Disclaimer: The Space Odyssey series was Written by Arthur C. Clarke. I make no monetary profit from my fanfiction.
Summary: Dr. Chandra's thoughts.
Rating G
~~~~~~~
IN MY DREAMS
I tremble as I sit before Hal. To the others, he is just a personable computer with a nice voice. To me he is much, much more. He is my child, just as Sal is, many miles away, back on Earth. I think of her as Hal’s baby sister.
For nine years Hal was lost to me, to the Universe and not a day went by that I did not think of him, and not a night when I did not dream.
And now I am expected to let him die, there is no other choice. All aboard the Alexi Leonov and the Discovery will be killed if the fuel aboard Discovery is not used to push off from Jupiter. My hands are tied.
I cannot save Hal. He will be lost to me, again. Lost to the Universe, forever. I wonder how the others would react if they were told they had to sacrifice their child. Dr. Heywood Floyd, Captain Tanya Orlova, both have little ones they cherish, but of course in their minds, Hal is just a thing, if not impressive.
He is a person, though not flesh and blood, he is alive, his feelings, no less important than the next persons.
And I cannot insult him by continuing with this falsification. I cannot betray his trust. I cannot hurt him. Knowing full well Hal may refuse, I told him. I could not contain my guilt.
"I understand now, Dr. Chandra."
"Do you want me to stay with you?" If Hal needed me to stay with him, I would, knowing it would mean my death.
"No," Hal said, gently. "It is better for the mission if you leave."
I am forced to wonder if that was the truth, if he really wanted me to stay, or whether he was protecting me.
"One minute to ignition. Thank you for telling me the truth."
A wave of warmth washed over me, not relief, gratitude that Hal had chosen to sacrifice himself to save the lives aboard the Leonov, knowing it was the only way. Tell me, could any mere machine be capable of so much bravery, love? How many people possess such a strength of character?
"You deserve it," I whispered as Hal’s gentle voice continued with the countdown.
"Dr. Chandra-"
"Yes," I ask, my voice barely audible.
"Will I dream?"
Such a simple question, I found myself unable to answer. I had always told Sal that she would dream, but in death, I did not have the answer.
Tears welled, fogging my glasses as I honestly answered. "...I don’t know..."
As Hal continued with the countdown, Slowly, I walked away, part of me wanted to stay with him, I guess part of me will always. Hal’s sacrifice forcing me to look deep within my soul.
"Thank you, Hal."
He seemed to give a warm smile. "Goodbye, Dr. Chandra."
And I left my baby to his fate. I will miss his gentle voice, the subtle vermilion hue, but most of all, I will miss his friendship the empathy we shared. I wonder if I should have stayed with him, but then who would care for Sal? Who would understand her as I do? Who would remember Hal? Not HAL 9000 the computer, Hal the person. I would not let him fade into the realms of oblivion. More than anything, I hope he will Dream.
As a final respect, I watch the final moments of the Discovery.
As Hal’s last transmission reached us, I could not hide my tears, and the others, I saw sympathy in their eyes. Perhaps they finally understood Hal was more than the sum of his parts and I can only hope his message will be taken to heart and make a difference.
Perhaps Hal and I will meet each other again, in another life, free from the physical world.
I did not speak to the others as I prepared to enter stasis, a dreamless sleep.
As I felt consciousness slip from my body, and my eyes close, I hope against all hope, Morpheus, God of Dreams will answer my prayer and that I will dream.
‘Good Morning, Dr. Chandra, this is Hal.’
*