Disclaimer: The Harry Potter Universe was created by J. K. Rowling.

No monetary profit is being made from this writing

Summary: Snape regrets mistakes of his past.

Spoilers for book 4 "Goblet of Fire"

 PG - Drama

~~~~~~~~~~

If it wasn't for his pale face, Severus Snape would be totally invisible in his black robe on this particularly dark Winter's night, as would the other he stood with.

"If you were anyone else, Severus, you'd be dead."

Snape's Dark Mark throbbed, though not quite painfully, more a controlled beat, like a heartbeat, Snape mused.

"You expect my gratitude?"

Voldemort glared at him. "It might be a start, Severus."

"What do you want?"

The Dark Lord gave a crooked smile. "Always to the point ... You know I can't imagine why you would turn against me ..."

"I had my reasons," Snape said.

"Fear? That the Dark Forces would lose?" Voldemort laughed. "Yes, we did lose. The battle, Severus. Not the war," and Voldemort paused. "And we will rise again and destroy all who stand against us."

Snape wanted to yawn, he'd head it all before, but he daren't.

"If you want to live, Severus..."

"You want me to join you - again."

Voldemort's teeth glinted eerily in he moonlight. "Yes ... despite your betrayal, you could be valuable to me."

"Flattered."

"But not convinced - and nor am I convinced that you won't run back to that old ninny, Dumbledore."

Snape folded his arms across his chest. "Yes, I can see why you want me, and why you have your misgivings, but if I do return to you, what-"

The Master of Darkness chuckled. "What guarantee do you have? Did you have one before? You weren't so cautions when you 'signed your name on the doted line' last time."

"Last time, I was young an foolish," Severus snapped. "But this time, I want a guarantee."

"Young and foolish?" Voldemort repeated. "Never thought I'd hear that from you."

"There's a first time for everything," Severus said, dryly.

"Come back to me," Voldemort urged, his voice dripping. "Your knowledge of the Dark Arts will prove to be invaluable, oh and, those potions of yours will come in handy. As for your guarantee, Severus, you have it, but first an incentive." Before Snape could react, the older wizard grabbed his wand. "CRUCIO!"

Snape dropped his wand, convulsed, and collapsed to the ground, barely recovering from the shock, as Voldemort cursed him again. Severus gasped, and clutched his chest, his stomach... He had no more hands to clutch his aching body.

Voldemort grinned. Snape tried to reach for his wand, but the other wizard kicked it away.

"Cruico..." It was barely a whisper, though I sent shockwaves of pain through Snape's entire body, but the Professor refused to cry out.

He glared up at Voldemort, his black eyes piecing the night, strands of his long, dark hair streaked across his face. With a great effort, Severus managed to get onto his knees, almost, he refused to look like he was begging.

"Just a free sample, Severus, of what I'll do to you if you ever cross me again."

Snape caught his breath.

Voldemort smirked, knelt down to him and cocked his head. "Aww, you're so beautiful when you're in pain ..."

Severus glared at him. Voldemort leaned closer and kissed him. Snape stared at him and backed off. It was all he could do to prevent throwing up. Voldemort laughed as he yanked the younger wizard up. Snape winced, but didn't let the other see.

Voldemort raised his hand. Severus clutched his arm with the Dark Mark, as it started throbbing wildly, bombarding every nerve centre in his body.

"So you see, Severus, the way I see it is you have little choice in the matter."

Snape glowered and nodded. "Yes, Lord Voldemort, I see."

The other smiled. "Good." And then he waited.

"Yes, My Lord," Snape continued. "I see I was in error. It was gracious of you to spare my life. You were under no obligation to. As I said, I was young, foolish and afraid when we started to lose and I-"

Voldemort smiled. "Yes ...." It was barely a whisper. One that sent shivers traversing Snape's spine. "And if you decide to betray me again, Severus, I will not be so lenient."

Snape nodded.

"I knew you would come to your senses, after all, you know the dark will win in the end. All there is, is power."

"Yes, My Master."

Voldemort smiled. "Very good," He purred. "It's been so long since you called me that. I wish you to return to Hogwarts. Play them as you played me," Voldemort's face twisted, then he smiled a smile that would frighten a crocodile. "And Snape, when the time is right. I want you to kill..." his face twisted again. "Harry Potter."

Snape's eyes glistened in the moonlight as he smiled. "Consider it done, Master..."

* * *

Snape had no further intention of carrying out Voldemort's wishes than he had of wearing Professor Trelawney's pink frilly dress robe.

"Severus, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Snape answered to Dumbledore's concern. "The curse has worn off and Voldemort thinks I'm back with him, spying on all of you."

"Fortunately for you and us, you're a fabulous actor."

Snape gave a small smile. "I doubt I'll get a muggle Oscar."

Dumbledore smiled back, but the smile was brief. "But he's right about one thing. The Dark Forces are rising again and may be stronger than ever before."

Snape nodded. "And Voldemort was pretty adamant that this time they would win the war."

"We cannot let that happen."

Severus nodded his agreement. "He wants me to kill Harry."

"I figured as much."

"We'll have to stall him for as long as possible."

Dumbledore nodded. "Severus, I'm concerned for your safety."

"Don't be. He can't reach me here."

"But your Dark Mark..."

Severus nodded. "Yes, that ... Don't worry, I'll be fine."

The elder wizard bid Severus farewell and good luck as he left the office. Before he left with his cape billowing behind him, he heard Dumbledore change the password to "Snickers" which he was later to learn was a rather sickly sweet muggle candy bar.

* * *

Snape held his arm as his mark began to throb constantly. Try as he might, he could not ignore the pain. When it finally subsided, he was quite relieved and swore never to take a painless arm for granted again.

Snape was also relieved to know that Harry knew nothing of the recent Voldemort threat, going about his day with his friends, getting into some sort of mischief of another, as per usual.

* * *

On an incredibly rare visit to the muggle world, in sheer desperation, Professor Snape entered a tattoo parlour and bare his Dark Mark.

"I want it removed. Can you do it?" He didn't want to admit he was desperate, but he was.

The tattoo artist peered at Snape's 'tattoo.'

"Nup, sorry ... it's too deep inta tha skin."

Snape looked disappointed, despite being almost one hundred percent sure what the answer was going to be.

"The only way you'll get that thing off is to take yer arm off."

"Figures."

Snape left, annoyed at himself, his wasted time, as he made his way back into his world.

* * *

Professor Snape wasn't too happy about having to give another double Potions lesson to the Slytherins and Gryffindors. Those two houses always brewed trouble when they were together.

Halfway into the lesson, Snape talked about the significance of adding Aspen to this particular potion, when his Dark Mark started to throb, harder than ever. In excruciating pain, he slowly made his way to his desk and sat behind it, clutching his arm behind a pile of books.

//Kill him ... kill him ...// The voice was so powerful, Snape almost got up form his chair, but he remained clamped down.

//Kill the boy ...//

//Not now!//

//Do as I command!!//

The mark throbbed harder. Snape barely heard Longbottom ask his question.

"Yes ... Neville ... four drops of Aspen," Snape forced out.

Harry could hardly believe Snape had been civil to Neville.

//Kill the boy...//

//If I do it here and now, I can no longer be your spy. It would be prudent if I made it look like an 'accident'..."

Voldemort laughed in his head. //Ahh, yes, of course ... I like the way you think, Severus...//

//Thank you, Master...//

Snape's mark continued to throb, though not as vigorously. He stood up from behind his desk.

"I must leave you all," he announced suddenly. "I have urgent business I must attend."

Even the Gryffindors were somewhat befuddled by Snape's sudden departure. Harry felt his forehead ache. Ron's eyes widened.

"Your scar ..."

"It's hurting ...

"Professor Dumbledore said if it-" Hermione began.

Harry nodded and stood. "Stay here ..."

"Will you be all right?"

Harry smiled at Hermione. " I'll be fine ..."

* * *

Furious, Snape flung open the door to his room, then slammed it shut. He grabbed his wand and a dagger, then stormed into his to his bathroom. He slammed the wand and weapon down on the ledge and proceeded to rip his robes off, then his undergarments, and step into the shower.

//Kill him ... kill Harry Potter...///

The urge was so strong, the more Snape fought, the more his mark ached. He grabbed his wand.

"Anaesthae!!" he screeched, pointed the wand at himself. A bright flash and he could feel nothing.

He reached for the dagger and as he picked it up, realised his hand was trembling. He half knew that the one part of his body wasn't affected by the spell, the part he most wanted to be as he stabbed the dagger down into the Dark Mark. He screamed in pain and collapsed to the tiled shower floor, clutching his arm, now oozing with blood, but he didn't care. He stabbed it again and again and tried to stifle his cries of agony.

Harry rushed to Dumbledore's office, though something drew him to Snape's room; he didn't know what. Perhaps Snape really had gone back to Voldemort. His lightning scar hurt the closer he got. Nervous as hell, he opened Snape's door and peered inside. His scar gave a sharp pang. Harry gasped and held it. After the pain had subsided, he made his way to the bathroom, he didn't know why - something was drawing him there. He heard the shower running. He had no desire to see Snape in the shower, and wondered what or who was calling him here. He took a step forward and as shocked to see blood gushing down the plug hole. Terrified now, not so much for himself, he flung open the curtain and saw the Professor on his knees, clutching his mutilated mark, crying softly, the dagger on the tiled floor.

"Professor!"

Snape hardly looked up. Harry grabbed a towel and wrapped it around the wound.

"We've got to get you to the hospital wing!"

"What for ..." Snape said, his voice barely a whisper.

Harry knew that in extreme cases one could appear and disappear in Hogwarts, and this constituted an emergency.

* * *

Harry appeared with Snape in the hospital wing.

Madam Pomfrey gasped, rushing to him. "Ohh Gods above and below ... What happened?..."

Potter explained. Snape had lost too much blood and was becoming very woozy.

Pomfrey looked shocked. "Poor Man ... oh Harry, I hope I can help him..."

"You can, Madam Pomfrey. I know you can."

She gave him a smile of thanks and set about her work.

Harry waited by the Professor's side, soon to be joined by his friends. Even Ron looked somewhat sympathetic. Hermione couldn't stand the sight of all the blood and turned away.

* * *

Madam Pomfrey sighed with relief.

"The patching up spell worked, thank Merlin. I've patched his arm as good as I could.'

"That's great," Harry said. "He's going to recover?"

"Yes."

Ron made a noise to say he wasn't so sure that was a great thing. Hermione kicked his ankle.

Snape half sat up in bed. Madam Pomfrey brought him a large glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

"Now, Professor, promise me you'll never do anything that foolish ever again."

"Believe me, I'm not planning to." He realised Harry and Co. were there and became somewhat embarrassed.

"Don't worry, Professor," Potter said. "It won't leave this hospital. Dumbledore's the only other one who knows."

"Oh, shit."

"Severus! Language!" Dumbledore mock scalded, coming into the hospital wing.

Snape finished and sat his glass down.

"Would you like another?" Madame asked.

"No thank you."

Dumbledore took his injured arm. "Ohh, Severus ... what in the name of Merlin were you trying to do..."

Snape said nothing.

"What did you think it would accomplish?"

Snape sighed. "I don't know ... Perhaps an absolution..."

The three children left, sensing Snape needed privacy.

Dumbledore gave a sympathetic sigh. "We've all done things in our past that we're not proud of."

"But how many have ugly scars to prove it?"

"Quite a few I would imagine. A scar isn't always something one can see."

Snape gave a humourless smile. Trust Dumbledore to come up with a piece of profound wisdom at the right interval.

"Now, Severus, promise me you'll never do anything as foolish as this again."

"I promise, Albus."

Dumbledore took Snape's good hand into his. "You could have killed yourself, Severus."

"I know ... At the time I don't know what I was thinking ... I did perform an anaesthetic spell ... but somehow I knew the scar wouldn't ..."

Dumbledore wiped away a solitary tear. "Now, Severus, you to rest. Your classes for the next fortnight will be taught by Madame Hooch."

"But she doesn't know the first thing about -"

"She knows more than you think. She quite enjoys making potions, actually."

Snape looked surprised.

"Now get rested and if you need more time to yourself, let me know."

"Yes, thank you, Headmaster."

"And Severus, I don't want to see you back here again, unless of course you fall off your broomstick. Am I clear?"

"As crystal."

Dumbledore gave a nod and a small smile as he left and Severus Snape drifted into a much needed sleep.

* * *

"I hate to say this, but I prefer Snape!" Ron hissed. "That Hooch woman is evil! Stick to flying I say!"

"And I thought Snape was strict!" Hermione said.

"He should be getting better soon," Harry offered.

"On second thoughts ... " Ron began to say.

Harry saw Snape sitting alone by the school fountain.

The other two sensed he wanted to talk to the Potions Master alone and went their separate ways.

"Professor."

Snape turned slightly.

"Potter."

Harry noticed it was more a greeting than the snarky way Snape usually said his name.

"Is it still hurting?"

"No, the pain's gone."

"That's good, isn't it?" Harry said, noting a lack of feeling in Snape's voice.

"Perhaps ... But it' still there ..."

"We've all done things in our past that we've been ashamed of."

"Dumbledore said the same thing ... But what have you done, Potter, that's oh so shameful?"

"Hate you. In my first year of Hogwarts, I truly believed that it was you after the Philosopher's Stone, and that you tried to kill me in that Quidditch match against Slytherin, and even since then ... I never looked beyond what was right in front of me. You may be unorthodox, but you're not a bad guy, really."

Snape managed a small smile. "Thanks ... I think..." He spoke again after a long pause. "I really don't know what I was doing ... I was so desperate to get *him* out of my head ... you don’t know how strong his influence can be..."

"Believe me, I do. I've felt it..."

"But you never gave into it. I did."

"I know, but that's all in the past now."

"And I still have this blasted scar to prove it ..." Snape angrily rolled up his sleeve.

Harry smiled and almost laughed.

"I fail to se the humour," Snape scowled.

"Your scar ... It looks like a teddy bear now."

Snape looked at again, frowned and moved his arm about.

"So it does ... Well I'll be damned."

And Snape did something he hadn't in a very long while.

Laugh.