Rating PG
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DO WHAT YOU THINK YOU CANNOT DO
//Do
what you think you cannot do.//
I hear your voice
inside my mind. I have done so many
things that I thought I could not, thanks to you, Master, but this I cannot do. I cannot live without you, Master.
//Do what you think you cannot do.//
Master, I can’t ... You once told me there is no such word as
can’t. But I can’t do this. I can’t!
I tried, Master, I really did. I pretended
it didn’t happen, that you were alive and well.
I even talked to you, but in truth I spoke to the wall. Were you there the night I got drunk and
injected a death stick after you died in my arms? I really couldn’t have cared whether I lived
or died, but I knew you would care, so I pulled myself together, for
Anakin. For you.
I wipe bitter tears
from my face, knowing you will never be there to console me, to hold me, never
to hear you speak to me again. Master, I
cannot live without you. I sigh to myself
as I hear your words again in my mind. I
take a deep breath as I sip my diluted pallie juice. Okay, Master, I’ll try. It won’t be easy, but I’ll try to live
without you. And now I hear Master
Yoda’s voice. //Do or do not. There is no
try.//
I put down my
juice. It seems I cannot escape. You told me it would be a hard life, but
never did I imagine it would be without you.
Why couldn’t it have been me? Why
couldn’t Maul have killed me instead?
Why was I meant to go on without you?
I hated him, Master for the longest time, for what he did to you, but I
had to let it go. Hate leads to the Dark
Side, I know.
And Anakin, I feel I
failed you. I had to kill him, Master,
kill my own Padawan. Was he the
But I know I must live
without you, but not without the knowledge that your spirit never died. I don’t want to wallow in my own self pity,
Master, however much I miss you and love you, but if I know you, your spirit
never left my side. You were there with me when I almost wasted myself that
night, protecting me, you were there with me when I was taken to the shelter to
recover. You were there with me the day
Anakin turned. You were there with me
all the time.
“Always, Obi-Wan.”
“Master?” I stand.
You appear before me
and I realise that you had not come to me before, as you were allowing me space
to grieve. Always so considerate. You smile warmly. I missed your smile.
“I miss you, Master.” Tears fall from my
eyes.
Your glowing arms
embrace me and I feel your warmth.
“I don’t know if I can go on.”
“Of course you can, Obi-Wan. Do what you think you cannot do.”
And now I know I can, because I don’t have to
live without you, Master as you are always by my side.
*
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