now."

Buffy slogged Spike, the Vampire looked away for a second, then bashed Buffy back in the face and slammed his backhand into her neck, sending her flying backwards.

He growled at Xander and Willow, keeping them at bay, Willow staring, not moving.

Buffy stood, her and Spike clashing again. The Slayer slogged him, Spike staggered backwards.

"I hate to stake a man in the nude, Spike, and there's the liiitle matter of those things you stole."

"I'm a bad boy. Take a good look, Slayer."

"I'm trying *not* to..."

Spike chuckled. "Well you came to stake me." He spread his arms, extenuating his natural state.

"First the doll."

"What're you on about?"

"The doll you stole."

Spike burst into laughter. "Is that what this is all about?" He hollered again. "Dru, show the Slayer where the doll is."

Drusilla, still lying in the bathtub smiled and pointed.

"Miss Amelia is playing with Miss Edith. You can't take my dolly. They're best friends and tomorrow we're going to make ginger biscuits. Would you like some? They're awfully yummy."

"No ... thanks ..." Buffy said, a tad uncomfortable.

She saw some of the other things Spike had stolen, lying about and nodded to herself. "Okay, there has to be a perfectly rational explanation for all this..." She looked at Spike. "Which is?"

"Can't a Vamp spoil his girl? I'm sure Angel spoils you, and you can't say I've burst in on you guys in the bath."

"Ahh ... can't say you have ... Look, there's been a terrible mistake..."

"I'll bloody say."

Buffy still looked a tad uncomfortable. "Let's just pretend it never happened."

"Like Data and Tasha," Xander said, nodding, emphatically, face showing no expression.

Willow still stood, staring, not moving.

"Fine," Spike said. "It never happened. Now would ya hurry up and go?! I'm fuckin' freezing!"

"Gone," Buffy said.

Xander had to pry Willow from where she's standing.

Spike leapt back in the warm bath, covered in rose petals.

"Now, where were we, My Love ..."

Drusilla smiled as Spike leant forward and kissed her. The platinum blond Vampire sighing as her delicate fingernails caressed his bare stomach.

"Ohh ... yes ... there..."

Buffy, Xander and Willow emerged from the building and made their way back to the library. Xander had to help Willow walk.

"Wow ..."

"Willow!" Buffy and Xander stared at her.

Buffy suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter. "There ...

there ... there's some...thing ... I never ... thought ... I'd...see..."

"Me either," Xander said. "And I hope you never do again... I'm thinkin' I'm takin' your advice and leaving slaying to the Slayers. I'm under age. Seeming something like that could warp my young, impressionable mind."

Willow stared at the stars. "Woooow..."

"So what happened?" Giles asked upon the gangs' return.

"Well we ... fought and ..."

"Spike? Drusilla?"

"Are ... clean."

"Clean? You mean he didn't steal-"

"Oh, he stole all right."

"You stopped him."

"Well sort of."

"Buffy, I've known you long enough to know when you're beating around the bush."

Buffy composed herself. "Giles, he stole the doll and stuff as a present for Drusilla."

"What?"

Xander nodded. "She even called the doll Miss Amelia."

"Really, Giles, no voodoo, no satanic rituals, just an old fashioned bathtub, rose petals and champagne glasses filled with blood. Kinda romantic in a morbid sort of way."

Giles frowned. "Well this is rather odd, needless to say I'm relieved about the doll. What of Spike and Drusilla?"

"Well ... we sort of decided to leave it. I mean, he was just spoiling his girl-"

"That may be so, Buffy, but you are the Slayer."

"Sacred duty, yada, yada, yada... I know, Giles, but it just... didn't seem right. I mean-"

"They may be content for now, but they'll kill again and *again,* Buffy. It is your duty to protect the world against Vampires, demons and the forces of Darkness. That's the naked truth."

Willow fainted dead away.

MUST HAVE:

1) One of the three 'ships here: Spike/Buffy, Spike/Buffy/Angel, or Spike/Angel. Can be as clean or as smutty as you like, I don't care.

(Oh Well I had been writing a Spike/Dru at the time and I thought it wouild be fun to throw the other challenge stuff in ...)

2) At least one, but as many as you want of Alyson Hannigan's "This one time, at band camp..." quotes from the movie American Pie. Here are a few (some are from cut scenes):

-- "This one time, at band camp, we had a pillow fight and it was fun."

-- "This one time, at band camp, there was a horse. And he had a really big... saddle."

-- "This one time, at band camp, there was this guy, and he smelled really bad... kinda like you."

3) The exchange: "Dammit, Buffy!" "Dammit Xander!" "Dammit Buffy!" "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"

4) Seventeen people with some sort of task that requires them to be numbered with the numbers 19-36.

5) The question: "Does anyone know why Spot was running?"

(In reference to "See Spot. See Spot Run.")

OPTIONAL STUFF:

1) Clarinets

2) Roses

3) Calvin Klein's 'Obsession' for Men

4) The quote "I see myself in Feria."

5) Buffy plugging some sort of Maybelline product.

6) Cordelia plugging Spree candies.

7) Any song by Metallica

8) (Goes with #7) If you use "The Call of the Ktulu", I'd like for Xander to go "What the f**k is a Ktulu? Is that some sort of bird? I want to see a Ktulu!"

9) Faith found in a compromising position with a taken man. (I.E. Xander's with Cordy, but Faith screws him, or Oz is with Willow, but Faith takes him to the closet...)

10) Tara and Willow purposely taunting homophobes on a public transportation of some sort, all the time condemning Dr. Laura. (No Flames. It's optional, I tell you.)

11) The phrase: "Lips moving, still talking!" (From the episode of "Friends" where Monica is gonna go to the sperm back and she makes lots of jam.)

That's it! Send all responses as soon as you can, cuz I'm giddy!!! *g* And I think I may respond to it myself...

~Trina~

Vanilla Spike

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